The Rob Arthur Podcast

We get so caught up in what’s going on around us.

What we see on the news.

What we read on social media.

What we discuss with friends and family.

We recognize that we’re all connected.

We see all the problems the world faces.

Some affect us directly.

Through our communities.

Our careers.

Our relationships.

Some indirectly.

Issues our country faces.

Injustices we see dealt to others.

Ways in which we see that world work that we wish it wouldn’t.

It can be overwhelming at times.

Especially when we want things to be different.

We might feel powerless.

Hopeless.

Helpless.

Like there’s nothing we can do.

Even though there’s so much that needs to be done.

There’s a solution to this.

A way to get started.

Really, the only way.

Look inward.

Look to ourselves.

Look at what we, personally, can do.

Ultimately, that’s all any of us can really do anyway.

Want to create a better world?

Want to make a lasting impact?

Want to promote positive change?

Be the example.

Share your truth.

Set the standard.

It starts with you.

How can you get started?

What steps will you take today?

What role will you play in the world in which you want to live?

Do what you can.

That's all you can do.

You are worthy.

You’ve got this.

It’s easy to put off getting started.

The unknown of a new endeavor.

The intimidation of the challenge.

The comfort of the expected.

Seeing the long road ahead.

Hearing that voice in the back of our head saying “tomorrow”.

Feeling that resistance.

We wait.

We procrastinate.

We put off our calling.

Our best life.

We know what we want to do.

But knowing and doing are two different things.

Doing takes courage.

Doing takes getting knocked down.

Doing takes getting back up.

Day after day.

Working to be better.

It’s not unusual to feel hesitant to take that on.

The fear.

That fear, though, is a sign.

A sign that we’re on the right track.

That we’ve got our eyes set on a worthy goal.

Set on a task worth pursuing.

An effort worth working through.

Through the discomfort of becoming .

Learning.

Growing.

Changing.

It won’t come easy.

You're going to suck.

You're going to make mistakes.

You're going to be incompetent.

You won't be good until you've worked through being bad.

Keep putting in that work.

Keep showing up.

Keep moving toward your best life.

It will take time.

It will take effort.

It will take humility.

It will be worth it.

You are worth it.

You’ve got this.

Some of us hate having plans.

We’d prefer to wing it.

We like playing things by ear.

We appreciate flexibility.

Others of us love having plans.

We like to know exactly what to expect.

We’re comforted by that little bit of predictability.

We enjoy following predetermined steps.

Either approach can work when working toward a goal.

Improving your fitness.

Pursuing a new career.

Developing your relationships.

You might prefer figuring things out on your own.

You might prefer following directions.

What often doesn’t work, though, is the middle ground.

Choosing a plan, but then not implementing it fully.

Taking a little bit of this.

A little bit of that.

Putting together a patchwork approach.

Sure, this may work for some of us.

Many of us, though, struggle.

We end up with neither the enhanced progress of having a plan nor the excitement and challenge of going without one.

We end up in a no man’s land.

Without results.

Without enjoying the process.

Spinning our wheels and getting nothing out of it.

If you want to go without a plan, that’s totally cool.

That might be how you prefer to roll.

If, however, you’re going to follow a plan, consider following the plan.

Picking and choosing parts of a plan is like picking and choosing ingredients in a recipe.

Unless you really know what you're doing, you're likely not going to see the outcome you're working toward.

Sure, you might learn.

You might enjoy figuring things out.

You might find satisfaction in the challenge.

If the outcome is your primary goal, though, follow the plan.

From there, you can start tinkering.

You can start winging things.

Figuring other approaches out.

There will always be more to learn.

More to accomplish.

You’ve got this.

We can fall into patterns of living through others.

We might do this from afar.

Reality television.

Social media.

Streaming.

We might do this in real life.

Imposing our dreams, goals, and expectations on those around us.

Our friends.

Our families.

Our acquaintances.

Living through them.

We may even find ourselves the subject of others’ desires to live through us.

Allowing our friends, families, and acquaintances to dictate what we do.

What we say.

Even what we think or feel.

We often fall into such patterns out of fear.

Fear of letting others down.

Of disappointing them.

We want their approval.

Their validation.

We might do so out of fear of failure.

Of embarrassment.

Criticism.

There’s a certain safety in such patterns.

Yet, there’s also a tremendous downside.

We sacrifice our only true freedom.

The freedom to be present.

To live our own life.

In our body.

With our mind.

Our thoughts.

Our emotions.

Wasting our most precious gift.

