The Relaxed Male

Roman code or Mos Maiorum

• Mos maiorum means the way of the elders

• 8 virtues
  • Fideas - Be trust worthy
    • The Latin word fides encompasses several English words, such as trust/trustworthiness, good faith/faithfulness, confidence, reliability, and credibility. It was an important concept in Roman law, as oral contracts were common. 
  • Pietas - Be respectful
    • Pietas was the Roman attitude of dutiful respect towards the gods, homeland, parents, and family, which required the maintenance of relationships in a moral and dutiful manner. 
  • Religio and Cultus - Be religious
    • Related to the Latin verb religare, "to bind", religio was the bond between gods and mortals, as carried out in traditional religious practices for preserving the pax deorum (“peace of the gods”). Cultus was the active observance and the correct performance of rituals. Religious practice, in this sense, is to be distinguished from pietas and its inherent morality. See religion in ancient Rome and imperial cult (ancient Rome).
  • Disciplin - Be diciplined
    • The military character of Roman society suggests the importance of disciplina, as related to education, training, discipline, and self-control.
  • Gravitas and constantia - Self Control or Temperance
    • Gravitas was dignified self-control. Constantia was steadiness or perseverance. In the face of adversity, a good Roman was to display an unperturbed façade. Roman myth and history reinforced this value by recounting tales of figures such as Gaius Mucius Scaevola, who in a founding legend of the Republic demonstrated his seriousness and determination to the Etruscan king Lars Porsenna by holding his right hand in a fire.
  • Virtus - Core values
    • Derived from the Latin word vir ("man"), virtus constituted the ideal of the true Roman male. Gaius Lucilius discusses virtus in some of his work and says that it is virtus for a man to know what is good, evil, useless, shameful, or dishonorable.
  • Dignitas and auctoritas - serve others with dignatity
    • Dignitas and auctoritas were the end result of displaying the values of the ideal Roman and the service of the state, in the forms of priesthoods, military positions, and magistracies. Dignitas was a reputation for worth, honor and esteem. Thus, a Roman who displayed their gravitas, constantia, fides, pietas and other values of a Roman would possess dignitas among their peers. Similarly, by that path, a Roman could earn auctoritas ("prestige and respect").

Us military Code of Conduct

The Code of Conduct provides guidance for the behavior and actions of members of the Armed Forces of the United States. This guidance applies not only on the battlefield but also in the event that the service member is captured and becomes a prisoner of war (POW). The Code is delineated in six articles.

• Article I:
  • I am an American, fighting in the forces which guard my country and our way of life. I am prepared to give my life in their defense.
• Article II:
  • I will never surrender of my own free will. If in command, I will never surrender the members of my command while they still have the means to resist.
• Article III:
  • If I am captured I will continue to resist by all means available. I will make every effort to escape and aid others to escape. I will accept neither parole nor special favors from the enemy.
• Article IV:
  • If I become a prisoner of war, I will keep faith with my fellow prisoners. I will give no information or take part in any action which might be harmful to my comrades. If I am senior, I will take command. If not, I will obey the lawful orders of those appointed over me and will back them up in every way.
• Article V:
  • When questioned, should I become a prisoner of war, I am required to give my name, rank, service number, and date of birth. I will evade answering further questions to the utmost of my ability. I will make no oral or written statements disloyal to my country and its allies or harmful to their cause.
• Article VI:
  • I will never forget that I am an American, fighting for freedom, responsible for my actions, and dedicated to the principles which made my country free. I will trust in my God and in the United States of America.

Spartan code of Honor

• The Spartan hoplite followed a strict laconic code of honor. No soldier was considered superior to another.
• Suicidal recklessness, misbehavior, and rage were prohibited in the Spartan army, as those behaviors endangered the phalanx. Recklessness could also lead to dishonor, as in the case of Aristodemus.
• Spartans regarded those who fight, while still wishing to live, as more valorous than those who don't care if they die.
• They believed that a warrior must not fight with raging anger but with calm determination.
• Spartans must walk without any noise and speak only with a few words in the laconic way of life.
•  Other ways for Spartans to be dishonored include dropping the shield (rhipsaspia), failing to complete the training, and deserting in battles. Dishonored Spartans were labeled as outcasts and would be forced to wear different clothing for public humiliation.
•  In battles, the Spartans told stories of valor to inspire the troops and, before a major confrontation, they sang soft songs to calm the nerves.

