The Rob Arthur Podcast

Comparison has its benefits.

We see how others inspire us.

We see what’s possible.

We see lives we might want to emulate.

Indeed, looking to others as models for how we might live has its merits.

However, comparison also has its detriments.

We might see ourselves as falling short.

We might feel as though we’re “less than”.

We beat ourselves up for not having, being, or achieving what we see in others.

This kind of comparison serves us in no way, shape, or form.

What if we spent less time looking at others?

What if we spent more time looking at ourselves?

Reflecting on the things we do that make us feel good about ourselves?

Doubling down on those traits and behaviors?

Examining the things we do that we wish we didn’t?

Working diligently to let those traits and behaviors go?

Looking less to others and more to ourselves?

What weights others are lifting.

What people others are dating.

What incomes others are making.

What careers others are pursuing.

How does worrying about any of this improve your life?

Every second spent thinking about others' lives is time not spent creating your own.

What aspects of others’ lives do you find yourself paying attention to?

What about your own life do you think is driving this?

What can you do to refocus on yourself?

To stop comparing yourself to others?

To only measure yourself against who you were yesterday?

That’s the only measure that matters.

Taking steps forward.

However big or small they may be.

One at a time.

Every single day.

Creating your life.

For you.

Nobody else.

You’ve got this.

Sometimes we’re making killer progress.

Everything’s running smoothly.

Everyday we’re taking steps forward.

Getting stronger.

Improving our health.

Paying down debt.

Learning new skills and concepts.

Really crushing it.

The feeling of forward momentum is so satisfying.

Other times, progress is a grind.

It seems like we’re moving so slowly.

We really have to hunker down.

Do the work.

Day in and day out.

Barely moving along.

This is still satisfying, if not even more so than when things come more easily.

Yet, there are those times when nothing’s happening at all.

We feel like we’re putting in so much time and energy.

But we’re going nowhere.

We’re not seeing the results we’d like.

Our labor is fruitless.

It’s really tempting to throw in the towel.

In situations like this, we want to quit.

Not because the goal no longer matters to us.

But because we’re frustrated.

Because we’re worn down.

Burnt out.

Quitting is not our only option when this happens.

You might not be making progress.

You might not know your next steps.

You might feel stuck.

You're not stuck.

You've just stopped.

It's a matter of time, effort, and awareness.

Keep showing up.

Adjust your strategy as necessary.

You'll get moving forward again.

This kind of persistence isn’t easy.

It isn’t fun.

It takes time.

It takes hard work.

It takes humility.

But if the goal is worth it, so is the effort.

You are worthy of the best life.

The kind of life that doesn’t come without a fight.

You are worthy of that kind of life.

You’ve got this.

We want to improve our lives and we want to improve them fast.

So we chase after quick fixes.

Crash courses.

Fat loss supplements.

Get rich quick schemes.

Eight week transformations.

The results we get from such efforts, if any, are lost as quickly as they are obtained.

We find that such approaches aren’t sustainable in the long run.

We might find that they aren’t effective at all.

We try the long route.

Studying every day.

Eating well.

Living within our means.

Training consistently with a schedule that works for us.

Yet, we become impatient.

The progress is slow.

We want to quit so bad.

Because we want results now.

But success doesn’t happen immediately.

We have to stay the course.

Committed.

You didn't become who you are overnight.

You won't become who you want to be overnight.

Change takes time.

It takes patience.

Steady, consistent effort.

Forgiving yourself for taking longer than expected.

You will make mistakes.

You will, at times, regress to old patterns.

You will face challenges as you move forward.

That’s okay.

Keep showing up.

Keep putting in the work.

Keep moving forward.

It might not happen on your timeline.

It might not happen how you expect it to.

It will happen.

You will change.

You will grow.

You will move toward who you want to be.

You’ve got this.

There’s a word we use regularly that often serves only as a tool for beating ourselves up.

“Should”.

We tell ourselves we “should” do one thing, even though we feel called to do another thing.

We ruminate over the things we “should” have done.

We regret the things we “shouldn’t” have done.

With these thoughts on feelings come self-criticism.

Typically, to excess.

We let these thought patterns play out over and over again.

For years, sometimes decades.

Never letting go of the past.

