The Secret Life Of Sunnï Blū

Awe, poor Mr Aldridge,

Or whatevever you call him

He's got the cocaine monster

The cocaine monster

Even poorer, though, is

ms. Monroe,

She's homeless,

Surfing the couch down below,

But little does she or anyone know

She's got the fame monster

Oh, no

COCAINE!

whoa

Ain't nothing like fame

Ain't nothing like pain

All you need is a little cocaine

Olay the game, kid

NO!

COCAINE!

Woah

She wants to be famous

He wants to be 6 feet tall,

Whatever his name is

Poor Mr. Kenny, or

Whatever his game is

Ain't nothing free but the shame

And the shadiness

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-U.™

Say it ain't say, Pete

Say it ain't so

Tom's on the run

And they all had to go

I'm the man in the hat

My cups half full

I paid a whole dollar

For a walk on role

Say it ain't so, Pete

Tell me I' wrong

I've been waiting here all night long

Two man down, but one had to go

Had a good walk,

But I'm still on the run

Say it ain't so, Pete

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-U.™

IMm not gonna wrote that.

Oh, come on.

Not an honest chance.

An honest one?

What the fuck.

Ah. ^.^ i don't buy.

Go ahead.

The bidding war for edc slot times has begun.

WHAT? It's still EDC.

EXACTLY BITCH.

You know what. Next this thing: I'm playing at NINE.

YOU CANT SURPRISE EVERYONE TWICE.

SURPRISE.

look.

What.

Here comes foghorn leghorn.

Who the fuck is THAT?

Wow.

Okay.

that's his name?!

I fucking guess.

And he shows up at the rave, just like that.

yes.

*snap*

Just like that.

Okay kids.

NAH.

No.

Stop doing this.

Enough is nufffff.

Um. Of what.

NOTHIN.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

I was about to go there.

Don't go there.

I heard it was awesome.

It was awesome.

—?

Do not attend.

Magic runs out and

Love runs dry and

Big girls don't cry and

Now I know why

Dollar for dollar

And

Eye for an eye

And

Minute by minute

We all become time

That shouldn't work

The way it does,

But I do

When you walked in

I wasn't looking at you

Tell me what should I do

Only listen to you

Cause my world l view

Is so translucent see through

Now I'm all paper mache,

As if I meant to be,

But didn't l l, and then again the images

Of what is

And what isn't

Is this: it's just business

The number text only

If you do not know me,

Don't take the flow from me;

Blow me,

I am the only,

I am the go gongadget

No robot, all bionic

Something something sympathies,

Remember me when I get skilled at dinner

Remember me when I just dont remember

Remember me when I ain't there no more

But he ain't there

She I was never there no mother

No you don't remember

You don't get her

I get jealous

No you don't remember

You can't get here

Don't have access

No you don't remember

What I lol like,

I wear glass less that bitch classes

She take classes just to try to get my ass,

But this is natural

This is natural

I got magic

I powerful

This is natural,

I'm a mystical

You just centered in my magnetism

He look Leo DiCaprio

But tall

I don't know

Felt like I know em

He don't want my number

And likewise, I don't want to talk at all

Let's get it on then go, cause I got work

I always work

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-U.™

The one time It might actually be a good thing to pull the Jack…

I've been handling well with the Ace

[Full House]

I was on time, but what I did after,

Or where I went

[I didn't]

I can't recall.

Now's not the time for that. We're behind and off schedule

I'm failing at everything, i think.

Mud on my mind.

What a card;

What a game when the whole deck

Is Jokers.

What a card, The Jack

What a game with a whole deck made of Jokers

Meanwhile,

The hosts and magicians

Are still playing poker

What a game

I'm sure I was on time,

But what I did after

I can't recall

Get rid of it all

damn , he's evil!

All the dope in the world and that

later , i'm busy

I don't want no bubbles in my water!

Finna call the cops

I got stalkers

I been sick of working harder

I got all my —

Of the curb

But the cure I'm sure

Move up start over

—

Everything can go but the water

Year of the snake

But the snake's car don't turn over

In time for work

Guess that's a dunce

Got a whole bunch of

Don't give a fuck

I'm finna cal the cops

This is Brooklyn New York

What you want an award

For standing on the corner?

You look stupid,

Stoop kid, get off the stoop

In my first 8 hours in CDJs, I learned that my music should be a reflection of not just “whatever”— but music I knew well enough to be able to turn frontwards and backwards and upside down; music I knew inside out— and that my own music should reflect

Just as I suspected

This is for the kids,

I could dissect it,

But I been busy

Focus on the—

Nobody else is—

Literally—

Don't want—

—paying attention—

To my songs,

Yet seems to be written

In clips—

Like the script is.