Bushido code

• Righteousness (義 gi). Justice is the most important virtue for the samurai. A true samurai does not attack the enemy without an important reason.
• Loyalty (忠義 chūgi). Loyalty is the 2nd most important thing in life. The samurai should always be loyal to his master. The samurai should also believe his duty to protect his master is the meaning of life.
• Honor (名誉 meiyo). A life without honor is not a life. If a samurai makes a mistake, he should honor his name by committing suicide. (Example: The story of 47 samurai (the Ako Incident).
• Respect (礼 rei). A samurai should always respect his enemy. A samurai respects his opponent before and after the fight. Even if a samurai kills his opponent, he is very respectful to the corpse.
• Honesty ( 誠 sei). A samurai never lies. “Deception” does not exist in the Book of a Samurai.
• Courage (勇 yū). A samurai fights until the end. A samurai is never afraid of anything. He is not afraid of death. A samurai is always brave because he fights for something he believes in.
• Consistency (誠 makoto ). A samurai never change their path. He is like a dragonfly, he always moves forward, he never moves back.

What is your code?

Why do you need a code?

What is in a code?

00:00:00 Exploring Different Societal Codes of Conduct 00:00:37 Introduction to Relaxed Male and its purpose 00:10:52 The impact of parental expectations and disappointment 00:14:30 The erosion of respect and the need for a code of conduct 00:16:44 The importance of discipline in education and self-control 00:19:13 Virtus: knowing what is good, evil, and honorable 00:19:59 Roman Values: Dignitas, Auctoritas, and Core Virtues 00:24:53 Spartan Code of Honor: Equality and Prohibited Behaviors 00:26:18 Valor and Calm Determination: The Spartan Code of Conduct 00:28:17 Inspiring Troops and Calming Nerves: Singing in Battle 00:30:16 The Bushido Code: Values of the Japanese Samurai 00:33:19 Building Your Own Code: Why You Need a Code of Conduct 00:36:27 Importance of Writing and Displaying Core Values

In this episode of the Relaxed Male podcast, we dive into the significance of altering our thoughts in order to improve our lives. Our thoughts shape our reality, emotions, and outcomes. It's common for people to believe that making a big change, like switching jobs or losing weight, will automatically bring them happiness. However, that's not the case. Our happiness and overall results are determined by our thoughts. As we begin our discussion, I want to take a moment to express our gratitude to all the new listeners who have joined us recently. While our view count may have decreased, I'm not too worried since it's summertime and people have different priorities.

However, I admit that I occasionally feel concerned about the numbers. But when I look at our unique downloads, I see spikes, indicating that people are still interested in our content. This serves as a reminder that our thoughts have a significant impact on our results, which ties perfectly into our topic for today. Instead of dwelling on the lower downloads, I realize it's more productive to focus on creating valuable content that truly resonates with our audience. I would rather have 10,000 dedicated listeners who genuinely appreciate our show than 10,000 downloads from people who don't find it worthwhile.

So, before you embark on any major changes in your life, take a moment to reflect on how you think about the circumstances that are causing discontent. Whether it's your physical appearance or finding a partner, changing your thoughts is the first step towards achieving the life you desire. Losing weight rapidly to feel attractive to others might not address the deeper issues of self-worth and insecurity. Regardless of being overweight or physically fit, how one perceives oneself influences how they present themselves to others. Making changes, such as losing weight, doesn't guarantee happiness, as both thin and overweight individuals face their own unique challenges. Similarly, acquiring wealth or switching careers might not bring fulfillment if your mindset remains negative or dissatisfied. It's crucial to have the ability to say no and allow others to learn and grow on their own, even if it may feel uncomfortable for both parties involved.

Changing our thoughts and finding contentment with our circumstances, whether in personal relationships or work situations, is the key to true happiness and growth. As we wrap up this segment of the podcast, I want to emphasize the importance of transforming our mindset in order to bring about positive changes in our lives.

