The Relaxed Male

In this episode, we celebrate the 200th episode of the podcast/show. Initially, the host had planned on offering live coaching sessions but unfortunately, no one signed up. This leads the host to reflect on what this lack of sign-ups means and how he can self-coach himself through this situation.

He recognizes that berating himself or blaming others won't solve the problem and instead focuses on shifting his thoughts and approaching the situation with intentionality. Throughout the episode, the host shares his disappointment but also emphasizes the importance of learning from setbacks.

The host ponders why no one signed up for the coaching and expresses a desire to improve and overcome such challenges in the future. The host starts by reflecting on why he hasn't been able to capture people's attention and mentions that he is currently listening to Robert Cialdini's book "Influence" to learn about ethical influence. He admits feeling disappointed and acknowledges that he let himself down by not learning the necessary lessons to attract people. Despite this setback, he remains determined to offer live coaching sessions in the future, approximately every 10 episodes.

To process his feelings of being let down, the host decides to do a thought download. He explores the circumstance of nobody signing up for coaching and acknowledges that this thought might mean he needs to improve his communication skills or that he may not be a good coach. He also realizes the need to improve his advertising on Facebook and start promoting earlier to generate more trust from potential clients. The host understands the importance of learning from mistakes and generating more thoughts to gain a better understanding of his emotions.

The host then moves on to using a model to process his thoughts and emotions. He explains the model and how it can be applied to any circumstance. The circumstance he chooses is that nobody showed up for coaching. The next step is to choose one thought to focus on, such as "I am not a good marketer," and examine the feeling that thought generates. The host introduces an app called "How We Feel" that helps break down emotions into four quadrants. The host realizes that the emotion that resonates with him the most is frustration. He discusses how frustration can lead to negative actions, such as wanting to quit or engaging in negative self-talk. The host emphasizes that engaging in negative self-talk or quitting won't lead to success in his business. He acknowledges that the problem lies in his thoughts and beliefs and the need to change them to gain control over his emotions and direction in life. He encourages embracing emotions, sitting with them, and fully experiencing them instead of avoiding them.

Through exploring his frustration, the host describes how it feels in his body and acknowledges that emotions only last for a short time. He stresses the importance of questioning the truth and usefulness of thoughts and choosing better ones. For example, reframing the thought "I'm not a good marketer" as "I am an inexperienced marketer" and focusing on learning and growth. The host shares his desire to become a successful marketer and mentions a podcast by Ray Edwards that he highly recommends. He expresses his resolve to take action and start coaching others, using this podcast as a way to coach listeners. While no one has signed up for coaching yet, the host believes it will happen and he will become a great marketer through practice and learning. He discusses the importance of selling ideas and effective communication, particularly in relationships, and reflects on his experiences in coaching both men and women.

The host also mentions the importance of finding the balance between promoting and overwhelming the audience and acknowledges the need for improvement in his marketing strategies. The host concludes the episode by expressing gratitude to the listeners for tuning in to the special 200th episode. He encourages them to leave comments on the website and share their thoughts. He emphasizes that his purpose is to help listeners overcome challenges and improve themselves as men. The host reminds listeners to take intentional steps towards having better relationships and offers his coaching services in the future. He reassures listeners that even as a coach, he still has emotional reactions but chooses not to respond to them. He believes that true freedom and joy can be found through intentional thoughts and navigating life's highs and lows.

The episode concludes with the host expressing his gratitude once again and his hope to see listeners in 10 weeks for more coaching.

C - CIrcumstance T - Thought of the Circumstance F - The Feeling created by that thought A - The Action you perform because you are feeling that emotion R - The Result you have because of that action

00:00:00 Celebrating Episode 200 - Reflecting on Progress 00:01:10 Live Coaching Failure: No Sign-ups 00:03:34 Learning from Setbacks and Striving for Improvement 00:12:40 Understanding the Connection between Thoughts and Emotions 00:15:55 Exploring the Disappointment of not being a good marketer 00:19:21 Understanding Emotions: High Energy, Positive/Negative, Low Energy, Positive/Negative 00:28:03 Developing a Relationship and Dealing with Jealousy 00:33:14 Allowing Emotions to Pass and Shifting Mindset 00:37:36 Embracing Growth and Evolution 00:40:13 Relationship Coaching and the Nuances of Communication 00:48:01 Making Little Steps to Improve Your Relationship

