I feel so much like junk in my body that I regret even coming up to the mountain

Describing my terrible health issue with my sinuses and how I have so many negative thoughts when I'm sick

My ex-wife is trying to prevent Tyler from being able to come for his summer time visitation with me because he needs to attend Summer school

Praying and trusting the Lord for everything regarding Summer time visitation

Recalling the teaching of Charles Stanley how we come out of all our fires much better than we went in...we are more than conquerors

A conversation about money with a friend quickly reminds me that not all people trust God like I'm currently doing

With only 4 days to leave, I have gotten to a place in my faith where I have no fear at all

A friend offers me to move in his house with only 4 days left to go, with no need to pay rent

The amazing Revelation I have had about Father using numbers to direct me

After seeing my friend's house and learning of the strong cat urine smell, I begin to wonder if this is really what the Lord has for me. Is this really his "favor"?

After much prayer and requests for guidance regarding the offer to move into my friend's house. I see 511 twice (persevere and stay put) and see then see 11:11 (Luke 11:11) The Lord is not going to give me a snake when I've asked for a fish

Discouragement in my ministry work and messages and feeling temptations to just quit

Another incredible 11:11 prophetic warning and timely grace to me before that woman shows back up in Starbucks, at a time I'm weak

The small evidences of God's providence and grace are evidence that He will help us with our big challenges and desires too, if we remain in faith and patience

My mother reminds me that I only have one week left until I have to be kicked out and that God is going to have be really busy in order to help me in such a short time period

The spiritual dream where everyone on the island is riding dirt bikes and ATV's and they are all headed in the opposite direction of me and my parents are careless and going shopping

I receive an anonymous $150 donation that gives me such gratitude and encouragement during a tough time where I have only 10 days left until I'm to move out.

After reading a book about being a good Dad to your daughters I start missing my children so badly and questioning why God would allow this to happen

A dreadful loneliness comes over me. Why can't I have a family like everyone else? I start crying very hard over how much I miss my children

More strong temptations come about not waiting for Laura

Enduring darkness...having lots of bad dreams...but continue to trust that the Lord will deliver me

Always reminding myself of what God has done in the past to deliver me

These long periods of waiting are continuing to develop my character

The need to be "naive" to the reality of your difficult circumstances by faith

God keeps showing me 525 and 919 when my anxiety goes up to keep me put

A wonderful encounter with two American Airlines Pilots at Starbucks

Describing my terrible health issue with my sinuses and how I have so many negative thoughts when I'm sick

A wonderful divine encounter and prayer with two college students on the mountain that blesses us all to the point of tears

Commentary: My ministry was first very much local, before it was internet based

Youtube and Vimeo has removed all my videos and testimony because of this copyright strike complaint

Feeling discouraged about my video being taken down and yet I had just prayed for God not to take my suffering away until I'm done

The sobering reality that what I'm doing is just NOT that important to God...I am not the Savior...He does not need me to save the world

Keeping this to myself so that I can maintain my trust in God alone to take of this

The Scriptures that God showed me to encourage me through this affliction

I begin to laugh at the absurdity of the afflictions I'm facing

Thoughts on trusting God in difficult circumstances and how are our own will gets in God's way

The purpose of so much of our suffering is to bring about death to self, learning to do His will, not ours

God begins to answer my prayer to defend me against this copyright strike and take down of my story video without me having to go to any man for help

The reasons God's mercies are new everyday

Some of my favorite Charles Stanley messages

The neat little ways God encourages us when our faith is weak

Many revelations on the persecution I have faced since taking the commands of Christ seriously

The growing grace I see not to have to defend myself when I am persecuted

Another amazing 11:11 prophetic warning from God about the woman who continues to pursue me and then she shows up at Starbucks right afterwards

Called up to the mountain to fight for my faith in the midst of discouragement about my faith for Laura

Hoping my friend Jeremiah will share his testimony from the stage at Lowe Mill and possible mention Relentlessheart.com for promotion

A blessed encounter with a youth minister on the top of the mountain

I told the Lord that I'm no longer afraid of my pride and that I'm ready for Him to promote my ministry

God answered my prayers to heal my knee and the cancerous spot on my arm with no need for a doctor visit.

