The Rob Arthur Podcast

What we eat.

How we train.

When we go to bed.

Much of what we do to stay healthy and happy involves only ourselves.

We often overlook how other people - our real and perceived social connections - affect our pursuit of a most excellent life.

The people with whom we spend our time influence our habits and behaviors, and poor social ties have been linked to cardiovascular disease, atherosclerosis, autonomic dysregulation, high blood pressure, cancer, inflammatory biomarkers, and impaired immune function (1).

A 2010 review found that those with stronger social relationships had a 50% increased likelihood of survival over a given period of time than those with weaker social relationships, an influence comparable to smoking and alcohol consumption and exceeding factors such as physical inactivity and obesity (2).

Even subjective loneliness has been found to be a risk factor for cardiovascular, metabolic, inflammatory, immune, and stress-related issues, in addition to fragmented sleep and diminished impulse control (3).

You might be curious whether digital and/or online relationships can serve the same purpose as relationships in real life.

Research on the effects of social media use on physical and mental health is inconclusive, revealing a variety of beneficial and detrimental effects (4).

You’ll want to figure out for yourself what role social media plays in your pursuit of health and happiness.

Here are some ideas, though, to help you cultivate meaningful connections in real life.

Maintain regular contact with family members.

Reach out to old friends, even if only by phone or text.

Seek out new relationships through interest groups, volunteer opportunities, or spiritual gatherings.

You might even simply get out of the house to spend time in public around other people.

Finally, consider how those around you influence your thoughts, emotions, and actions.

You are worthy of being around those who elevate you to a better life.

What ideas do you have for fostering social connection?

How can you start putting those ideas into practice?

What steps can you take today to get started?

Do what you can.

That’s all you can do.

You’ve got this.

1) Umberson D, Montez JK. Social relationships and health: a flashpoint for health policy. J Health Soc Behav. 2010;51 Suppl(Suppl):S54-S66. doi:10.1177/0022146510383501

2) Holt-Lunstad J, Smith TB, Layton JB. Social relationships and mortality risk: a meta-analytic review. PLoS Med. 2010;7(7):e1000316. Published 2010 Jul 27. doi:10.1371/journal.pmed.1000316

3) Cacioppo JT, Cacioppo S. Social Relationships and Health: The Toxic Effects of Perceived Social Isolation. Soc Personal Psychol Compass. 2014;8(2):58-72. doi:10.1111/spc3.12087

4) Giustini D, Ali SM, Fraser M, Kamel Boulos MN. Effective uses of social media in public health and medicine: a systematic review of systematic reviews. Online J Public Health Inform. 2018;10(2):e215. Published 2018 Sep 21. doi:10.5210/ojphi.v10i2.8270

We all have our unique gifts.

Talents.

Passions.

Skills.

We might excel at our careers.

Our hobbies.

Even, perhaps, our relationships.

Many of us recognize this.

We see our potential.

We see how we serve others.

Our way of leaving an impact.

Yet, we keep our gifts to ourselves.

We feel as though we’re not ready to put it out there.

As though it’s not ready for the world.

We refine.

We practice.

We learn.

Telling ourselves we’ll share it when it’s ready.

Days, weeks, months, and years pass by.

So many lives untouched.

So many opportunities for impact missed.

So many who would benefit from our gift, left without it.

Because we aren’t confident in ourselves.

Lying to ourselves.

Pretending that the work we’re doing is moving us forward.

When, in reality, we’re using it as a shield.

An excuse.

To feel safe.

You could keep working.

Trying to get it perfect.

Waiting until it's just right.

But you'd be doing us a disservice.

Putting off sharing your light with the world.

Afraid of what others might think.

Stop hiding behind the work.

Put yourself out there.

Your truth is all you have.

It’s your gift.

Share it.

You are worthy.

You’ve got this.

Some of us love details.

We look into every little aspect of life.

Every single food we eat.

Every single exercise we perform.

Every single effort we pursue.

There’s much benefit in looking at the details.

We can dial things in.

Optimize our results.

Figure out what, specifically, is or isn’t working for us.

Some of us, however, can get caught up in the details.

More specifically, we can get caught up in just one detail.

We look for the one thing that’s hurting or helping us.

Superfoods.

Exercise shortcuts.

Life hacks.

We’re searching for the one thing that will make success come easy.

On the other hand, we might be looking for the one thing holding us back.

Yet, our lives aren’t often so simple.

Our diets comprise countless meals with a variety of different foods.

Our training only accounts for a small portion of our physical activity (or lack thereof).

Our lives involve myriad efforts toward innumerable goals.

It’s rarely reasonable to try to distill success or failure in any area of life down to a single factor.

A single food rarely makes or breaks your diet.

A single exercise rarely makes or breaks your training.

A single effort rarely makes or breaks your life.

It's rarely just one thing.

Everything adds up.

Pay attention to all of it.

