The Rob Arthur Podcast

We often put off getting started because we want to avoid discomfort.

We might fail.

We might feel FOMO about what else we might be doing.

We aren’t sure how to move forward.

We know it will be hard work.

So, we keep delaying.

And delaying.

And delaying some more.

After a while, we realize that we never started at all.

We might see that we’ve done this repeatedly.

With multiple goals and dreams.

We’ve spent so much time and effort avoiding discomfort.

All we’ve left is regret.

Thinking about what might have been.

What we might have achieved.

Who we might be.

All because we never took that first step.

We were too worried about not feeling discomfort.

What discomfort are you putting off facing?

The discomfort of failure?

Delayed gratification?

Uncertainty?

Hard work?

Sure, these are all uncomfortable.

There's something worse, though.

The discomfort of regret.

Never trying at all.

Wondering, "what if?".

You are worthy of so much more than regret.

That might take some discomfort.

Some courage.

Some grit.

You’re up to the task, though.

You’ve got this.

Many of us pour our all into our relationships.

We make sure we’re loyal friends.

We show our families love and support.

We work diligently to cooperate with our coworkers.

Yet, so often, we overlook our most important relationship.

That with ourselves.

We think about ourselves in ways we’d never think about others.

We say things to ourselves we’d never say to others.

We feel about ourselves feelings we’d never have for others.

We put ourselves down.

We beat ourselves up.

We hold ourselves to impossible standards.

We treat ourselves in ways we’d never treat another person.

We totally overlook the effects such patterns might be having.

Doing the damage that we would never knowingly do to another person.

To ourselves.

You're always thinking your thoughts.

Feeling your feelings.

Living your life.

Every second of every day.

There's no one with whom you spend more time.

Is that time well spent?

Are you honest with yourself?

Do you speak to yourself with kindness?

How encouraging are you of your own goals and dreams?

Your most important relationship is with yourself.

Like any other, it requires effort.

Working every day to make it one worth being in.

Are you putting in that work?

This isn’t always easy.

It isn’t always fun.

It doesn’t always come naturally.

It is always worth it.

You are worth it.

You are worthy.

You’ve got this.

It’s so disappointing when things don’t work out.

When you fail to reach a goal.

When you miss an opportunity.

When you do or say something that compromises a relationship.

You might feel like there’s no going back.

Like the situation can’t be salvaged.

Like the damage is irreconcilable.

Like it’s over.

Rarely, though, is this the case.

Life often offers second chances.

Different opportunities.

New doors opened.

Yet, we can only see these when we persist.

When we choose not to give up.

When we keep chugging ahead.

But not if we give up.

Not when we throw in the towel.

That’s when we’re out of options.

When we quit.

That’s the only time it’s truly over.

You might have screwed up this situation.

You might have missed this opportunity.

You might have failed this attempt.

There will be others.

Perhaps not exactly the same, but there will be others.

Unless you quit.

It's only over if you quit.

Sometimes, that may be what you need to do.

Other times, it won’t.

That’s a decision only you can make.

You decide when the juice is no longer worth the squeeze.

And that’s okay.

But it’s your choice.

You can always keep showing up.

You can always keep doing the work.

You can always keep going.

You’ve got this.

It’s so easy to be hard on ourselves.

Our failures.

Our flaws.

All the ways in which we fall short.

We see behavior patterns we’d like to stop repeating.

We have thoughts that make us disappointed in ourselves.

Feelings that we know don’t serve us or anybody else.

Say things that we wish so badly we could take back.

We often ruminate over these observations.

Letting them replay over and over in our minds.

Thinking about how we’re so imperfect.

Flawed.

Broken.

We know that we’re supposed to love ourselves.

But how can we?

When there’s so much wrong with us?

Nobody is perfect.

We all have our problems.

We all fall short in so many ways.

That’s part of being human.

It’s okay to recognize things about yourself that you don’t like.

You don't have to like everything about yourself to love yourself.

It's what you do with what you see that matters.

Do you beat yourself up?

Or do you accept that you're not perfect?

But that you can work every day to be a bit better?

One step closer to who you want to be?

What is it about yourself that you’d like to change?

What can you do today to get started making that change happen?

What’s keeping you from taking that step?

You are worthy of the best life.