By recognizing and challenging our current thoughts and beliefs, we can break free from repetitive patterns and create a life that aligns with our true desires. It's essential that we take responsibility for our actions and show up differently if we want to attract different results. As always, I encourage you to share this podcast with others and subscribe to receive weekly episodes. Together, we can continue to grow and learn on this journey towards a more fulfilling and relaxed life.

00:00:00 The Impact of Circumstances on Discontent and Ill Feelings 00:00:54 Thoughts create our reality and results 00:02:19 Concerns about low podcast downloads and attracting new listeners 00:05:36 The importance of changing thoughts before making big life changes 00:09:12 Applying the concept to work and sales strategies 00:10:13 Shifting Mindset: Sales, Relationships, and Personal Responsibility 00:11:16 Changing Perspectives: Embracing Circumstances and Taking Ownership 00:14:28 Transforming Thoughts: Influence, Relationships, and Self-Improvement

Take The Next Step and Get Coached.

 

Getting the proper soul diet

• How are you helping yourself?
• Who are you talking to?
  • How often are you talking to them?
• What are you doing for yourself?
• What are you doing for others?

How do you start feeding your soul?

• Find what you are interested in.
• Look at different topics.
• Be hands-on.
• As long as you keep your interest occupied then good keep exploring that topic
  • The moment you find your attention waning or you dread having to do something then you know that's not feeling your soul anymore
  • Take what you have learned and apply it to the next lesson.

But I don't know my purpose

• Make finding your purpose, your purpose.

What do souls need?

• a purpose
• Friends
• A spouse
• Someone to they can lead (family)
• a reason to laugh
• a reason to try

Would you like to get Coached? 

Schedule a Call

How do you handle your mind?

• What is meant by gaining control of your mind?
• How is this skill even possible?
• Don't we have thoughts all the time?
• You can't control your emotions

Why does your mind run like it does?

• Unintentional Thoughts
• Used to just go where it wants

• Learn mindfulness

• Meditation
• Journaling
• Pay attention to what you are thinking

Breathe

• You are signaling to the thinking part of your mind that it needs to take control
• Slows you down
  • Take slow deep breaths

Write down your thoughts

• You can see what you are thinking
• Thought downloads are powerful tools to use
• Frees up your brain to not have to try to hold on to those thoughts

Engage your band of brothers.

• They are there to help you

Get in a workout

• Exercise is great for thinking and getting rid of excess energy
• use controlled violence

Get coached

• This is change how you look at the world and your life faster than anything else.

Take the Next step

 

Life can get monotonous

• We all let life slide by.
• We find ourselves floating down that river

You don't have to let it Take over

• You have to notice when you are letting your life slide.
• Ask questions about that thought.
• Sadly we don't allow ourselves to get curious anymore.

Importance of Being Curious

• It allows you to become childlike in wonder.
• You come to understand yourself better when you do allow yourself to become curious.
• You have a deeper connection when you stop assuming you know it all.
• When you can be curious you find that you have more in common with those around you.
• It brings that spark back into your life that you have been missing.

What if you allowed yourself to get curious again?

• You start being able to tap into all those important aspects that curiosity brings.

Your curiosity knows no bounds.

• You are able to be curious about anything around you and anything in life.

Curious about work

• What would happen if you become curious about what you do at work?

Curious about your friends

• What would it look like if you actually become more interested in what your friends are doing?

Curious about your wife.

• So many facets you could get curious about.
• Find the wonder in sex again.
• Find out what she is passionate about.

Curious about your kids

• How would your kids react if you showed real interest in what is happening in their life?
  • Do you think they would respect your thoughts more? They would
• Kids with parents who are fully engaged are less likely to turn to those who may not have your kids best interests at heart.

Curious about yourself

• What you you do if you paid more attention to what you do in your life?
  • Why do you look at porn?
  • Why do you actually say one thing and then do the opposite?
  • Why has it taken you 7 months to fix the toilet?
• When you pay attention to what you do and you get curious as to why you do that you find you have more insight as to what is actually holding you back.

How to get curious about anything.