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In this episode, I share my recent experience at a hippie event in Oklahoma, where I had the chance to meet interesting people and try out some healthy vegan options. I even participated in a unique activity called sound bathing, which turned out to be an eye-opening and fascinating experience. This event reminded me and my listeners about the importance of not allowing obstacles and excuses to stand in the way of our dreams and desires. Excuses can be the biggest barriers to our success, whether it's in our personal lives or in achieving our goals. It's time to let go of those excuses, overcome obstacles, and start taking action towards the life we truly want. Moving forward, I talk about the benefits of coaching and encourage listeners to sign up for a coaching event.

Coaching can help individuals overcome self-imposed limitations and address various areas of their lives, such as procrastination, overeating, and building connections with loved ones. I share my personal experience with attending events and trying new activities like getting a massage and wanting to try an ice bath. I emphasize the importance of not allowing excuses and other people's opinions to hinder our goals and dreams.

I share a story of a violin player who gave up his dream due to discouraging advice from someone else, highlighting the pitfalls of seeking validation from others and making excuses for ourselves. It's crucial for us to take responsibility for our own actions and not let fear or external factors hold us back.

I discuss the importance of believing in our own capabilities and setting our minds to achieve what we want. Seeking advice from high-quality individuals who have achieved success is valuable, rather than relying solely on friends who may not have the necessary expertise. Having a clear purpose or "why" is essential in overcoming obstacles and staying motivated. Making a plan and taking action, even if it means trying different approaches and making adjustments along the way, is crucial.

I share my personal goal of helping others through coaching and express a desire to see men succeed in pursuing their dreams, regardless of societal stereotypes and challenges they may face. I encourage listeners to adopt a mindset of continuous learning and growth, starting small and putting in the necessary effort and time to achieve their desired outcomes. Finally, I talk about the journey with Relaxed Male, from a men's magazine to a store, men's wellness blog, and now men's coaching. Running Relaxed Male as a serious business for about two years now, I want to show everyone how amazing life can be and that achieving goals is possible for anyone. Embracing failure as a learning opportunity and celebrating it as a stepping stone to our true purpose is important. I acknowledge that some listeners may have experienced trauma or have PTSD, and while therapy is crucial for baseline functioning, coaching can take them even further.

I invite interested individuals to visit relaxedmel.com/trycoaching and sign up for a Zoom call to explore coaching further. I express my commitment to being there for anyone who joins and being willing to coach for as long as it takes. I encourage listeners to share this message with others who may need to hear it, as together, we can make Relaxed Male a movement and help men become their best selves. In closing, I remind listeners to take care and look forward to reconnecting with them in the next episode.

00:00:27 Embracing Authenticity and Self-Determination as Men 00:00:49 Welcome to the Relaxed Male and Reflection on Recent Event 00:02:00 Unexpected Experience at the Hippie Event 00:06:28 Overcoming Excuses and Taking Action 00:10:43 Excuses and opinions hinder us from reaching our goals 00:12:15 Giving up on dreams due to external discouragement 00:15:11 Know your why and overcome excuses with a plan 00:17:04 Start small, execute daily, and build towards success 00:20:14 Stop low-quality thinking and believe in your own potential 00:22:21 Overcoming Fear of Failure and Using Trauma as Fuel

In this episode, we dive into the topic of emotions and how they can sometimes hurt. As a men's coach, my main goal is to assist men in navigating their struggles and finding ways to live life on their own terms. I highlight the significance of understanding our thoughts and how they impact our overall ability to fully experience life. Additionally, I mention that I am testing out a new audio setup and extend an invitation to listeners to join me for a live coaching session to celebrate the 200th episode. I provide instructions on how to sign up for the session and encourage new listeners to subscribe to the show. Furthermore, I discuss the advantages of utilizing podcasting 2.0 apps and invite listeners to follow me on Pod Fans. Although I find it challenging to explain podcasting 2.0 in detail, I provide links for listeners to explore different apps for podcasting 2.0 at relaxedmale.com/podcast20 .

