As you might notice, I couldn't bring myself to include the score in this episode's title. If you're reading this, you know what happened. No need to agitate the wound.

We open the final episode of a once-glorious season with "The Wreck of Ford Field," sung to the tune of "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald," setting the tone for the sad discussion to follow.

There are basically two ways of looking at what happened. Either this was it, the window has closed, and the Lions missed their best chance to get to the Super Bowl.

OR ...

This was just one of those games where everything goes right for the opponent and everything goes wrong for the Roar. Not to mention the fact that our defense was staffed mostly by guys who wouldn't be playing if not for the Holocaust the swept through the starting lineup. As Winds of Fury has so wisely opined, the Roar shall return next season once again ready to rumble.

Still, this loss hurts. And now we have to wait until next season to get out from under the malaise of crushed hopes and dreams.

We'll most likely have new offensive and defensive coordinators. Next season's schedule features a gauntlet of playoff teams. And who knows which free agents will return and which shall move on?

Nevertheless, The Roargasm shall return. For now, stay strong, Roar Nation. We'll see you on the other side.

Yes, it's a bye week, but The Roargasm never rests!

We gather the Supreme Roar Council to review the wildcard games and look ahead to destroying the Cockmanders/Cuckmanderes/Commodore 64s this Saturday eve.

We reckon that at home, against a rookie QB, with as many of our guys as possible back from injury, and with the coaching brain trust given a full two weeks to cook up something special, the Roar shall triumph in overwhelming fashion

We nod sagely at the demise of the once mighty NFC North, where the Roar rightly reign supreme.

We dip into a few Simon and Roarfunkle song parodies.

We roar it out and conclude the pod with a lively After the Roar.

Let's go, Roar Nation! Let's fucking go!

ROARRRRR!

WE ARE KING IN THE NORTH!

This jubilant and chaotic episode has it all:

The one and only Fantetti beaming in from the Northwest

Deano joining from the holy city of Jerusalem!

And a full 2 hours of roarection-induced mania in the wake of the Lion's masterful and beguiling dismantling of the Viqueens to capture the NFC North title.

We spend a lot of time marveling at the resurgent D, which held to Queens to three measly field goals.

We prostate ourselves in front of the majesty of Sonic's 4 TDs.

We love Anzalone even more than we already did, which was thought to be impossible.

We send flowers to Amik Robertson, who made Justin Jefferson disappear.

And we learn, via Amik, that you can't bury what comes from the fucking dirt.

I could go on an on, but the point is, ROARRRRRRR!

The Lions are Super Bowl favorites. We have home field advantage throughout the playoffs. We have time to get guys healthy.

Let's fucking go!

With Deano in the Holy Land, we are graced by the presence of Air Low AND the newly dubbed Hairestotle, aka Lil Air, whose flowing locks are indeed a sight to behold.

We begin with a newly revealed chapter of The Book of Jared, which came to Uncle Brother in a dream.

Air and Hair regale us with tales of their journey to Levi Stadium, a wicked place where the Roar had not won in many a season. They took full advantage of the free and bottomless concessions and felt at one with Roar Nation, which was out in full effect.

We reaffirm that the hook and ladder is NOT a trick play at this point, although we still get to marvel at how flawlessly the Lions pulled it off once again, resulting in a majestic JAMO tuddy.

We're not thrilled about our D, which gave up 34 points and a ton of yard to a diminished 69ers squad, but a win's a win, and no matter what else transpired, the Roar finish the season with a perfect road record.

We look ahead, with some foreboding, to the epic battle against the Viqueens. It's kinda insane that a 14-win team will be relegated to a wild card spot, but that's how it is when you play in the toughest division in the NFL.

That's all for now. Until next Sunday, keep roaring loud and proud!

Ben Johnson is a goddman wizard. Chaotic neutral. His powers of creative deception are off the charts. In fact, there is no chart when it comes to this man's bag of tricks.

We spend a good chunk of this pod marveling at the "stumble bumble" trick play, or whatever the hell it's called, just gobsmacked at the audacity of BJ, Jared, and Sonic to make it look like a fumble (or something) to throw the linebackers off the scent.

And when Jared rose up like a vengeful demon and tossed a perfect ball to Porta Party ... There was rejoicing throughout the land, except in Chicago, where the pig-like, sub-human people there (except for Uncle Brother, Lady Brother, and their Daughter Brothers, of course) gnashed their teeth, donned sackcloth, and covered themselves in ashes.

We also talk about other stuff, although I don't remember many details. There's some debate over what needs to happen for the Roar to claim the top seed and earn a bye. Best if they just win out.

Speaking of which, we predict the score against the 69ers, the basic point being that we have no doubt that the Roar will hold nothing back in dishing out sweet revenge against those fuckers.

This episode's After the Roar segment is sponsored by the Force Feed an Offensive Lineman Foundation (FFOLF). For only $877 a day, you can help a Lions O-lineman get the calories he needs to keep serving up pancake blocks and for Dan Skipper, in particular, to practice his route running.

