The Rob Arthur Podcast

We wear “busy” as a badge of honor.

We value productivity.

We emphasize filling every second of every day.

Always working toward something.

Always looking forward.

Always trying to do more.

Training ever harder in the gym.

Working ever longer on the job.

Living with as little margin as possible.

We think this constant effort to do more is how we make the most of life.

Yet, life often has other plans.

Injuries.

Job losses.

Pandemics, even.

We find ourselves unable to keep up our pace.

Facing this openness, we feel discomfort.

So we turn to whatever we can to refill it.

Streaming services.

Substances.

Food.

Whatever we can find to turn our attention from the emptiness we feel.

This might serve as a temporary fix.

In the long-term, though, we lose a tremendous opportunity.

To reassess how we’ve been living.

To examine whether we’re living in accordance with our values.

To explore how we might live better.

We can only do such introspection when we have space.

Even if that space comes against our will.

Sometimes you'll be forced to slow down.

To spend time alone.

To just be.

How will you use that time?

To distract, numb, and ignore?

Or to reflect, learn, and grow into a better life?

What if doing less is the key to living more?

What can you do today to make the most of your down time?

If you don’t have any, what can you do to create some?

To give yourself that space?

To allow yourself some breathing room?

To figure out who you are?

How you want to live?

Take those steps.

You’ve got this.

It’s great when everything in life is going along just swimmingly.

When we’re healthy.

When we’re crushing it on the job.

When our relationships are strong.

Yet, it’s not often that life is without its problems.

We all, inevitably, encounter adversity.

We get sick or injured.

We run into obstacles with our careers.

We see relationships end.

Our circumstances rarely last long.

There are good times.

There are bad times.

So many of us expect good times.

We take them for granted.

We see them as what should be the norm.

Then, when bad times hit, we’re caught off guard.

We’re disappointed.

We might feel as though we’re being wronged by the universe.

Unfairly subjected to ill circumstances.

Life’s suffering, however, is not useless.

To the contrary, it has much worth.

Pain can help you appreciate pleasure.

Bad days can show you the value of good days.

Loss can help you cherish what you have.

You'll feel pain.

You'll have bad days.

You'll experience loss.

How can you grow through such experiences?

What can you learn from them?

About the world?

About yourself?

You can't always avoid suffering.

You can always look for meaning in suffering.

In what ways is your life not going how you’d like?

In what ways are you suffering?

In what ways might you learn or grow from that suffering?

This isn’t to say that any of us should turn a blind eye to our problems.

Or that we might act as if everything’s peachy when it isn’t.

It’s okay to acknowledge that life gets hard.

The point isn’t to ignore difficulty.

The point is to use that difficulty.

In any way we can.

To move toward our best life.

That life will not be free of suffering.

It’s on us to make the most of that suffering.

You’ve got this.

Finding peace is a challenge.

Calm and quiet are hardly the norm.

Texts.

Phone calls.

Notifications.

Office drop-ins.

Even our own thoughts and feelings.

Our energy and attention are constantly under attack.

Being pulled this way and that.

Many of us recognize the missing peace in our lives.

We understand that we need space.

Spiritually.

Mentally.

Emotionally.

So we seek that space out.

We hunt the peace we crave.

We read book after book.

We go on retreats.

We take courses.

Trying to find quiet.

Trying to give our hearts and minds a break.

Yet, any respite we find is short-lived.

Our efforts bringing only temporary relief.

You might feel like you’re chasing peace to no avail.

Like all of the work you’re putting in is in vain.

Perhaps you would benefit from a different strategy.

You could read more books.

Go on more retreats.

Complete more courses.

Always "more" in your search for peace.

What if the answer isn't what you need to add?

What if the answer is what you need to lose?

The people and activities that only bring noise to your life?

That is, what if it’s not more you need, but less?

What are the sources of noise in your life?

The people that drain you?

The activities that sink your heart?

Taking your attention but offering no value in return?

How can you let them go?

Give yourself that space?

That freedom?

That peace?

You are worthy of that peace.

You’ve got this.

We know we’re imperfect.

Yet, we often struggle to accept that fact.

We choose to turn a blind eye to our problems.

Rather than work on our shortcomings, we ignore them.

Instead of actually working to be better, we just act like it.

We say things we don’t mean.

We do things we regret.

We act solely for the perception it creates in others.

To appear to be somebody we’re not.

Simply because acting is easier than actually being.

At least in the short-term.

In the long-term, we end up resenting ourselves.

We know that the person we’re showing to others isn’t the person we see in the mirror.

The person to whom ultimately we have to answer.

Yet, we don’t know that person.

We’ve never put in the time to explore who we really are.

To examine our imperfection.

To identify all the ways we could improve.

To recognize the work that needs to be done.

To grow into the person we know we can be.