Letting our life pass us by.

Not living it for ourselves.

Only recognizing our mistake once it’s too late.

With decades behind us.

Lived for others.

Through others.

Never ourselves.

We all deserve better than this.

You deserve better than this.

Are you actually living your own life?

Based on what’s in front of you?

Feeling what you’re feeling?

Thinking what you’re thinking?

Doing what you’re doing?

With presence and intentionality?

Soaking up your own senses?

The flavors, smells, and physical sensations of what’s around you?

Nobody can live your life better than you.

Are you living through others?

Are you letting others live through you?

What can you do to break the pattern?

To start living your own life?

On your terms?

According to your truth?

You are worthy of that kind of life.

Only you can live it.

Take responsibility.

Take ownership.

Take the risk.

It will be worth it.

You are worth it.

You’ve got this.

We don’t always make the best decisions.

We do things that don’t pan out very well.

We say something hurtful.

We make investments that go south.

We pursue opportunities that result in dead ends.

Sometimes, this isn’t our fault.

Circumstances out of our control affected our outcomes.

Other times, this is totally our fault.

We knew we were doing something stupid.

We knew we weren’t doing due diligence.

We knew we were taking a shortcut.

Regardless of fault, it’s on us to determine how to move forward.

We can learn.

We can grow.

We can take whatever lessons we can from the wrong decisions we’ve made.

We can then apply what we’ve learned in the future.

We’ll still make wrong decisions.

We’ll still screw up.

Hopefully, though, those screw ups will become fewer and further between.

Less consequential.

We’ll make better decisions.

Those wrong decisions are a key part of this process.

A key part of shaping the person you become.

Wrong decisions provide the experience for right decisions.

Why view those wrong decisions with anything but appreciation?

Did you not learn and grow through their lessons?

Let yourself make mistakes.

Let yourself lose.

Let yourself fail.

Then push yourself to improve.

You are worthy of the best life.

That will take effort.

Trying new things.

Taking risks.

It won’t always go as planned.

That’s okay.

Keep doing the work.

Keep showing up.

You’ve got this.

Why do you do what you do?

Why do you watch what you eat?

Why do you train?

Why do you push yourself to grow?

Why do you work hard in your career?

Often, we do these things without asking ourselves why we’re doing them.

They’re just what we do.

Yet, when we take a step back to explore our motivations, we’re lost.

We feel unsure.

We feel empty.

Maybe even confused.

We might not know why we live the way we live.

Perhaps we even realize we’re unfulfilled.

Doing what we do for everything and everybody but ourselves.

Trying to live up to expectations.

Trying to impress.

Trying to distract.

We find that we’re not actually doing anything for us.

Letting our lives pass without actually living.

You don’t have to live this way.

You have a choice.

With everything that you do.

Don't do it for your family.

Or your friends.

Or your coworkers.

Or anybody else.

Do it for you.

Do it because it fills your cup.

Do it because it moves you toward your best life.

That may involve serving or helping others.

Ultimately, though, your satisfaction is what matters.

It’s your life.

Live it on your terms.

You are worthy of that.

You’ve got this.

“You’ve changed”.

Have you ever been told this?

How did you respond?

Did you respond favorably?

Did you respond negatively?

Why is that?

Why is it that we see change as a bad thing?

We might see it as a bad thing in others because they no longer align with our expectations of them.

We might see it as a bad thing in ourselves because we no longer align with our expectations of ourselves.

Just as change can be threatening, it can also be a wonderful tool.

Why should we remain stagnant?

Why should we expect ourselves or others to stay the same?

Do we not all have potential for growth?

Do we not all have room for improvement?

Do we not all have the capacity to grow and develop into better people?

We should encourage change.

Pursue it.

Work diligently toward it.

Otherwise, how do we create the lives we desire?

How do we create the world we desire?

How does any of that happen without change?

If nothing changes, nothing changes.

We can seek change in our circumstances.

We can seek change in others.

But the place where we have the most capacity for change is with ourselves.

With becoming who we’re meant to be.

Then letting that change serve as a catalyst for change elsewhere.

How often are you changing?

Are you the same person you were a year ago?

Five years ago?

Ten years ago?

What would you change if you could?

You can.

You can let go of the traits that don't serve you.

You can hold onto those that do.

You can grow.

You can develop.

You can become.

You are worthy of a most excellent life.

That life starts with you.

You’ve got this.

Do you want change?

Do you want a better future?

Do you want to create a most excellent life?

You probably do.

Most of us do.