Happy holidays, all you helpless Roaraholics! Let's fucking go!

ROAR!!!!!!

What can we say?

The Roargasm crew gets together in person, at Roar Manor (also known as Wallbrook West) in South Haven, MI, only to watch as Marvel Supervillain Josh Allen had his way with our 18th-string D, doing pretty much whatever the fuck he wanted.

A 5-TD, 0-INT, nearly 500-yard game from Jared wasn't enough--the first time that's happened in the history of the damn league.

And just to rub it in, the football gods claimed several more of our defenders, plus MountGomery, who is out for the season.

So ... yeah. That sucks.

BUT ...

We are still roaring at 12-2, with a chance to secure home field advantage throughout the playoffs over the next three games.

And although Mount is out, we still have Sonic, who is built for this shit.

Anyhow, we kinda forgot how bad losing sucks. Dealing with it clearly affected our pod-ending roar, which took something like 7 takes to get right.

We were so distraught that we forgot to guess the lines and predict the score against the Care Bears next week.

So here's a guess: The Roar will take out their frustrations against the Care Bears, Sonic will induce massive roargasms, the Oline will serve up a heaping helping of pancake blocks, and the D--featuring several guys who have literally never played organized football--will hold their own. Lions 34 - Care Bears 17.

Roar!

Banged up defense?

No problem.

Surging Pecklers squad out for revenge?

No biggee.

Going for it on 4th down when already in field goal range?

Of course. And of course we got it, bled the clock, and won the game leaving zero time for the fucking Pecklers to mount a comeback.

Lomas and Uncle Brother record Part 1 of the pod during halftime, when it seemed that the Roar was in total control.

Lomas and Deano record Part 2 on Friday, with full knowledge of all that transpired.

A huge Roar to the D for stifling the Pecklers in the first half and making Love run for his life. And no shame in the D wilting in the 2nd half against a legit good Pecklers team.

Another huge Roar to Jared for turning it on at the end and lead us to a come from behind victory.

And the biggest ROAR of all to DC, he of the massive balls of rust-proof titanium, for going for it on 4th down to ensure that the Pecks didn't get the ball back with time to tie the game.

That's what this team is all about--going full ROAR all the time, every time, taking chances, and being 12-1 for the first time in franchise history.

12-1, folks. 12 and fucking 1!

Next up, the Suckallo Billcocks, who are scary as hell. But so are we.

Huddle up, Roar Nation! Roar on 3.

See ya!

We are thankful for:

--A rare Thanksgiving win

--The Care Bears sucking massive turkey balls at the end of the game

--The o-line and the Sonic/Knuckles ground attack, which remains unstoppable

--DC, BH, BJ and the entire coaching staff

--Penei for refusing to be tackled by the entire Care Bear's defense

--Billy Sims and his 45+ BBQ joint locations

--The Roar being 11-1 for the first time in Roar history

--The brave staff at Wallbrook who are dealing with an inmate revolt and ongoing hostage situation

--Fantetti, for being himself

--And for Roaraholics across this great land!

In this episode:

--Lomas recounts wading into enemy territory, into the fetid bowls of the hellhole known as Lucas Oil Stadium, to support the Roar from way up in the fucking nosebleeds. Among hundreds, maybe thousands, of fellow Roaraholics!

--We spend a little time on what was, as Deano put it, a ho-hum 18-point road win. Nothing flashy. No trick plays or record-setting performances. Just the People Mover moving people and Sonic and Knuckles doing their shit and Jared playing a controlled, confident, if unspectacular game.

--We look ahead to Thanksgiving, a day on which the Lions have not won since 2016. That will change against the Care Bears, who look tougher than their record indicates but will get their asses beat nonetheless.

--We eagerly Roar to get to After the Roar, upon which ... well ... I honestly don't remember much. We entered realms unseen, where space and time dissolved and reformed in the shape of a roaring lion.

--Uncle Brother recounts an encounter with a naked man walking through a forest

--We conclude After the Roar in a state of total stupefaction, forever changed.

In this episode ...

I mean, what's there left to say? The Roar did what they were supposed to do: beat the absolute shit out of one of the worst teams in the league.

Jared returned to his MVP-level ways, pitching a pretty much perfect game.

The People Mover moved people.

Knuckles and Sonic did their thing.

Sun God shined forth.

Jamo was Jamo.

Branch laid wood.

Za'Darius got .5 of a sack!

We most likely got Doug Pederson fired.

Good times!

Other stuff:

Deano records lying down in bed, making him look a little bit like the guy in "The Whale."

We spend a good chunk of the episode running down our list of silly, pejorative names for other teams, cracking ourselves up along the way.

We three-part roar with confidence like the grizzled vets we are.

And we'll see all you unrepentant roaraholics next week, when Lomas will be in person to witness the Roar embarrass the Dolts in their own dome.

Roar!