Praying for God to promote the ministry and He shows me 11:22 Mark 11:22

Feeling nervous on the way to Lowe Mill after all my prayers for Him to promote me and to hopefully have Laura hear about RelentlessHeart

Nothing ends up happening that night. My friend did not promote the ministry and I did not see Laura, yet I remain in peace trusting God

I tried to put my story on YouTube for the 1st time, and I received two copyright strikes and YouTube restricted my video length to 15 min now so I cannot put my story up on YouTube.

Another terrible dream about my ex-wife

Commentary: Memorizing the word in your mind will do nothing for you if it's not obeyed from the heart

Nathan reading Hebrews 11 as his memory verse.

Capturing my thoughts on how I have been able to go this long, walking by faith alone, in the darkness, with almost no improvement or change in my circumstances

Commentary: Faith for the eternal is a higher faith than faith for the temporal

On May 19th 2014, I have only 115 subscribers after almost two years of work for the Lord and only about 30 people are watching consistently

The only way I make it is by daily intentional dependence on God

May 8th 2020 - Filled with a strong sense of joy and hope that God is going to bless me

See 919 and shortly after that I receive a job offer for a marketing position for a church from pastor Dan and then I see a 525

My mother continues to doubt I'm hearing from God correctly and I keep telling her to just keep watching

Commentary about Chelsea's prophetic shark and snake dreams

Recorded call with Chelsea as she tells of her dreams

Thoughts after a long talk with the children and Ashley tells me that their grandfather doesn't like me and it bothers her

The incredible blessing God has given me to protect my heart from anger and bitterness from all this parental alienation

The counsel I gave Nathan about dealing with the hurtful things his grandfather says to him

I've listened to Charles Stanley Message "When Faith Waivers" at least 20 times now.

I'm amazed with gratitude about how strong my faith has become as I look back on all the times I almost wanted to quit!

I'm still hoping for and believing the Lord for Laura one day

I'm still believing that someone will perhaps make a large donation to the ministry to help me get my head back above water

My prayers for my friend Jeremiah to promote the RelentlessHeart ministry from his concert stage on Friday night at Lowe Mill

Commentary about another example of how often I am wrong when I conjecture, presume and assume about how, when, and where God will answer my prayers

Strong temptations when I meet a woman on the mountain who looks very similar to Laura

When I get back to the parking lot, that woman's car is the only other one in the lot

My mom says the woman she sees at Lowe Mill, that she believes is Laura, seems to her to be too worldly to be someone I would be interested in as a wife

Feeling indignation towards how little discernment the body of Christ has when a lady I know tells me that her church is embracing "Rob Bell" teachings.

My twins Ashley and Kaley turned 7 today on May 1st.

I come back from a delightful time in prayer in the woods and my mom comes to me in great fear and panic about the sore on my arm practically demanding that I go to a doctor

My mother and I have more conflict because I'm living in faith and she is living in fear

The ultimate test of the truth when two different people believe opposite of one another is to "recognize the tree by its fruit"

The greatest frustration I've had in the last few years is having to see my mother's unbelief over and over

The true Spirit filled Christian and the Counterfeit spirit filled Christian

Telling my mother she will one day be ashamed when the Lord delivers me in the face of her years of unbelief

Revelations on becoming more weak and needy before the Lord rather than trying to be strong in yourself

The importance of Bible reading each day and not just for 5 minutes

Insights on worrying about how other people feel about us and how foolish it is to derive our value from people made of dust

A very simple Gospel explanation to share with others

Sharing with my men's Bible study group a two recent divine encounters I had with others while I'm out

I wake up worried and the next thing I see is a 555

I'm terrified to think that I may not be able to see my children for the Summer

Reflections on the wonderful Jesus talk that came out of Ashley the night after my mom asks if I could be causing my children to stumble

More insights about pride and how Satan tempts us even to prideful thoughts

My ex mother-in-law stirs up trouble for me after I send a video to the children to explain why I can't come and get them for Spring Break, telling my dad and mother that I'm making it sound like God has told me to kill my children.

The audio from the actual video I made to the children on March 15th, 2014 explaining to them why God wasn't allowing me to come see them again.