Moving on to the topic of emotions, I emphasize that negative emotions, particularly fear-based ones, can feel like physical pain and become overwhelming. I encourage listeners to examine the thoughts that trigger these hurtful emotions and question why they experience pain from negative emotions. It's crucial to recognize that life is a mixture of both positive and negative emotions, and avoiding the negative ones only leads to an incomplete and unfulfilling life. I stress the importance of embracing and processing all emotions in order to fully appreciate the good moments. Emotions are simply vibrations in our bodies—some pleasant, some unpleasant—and their intensity and impact depend on our thoughts.

Fear-based emotions may feel sharp and uncomfortable, but they are not actual physical pain. They are merely the vibrations created by our thoughts. By avoiding negative emotions, we miss out on the complete range of human experiences. Next, we delve deeper into our tendency to view negative emotions as painful and something to avoid. We use an analogy of wearing comfortable shoes to shield our feet, while individuals accustomed to negative emotions are like those who can walk barefoot on rugged surfaces without pain.

When we avoid negative emotions, even minor difficulties become challenging to handle. However, if we confront and work through these emotions, we can build resilience and discover that life has its ups and downs. By expressing our emotions and seeking support from others, especially our "band of brothers," we can better process what is happening in our lives. Continuous efforts to avoid emotions only lead to amplifying worries and ultimately trouble. We also discuss how our thoughts generate emotions.

If we constantly ruminate on these thoughts and emotions, they can snowball and prolong our suffering. However, by processing our emotions and allowing them to be, without overthinking, the actual emotional experience tends to last only a short time. The pain we may feel from past events is not solely due to the emotions themselves but rather our continuous focus and attachment to those emotions. It's common for us to avoid feeling sadness and resist it, but this approach only allows the emotion to grow and linger. Instead, it is beneficial to examine the emotion, feel its sensations throughout our bodies, and describe it in detail.

By facing and accepting our negative emotions, we can allow them to run their course, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and complete experience of life. Society often promotes the idea of avoiding pain and striving for constant happiness; however, this perspective is neither realistic nor healthy. Negative emotions are a natural part of being human and can even contribute to personal growth and joy. If individuals require assistance in processing and transforming these negative emotions, seeking coaching or therapy is highly recommended. Through coaching, individuals can gain more control over themselves, enhance their relationships, and become the person they desire to be.

To schedule a coaching consultation, visit relaxedmale.com/coaching .

Lastly, I express the importance of seeking therapy if needed and encourage listeners to find a therapist who can help them address and improve their past experiences. Additionally, I extend my gratitude to the listeners for their support and encourage them to share the podcast with their friends and family through various platforms such as Facebook and Instagram.

By spreading the word about the show, we can reach more men who may be struggling and help them find their path towards living life on their own terms. Thanking the listeners for their continuous support, I conclude by wishing everyone well until the next episode.

00:00:00 Understanding the Pain of Emotions and Feelings 00:00:39 Introduction: Brian, the certified men's coach 00:02:04 Announcement: Episode 198 and upcoming live coaching session 00:07:00 Unexpectedly diving into Podcasting 2.0 00:08:17 Analyzing the root cause of hurtful feelings 00:10:48 The Importance of Embracing Both Good and Bad Times 00:12:27 The Impact of Thoughts on Emotions and Vibrations 00:15:09 The Consequences of Avoiding Negative Emotions 00:18:12 The Cycle of Thoughts and Emotions 00:20:03 The Duration of Emotions and the Importance of Processing 00:20:28 Avoiding Sadness and Letting Emotions Grow 00:22:13 Facing Pain and Allowing Emotions to Run Their Course 00:24:27 Don't Fear Negative Emotions, Welcome Them 00:26:07 Try Coaching for Free and Discover the Power of Coaching

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What are you telling yourself when you are feeling hurt?

Feelings are half the time unpleasant and uncomfortable Yeah the other half is Nice and pleasant

many times we want to avoid the pain of our emotions yet that pain is nothing more than a vibration felt throughout our body.

Now when it comes to emotions our thoughts create our emotions. That means when you have a thought about how your relationship is falling apart you are going to express emotions that relate to that. The thoughts of you failing your wife aren't going to generate pleasant feelings throughout your body. We also have thoughts about our pain and those are completely different from the original thought.

