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Therapist Kim Mackay-Pearson brings deep wisdom and compassion to grief counseling, helping individuals navigate loss while discovering pathways toward healing and hope. Kim creates safe spaces where people can honor their pain, reconnect with themselves, and reimagine life after grief.

• Kim's journey into grief counseling began in middle school when selected for a program teaching children about death
• Hospice work allowed Kim to witness more peaceful, caring end-of-life experiences
• Grief extends beyond death to include retirement, divorce, identity changes, and physical limitations
• Children need space to process grief rather than being shielded from funeral rites and discussions
• The best thing to say to someone grieving: "I have no words, just know I'm here for you"
• "Grief groceries" (comfort foods delivered) offer practical support when someone is grieving
• Include children in conversations about death early - even a goldfish with limited lifespan provides learning opportunity
• Prepare for end-of-life by documenting your wishes to ease burden on family members
• The "Knock Box" organizes important information for next of kin after death

If you're experiencing grief, reach out to Kim at [email protected] or find her on Psychology Today.

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Thank you for joining me today on the Relationship Blueprint. Remember, don't let life happen to you. You can be the architect of your relationships. So join me next time on the Relationship Blueprint; Unlock Your Power of Connection.

Contact Colleen at [email protected] for questions or to be a guest on the show!

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How do you respond when your child comes out as LGBTQ+? For many parents, this moment arrives without warning, triggering confusion, fear, and countless questions. Through Heather Hester's powerful story, we discover that this journey doesn't require perfect understanding—just an open heart.

Heather never expected to become an LGBTQ+ advocate. Coming from a conservative evangelical background, she was completely unprepared when her 16-year-old son came out as gay. What followed was a profound transformation, as she navigated from initial shock to becoming the founder of Chrysalis Mama and host of the "More Human, More Kind" podcast, where she guides thousands of parents through similar journeys.

The conversation offers crucial distinctions between sexual orientation and gender identity, helping parents understand these separate aspects of their child's experience. But beyond the terminology, Heather delivers a message that resonates universally: when your child shares who they truly are, believe them. This disclosure doesn't happen lightly—it follows intense introspection and courage.

Perhaps most powerful is Heather's candid discussion of parental vulnerability. She shares how acknowledging mistakes, admitting uncertainty, and showing your own humanity transforms relationships with teenagers. "The minute we let our kids see us as human beings—not untouchable, perfect people—it changes everything," she explains, offering hope to parents struggling to connect with their teens.

For parents hearing this news from their child, Heather recommends taking a pause to ask: "What is the best thing I can do in this moment?" The answer is almost always to validate, see, and love unconditionally. You don't need perfect understanding to offer perfect acceptance.

Whether you're parenting an LGBTQ+ child or simply want to create more authentic connections with your teenagers, this conversation offers a blueprint for moving beyond fear toward deeper understanding, vulnerability, and love.

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Thank you for joining me today on the Relationship Blueprint. Remember, don't let life happen to you. You can be the architect of your relationships. So join me next time on the Relationship Blueprint; Unlock Your Power of Connection.

Contact Colleen at [email protected] for questions or to be a guest on the show!

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What if everything you thought you knew about relationships was missing a crucial piece? That's the revelation Dr. Banu İbaoğlu Vaughn had despite years of clinical psychology training. "There comes a moment in each relationship where the pain of childhood comes to the surface, and that's what you wrestle with," she shares, recounting the transformative insight that changed her 25-year marriage.

This episode introduces the powerful concept of "relational literacy" – the fundamental understanding of why relationships function as they do and how this knowledge helps us sustain meaningful connections. Dr. Banu brilliantly reframes conflict as "growth trying to happen," offering a perspective that turns relationship challenges from threats into opportunities for profound personal evolution.

Through vulnerable stories from her own marriage, Dr. Banu demonstrates how our unconscious patterns inevitably emerge in intimate relationships. She describes a recent revelation about interpreting her husband's helpfulness as judgment – a reaction rooted in childhood experiences of criticism – and how awareness of this pattern created space for healing and deeper connection.

The conversation explores the delicate balance between safety and aliveness that sustains long-term relationships. As Dr. Banu explains, "Humans are always conflicted between safety and aliveness. Safety is really important to stay alive. At the same time, safety, when above a certain degree, gets in the way of being alive." This tension creates the creative possibility for growth when approached with curiosity and compassion.