To choose the difficulty of change over the ease of acting.

You could put on a façade.

Pretend to be someone you're not.

Ignore your flaws and weaknesses.

That won't change who you are.

To change yourself, start by truly seeing yourself.

Understanding yourself.

Knowing yourself.

How do you change yourself without knowing yourself?

In what ways do you wish you were different?

What aspects of yourself do you want to change?

Which of those aspects have you been ignoring?

How can you face them today?

What steps can you take?

To see them?

To understand them?

To know them?

To change them?

It won’t be comfortable.

It won’t be easy.

It won’t be fun.

It will be worth it.

You are worth it.

You’ve got this.

So many of us are stuck in our own heads.

Always worrying.

Always ruminating.

Always reacting.

We’re at the mercy of our thoughts and feelings.

Letting them pull us this way and that way.

Beating ourselves up.

Putting ourselves down.

Doing the same to others.

We feel out of control.

Constantly doing things we regret.

Upset at ourselves for how we think and feel.

Disappointed that we can’t seem to control what goes on inside our heads.

We feel like a failure.

How can we think such things?

How can we feel such things?

What’s wrong with us?

It’s okay if you feel like this.

That you recognize a problem is a sign that you want more for yourself.

That you know you have potential to be better.

To be somebody different.

More caring.

More loving.

More controlled.

More compassionate.

You can be that person.

In some ways, you already are.

You might just need to put in a little bit of work to let that person shine through.

You are not your thoughts or feelings.

They may shape your life experience.

They do not define you.

You can change them.

But first, you must learn to simply observe them.

Observe them without judgement.

Assess how each is or is not serving you.

Then make the change.

As your thoughts and feelings change, so will everything else.

Your words.

Your actions.

Your entire life.

Start with a mindfulness practice.

Meditate.

Journal.

Reflect.

Identify the thoughts and feelings that don’t serve you.

Respond, rather than react, to them.

Correct them.

Replace them.

This won’t be easy.

This won’t be fast.

This won’t be fun.

It will be worth it.

Keep putting in the work.

You’ve got this.

One of your most powerful tools for living a life of health and happiness is practicing self-compassion.

Self-compassion has three main components (1):

Self-compassion is associated with less perceived stress, healthier physical stress response and emotion regulation, and engaging in behaviors like exercise and healthy eating, sleep hygiene, smoking cessation, self-care, and medical adherence (2).

Additionally, self-compassion has been shown to positively affect psychosocial outcomes like rumination, depression, mindfulness, self-criticism, and anxiety (3).

The reasons self-compassionate individuals report better physical and mental health and greater engagement in health-promoting behavior are thought to be (4):

The first step in cultivating self-compassion is to establish a mindfulness practice like meditation.

This will help you identify things you say, think, or feel about yourself that lack self-compassion.

Next, when you notice such patterns, remind yourself that you are imperfect.

Internalize that you are a work in progress, and that all you can do is try to be a bit better.

Remember that it’s okay to just do the best you can, because that’s all you’ll ever be able to do.

Work to accept that your best will fall far short of perfect, no matter what you do.

Finally, understand that this will take time.

You won’t change overnight.

You will struggle.

That’s okay.

Keep showing up.

Keep putting in the work.

Keep doing whatever you can.

That’s all you can do.

You’ve got this.

1) Neff KD. The Role of Self-Compassion in Development: A Healthier Way to Relate to Oneself. Hum Dev. 2009;52(4):211-214. doi:10.1159/000215071

2) Sirois, F.M. The association between self-compassion and self-rated health in 26 samples. BMC Public Health 20, 74 (2020). https://doi.org/10.1186/s12889-020-8183-1

3) Ferrari, M., Hunt, C., Harrysunker, A. et al.Self-Compassion Interventions and Psychosocial Outcomes: a Meta-Analysis of RCTs. Mindfulness 10, 1455–1473 (2019). https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-019-01134-6

4) Phillips WJ, Hine DW. Self-compassion, physical health, and health behaviour: a meta-analysis. Health Psychol Rev. 2019 Dec 22:1-27. doi: 10.1080/17437199.2019.1705872. Epub ahead of print. PMID: 31842689.

Sometimes we feel stagnant.

Going through the motions.

Stuck.

Day after day.

Year after year.

We see time passing us by.

Yet, we don’t feel as though our life is keeping up.

Not making any progress toward health or happiness.

We feel like we should be doing better.

Like our life should be different.

We’re not living up to our potential.

That may very well be the case.

If so, there’s only one thing you can do.

Make a change.

That change starts with you.

Your habits.

What you’re doing with your time, energy, money, love.

Any and all of your resources.

How are you allocating them?

Are you directing them toward efforts that move you toward your best life?

Have you ever given yourself a thorough audit?

Taken a long, hard look at how you’re living?

You can start with a single moment.