Give all your attention to none of it.

Sure, we all have limiting factors.

Certain steps we can take that offer more leverage than others.

Things we might want to prioritize.

However, they’re rarely the only things we can do.

There’s nearly always more.

There are nearly always other steps we can take.

You are worthy of a most excellent life.

You might need to expand your focus to make it happen.

You’ve got this.

Some of us live in the future.

Worrying.

Planning.

Always looking forward.

Some of us live in the past.

Ruminating.

Reminiscing.

Always looking backward.

How many of us let such tendencies keep us from fully appreciating the present?

Always letting what’s ahead or behind us get in the way of what’s here and now?

Of course, there’s value in looking to the future.

Considering the future implications of our actions.

Similarly, there’s value in looking to the past.

Considering how our prior actions have played a role in our circumstances.

However, the value in such considerations is in what we do with them today.

Building upon the past.

Laying the foundation for the future.

But only in the context of making the most of the present.

Making the most of today.

The past is gone.

The future may never come.

You're living today.

Not tomorrow.

Not yesterday.

Today.

How are you living it?

What are you doing, thinking, and feeling?

What would you rather be doing, thinking, and feeling?

What steps can you take to bridge that gap?

Those steps can only be taken right here.

Right now.

One after the other.

Plan.

Reflect.

But don’t forget to act.

To live.

Here and now.

That’s all you ever have.

You are worthy.

You’ve got this.

We don’t always do what we want to do.

At times - most of the time, even - there are things we feel we have to do.

Take care of the kids.

Pay the bills.

Go to work.

Clean our homes.

We often look at such tasks with quite a bit of displeasure.

We really don’t want to do them.

But we do them anyway.

Because we have to.

We don’t have a choice.

Or do we?

After all, we could choose not to take care of the kids.

We could stop paying the bills.

We could skip work.

We could let trash accumulate.

However, such choices have consequences.

Consequences that we find more unfavorable than doing the work.

So, really, it’s not that we have to do these things.

We choose to.

We see our options.

We choose one thing we don’t enjoy over something else we’d enjoy even less.

We’re still making the choice.

We didn’t really “have to” do anything.

Consider all the things you feel you have to do.

Do you actually "have to"?

You probably have other options.

You might not like those options.

You're still making a choice.

The more you tell yourself you "have to" do, the more power over yourself and your life you give up.

Take ownership.

Take responsibility.

Take control.

Sure, this may only be a matter of perspective.

A matter of perception.

But isn’t our perception our reality?

Don’t we live in the world we shape inside our heads?

Why not shape a world in which we’re calling the shots?

A world in which we’re doing the best we can?

We always have that choice.

You always have that choice.

You are worthy of that kind of life.

You’ve got this.

Most of us are hesitant to change our minds.

We think it’s a sign of weakness.

We feel as though it makes us look stupid.

We’re under the impression that it comes off as “wishy washy”.

Fickle, perhaps.

Even when we’re shown our errors.

Even when we can tell we’re off base.

Even when we know we’re wrong.

We can still dig in our heels.

Not only do we work to appear firm in our beliefs.

We actually remain firm.

We trick ourselves into not changing.

Convincing ourselves that we’re still right.

That our worldview is accurate.

So we hold onto every single, small thing.

Never allowing our mind to change.

After all, if one thing changes, what prevents everything from changing?

If we’re wrong about this detail, what else are we wrong about?

Is our entire worldview incorrect?

Do we know anything?

Do we even know who we are?

Admitting wrong is threatening.

It threatens our ego.

It threatens our sense of self.

It threatens our sense of stability and security.

Yet, what’s more stable and secure?

A worldview that doesn’t reflect the real world?

Or one that does?

Does changing our mind not put us in a better position to navigate our short time on this rock?

It's okay to change your mind.

To acknowledge that you were wrong.

To recognize that you've learned.

To allow yourself to grow.

This is not a sign of weakness.

This is a sign of strength.

Changing your mind is awesome.

What beliefs have you always held?

What views do you consider integral to who you are?

Might exploring and challenging such views and beliefs make your life better?

Bring you into closer alignment with reality?

Help you live a more satisfying, fulfilling life?

That might mean admitting you were wrong.

It might mean opening your mind.

It might mean growth.

It might mean accepting that you’re wrong sometimes.

We all are.

That’s okay.

We’re all still worthy.

You’re still worthy.

You’ve got this.

How often do we feel as though we’re “less than”?

As though we’re not living up to our potential?

Not meeting the standards and expectations we’ve set for ourselves?

All the mistakes we make.

All the horrible things we think, feel, and do.

All the ways in which we know we can be better.

Yet, we’re not.

For years, we’ve known that we’ve got so much work to do.

So many ways in which we can improve.

So many ways in which we want to be better.

To be more.

It can be depressing.

Discouraging.

Defeating.

Knowing just how much is wrong with us.

How imperfect we are.