That starts with you.

Doing what you can to be who you know you can be.

While still loving who you are.

You’ve got this.

How much time and effort do you put into chasing happiness?

Looking for that thing that will make you feel like you’re “there”.

Like you’ve “made it”.

Once you have the relationship.

Once you have the income.

Once you have the job.

The body.

The car.

The whatever.

Sure, if or when we get whatever it is we’re chasing, we’re pleased.

At least for a little while.

But the excitement soon fades.

We realize that we still don’t feel whole.

We still don’t feel complete.

We still have that hole inside of us that we’re looking to fill.

So often, we look for happiness outside of ourselves.

And it never works.

We always want more.

So, the cycle repeats itself.

You can keep chasing this.

You can keep pursuing that.

You can keep looking for whatever it is you think will make you happy.

It won't.

You'll move on to looking for the next thing.

Nothing outside of you can make you happy.

Happiness comes when you stop looking for it.

When you learn to appreciate what you have.

To understand that there will always be “more”.

To accept that you are enough.

As you are.

With what you have.

You are worthy of a most excellent life.

That doesn’t come from achievement.

It doesn’t come from accumulation.

It doesn’t come from anything but yourself.

You are worthy.

You’ve got this.

We can get so caught up in what we do for ourselves in our pursuit of health and happiness.

Yet, it’s often what we do for others that can have some of the greatest impact on our efforts to live our best lives.

Various forms of altruistic behavior, or a disinterested and selfless concern for the well-being of others, promote greater life satisfaction, positive affect, and other benefits associated with well being (1).

Volunteering, for example, might help prevent cognitive aging (2), and is a predictor of better mental and physical health, life satisfaction, self-esteem, and happiness, as well as lower depressive symptoms, psychological distress, and mortality and functional inability (3).

Neuroimaging studies suggest we may even be neurologically wired to derive happiness from giving to others (4).

You don’t have to run off and join a convent or monastery or give away your life’s savings to live a life of altruism, service, and generosity.

You can start by looking for opportunities that meet your life’s circumstances.

What local volunteer groups help those who might benefit most from your time, effort, and unique skills?

What small opportunities do you see each day to extend kindness with nothing expected in return?

What’s laying around your home that you might give to others who might benefit from its use?

To what causes might you allocate some of your disposable income?

You might find resources like Meetup, GiveWell, or even Facebook Events helpful in finding the right opportunities for you.

There’s no need for grand gestures or trying to change the world on your own.

Even what you consider to be the smallest gesture might mean so much more to those you help.

Every dollar you give.

Every second you spend.

Every time you extend a helping hand.

It all counts.

It’s all enough.

You’re enough.

You’ve got this.

1) Kahana E, Bhatta T, Lovegreen LD, Kahana B, Midlarsky E. Altruism, helping, and volunteering: pathways to well-being in late life. J Aging Health. 2013;25(1):159-187. doi:10.1177/0898264312469665

2) Guiney H, Machado L. Volunteering in the Community: Potential Benefits for Cognitive Aging. J Gerontol B Psychol Sci Soc Sci. 2018 Mar 2;73(3):399-408. doi: 10.1093/geronb/gbx134. PMID: 29161431.

3) Yeung JWK, Zhang Z, Kim TY. Volunteering and health benefits in general adults: cumulative effects and forms [published correction appears in BMC Public Health. 2017 Sep 22;17 (1):736]. BMC Public Health. 2017;18(1):8. Published 2017 Jul 11. doi:10.1186/s12889-017-4561-8

4) Park SQ, Kahnt T, Dogan A, Strang S, Fehr E, Tobler PN. A neural link between generosity and happiness. Nat Commun. 2017;8:15964. Published 2017 Jul 11. doi:10.1038/ncomms15964

We’re often disappointed when our efforts don’t yield results.

We lift the weights.

We eat the food.

We save the money.

We put in the work.

But we don’t reach our goal.

We don’t hit the PR.

We don’t reach our target weight.

We don’t amass the fortune.

We don’t get the job.

It can be a real let down.

Putting in that time and effort.

The sacrifice.

Then falling short.

It happens all the time.

Sometimes, it’s our fault.

We didn’t do things the right way.

We didn’t dedicate ourselves fully.