With a single effort.

Any aspect of your life.

Put it under the microscope.

Ask yourself one question.

"Does this support the life I'm trying to create?"

Answer it completely and honestly.

Without judgement.

Then do the work.

If change is necessary, change.

If persistence is necessary, keep going.

Don't lose sight of the end goal.

Your best life.

If you don’t know what that looks like, start there.

Figure out what you want.

For you, nobody else.

You owe nothing to anybody but yourself.

Identify what you want.

What life you want to live.

Then consistently assess whether you’re moving toward it.

Whether your efforts are helping or hindering your process.

What you need to do to stay the course.

Creating the life you envision.

You are worthy of that life.

Do the work.

Put in the consistent, imperfect effort.

Keep showing up.

For you.

You’ve got this.

Our world is not a simple one.

New information is being created and stored at an exponential rate.

Top scientists are still exploring fundamental questions about the universe.

Nations are always changing, affecting political dynamics within and without.

Billions of us on this rock are going about our lives.

Every single decision made, affecting all the others, if even in the most miniscule ways.

Sure, modern technology allows unprecedented ease of accessing this information.

Yet, the notion of knowing everything is laughable.

There’s still value, however, in seeking knowledge.

In learning what we can.

In pursuing an understanding of the world in which we live.

That knowledge.

That understanding.

It’s what allows us to navigate the world successfully.

To make the most of our short time on this rock.

Our lives are affected by countless factors outside of ourselves.

The laws and forces of nature.

Other people's thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Perhaps, even, the metaphysical.

We must seek, then, to understand what we can.

How do you thrive in a world you don't understand?

You’ll never understand everything.

You’ll never even come close.

But you can always seek to understand more.

To have even a slightly stronger grasp of the world in which you live.

Giving yourself just a bit better of a chance of living your most excellent life.

You’ll still make mistakes.

Things will still go wrong.

You won’t always understand why.

That’s okay.

Do what you can.

That’s all you can do.

You’ve got this.

The truth isn’t always so obvious.

We’ve got different news channels.

Different religions.

Scientific theories.

All sorts of options for our beliefs.

Of course, the ones to which you subscribe are the correct ones.

All others are wrong.

Those who believe them are stupid.

They just don’t get it.

If only they could see things the way you do.

It’s so easy to feel this way.

We assume that we’ve got it all figured out.

Yet, how much of what we think and believe did we actually “figure out”?

Based on our own assessment of all the available information?

Likely, not that much.

We probably simply accepted most of it as we were told.

By members of our team.

Family members.

Politicians.

News anchors.

Spiritual figures.

Whoever we see as leaders of our respective tribes.

Because, if they’re wrong about one thing, they might be wrong about others.

And if that’s the case, what else might they - and we - be wrong about?

Is our whole world, then, a lie?

This is why we often outsource thought.

It absolves us of responsibility.

The challenge of deciding for ourselves.

Possibly being wrong.

Our identity called into question.

When we do this, though, we give up one of our only true freedoms.

The freedom to think for ourselves.

Putting ourselves at the whim of whoever we blindly follow.

Do you ask, "is this true?"

Do you explore, "how do I know this is true?"

Do you consider, "is it possible there's more to this?"

Or do you take things at face value?

Unquestioningly accepting what you're told?

Do you think for yourself or let others think for you?

What ideas or truths have you always accepted?

What voices most influence your perspectives?

In what ways might they be missing the mark?

What voices most often disagree with your own?

In what ways might they offer value?

Must you choose one or the other?

Might there be another option?

A point of view unique to you and you alone?

To make up your own mind is one of your most powerful tools.

Use it.

Practice it.

Cherish it.

You’ve got this.

Life isn’t all roses and rainbows.

Relationships can sour.

Careers can end.

Health can deteriorate.

We will all face such challenges during our short time on this rock.

Some of us, more so than others.

Yet, all of us will face some adversity.

That’s totally out of our control.

From the richest to the poorest.

From the strongest to the weakest.

From one end of any measure of fortune to the other.

Every single one of us will face hardship.

That is inevitable.

Sure, we can take steps to ameliorate the hardship we face.

But we will face it.

We have no choice in the matter.

Our lives are largely out of our control.

From where and how we start.

To where and how we finish.

We might make decisions here and there.

But most of what happens is not by choice.

We’re just doing what we can in the face of what the universe hands us.

While much of life is not chosen, there is at least one thing you can choose.

You can't always choose what happens with your relationships.

You can't always choose what happens with your career.

You can't always choose what happens with your health.

You can't always choose what happens with your life.

You can always choose your attitude.

Choose to make the most of your circumstances.

Choose to not let life’s problems bring you down.

Choose to work diligently to change what you can, and to accept what you can’t.

Choose your attitude.

You can always do at least that.

You’ve got this.