Now this is where most of us get ourselves into trouble. Because we take the circumstance that we are sad mad or whatever fear-based emotion we are feeling and compound that with a thought we are having thoughts that we are sad. Are we ever going to not be sad, or I shouldn't be sad, I should be happy. And that thought and the corresponding emotions you have with it create the resistance you experience. This is why we buffer and avoid our emotions

You don't! This is where so many people want to run and eat their emotions or drink till they can't remember. Yet the solution to living a 100% of your life is to feel the 50% pleasure and the 50% Pain. Both of those sides of the human experience are needed to fully live life to the max.

Good news it's just a vibration! It will not hurt you and that is the big work we do in my practice we experience the vibrations, especially the unpleasant ones. You eventually find out that the unpleasant emotions are a lot like a fun house. It is a but anxiety anxiety-ridden at first but on the other side, you are laughing and having a good time.

In this episode of The Relaxed Male, we explore the concept of being offended and discuss strategies to stop taking offense. As the host, my mission is to assist men in overcoming various challenges they face in their lives and finding happiness. I express my gratitude towards a listener who sent equipment to improve the sound quality of the podcast and mention an upcoming coaching session where individuals can share their issues. We begin by defining being offended as feeling hurt or insulted due to a perceived wrong. I explain that being easily offended has become a prevalent issue in today's society, with people using offense as a weapon.

I highlight the importance of teaching younger generations that disagreement and discourse are valuable and that being offended often stems from a victim mentality. Additionally, I discuss how societal avoidance of sensitive topics has contributed to the rise of easily being offended. To illustrate the subjectivity of perception, I reveal that I see the sky as blue due to the interaction between sunlight and nitrogen in the air. I detail how discussions and disagreements can be influenced by emotions and personal biases. Drawing from personal experiences, I explain how expressing controversial ideas on social media can provoke strong reactions. I share my belief that government assistance can create dependency and discourage financial independence, based on my own experience and observations.

To overcome being easily offended, I emphasize the importance of understanding the root of our emotions and embracing emotional adulthood. Rather than becoming defensive or angry when faced with differing opinions, I advocate for having mature conversations grounded in facts. Active listening and seeking to understand others' perspectives are key to effective communication. I assert that having differing views is acceptable, as long as mutual respect is maintained. By choosing our emotional responses and exposing ourselves to diverse viewpoints, we can become less easily offended.

Further in the podcast, I discuss the significance of becoming comfortable with discomfort and controlling our emotions. I assert that nobody truly cares about these issues except for those directly involved, and each person's purpose and perspective are unique. I encourage listeners to share the episode with others who may benefit from learning how to navigate being easily triggered or offended.

To support the movement, I encourage sharing the podcast on social media platforms and spreading the message of creating a community of strong men dedicated to positive change. I express gratitude for the support and urge listeners to subscribe to the show to receive new episodes every Thursday.

00:00:00 The Art of Not Being Offended 00:00:57 Helping Men Overcome Suffering and Find Relaxation 00:02:37 Improved Sound Quality Thanks to a Listener's Gift 00:04:59 October 14th: Try Coaching and Get Coached 00:07:06 Why Being Offended is Out of Control 00:13:21 The Science Behind the Blue Sky 00:16:04 Controversial Views on Poverty and Government Assistance 00:23:29 Embracing Different Views in Relationships 00:26:39 Building Bridges and Exposing Yourself to Different Perspectives 00:29:35 The Importance of Individual Perspective and Letting Others Be 00:33:22 Uniting Strong Men to Change the World

What is being offended?

Offended

1. feeling or expressing hurt, indignation, or irritation because of a perceived wrong or insult: The man replied in an offended voice, "My niece would never do anything like that!"
2. being the recipient or victim of criminal or morally repugnant behavior: After the referral agent and the offender speak, the offended individual is invited to speak about how the assault affected them.

Now These days the act of being offended is getting way out of hand.

Why is Ofeended so out of control?

• We barred sensitive topics
• There are too many nice guys
• The get-along gang
•  

What is Being Offended

• Its a thought

What is needed to stop being offended

• Seek first to understand
• Get out of Emotional Childhood
• expose yourself to other views
• accept that no one really cares
• Understand that you are not the most important person in the room.

Welcome to this episode of The Relaxed Male, where I, Brian, the host, will be diving into the topic of forgiveness. We all have those moments in life where we make terrible mistakes and feel a deep sense of regret. Today, I want to emphasize the importance of forgiving oneself for these screw-ups. As the host of The Relaxed Male, my mission is to help men remove the "nice guy" persona from their lives and live life on their own terms. As a certified men's coach, I work closely with men who are going through challenging times such as divorces or job losses. My goal is to assist them in finding clarity and relaxation amidst their suffering.