• Getting curious does require some intentionality

Start with the 6 questions Who What When Where Why How

00:00:00 The Loss of Brightness: What Happened to Your Life? 00:00:56 Introduction: Brian, the Certified Men's Coach 00:01:43 Rediscovering Wonder: Looking at Life with Fresh Eyes 00:06:00 Embracing Wonder: Breaking Free from Monotony and Regret 00:09:43 Navigating Life's River: Steering Towards Intention and Fulfillment 00:12:15 The Quirks of Personal Food Preferences 00:15:02 Self-reflection and Questioning Our Habits 00:19:59 The Power of Curiosity and Asking Questions 00:23:45 Deepening Connections Through Curiosity and Understanding 00:24:20 Curiosity: The Key to a Strong Connection with Your Children 00:25:36 The Power of Curiosity: Sparking Joy and Attention 00:28:04 Curiosity and Learning: Does it Die with Age?  00:30:27 Curiosity and Relationships: Rediscovering Passion and Connection 00:33:14 Masculine Influence on Daughters and Feminism 00:36:25 The Impact of Quitting Porn and Alcohol 00:40:22 The Power of Asking Questions for Self-Reflection 00:42:29 Becoming the Stronger Man: Opening Up and Having Conversations 00:44:03 Embracing a New Perspective

Take the Next Step

In this episode, we explore the power of positive thoughts and how they can help us overcome challenges. We acknowledge that it's common to feel overwhelmed by problems, but stress the importance of maintaining a positive mindset. We share personal experiences, such as dealing with internet issues, to illustrate how positivity can make a difference. We also express gratitude for our audience and their role in our success. By focusing on the positives and adopting a mindset of abundance, we open up more possibilities and increase our chances of finding solutions and achieving our goals. We also highlight the role of money in driving us forward. When we desire something, we naturally find a way to obtain it. We reflect on times when we were young and broke, but still managed to acquire the things we wanted through positive thoughts and a determined mindset. We emphasize that having a positive mindset can lead to more opportunities, rather than adopting a victim mentality or a negative outlook on life. However, we acknowledge that positive thinking alone is not a magic solution. Problems are an inherent part of life, regardless of our financial situation. We discuss how problems often create new problems, and it's important to be prepared and find solutions. We highlight the power of mindset in influencing our emotions, actions, and outcomes. We encourage listeners to be aware of their negative thoughts and actively replace them with positive and empowering thoughts. We also delve into the use of affirmations and stress the importance of believing in them for them to be effective. We challenge the belief that changing beliefs is impossible by providing examples of people switching religions. We emphasize that what we perceive to be true shapes our thoughts and beliefs. We discuss visualization as a key technique for finding solutions to our problems. Instead of visualizing failure, we should visualize success and how it would feel to achieve our goals. We emphasize the power of asking ourselves questions about where we want to be and how we will act, as it can help shape our mindset. Building a strong support system is also crucial for positive outcomes. We discuss the importance of surrounding ourselves with like-minded individuals and cultivating a community that supports and uplifts us. We highlight the impact of good friends on personal growth and stress the importance of continuous learning. We encourage listeners to take proactive steps towards their goals, such as discussing them with friends and seeking the help of coaches. We acknowledge setbacks and failures as part of the journey but emphasize the importance of learning from them. Self-care is also highlighted as essential for maintaining a positive mindset and overall well-being. Engaging in hobbies and seeking support from professionals, such as coaches or therapists, are encouraged as ways to manage challenges and obstacles. Finally, we conclude by emphasizing the significance of intentionality in our actions. By being intentional, we increase our options and make success more attainable. Each victory fuels us to achieve more. We express gratitude to our listeners and encourage them to share the episode with their friends and family. We promote Relax Mail as a platform where we help people change their mindset and confront life's challenges, be it divorce or economic downturns. By managing our thoughts and living intentionally, we can navigate difficult situations more effectively. Setbacks can actually make us stronger if we change our mindset and perspective. We assure listeners that we are here to support them in finding solutions to their problems. We wish everyone a great week ahead! 00:00:00 Overcoming obstacles and problem-solving techniques 00:01:00 Technical difficulties and starting the episode without a script 00:03:10 Gratitude for audience support and introduction to the host 00:09:55 The Benefits of Capitalism and Working for Success 00:11:23 Changing Negative Thinking and Mindset 00:13:00 Overcoming Problems and Creating Solutions 00:15:06 Paying Attention to Negative Thoughts and Self-Doubt 00:17:40 Thought Work and Changing Negative Stories 00:20:07 The Power of Thoughts and Beliefs 00:23:11 Practice Gratitude and Surround Yourself with Positivity 00:29:20 Embracing Failure and Learning from Setbacks 00:31:00 Seeking Support and Changing Thoughts for Success