We didn’t put in the time and effort required.

Other times, it’s not our fault.

We just didn’t have the genes.

We started too late.

Perhaps the right opportunities just never presented themselves.

When it’s our fault, we can change our approach.

We can try again.

When it’s not our fault, we’re S.O.L.

There’s nothing further to do.

Yet, we still feel that emptiness.

We feel like a failure.

We don’t need to feel this way.

We can always find meaning in our efforts.

Even when we don’t achieve what we set out to achieve.

What you achieve isn't fully up to you.

It's subject to factors outside of your control.

What you always control are your actions.

The steps you take.

What you do, day in and day out.

Seeking your best life.

Regardless of the outcome.

Focus on doing, not achieving.

Your satisfaction won’t be dependent on the outcome.

You’re doing the work for the work itself.

Finding meaning in the process.

The satisfaction of knowing that you’re giving your all.

Fulfilled by giving your efforts to a worthy cause.

Knowing that you did what you could.

Even the pride of mastery of a skill.

That’s an excellent life.

You’re worthy of that life.

You’ve got this.

How often do we put off getting started?

We keep planning.

We keep researching.

We keep making excuses.

Waiting until things are just right.

Waiting until we’re confident.

Waiting until the path is clear.

What if things are never just right?

What if we’re never confident?

What if the path is never clear?

Do we just keep putting it off?

Do we keep planning, researching, and making excuses?

Do we never start at all?

Most often, the answer is “yes”.

When we continue to wait for the perfect conditions, we realize only too late that those perfect conditions never come.

There’s an alternative.

Get started.

Right now.

With what you have.

With what you know.

Then do your best.

You might be wrong.

You might find that your plan isn’t sound.

You might not make progress.

At least you’ll know.

Then you can try something else.

That might not work, either.

If or when that occurs, again, you can try something else.

You’ll never know unless you get started.

You might not know what to do.

You might not know how to do it.

You might not know if you'll be successful.

Do what you can to get started anyway.

If things don't work out, that's okay.

You can always change course.

What you choose now isn’t forever.

It’s okay to try and try again.

To figure things out.

To experiment.

To be wrong.

To fail.

Forgive yourself.

Pick yourself up.

Try again.

You’ve got this.

None of us are perfect.

Many of us know this.

Perhaps too well.

We focus on our imperfection.

All the things about ourselves that we don’t like.

That we wish were different.

That cause us embarrassment or shame.

Always working to be better.

To do better.

Incessantly examining.

Working.

Criticizing.

Aware of our flaws.

Continuously seeking ways to work on them.

Of course, such practices have their value.

However, it’s easy to become myopic in this effort.

It's totally cool to work on your flaws.

To manage their impact on your life and the lives of others.

You're not all flaws, though.

Don't forget your strengths.

Put just as much, if not more, effort toward developing and sharing your strengths as you do working on your flaws.

If you focus only on your flaws, you’re stuck in reactivity.

Dedicating your time and energy toward not screwing things up.

The more you focus on your strengths, the more you shift toward proactivity.

Dedicating your time and energy toward making things better.

Your strengths are your unique gifts.

The lights that only you can shine.

Share those gifts.

Shine those lights.

You’ve got this.

Our communities are important.

Our friends.

Our families.

Our coworkers.

Even our acquaintances.

This applies, too, to those we follow on social media.

On television.

In podcasts.

Everybody to whom we give our precious time and attention.

Their ideas, beliefs, and behaviors rub off on us.

They help form our worldview.

Mold us into who we are.

Steer our efforts to be who we’re becoming.

Consciously and subconsciously.

They can help us move toward our goals.

They can hold us back from making those same goals happen.

They can even influence what goals we find worthy of pursuit.

The people with whom we spend our time help shape who we are and who we become.

Do you surround yourself with people who encourage you to be your best?

Who love you for who you are?

Who support your pursuit of who you want to be?

Who want you to live your best life?

Seek out relationships and influences that build you up.

Make you stronger.

Smarter.

More loving.

Let go of those that bring you down.

Make you feel weak.

Fearful.

Angry.

Constantly reassess who you let into your mind.

Your life.

You are worthy of the best life.

There’s not much more important in that pursuit than the people in it.

Who’s in yours?

You’ve got this.