Never embracing our future.

Often allowing these “shoulds” to be driven by others’ expectations.

What we think others want us to do.

What we think society wants us to do.

Either never living for ourselves, or second-guessing ourselves when we do.

Yet, by living according to these “shoulds”, we never feel like we’re actually living.

We never feel like we’re actually ourselves.

We feel as though we’re constantly striving to live up to others’ expectations.

Everyone’s but our own.

And falling short.

What if we let go of all these “shoulds”?

What if we simply lived, learned, and grew?

According to our own ideas of our best lives?

You deserve better than a life full of “shoulds”.

You are worthy of accepting who you are.

Trading all those counterfactuals for reality.

For what is.

What has been.

What you want to be.

Accepting who you are.

"I should have....”

You didn't.

"I shouldn't have..."

You did.

"I want to do this but I should do that..."

Says who?

Stop should-ing yourself.

Live your life.

Learn from your failures and successes.

Rinse and repeat.

You will never be perfect.

There will always be things you could do differently.

That’s life.

It’s okay to make mistakes.

To try and fail.

To grow.

You are worthy of a most excellent life.

A life that you’ve chosen.

You’ve got this.

Getting started is tough.

Keeping going is even more of a challenge.

When we’re feeling motivated and inspired, we can take the first step.

We can build up the confidence and will to go after what we want.

We can get the gym membership.

We can buy the groceries.

We can enroll in the class.

But when the motivation and inspiration fade, so, too, do our efforts.

We fall back into our old routine.

Slip back into old habits.

Without repeatedly doing the work, we won’t continue to move toward our goals.

We’ve got to keep going.

Even when we don’t feel like it.

Even when we’re feeling uninspired.

Even when we’d rather just “not”.

The work must be done.

That first step is great.

It might make you feel accomplished.

You might get some satisfaction from taking it.

It won’t take you all the way there.

You won't be competent after one class.

You won't be perfectly healthy after one meal.

You won't be strong and capable after one workout.

One is never enough.

Progress takes steady, consistent effort.

Often, even after you've reached your goal.

Keep showing up.

It might not be fun.

It might not be easy.

It might not be exciting.

It will be worth it.

You are worth it.

You are worthy.

You’ve got this.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “winners never quit”?

The idea is that if you’re going to succeed, you never give up.

That quitting is for losers.

That we must never quit.

Whatever the cost.

What if this saying is overly simplistic?

What if the stigma against quitting is doing more harm than good?

Is it possible that we might be so committed to one effort that we’re blind to other efforts that might be more fruitful?

That we might be committed to so many endeavors that we’re spread too thin?

So tied to an idea or behavior that we’re holding ourselves back?

What if success comes from knowing when to throw in the towel?

From knowing when to say “that’s enough”?

Knowing when to pivot?

Identifying the patterns and behaviors that aren’t moving us forward?

What if quitting is a critical step to winning?

Winners quit all the time.

They quit habits that don't serve them.

They quit beating themselves up over their mistakes.

They quit letting what others do or think dictate how they live their lives.

What if quitting is exactly why they're winners?

What do you need to quit?

You are worthy of a most excellent life.

That might mean quitting.

Freeing yourself.

Letting go.

It might not be easy.

It might take multiple tries.

It might require much time and effort.

It will be worth it.

You are worth it.

You are worthy.

You’ve got this.

“You’re so fat.”

“You’re so ugly.”

“You’re a failure.”

“You always do this.”

“You don’t deserve to be happy.”

So many of us would never speak this way to others.

We know that such words cut deep.

That they have a lasting impact.

Yet, we speak this way to ourselves.

Perhaps not aloud.

But in our own heads.

We beat ourselves up.

We put ourselves down.

Speak to ourselves in ways we’d never speak to others.

Why should we expect these words to affect us any differently than they’d affect others?

Expect them not to cut just as deep?

Not to have just as lasting of an impact?

Every thought you have.

Everything you say to yourself.

Every second of every day.

You live your entire life inside your head.

Is it a nice place to be?

If not, what can you do about it?

Can you set aside a few minutes each day?

To sit alone with your thoughts?

To notice and name them?

To identify those that aren’t serving you?

To work to let them go?

To replace them with thoughts that lift you up?