In this episode of "The Relaxed Male" podcast, I discuss how harnessing the power of a divorce can help men become better men. I begin by introducing the podcast as a place where men can remove the nice guy from their lives and find solutions to their suffering. I greet new listeners and acknowledge their role in the show's growth. I then talk about how people generally avoid discomfort and develop limiting thoughts about divorce. I argue that divorce was not celebrated in the past and still isn't because it involves breaking a vow between two people. I express concern about the hookup culture and how avoiding marriage is causing problems in modern society. I conclude with a scenario where a man's wife suddenly asks for a divorce. Moving on, I discuss how divorce can be a tumultuous time for men, where everything they were used to is uncertain and constantly shifting. Many men develop a victim narrative and blame their spouse for the divorce, and fighting over money can lead to depression and hopelessness. I share a personal story about a man named Wayne, who lost everything in his divorce and eventually committed suicide. I believe that divorce can be an opportunity for personal growth and transformation if approached with the right mindset. I encourage men to go through the discomfort and discard negative aspects of their past while adding controlled, positive elements to become better and stronger. It’s important to remain calm and understand your emotions, said by me in the next part of the podcast. Working on your mental and physical pillars, like learning how to communicate with your children or getting into shape, is crucial. You must take responsibility for your actions and understand where you went wrong in your marriage. I explain how taking responsibility can give you the ability to see what is possible in the future and how it can lead to a lot of accomplishments. Asking yourself questions like what could I change or not change, how can I learn from the experience, and where did I give my power away can help you claim your power and tell the truth. I emphasize that victims who don't take responsibility tend to have no respect. To overcome the victim mentality, individuals must take responsibility for their actions, including their lack of action. By accepting responsibility, individuals can harness their power to become better men. However, it is essential to realize that you cannot control your partner and their actions, but changing your thoughts and actions can improve your life and situation. I offer coaching to help individuals become stronger and higher value in society and encourage listeners to share this message with friends. I thank my listeners, encourage subscriptions, and remind them that new episodes are released on Thursdays at 3 a.m.

00:00:00 Introduction to Episode 184: Harnessing the Power of Divorce

00:00:47 Introduction and Welcome to Relaxed Male

00:03:10 The Problem with Divorce and Victim Mindset

00:11:34 Divorce: A Crucible for Personal Growth

00:14:16 Lessons Learned and Pillars Reinforced After Divorce

00:19:35 Taking Responsibility and Turning Discomfort into Power

00:22:13 Rebuilding Your Wealth with Emotional Strength

00:24:41 What Do You Stand to Learn from Your Experience?

00:27:01 The Power of Responsibility and Claiming it Back

00:30:15 You Can Change Your World by Changing Your Thoughts

How people respond to Divorce

• We want to go to the victim narrative.
  • Don't have the ability to control what we thought we could
• We also get a scarcity mindset
  • We see our resources going and they are out of our control

How does divorce make your life better?

• You learn what you are in control of
• You learn what pillars are needing shoring up.
• You see where you need to take responsibility
• Give you the ability to see what is possible
• We are stronger because of the experience
• Find out you can accomplish difficult circumstances

Learn from the mistakes you made

• Answer the following questions
  • What did I do?
  • What Could I have changed?
  • What could I not change?
  • What do I stand to learn from this experiance?
  • Where did I give My power away?

You can stay out of the victim mindset

• The victim doesn't have any power
• The victim doesn't get respect

Take the Next Step and Get Coached

How do you want to show up?

• What is showing up?
  • are you present at the moment or are you always lost in thought?
  • How are you valuing those you are around?
• living with intention

Who do you want to be in your marriage

• What type of husband do you want to be?
• are you listening to her or are you trying to fix it?