Ready to transform how you understand and navigate your most important relationships? Listen now to gain insights that aren't taught in school but are essential for creating relationships where both partners can thrive. How might your relationship change if you approached conflict as an opportunity rather than a problem?

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Thank you for joining me today on the Relationship Blueprint. Remember, don't let life happen to you. You can be the architect of your relationships. So join me next time on the Relationship Blueprint; Unlock Your Power of Connection.

Contact Colleen at [email protected] for questions or to be a guest on the show!

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Therapist Andrea Dindinger reveals how the invisible mental and emotional labor in relationships can create disconnection and resentment when not acknowledged. She shares practical strategies for couples to identify, discuss, and redistribute this hidden workload.

• "Invisible work" includes mental load of remembering details, planning, and coordinating that often goes unnoticed but creates exhaustion
• The powerful phrase "I need you to think with me" invites partnership without criticism or blame
• Creating lists of contributions and sharing them with partners reveals surprising insights about relationship dynamics
• One partner often carries more emotional regulation responsibilities due to socialization and conditioning
• Approaching relationship challenges with curiosity rather than defensiveness transforms connection
• Breaking destructive relationship loops requires someone taking the leadership role
• The vulnerability of asking for help creates opportunities for deeper intimacy

For more resources including Andrea's course "The Loop Breaker," visit her website  andreadindinger,com where you'll find tools to stop having the same fights repeatedly and transform your relationship patterns.

Support the show

Thank you for joining me today on the Relationship Blueprint. Remember, don't let life happen to you. You can be the architect of your relationships. So join me next time on the Relationship Blueprint; Unlock Your Power of Connection.

Contact Colleen at [email protected] for questions or to be a guest on the show!

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What happens when depression isn't just in your head, but in your relationship? Certified Imago Advanced Relationship Therapist Trish Sanders takes us on a deeply personal journey through the landscape of depression, connection, and healing in this captivating conversation.

Drawing from her 20+ years of clinical experience and her own marriage, Trish reveals how depression creates profound disconnection—even when lying next to someone you love. "When depression is in your bed, it affects everything," she explains. "It affects how you sleep, it affects how you dream, and it certainly affects every part of your relationship." Having experienced depression herself and supported her husband through his struggles, Trish speaks with rare authenticity about both sides of this challenging dynamic.

The conversation illuminates how couples can navigate mental health challenges through connection rather than conflict. Trish introduces us to Polyvagal Theory and how understanding our nervous system states transforms relationships. She describes these states in beautifully accessible terms—the "sunny place" (regulated), the "stormy place" (fight/flight), and the "cloudy place" (shutdown)—language so clear even her six-year-old daughter uses it. These concepts help explain why we perceive the same situations so differently when dysregulated, wearing what Trish calls "depression goggles."

Most powerfully, Trish shares how connection became the antidote to depression in her marriage. After separating when their son was young, she and her husband reunited through Imago therapy, learning to validate each other's experiences without necessarily agreeing. This path led to profound healing: "Depression is disconnection," she explains. "Connection is the antidote." Years later, neither experiences the severe depressive episodes that once threatened their relationship.

Whether you're struggling with depression, supporting someone who is, or simply wanting to deepen connection in your relationship, this episode offers practical wisdom, validation, and genuine hope. Listen now to discover how understanding our nervous systems and practicing validation can transform even the most challenging relationship dynamics.

Find Trish's podcast "When Depression is in your Bed" on major platforms including Apple, Spotify, YouTube, and at wholefamilynj.com.

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Thank you for joining me today on the Relationship Blueprint. Remember, don't let life happen to you. You can be the architect of your relationships. So join me next time on the Relationship Blueprint; Unlock Your Power of Connection.

Contact Colleen at [email protected] for questions or to be a guest on the show!

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Are you struggling to understand your partner's seemingly perplexing behaviors? The mystery might lie in neurodiversity – the natural variation in how human brains function. 

In this eye-opening conversation, Imago therapist Ian Tomlinson brings his unique perspective as both a relationship expert and an autistic man diagnosed at 53. With warmth and candor, he dismantles harmful myths about autism while offering practical wisdom for couples navigating neurological differences.

"It's a difference, not a deficit," Tomlinson emphasizes, challenging the pathologizing framework that has dominated our understanding of neurodivergent minds. Far from lacking empathy, he reveals how many autistic individuals experience heightened sensitivity to others' emotions but process and express that awareness differently. This revelation transforms how we might interpret a partner's behaviors that previously seemed dismissive or disconnected.