All of our flaws and shortcomings.

Leading to an incessant cycle of self-criticism.

Self-loathing.

Self-hatred, even.

This isn’t necessary.

We’ve all got our darkness.

We’ve all got our problems.

We’ve all got room for improvement.

That’s part of being human.

You are flawed.

You will make mistakes.

You will do things you'll wish you hadn't.

Often, knowingly and deliberately.

All you can do is recognize your imperfection.

Identify and acknowledge your shortcomings.

Do what you can to be just a bit better.

Every single day.

Day in and day out.

Don’t beat yourself up.

Don’t put yourself down.

Don’t separate yourself from the world.

Do the work.

You are worthy of that work.

You are worthy.

You’ve got this.

Structure and freedom might appear to be mutually exclusive.

We might see structure as limiting us.

Preventing us from the ability to choose.

Committing us to a set path.

Perhaps even boredom.

We might think of freedom as lack of structure.

No obligations or commitments.

The ability to do whatever, whenever.

To do as we please.

Yet, without structure, we easily lose direction.

Pursuing this, then pursuing that.

Thoughtlessly engaging in whatever catches our attention.

Never moving toward set goals.

Letting progress in any domain pass us by.

Satisfaction always eluding us.

A life full of half-efforts and missed moments.

With nothing to show for it.

Is that actually freedom?

Being a slave to our impulses?

At the mercy of fleeting thoughts?

What if instead we dedicated ourselves to worthy efforts?

Committed to the things that bring us joy?

Scheduled the non-negotiables?

Put in place routines to help us live with purpose?

With meaning?

How much more satisfying might that be?

Structure provides stability.

Streamlines decision-making.

Ensures the important things are taken care of.

Protects time and energy from thoughtless, meaningless efforts.

For you to use to pursue your best life with intentionality.

Structure creates freedom.

You are worthy of a most excellent life.

Where might you use structure to help make it happen?

Where might you need help directing your limited time and effort?

What step might you take today to make that happen?

What’s keeping you from taking that step?

You’ve got this.

We hear phrases like “all things in moderation” so often that we tend to accept them as some form of universal truth.

As if we’re supposed to live up to some standard of a balanced life.

The way we eat.

The way we train.

The way we work.

The way we spend our time.

We’re given the impression that we shouldn’t let anything get out of balance.

That we should neither indulge nor deprive.

That we should neither fully commit nor ignore.

That we should be right there in the middle.

Practicing moderation.

Yet, who defines moderation?

Why do we feel like it’s somebody else?

Why do we feel self-conscious when we choose to live differently?

When we want to devote all of our time and attention toward something?

When we want to completely neglect something in which we find no value?

When we want to live life on our terms?

Why is it that we let others’ ideas of moderation dictate how we feel and how we’re living?

Who chooses what moderation even means?

Is it not different for everybody?

Even if there were some clear definition for moderation, why does it matter?

What’s more important?

Moderation, or living a most excellent life?

One from which we pass with a smile on our face?

With zero regrets?

Knowing that we lived it to our fullest?

Moderation is a practically meaningless buzzword.

Forget about moderation.

Seek whatever balance aligns with what you want for your best life.

If that means going all in on one thing.

Do it.

If that means drawing a line in the sand and saying “no”.

Do it.

If that means a little bit of everything.

Do it.

Work to know yourself.

To learn what fills your cup.

Then live it.

You are worthy of the best life.

You define what that looks like.

You’ve got this.

Self-improvement is quite a popular endeavor.

There are countless books, blogs, videos, and articles on how to do so.

Some of us don’t care for such resources all too much.

Many of us, however, eat them up.

We love working on ourselves.

We love learning new hobbies.

Practicing new skills.

Figuring out what brings us joy.

Reflecting on who we are.

Meditating on who we want to be.

Doing the work, day after day.

Striving to live our best life.

To be our best selves.

We sometimes overlook, though, why we’re trying so diligently to improve.

Never asking ourselves why we’re putting in all this effort.

Failing to realize that the life we’re working so hard to create is passing us by.

That the person we’re trying to become will never see the opportunity to just be.

Don't spend so much time and effort improving that you've none left for simply being.

All the reading, practicing, learning, meditating, reflecting.

All for what?

To stay at home, by yourself, continuing to do these things?

There’s certainly value in working toward mastery.

On its own, that pursuit can be deeply satisfying.

Yet, there may be more to consider.

Consider what else you have to offer.

Consider why you feel so called to improve.

Consider why you get so much satisfaction from growth.

You are called to live your best life.

You are called to experience.

Called to share.

To connect.

To lead.

To let others learn what you’ve learned.

Experience what you’ve experienced.

Feel what you’ve felt.

And for you to do the same through them.

We’ve all got our unique lights to shine.

We’re all helping to create better lives for each other.

You are worthy of playing a role in that.

A role that only you can play.

Play it.

You’ve got this.