The Relationship-Smart podcast

I am back talking to my dear friend and kundalini yoga teacher Sirgun Lindsay German.

Today we are talking about aging gracefully.

What happens to us as women when we are no longer pretty young things? What is our value as an older woman?

How do we handle aging, menopause and growing older with grace?

 

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A letter to your husband with the reason we are not being intimate aka: having (much) sex.

 

Hello honey,

I just wanted to write and let you know a few things that I have been pondering about our sex life.

Firstly, I just wanted to acknowledge you. I know that our sex life  is a frustrating area of our relationship for you. I acknowledge that for you, in an ideal world, we would be having sex lots more often. You try really hard to get it right for me, for us and I appreciate it.

I feel for you, I get why you are frustrated and confused and I would love to share more intimate moments with you, which is why we need this chat.

I would love to share with you the reason we are not having much sex.

Do you know why I don’t feel like sex a lot of the time?

I am sure you have pondered this question a lot. Perhaps you have put it down to a variety of conditions such as;

• Whether you are wearing your lucky undies or not
• The exact steps and in what order you take in your sexual advances
• The words you say or whisper into my ear
• Whether you have done the dishes or not

And sure, all of the above have some input.

I truly hope that you do not put it down to something like me not being attracted to you. I know it can seem like that at times, and to be honest sometimes my head tells me that is the case, but it is not the truth.

The truth of why I sometimes don’t want sex is....

Read on here; nicolemathieson.com/why-we-arent-being-intimate/

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Does he even care about me?  When I ask for more, then he pulls away from me.

As far as the dance of intimacy goes, this is a common relational pattern.

It goes something like this;

You feel like you need more from your partner. More reassurance, care, love & affection and you need this to be okay.

In fact, your need has become a kind of anxiety.

You want him to scoop you up in your arms and reassure you of his love. 

But when you ask for this, he just pulls further away from you. 

Do you know this dance?

For more: http://nicolemathieson.com/he-pulls-away

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Whenever I am feeling stuck or like I am neck deep in the struggle, there is one thing that always helps - listening to some Abraham Hicks.  There is something about the way they continually bring the message back to the simple laws of what you focus on you attract - that reminds me of my power and makes it feel that little bit better.  Which is why I jumped at the chance of interviewing my next guest. Sandi Phillips-Melyer spent nearly a decade travelling with Abraham Hicks's - Esther and Jerry absorbing their wisdom and high vibrations.    And right enough, Sandi was a beautiful reminder of the laws of love and attraction.  We talk about;  - Life with Esther and Jerry on the road  - The key to life being - to be okay with "not feeling good"  - How most relationship drama is the thought "I need you to be different so that I can feel better"  - How every issue we have with other people is the mirror of our own issues And how every relationship you ever have is designed for you to know more of yourself nicolemathieson.com/podcasts

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Are your lady parts numb?

How much feeling is down there?

Tamra Mercieca is all about self-love, and she means on every level. Which means that Tamra really encourages us to love, and care for our vaginas.

Tamra is the founder of Getting Naked, and Yoga for the Vagina. She is a Relationship and Self-Love Therapist, and an author.

If the idea of getting back into a state of love with your vagina makes you uncomfortable, then this episode is for you. Tamra talks us trhough some of the health issues and benefits of having a healthy loving relationship down there.

We also talk about; 

• The relationship with self and its effect on everything
• The fierceness of boundaries that motherhood brings
• Having to have strong boundaries with her own mother
• All the things you can learn from dating  

www.nicolemathieson.com/ep-32-how-numb-lady-parts

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I had a revelation recently, it was that the western culture of sexuality really didn’t suit me. In fact, I am pretty sure it doesn’t suit a lot of us.

What I am talking about is our sexual narrative that sex always has to have the aim of orgasm.

I see it like a train on the tracks.

Once we get on the sex train – which could be in the form of touching, petting and kissing – it feels like there is only one destination; orgasm station.

http://nicolemathieson.com/revive-get-off-orgasm-train/

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Are you ready for my first interview in 2 years?! Yes? Good!

If your partner were to feed you eggplant for dinner every night, and you didn't like eggplant, you would say something.

Sadly, we don't feel as expressive in the realms of sex and intimacy. We put up with offerings we don't like, year in, year out, and then wonder why we have "lost" our libido.

In my conversation with inter-personal sex therapist Jacqueline Hellyer, we come back often to the food metaphor, particularly eggplant. I love it! I feel that the metaphor really works. You realise how crazily blocked we are around sexual communication.

www.nicolemathieson.com/sex-is-like-food

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Babe, I want to talk to you, but I can’t find the words, so I am writing to you instead. I want you to know that I am thinking of you and us. I know that you may not know this, because there is a chasm between us. It worries me. We haven’t exactly been very connected lately, have we? This letter to your husband is generic. It is not a personal letter from me to my husband, but more from every woman to her partner. 

www.nicolemathieson.com/chasm-between-us/

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He won’t go to counselling, what should I do?

This is a common tale in the realms of hetero-sexual relationships. The wife wants to go to couple counselling, but the husband does not.

Can it be the other way around? Absolutely it can, but the man not wanting to go, is so common it is worth exploring.

If this is you, I feel for you. This is a horrible situation to be in. You, no doubt, see that your relationship is in trouble and you want to save it by doing the most obvious thing available to you, yet your partner adds insult to injury and refuses. You are left feeling more hopeless than ever about the future of your relationship.

www.nicolemathieson.com

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Clear out your relationship negativity When we talk about clearing your relationship negativity, what we are really talking about is clearing your resentment. So I am going to share with you; The 3 places where resentment really comes from The 3 destructive effects of resentment build up on your relationship 3 ways for you to release resentment

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