Your Family

• Are you showing them the values you have
• are you letting them find their values in life too?
• are you the go-to person when there is a problem or are you showing them that you blow up at an inconvenient time?

Your son

• What type of example do you want to be for your son
• are you a mentor or are you an overlord

Your work

• Are you presenting yourself with an owner's attitude or a Squatters?
• Offering solutions or just presenting problems

Your band of brothers

• How do you show up for your friends?

In your community

• Are you the go-to guy or the old curmudgeon?

For yourself?

• How are you showing up for yourself?
• How are you valuing yourself?

 

In this episode of The Relaxed Male, the host delves deep into the importance of celebrating fathers on Father's Day. He explains that dads play a crucial role in society by being the pillars of households.

Dads not only provide for the family financially but also emotionally. Masculinity is a much-debated topic. According to the host, dads show their sons how to be masculine by being leaders, and mentors, and guiding their sons to be confident. Dads are an essential factor in teaching sons the glories of masculinity, such as fellowship with other men, which helps young men be confident with other men.

One of the most significant roles of dads is to be the pressure valves for their families, providing laughter and mentorship during the teenage years. The teenage years are the most crucial time for children, and dads must be the positive role model that their children need during this period of their lives. The host encourages dads to live intentionally and be leaders and mentors for their kids.

Dads can also lead to positive change in their communities, societies, and the country. The podcast delves deeply into the different roles that fathers play in the family. Fathers are not only providers and protectors, but they are also leaders and mentors. The host emphasizes the importance of fathers being actively involved in their children's lives. They should provide guidance and discipline while setting positive examples for their children. Even if fathers make mistakes, they can always work towards becoming better and providing more for their families.

Bryan encourages all fathers to be great dads and contribute to making their families more cohesive and smoother running. Better dads make better children and better children make better societies. Fathers hold the key to the success of their families and the nation as a whole. The host concludes by reinforcing that it is essential for dads to celebrate Father's Day to recognize their efforts, appreciate their sacrifices, and inspire them to be better dads.

The Problem with our problems

1. Our thoughts about the circumstance often create our problem
2. The problem is that of comparison
3. We want the problem to be a bad thing when it may actually be good.
4. Many times we get mad at problems because we are thinking intentionally
5. We want to think we just solved a problem and so we shouldn’t have any more problems.
   1. Our solution to a problem just makes more problems appear. This is how we become better. We level up our problems.
   2. Life is 50/50

Define the problem.

1. What is the problem?
   1. Defining the problem is, you, taking control of the problem. You are defining the problem. On your terms
   2. Ask Yourself these questions
      1. How do you see the problem?
      2. How do you WANT to see the problem?
      3. This is how I have been looking at the problem
      4. How do I actually want to look at the problem? - This is a very powerful question to ask yourself.
2. Is it actually a problem?
   1. When we don't look at our problems with intentional thoughts we let our mind get to work on buffering and avoiding the real problem. This is where mental spin and confusion and feeling helpless come into play.
   2. We run from our problems.
3. Why is it a problem?
   1. Break your problem down to the very core of the issue. Why is your problem a problem?
   2. You have to process your thoughts on the problem.
      1. If you don't you will all or dirty painful thoughts to get in
         1. Dirty is resisting the emotion
      2. Make your thoughts about the problems as clean as possible
4. Define the problem as positively as possible and in as simple terms as possible
5. Breaking a problem down like this you are taking control of your thoughts, and control of the problem too.

Resolving the problem

1. After you have processed your thoughts then you can start resolving your problems
2. Take Full responsibility for your part of the scenario.
3. Make a plan
4. Take action on the plan

The Real Problem

1. Resisting the opportunity to grow
2. If you do not break your thoughts about the problem down you will allow more problems and more thoughts about the problem and this will muddy the process.
   1. Your mind wants it middy that way you stay safe and where your mind feels comfortable.
3. You will be tempted to blame
4. You will feel more frustration
5. are we thinking the problem is a problem or are we looking at it as an opportunity? Which one is more troublesome?
6. Many times we make problems out of things that actually aren't problems.
7. This is why the model is so handy. We can see our thoughts and adjust them.
8. You can also change who you are blaming for the problem.
   1. many times the problem stops being a problem if we take on the responsibility

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