Each episode of the show focuses on changing one's perspective on life, identity, and thoughts to overcome pain and become victors instead of victims. In fact, I have some exciting plans coming up, including going live on YouTube and participating in a podcast posting challenge in November. But that's not all! I want to invite you, my listeners, to a try coaching event that I'll be hosting via Zoom. This is an opportunity for you to experience the power of coaching firsthand and learn how it can help you achieve your goals. You can sign up for the event and find all the details on the website.

I want to thank each and every one of you for your continued support. The show is experiencing steady growth, and it wouldn't be possible without your listenership. If this is your first time tuning in, welcome!

We have a lot to talk about, so let's dive into today's episode on how to forgive yourself. It's common to reflect on our past actions and realize that some choices were not the best. We may feel regret, self-shame, and start self-hating. But it's crucial to move past these feelings and give ourselves grace. We are human, and humans make mistakes.

Constantly beating ourselves up and dwelling on past mistakes is not productive. It's important to pay attention to our thoughts because our mind has a tendency to ruminate and go over the same scenario repeatedly without finding any solutions. We need to stop criticizing ourselves and others. The shoulda, woulda, coulda mentality is not helpful. Instead, let's be aware of our thoughts and where they track to. 

Our mind tries to muddy the water by offering alternative scenarios, making it difficult to see the actual circumstance. Taking responsibility for our actions and not making excuses is crucial. Forgiveness starts with accepting that we made a mistake and taking responsibility for it. It's about recognizing that it was the wrong thought and replacing it with a better thought. We must voice our mistakes out loud, removing the shame and guilt associated with them. It's important to acknowledge and address whatever is eating away at us.

Granting ourselves grace and forgiveness is essential, especially when we find ourselves dwelling on past wrongdoings. While some crimes may have legal consequences, forgiving ourselves is essential for our mental well-being. Shame, often influenced by religion or societal norms, can cause severe harm if we don't forgive ourselves.

Misusing the power of our minds can be damaging, just like misapplying nutrition. Let's strive for moderation in all aspects of our lives and let go of past mistakes to maintain a healthy state of mind. 

Bottling up secrets and not forgiving ourselves can lead to long-term adverse effects. I recently came across a book called "The Body Keeps the Score" and I'm curious to explore its content and see if it lives up to its praise. Being intentional with our thoughts and redirecting them away from self-criticism and shame is crucial. Granting ourselves grace and forgiveness is essential for personal growth and the ability to extend grace to others. If you're interested in taking your personal growth to the next level, I offer coaching services. Y

ou can find more information on my website and check out the upcoming "try coaching" event on October 14th. I encourage you to share this message with others if you found it helpful or insightful. The Relaxed Male community is focused on helping men improve themselves in all aspects, including their mind, body, soul, and community. By working on these pillars, men can become more balanced and masculine, which is crucial in today's society. Once again, thank you all for your support and for tuning in. I wish you well until the next episode. 

https://www.relaxedmale.com/trycoaching

00:00:00 The Struggle of Forgiving Yourself for Mistakes

00:03:09 Announcement: Try Coaching Event on October 14th

00:06:17 Growing the podcast and encouraging listeners to subscribe

00:10:04 Overcoming self-doubt and shame

00:12:58 Breaking free from rumination and finding solutions

00:13:46 Building a Bridge to Forgiving Yourself

00:15:12 Muddying the Water and Breaking Free from Guilt

00:23:53 The power of our mind and religion

00:25:20 The impact of secrets and fibromyalgia

00:32:50 Introduction to Coaching and Try Coaching Event

How to Find Motivation in completing your goals

• Fear
• Goals Not in Alignment
• Indulging in Confusion
• out of integrity
• Not challenging enough

Sign up for Try Coaching Event on October 16 If you don't want to be coached but want to see what it is about it will be streamed on Facebook .