The conversation explores the exhausting reality of "masking" – hiding one's natural neurodivergent traits to fit in – and how this affects intimate relationships. Tomlinson introduces listeners to the "double empathy problem," where communication breakdowns between neurotypical and neurodivergent individuals are consistently blamed on the latter, creating relationship imbalances that compound over time.

For couples where one or both partners are neurodivergent (autistic, ADHD, dyslexic, etc.), Tomlinson offers liberating guidance: stop treating neurodivergent traits as problems to fix. Instead, recognize that all relationships involve different communication styles, and focus on mutual accommodation rather than expecting fundamental changes in how someone's brain naturally functions.

Whether you're personally affected by neurodivergence or simply seeking to better understand human differences, this conversation will forever change how you view connection, communication, and the beautiful diversity of human minds.

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Thank you for joining me today on the Relationship Blueprint. Remember, don't let life happen to you. You can be the architect of your relationships. So join me next time on the Relationship Blueprint; Unlock Your Power of Connection.

Contact Colleen at [email protected] for questions or to be a guest on the show!

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When betrayal shatters trust in a relationship, the cultural script is clear: there's a victim and a perpetrator. But what if we've been thinking about affairs all wrong?

Master Imago therapist Gene Shelley guides us through a profound reframing of infidelity that moves beyond blame and judgment. With decades of clinical experience helping couples navigate the aftermath of affairs, Gene offers a compassionate perspective on what's really happening beneath the surface when someone betrays their partner.

"Affairs are not really affairs," Gene explains. "They're an acting out of unmet needs in a ruptured relationship." This thought-provoking conversation explores how our earliest attachment wounds shape our adult relationships, creating vulnerabilities that can lead to betrayal when pain goes unexpressed or unheard.

For anyone who has experienced the devastation of infidelity – whether you were betrayed or the one who strayed – this episode provides a framework for understanding that doesn't excuse the behavior but illuminates the path toward healing. Gene walks us through how couples can recover trust, establish meaningful boundaries, and potentially build even stronger connections after betrayal.

This conversation challenges conventional wisdom about affairs while offering practical insights about the recovery process. You'll learn why checking your partner's phone rarely leads to genuine healing, how friends and family often unintentionally keep hurt partners stuck in victim mode, and why approximately 50-60% of relationships experience infidelity despite the stigma and secrecy surrounding it.

Whether you're working to rebuild after betrayal or simply want to strengthen your relationship's resilience against future ruptures, Gene's wisdom offers a compassionate roadmap toward deeper understanding and connection. Listen now to transform your perspective on what affairs really mean and how relationships can not only survive but thrive after betrayal.

Support the show

Thank you for joining me today on the Relationship Blueprint. Remember, don't let life happen to you. You can be the architect of your relationships. So join me next time on the Relationship Blueprint; Unlock Your Power of Connection.

Contact Colleen at [email protected] for questions or to be a guest on the show!

Send us a text

What happens when the spark fades? That question haunts couples across all life stages, from newlyweds to empty nesters. In this illuminating conversation with Nikki, a dual-certified Imago therapist and sex therapist, we uncover the delicate interplay between emotional connection and physical intimacy that shapes our relationships.

Nikki dismantles common misconceptions about sex therapy with warmth and candor. Forget awkward demonstrations or uncomfortable scenarios—this is talk therapy that creates safe spaces for exploring desires and addressing barriers to satisfaction. By integrating these approaches with Imago Relationship Therapy's focus on childhood wounds and connection patterns, couples receive a holistic framework for transforming their relationships.

The conversation travels through various relationship stages, each with unique challenges to intimacy. New parents struggle with exhaustion and shifting priorities, wondering how to maintain connection while caring for a child. Young adults face performance anxiety fueled by unrealistic expectations and digital influences. Long-term couples discover they've become "roommates" rather than lovers. Aging partners navigate physical changes requiring adaptation and creativity. For each scenario, Nikki offers practical wisdom that balances psychological insight with actionable strategies.

Perhaps most revolutionary is the reframing of "scheduling" intimacy. As Nikki points out, we happily scheduled romantic encounters at the beginning of relationships—why should intentionality diminish desire later? By approaching relationship challenges as a team rather than viewing sexual concerns as individual problems, couples can break free from blame and embrace collaboration.

Ready to move beyond "good enough" in your relationship? Join us as we explore how curiosity, exploration, and skilled guidance can help you rediscover the joy and fulfillment that comes from truly seeing and being seen by your partner. Visit relationshipsredefined.com to connect with Nikki or explore upcoming workshops that could transform your relationship.