Thoughts that acknowledge your worth?

You are worth that time.

You are worth that effort.

You are worthy.

You’ve got this.

It can seem at times as though kindness is losing popularity.

We see selfishness in the news.

Hear about those who harm others.

Story after story of violence and exploitation.

It’s not often that we hear about people helping others.

People choosing to take the high road.

The cynic in each of us wants to question it when we see it.

We’re discouraged from showing it.

Fearing that it won’t be shown in return.

Fearing that we’ll be seen as soft.

Seen as naïve.

Weak, even.

Yet, there’s nothing stronger than kindness.

There’s nothing stronger than standing for what is right.

Than being firm in your innate goodness.

Acknowledging that we’re all struggling.

Doing what you can to ease that struggle just a little bit.

Even if it goes unnoticed.

That takes strength.

Be strong.

Be strong enough to give your time and energy with nothing expected in return.

Be strong enough to spread love when all you see is pain and fear.

Be strong enough to show respect when none is shown to you.

Be strong enough to be kind.

Kindness is the ultimate strength.

It shows that you are confident.

That you are secure.

You know and love who you are.

Not needing to put others down to make yourself feel good.

Or to defend yourself with any façade.

It doesn’t require anything from anybody but yourself.

You are the source of your kindness.

A source that never depletes.

It never runs empty.

Never dries up.

It’s the light that never stops shining.

A light that is so desperately needed.

You can be that light.

You’ve got this.

We’re often given the impression that we have to be positive.

That we should always look on the bright side.

That we should feel good.

That we should think good thoughts.

There’s certainly value in keeping perspective.

Counting our blessings.

Keep in mind that things could be worse.

There’s benefit also, however, in acknowledging that sometimes things aren’t going how we’d like them to go.

Just as our reasons to be pleased are valid, so, too, are our reasons to be displeased.

So, too, are our reasons to want things to be different.

Our reasons for wanting change.

Often, it’s totally reasonable not to be positive.

To acknowledge that we want more.

That we want better.

What matters is what we do with any of these thoughts and feelings.

Do we ruminate over them?

Do we let them dictate our lives?

Do we let them hang over us?

Or do we act on them?

Do we use our discontent to drive change?

Do we do what we can to create the different life or world we want?

Isn’t that the purpose of thoughts and feelings often labeled as “negative”?

Aren’t they intended to signal to us that things are out of alignment?

Do they not serve this very worthy purpose?

You don't have to be positive.

It's okay to be sad.

To be upset.

Frustrated.

Thinking about how things aren't how they could or should be.

You have these thoughts and emotions for a reason.

What can you do with their messages?

What are they telling you to do?

What can you do about them?

What steps can you take to address what’s causing you to feel how you feel?

If there’s something you can do, do it.

If there’s nothing you can do, acknowledge your feelings.

Then move on.

Don’t beat yourself up for unpleasant thoughts or feelings.

They’re signals.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

Do what you can.

That’s all you can do.

You’ve got this.

Sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves.

Like we have to do things perfectly.

Make grand efforts.

Go all in.

Either that, or do nothing at all.

When we’re not feeling up to a full workout.

When we aren’t able to prepare the exact meal we’d like.

When we just don’t have the drive we usually do.

We’re tempted to say “screw it” and just not try at all.

This mentality isn’t only a threat to those efforts we’re already making.

It can keep us from getting started at all.

When we’re not sure of our plan.

When we’re not sure if we’re going to succeed.

When we don’t quite know what to do.

We’re not confident that we’ll be able to do things right.

So, we do nothing.

“Nothing” is not the only option.

We can always choose to do “something”.

Even if that “something” is imperfect.

Even if it’s less than normal.

Even if it isn’t successful.

That something - anything - will take us infinitely further than “nothing”.

Don’t choose “nothing”.

Do what you can to move forward.

Do anything.

Whether you're just getting started and feeling that resistance.

Or you're in the grind and you're losing your drive.

Take one step.

Put in one minute of work.

Whatever you have to do to build or keep forward momentum.

Anything is better than nothing.

Where are you losing steam?

Where have you been putting off?

What one small thing can you do today to move forward?

You are worthy of the best life.

One small step at a time.

You’ve got this.