Take The Next Step

Cause of aimlessness

nonintentional thoughts

You are just floating

1. Take time each day to make short goals.
2. What is your objective?
3. Express to yourself why this is important
4. Time for you to get out and start exploring
5. Try stuff
6. Volunteer
7. Work on your 4 pillars

6 weeks till episode 200

Monday Hour One

Coaching On Air

relaxedmale.com/coachingtryouts

@podbeancom

In this episode, we delve into the topic of aimlessness and explore ways to overcome it. Our goal is to assist men in letting go of the "nice guy" mentality and living life on their own terms. We start by highlighting the importance of having a sense of purpose and how challenging it can be to navigate through daily life without direction.

To emphasize this point, we share a humorous anecdote about a quintessential dad, reminding us to embrace who we are and find humor in life's moments. Returning to our main topic of aimlessness, we delve into the concept and its negative consequences. While some may view aimlessness as liberating, it often leads to inefficiency and a lack of accomplishment. We discuss Parkinson's Law, which states that without specific goals and timeframes, projects tend to take longer than necessary to complete.

Reflecting on personal experiences, we acknowledge how aimlessness can result in wasted time and a lack of fulfillment. This realization leads us to encourage listeners to discover their purpose and direction in life, thereby avoiding the aimless drift. We believe that finding one's purpose earlier in life, particularly between the ages of 25 and 30, allows for greater personal growth and success. Our own purpose is to help individuals overcome victim mentality and live with intention. Specifically, we aim to assist men in embracing their role and responsibilities in society. To break free from aimlessness, we pose the question of how to find one's rudder and take control of life's direction. We stress the significance of having a sense of purpose and the gradual acceptance of traditional gender roles as society recognizes the value they bring. We discuss the challenges faced by both stay-at-home parents and individuals working long hours and neglecting other aspects of their lives. Stressing the importance of being intentional and present, we offer advice on dating properly and finding fulfillment in spending time with children.

We also touch on the cycle of aimlessness and how to escape it by exploring interests and setting daily and long-term goals. We encourage individuals to work on all four pillars of The Relaxed Male - mind , body , soul , and community - through activities like reading, exercising, trying new things, and volunteering. Experimentation is key, as it allows us to discover new passions and keep life exciting. While it's fine to make mistakes along the way, these experiences become stories that attract others to us. Ultimately, our soul shines when we do what we're meant to do, and we need to demonstrate our purpose rather than simply talk about it. To maintain focus and inspiration, it's essential to understand the "why" behind our goals and purpose. This understanding will motivate us and surpass the drive for pleasure, avoidance of pain, and efficiency.

Without a clear "why," we may become lost in trivial matters. We encourage listeners to find their "why," set short goals aligned with their objectives, and explore and volunteer to truly discover themselves. Finally, we mention that we have six more episodes until episode 200 and share exciting news about offering coaching sessions exclusively for men. Interested individuals can sign up on relaxmail.com/coachingtryouts to receive guidance and support in overcoming barriers and obstacles in their lives. We clarify that this is coaching rather than therapy and that we're here to assist with issues such as divorce, motivation, and more.

Concluding the episode, we mention a podcast platform called podbean.com that we've been enjoying and encourage listeners to share the episode with others who may benefit from it. We emphasize the importance of self-improvement and express our gratitude for the support.

00:00:00 The Challenge of Aimlessness: Finding Your Purpose 00:00:59 Introduction to The Relaxed Male Podcast 00:02:29 Caught off guard by a surprising revelation 00:02:39 Settling in at the friend's office for podcast recording 00:06:56 The dangers of aimlessness and lack of direction 00:09:08 The consequences of aimlessness in personal relationships and accomplishments 00:12:00 Finding purpose and taking control of your life 00:16:27 The Importance of Setting Daily Goals 00:19:23 Breaking the Cycle of Aimlessness 00:22:25 Working on the Four Pillars: Mind, Body, Soul, and Community 00:25:50 Finding Your Purpose and Overcoming Aimlessness 00:27:35 The Importance of Discovering Your "Why"

In this episode of The Relaxed Male, I discuss the topic of pain and why people have a tendency to avoid it. I share my own struggles with avoiding pain, using the example of neglecting my yard work due to excuses like podcasting and the hot weather. I question why people avoid pain when it is an inevitable part of life and emphasize that pain can be beneficial in motivating action and bringing about positive change. I use examples such as paying bills to avoid the pain of living without electricity and the fear of experiencing withdrawal symptoms for someone with addiction. I also highlight how pain can be a motivator for starting a business and taking responsibility for one's financial situation. I emphasize that we need to take responsibility for our own choices and the consequences that come with them.