Support the show

Thank you for joining me today on the Relationship Blueprint. Remember, don't let life happen to you. You can be the architect of your relationships. So join me next time on the Relationship Blueprint; Unlock Your Power of Connection.

Contact Colleen at [email protected] for questions or to be a guest on the show!

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What does it mean to mother ourselves, and why might this be one of the most important relationships we'll ever develop? Dr. Nedra Fetterman joins the Relationship Blueprint podcast to explore the profound impact of our earliest experiences with caregivers and how these shape our internal dialogue throughout adulthood.

Dr. Fetterman, a psychologist and Imago faculty member, shares her personal journey of growing up with a teenage mother who, despite physical presence, was emotionally unavailable. Through this lens, she introduces us to the concept of the "mother wound" - the lasting impact of not receiving the nurturing, validation, and empathy we needed in our formative years. This wound affects how we treat ourselves now, often manifesting as harsh self-criticism, difficulty identifying our needs, or using unhealthy coping mechanisms to fill an emotional void.

Drawing fascinating parallels to classic fairy tales like Cinderella, Snow White, and The Wizard of Oz - stories where mothers are notably absent or inadequate - Dr. Fetterman suggests these narratives may unconsciously prepare children for navigating a world where perfect mothering isn't guaranteed. The real magic happens when she reveals her framework of the "five children within" - distinct emotional parts she identifies as the hurt child, anxious child, angry child, depressed child, and shame child. Her powerful metaphor of keeping these emotional "children" safely buckled in the backseat while your wise, adult self drives the car provides an actionable approach to self-regulation.

Whether you experienced wonderful mothering or carry wounds from childhood, this conversation offers transformative insights into developing a compassionate relationship with all parts of yourself. As Dr. Fetterman beautifully states, "With every step you take, you're with the love of your life—yourself." Listen now to discover how becoming your own good-enough mother might be the most healing journey you'll ever undertake.

Sign up for Nedra's brilliant course for therapists at the Higher Thought Institute's website:    htilearn.com

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Thank you for joining me today on the Relationship Blueprint. Remember, don't let life happen to you. You can be the architect of your relationships. So join me next time on the Relationship Blueprint; Unlock Your Power of Connection.

Contact Colleen at [email protected] for questions or to be a guest on the show!

Send us a text

When relationships falter, many couples seek help without understanding what makes therapy truly effective. Dr. Kathy MalcolmHall joins the Relationship Blueprint to reveal the four research-backed common factors that determine success in couples therapy, regardless of approach.

The conversation opens by contrasting individual therapy with couples work, examining how the shift from personal pathology to relational understanding creates powerful healing opportunities. "Most therapists help couples move from vilification to partnership," Dr. MalcolmHall explains, highlighting how blaming and diagnosing partners ("he's a narcissist" or "she has ADHD") undermines connection. Instead, effective therapy helps couples see difficulties as patterns happening between them rather than character flaws within individuals.

Dr. Malcolm Hall vividly demonstrates Imago Therapy's structured dialogue process, showing how it disrupts negative cycles by creating safety for vulnerable communication. As one partner speaks and the other mirrors back what they hear, the autonomic nervous system calms, allowing deeper understanding to emerge. This addresses our innate negativity bias – our evolutionary tendency to anticipate and focus on threats – by intentionally introducing positivity and appreciation.

The podcast explores how expanding support systems around the relationship dramatically increases success rates. From workshops and books to supportive friends who champion the relationship rather than enabling complaints, couples thrive when surrounded by resources that nurture connection. "We don't rise to the level of our goals; we fall to the level of our systems," Dr. MalcolmHall shares.

Perhaps most importantly, the conversation examines how finding the right balance between safety and challenge creates transformation. When couples feel secure enough to take risks while being gently pushed beyond comfort zones, lasting change becomes possible. The research validates what many have experienced: structured dialogue, positivity focus, and relational understanding create profound healing opportunities.

Whether you're considering therapy, already working with a therapist, or simply wanting to improve your connection, this episode offers invaluable guidance for navigating relationship challenges with knowledge and intention. Ready to transform your relationship? Listen now.

Support the show

Thank you for joining me today on the Relationship Blueprint. Remember, don't let life happen to you. You can be the architect of your relationships. So join me next time on the Relationship Blueprint; Unlock Your Power of Connection.

Contact Colleen at [email protected] for questions or to be a guest on the show!