Encouraging my friend to give something to God that He can work with when He was in a time of fear

God giving me courage and creative ways of getting my testimony and the gospel of Christ in front of others

An email from my father Michael Chriswell to my mother which I know is more attempts to block my walking with God by faith

Commentary: The need to have a very strong desire to enter into the kingdom of God, a desire that is willing to suffer the loss of other valuable things or people

The winds blowing in my circumstances are not tossing me back and forth like they used to

Another message to my children about how to walk through darkness while waiting for and trusting in God

An adorable phone call about Jesus with my six year old daughter Ashley Chriswell

A friend and man in my Bible study urges me to promote the ministry to more people, but God tells me to stay put

Commentary about pressure from others to get ahead of God regarding the promotion of my teachings and ministry

Insights about discerning the Lord's will in the face of lots of people saying to me, "If I were you and it were me..."

More insights about how wise Father is to make us wait and wait and wait

When God orders our steps, He is playing for eternity, not just our temporal perspective

Crying about how long it's been since I've seen my children and yet realizing this is exactly something God would do

Commentary on Mark 10:28-30 You cannot out give God

A tearful and thankful pray to Father about how I trust Him and know He has a good purpose for all of this suffering I'm going through

The Holy Spirit lets me know that I will turn around and see a 919 while I'm listening to a Charles Stanley message on Waiting for God

YOUTUBE VIDEO MENTIONED IN THIS MESSAGE:

In a surprising moment, my mother, comes to me and apologizes to me for how she yelled at my step-father and it brings me to tears

I begin to see other dramatic changes in my mom and a separation from some of what I have showed her to be error in the Charismatic church

The incredible experience where sometimes God allows me to feel the Love that He has for a particular person

Biblical advice on a lady who is living with a stripper

The ladies in my mother's Bible study believe that all sickness comes from Satan and I showed her in Scripture how that is not true.

Commentary: Explaining the Sovereign hand of God and trusting in the Mystery of His providence, using 212 and Laura as an example.

Father will parent you uniquely. Don't be surprised when God's providence in your life doesn't make any sense

Feeling a noticeable surge in my faith for Laura

I am ABSOLUTELY DETERMINED to be one of those radical fools who trusts God no matter what!

Commentary: How God used Laura as a "way of escape" for me in accordance to his principle in 1 Cor 10:13

A man in my Bible study opens up humbly to me about his fear and anxiety in finances

Receive a notice from Florida Child support saying I owe $15k

Commentary: The very good reasons why God allowed me to get so far behind on child support and didn't answer my prayers

Feeling such sadness about the lost, especially those in my own family.

Realizing God uses false teachers like Bill Johnson of Bethel Church to test believers, just like Deu 13 says

Seek obedience, not experience. Genuine experience will come after genuine obedience.

So few Charismatics never question their "spiritual" experiences

Satan gives people spiritual experiences to keep them in the counterfeit

Realizing the promise of God that says the man who fears the Lord, God makes even their enemies to live at peace with them, is actually coming to pass for me

Insights and revelations about attempts at reconciliation with old friends from old church after I took a stand and left

So thankful for my living relationship with Father and for His daily guidance

The blessing of reading In Step with God by Charles Stanley and finding that God is dealing with me the exact same way as He has Charles

The day of my being homeless is coming soon and I'm still waiting on God. The pressure is building, but my faith is increasing even more.

Mom asks what am I doing about finding a place to live. I tell her I'm waiting. She again says I'm wrong and I tell her, "Mom, you will see"

I'm filled with so much faith at this time by the grace of Christ

Trusting God with the "skin cancer" area on my arm

The woman who I fell into sin with comes up to me boldly to talk while I'm working at Starbucks after seeing 11:11 three times yesterday

God confirms for me to talk about what He has done but now how He did it (with the numbers) for now, by a talk I had with Mary at Starbucks

Two important spiritual disciplines I have maintained in my walk so far. 1. Remaining in Christ's love by faith even when it doesn't feel like it. 2. A habit of praising God and giving Him thanks!

Revelations on how my faith waivers when I put my eyes back on the circumstances and how to keep my faith strong

It can take a long time learning to transition from relying on self to relying on God