It's our decision to work for someone else, and that means they have control over our pay. Sometimes the agreed-upon price doesn't work out in our favor, but that's just how life goes. If we want to achieve our goals, we can't blame our employer. We need to take ownership and find ways to generate the value we need. This process involves experiencing pain and discomfort, which motivates us to work harder. Pain is a perception that creates an unpleasant feeling, but it pushes us to push past our limits. When we overcome the challenges and reach our objectives, we have reasons to celebrate and feel proud of ourselves.

Pain also helps us gain clarity on our goals. Each failure and moment of discomfort allows us to learn and adjust our strategies. We understand that reaching high heights requires us to explore different paths, whether that means going above, below, around, or even with the help of others. Pain is necessary for personal growth and satisfaction. As we go through life, we experience various stages of growth and development. In the military, there are graduations and milestones, like transitioning from a trainee to a full-fledged soldier.

Entrepreneurs also endure hardship and sacrifice as they build their businesses. These experiences can be painful, but they shape us and bring a sense of satisfaction. Many people have a fear of pain and avoid discomfort, but pain comes in different forms. It can be physical, like stepping on a nail, or it can be emotional, like the embarrassment of a failed client interaction. Both types of pain are processed in the same part of our brains. So, what are we actually afraid of when we avoid pain?

Sometimes, pain is necessary to achieve our goals. Just like a skater wearing extra layers of underwear before attempting a dangerous trick, we may need to endure discomfort in order to reach success. Whether it's the discomfort of cold weather, interacting with new people, or waiting in line instead of using self-checkout, these experiences can lead us to better outcomes. Would we be willing to endure temporary irritation for long-term gains? Pain should not hold us back from pursuing our dreams or making changes.

Physical harm is unlikely to result from starting a business or accepting a divorce. We often worry about things that are unlikely to happen, keeping ourselves up at night with unnecessary fear. So, instead of avoiding pain, we should embrace it as a necessary part of growth and progress. By pushing through discomfort and enduring temporary hardships, we can achieve the life we desire. So, what is pain actually? Pain is a fear of the unknown, specifically the fear of physical pain. It's unavoidable, especially if you have kids and end up stepping on Legos or other sharp objects. Pain is a way to learn what you are capable of, like lifting weights and pushing your muscles to the point of tearing.

It can also be the discomfort and humility that comes with failure or being out of your comfort zone. However, the satisfaction and reward of overcoming pain and achieving your goals are worth it in the end. People may laugh or doubt you along the way, but their laughter often stems from their own fear and lack of courage to pursue their own dreams. Ultimately, pain is just a stepping stone on the path to success. I used to love going to the playground area that had various tubes and interactive learning activities.

One of my favorite experiences was sitting in a swivel chair with a spinning bicycle wheel attached to it. When the wheel reached full speed, I would try to turn but couldn't. Instead, I would start spinning in the chair uncontrollably. There were other cool things too, like sticking your hands in gooey substances and a parabolic reflector that created holograms. I was always too afraid to put my hand inside, fearing that a cookie monster would grab it. But despite my fears, growing up as a Gen Xer allowed me to have amazing experiences and try new things. I would spend days at the playground, and even when I was left alone at home, I would have epic Star Wars adventures with my Millennium Falcon toy. I didn't let fear stop me from enjoying life and taking risks.

I believe that today's younger generation should embrace that fearlessness and realize that what they're afraid of is nothing to be scared of. In this part of the podcast, I discuss the fear of emotions and how I want to help listeners overcome it. I encourage them to embrace the beauty that lies beyond their fears and challenges. Divorce is used as an example, indicating that it can be a tough experience but also an opportunity for personal growth. I emphasize the importance of working on the mind, body, and soul, as well as building strong friendships.

If listeners are interested in taking the next step, they can schedule a consulting call through the provided link. I mention that willingness to step out of one's comfort zone is crucial for our collaboration, but even those who are more hesitant may still find potential in themselves. I also share that the podcast offers a wealth of resources, such as blog posts and over 660 episodes, to support personal development.

Listeners are encouraged to share the podcast with others who may benefit from it, and I express the belief that society needs men who embrace their masculinity and live purposeful lives. I sign off by expressing my love and hoping to connect with listeners again in the following week. 