We see ways in which our lives could be better.

Where we’re not content.

Where we want more.

So, what do we do about it?

Some of us complain.

We voice our opinions.

We tell others what we think and how we feel.

Essentially waiting for life to change for us.

For others to do something.

For luck or fortune to come our way.

Others of us keep silent.

We simply let our thoughts and feelings be.

We let them stew.

We let them fester.

Never actually doing anything about it.

Neither of these approaches are that effective.

The end result is typically still discontent.

No meaningful change in our experience.

Staying right where we are.

Wanting change.

Wanting better.

If you’re stuck in this cycle, you’ve got other options.

You don’t have to wait for life’s circumstances to change.

You don’t have to depend on external forces.

You’ve got what you need within you.

If you want change.

If you want a better future.

If you want to create a most excellent life.

There are two things you can control.

Your actions and your attitude.

These are the tools at your disposal.

Ask yourself what you can do to create the change you want.

What steps can you take?

What work can you put in?

What can you do today to get started?

If there’s nothing you can do, then what good is letting your thoughts and feelings fester?

What good is letting your discontent marinate?

What good is in letting your dissatisfaction affect your quality of life?

If you can’t change your circumstances, change your attitude.

Work to identify your thoughts.

Your feelings.

Your beliefs.

Let go of those that aren’t serving you.

Work to replace them with patterns that support your best life.

If not on the outside, on the inside.

Do what you can.

That’s all you can do.

You are worthy.

You’ve got this.

We all seek approval.

We want to know that we’re doing well.

That we’re meeting expectations.

That we’re living up to the standards that have been set.

We do this in our careers.

We do this in our relationships.

We do this in nearly every aspect of life.

There’s plenty of benefit in seeking approval.

Knowing that we’re hitting the mark.

That we’re on track.

Many of us, however, are overlooking an important factor.

Whose approval are we working so hard to obtain?

Whose standards of success have we chosen?

Whose expectations are we working to meet?

Are our efforts intended only to satisfy others?

Or are they intended to satisfy ourselves?

What good is the former without the latter?

What benefit do we derive from pleasing everybody but ourselves?

The two outcomes aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive.

Yet, many of us make them so.

We see sacrifice as a badge of honor.

We go out of our way to be selfless.

To look a certain way in others’ eyes.

Never considering what we want for ourselves.

What we want our lives to look like.

What we want to achieve.

Who we want to be.

Realizing, only once it’s too late, that we’ve lived an empty shell of a life.

When the driving force of which wasn’t selflessness, but insecurity.

Lack of self-awareness.

Lack of self love.

Lack of self approval.

A life wasted looking everywhere but inward for direction.

No one's approval matters if you don’t have your own.

Once you have that, you'll find others' approval matters even less.

It’s your life.

For whom are you living it?

Whose approval are you seeking?

Why does that approval matter so much?

What do you need to approve of yourself?

To accept yourself?

Love yourself?

What is it that stands between you and unconditional self love?

You are worthy of a most excellent life.

You choose what that life is.

You set the terms.

You’ve got this.

How much effort do we spend chasing happiness?

As if it’s something to add to our lives?

Something we must find, obtain, or accumulate?

We seek it through relationships.

Through achievements.

Through material accumulation.

We view it as something that’s missing.

Something to gain.

What if it’s something we already have?

What if it’s hidden behind the clutter of other thoughts and emotions?

What if, rather than seeking happiness outside of ourselves, we stripped away the things keeping us from the happiness already inside?

What if we worked to let those blockages go?

To let our innate peace and happiness shine through?

Don't work solely to pursue happiness.

Seeking satisfaction and meaning.

Moments of pleasure and joy.

Work also to let go.

Let go of anger.

Let go of anxiety.

Let go of depression.

Let go of insecurity.

Let go of fear.

The more you let go, the more you'll gain.

Establishing a mindfulness practice is a wonderful step for starting this process.

Make time to sit, alone, in silence, free from distraction.

Focus on your breath.

Let your thoughts and feelings come and go.

Journal on them, if it helps.

See what patterns you observe.

Work to replace any patterns that aren’t serving you.

Do what you can to resolve the real life factors contributing to those patterns.

Most importantly, cultivate a mindset of hope.

A mindset of growth.

Of peace.

Of love.

You are worthy of a most excellent life.

That life will have problems.

You choose how those problems affect your quality of life.

You can’t always change your circumstance.

You can choose how you think and feel about them.

Do what you can.

That’s all you can do.

You’ve got this.