Take The Next Step

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00:00:00 The Purpose of Pain in Our Lives 00:00:41 Helping men overcome suffering and find fulfillment 00:03:10 Understanding the role of pain as a motivator and teacher 00:10:25 Embracing Failure for Clarity in Objectives 00:12:56 Reflecting on Bootcamp and Fondly Remembering the Challenges 00:19:58 The Game of Jacks 00:23:02 Overcoming Fear of Failure and Embracing Pain 00:26:50 Childhood Fears and Imaginary Adventures 00:29:10 Growing Up as a Gen Xer 00:31:33 Overcoming Fear and Embracing Life 00:33:34 Embracing Your Comfort Zone for Personal Growth 00:35:04 Spreading the Message of Positive Masculinity

On this week's episode of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the concept of thoughts creating results. As a certified men's coach, I help men who are facing various challenges in their lives, including divorce and daily struggles. We discuss how our thoughts shape our outcomes and why it is crucial to pay attention to them. Our thoughts play a significant role in either allowing us to succeed or holding us back from achieving our goals. Whether it's difficulties in getting clients or starting a business, or personal issues with how comments affect us emotionally, it's important to analyze our thoughts. Sometimes we may justify our negative responses, but deep down, we might agree with those criticisms to some extent. This agreement leads to negative patterns and behaviors, such as relying on alcohol as a coping mechanism.

We often engage in self-sabotaging behaviors by agreeing with negative thoughts or criticisms about ourselves. However, we have the power to change our thoughts and create positive outcomes. We can shift our mindset and embrace empowering beliefs, which allows us to pursue our goals with more energy and purpose. By taking intentional actions and asking powerful questions, we can move closer to our desired results.

Having a mindset of certainty is crucial when it comes to achieving our goals. Instead of thinking our dreams are not worth the effort, we should affirm them confidently. Our brain is more likely to support us in achieving our goals when we believe in them.

Using Kevin Smith as an example, we discuss how his negative self-perception as a "fat slob" led to unhealthy habits and a decline in his creativity and productivity. However, after a heart attack, he changed his thoughts and behaviors, leading to significant weight loss and positive changes in his career. To create positive changes in our own lives, we need to change our thoughts about food and weight.

It's important to identify our personal reasons for wanting to live a healthier life. We acknowledge the need for change and the importance of mindset shift, rather than solely focusing on losing weight. We encourage listeners to reach out for help and coaching if they want to support in making positive changes in their lives.

By challenging negative thoughts and beliefs, and focusing on the four pillars of manhood, listeners can build healthier relationships, improve their overall well-being, and create a brighter future for themselves. In conclusion, our thoughts shape our outcomes, and by working together, we can create a positive impact in our lives and relationships.

We encourage our listeners to share this episode with others who may be struggling, and to reach out for assistance or to support their fellow brothers. Thank you for being a part of this journey.

00:00:00 Understanding the Power of Your Thoughts 00:00:41 Introduction: Helping Men Overcome Life's Struggles 00:02:06 Celebrating Growth and Overcoming Challenges in Podcasting 00:06:34 The impact of negative self-talk on weight gain 00:08:20 Overcoming insecurities about physical attributes 00:16:06 Kevin Smith's wake and the issue with continuous pot use 00:17:58 Kevin Smith's heart attack and change in mindset 00:25:54 Changing Thoughts for Personal Transformation 00:32:49 Rediscovering Intimacy with Your Partner 00:34:36 Empowering Men to Upgrade Their Lives

So what are you after in life? Are you out just to be happy? or are you after something more? Many men want to point to our founding documents and take from there that all we are supposed to be is happy. We are supposed to pursue happiness, yet are we able to actually catch our happiness, or would you settle for joy? How about something greater than happiness? Are you supposed to settle for just happiness? Let's look at this little thought experiment.

Some people want to equate success with being happy. Yet after a little while, they find themselves in a bit of a crisis because they have accomplished al they have set out for and they are still not happy. Why is that?

What is success? What does it mean to be successful to you?

Now you are seeing the problem if trying to be happy all the time. There are many instances of life where you actually don't want to be happy. You get a divorce, a family member passes away. Those are things out of your control so how are you equating that to your scoreboard of life?

Fulfillment may be a good objective to run after.

Would that make you happy?

Want more help finding a fulfilling life? Sign up for a mini-session.