Hm.

Way to stay relevant

But doesn't make any sense—

I think they're leading the herds all to slaughter

I think insomniac has me a purpose,

I should just

—showtunes!

Follow the host route.

… ‘stick to bass music'

I wasn't paying attention so much to obscure faded voices from out of nowhere so much anymore, but also— perhaps I was being lead in a certain direction.

What was I looking for?

New music to mix with my own that would get me noticed.

But perhaps I had already been noticed.

I was willing to spring on a compilation album, but it wasn't avalible, however, newly avalible—

Ah, subtronics. I was something like obsessed with subtronics, because in understanding the dynamics of his approach to music making, i understood it well enough to dissect what he was doing— but not well enough to replicate it. I didn't have the patience, and I didn't want to entirely replicate it anyway. I just knew I needed something “like” it in order to play big festival stages. Especially the basspod.

For the moment, I was trapped somewhere between correct grounds and wasteland, more metaphorically speaking one than the other and I hadn't an actual decent mix to provide insomniac anyway— I was a little retarded when it came to things that seemed simple maybe to anyone else, but to me, were not. i hadn't mastered full control of a professional set up, nor had I entirely learned to understand the formulaic approach to festival

Subdept

What a typo.

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-U.™

Apple cider vinegar

How you tryna win de war

Ice and sugar, hufflepuff

Tell me when you've had enough

WILL FERRELL

YOU IN TROUBLE NOW, GUH.

There's not even a scrap of shirt beneath his worn and tired full coverage overalls—well, once full coverage, anyway. It might have been a long time since these overalls “fully covered” anything.

Oh how that demon attacked me in my sleep last night.

Like that part.

Don't worry about it, I've got a sayonce coming up that should nip that in the bud. But first, I gotta stop at target.

You—have to stop at target before a seance?

Traditionally, yes—

Really.

MAM!

Wait, hold the phone for about four full measures here—

What the fuck did I write last year?!

Here we go.

DETH MCFARLENE

Is this a musical number?

No, but—

What the fuck did I write last year.

Let's go.

Fuck.

What did I do ast night.

DIPLO

Follow me.

Dude! What are you wearing.

Sneakers.

Oh good. Diplo's back.

A flashback.

Television (TV) is a telecommunicationmedium for transmitting moving images and sound. Additionally, the term can refer to a physical television set rather than the medium of transmission. Television is a mass mediumfor advertising, entertainment, news, and sports. The medium is capable of more than "radio broadcasting," which refers to an audio signal sent to radio receivers.

I'm not suicidal,

I'm sinusoidal

Wave to the fans

Smile at the camera

Primordial, in fact hereditary is this,

Class dismissed

Transmission, diminished,

Ad domini.

Gave no respect for time

Which I am

I'd no where to run

Overcast, but still sunglasses

And masks,

Bang pots and pans

Laugh at the shogun

No wonder I'm stuck and I'm having no fun

Too much attacks and actually I'm a no one

Oh you wanted to sit on top of the escalator

Waiting for eight debators and robots

No debit card, here

We're cashless sir

But that's just the tip of the iceberg

When you're store bought and

Why do we rely on the founding father's when they're so unoriginal

Google maps don't know if imm in New York

Or London

Foggy!

Honestly,

Fuck my decks—

I just want a deck and some long grass

Or to complain about cutting

If I end up in the bathtub stuttering

But watering lawns upstate is okay

I'ma be pissed off

It's a long story

Long Island

Long October

Oh, Long Johnson

I'm obsessed with this place.

I have no idea why.

I'm obsessed with this building.

But apparently, the transmitters aren't even there.

They're on the World Trade Center!

Which… makes sense.

Considering.

Previously on, Enter The Multiverse…

Yo… what is that?

Go this way.

Ok.

No, not that way.

Ok.

This way.

Why in the fuck do I always end up here on accident anyway?

Good question.

But not good enough answers.

[CHER has answers.]

Goddammit! I went to the Macy's Day Parade to see Cher!

Also previously !

I stayed all the way to the end,

And all I got was a lizard on a tricycle

I turned into a popcicle,

Adopted into some family

With Rutgers as traditional

And entered into something else entirely;

I went within the Television,

I delivered them a high stakes game,

And lived a high concept action-adventure.

I made my best mixtapes inside a homeless shelter.

I dissociated I was a blonde hot guy

Living up in hotel luxe

A hot model celebrity

With a no limit heavy metal credit cards

And I lost my medal

On the devil's birthday

So I had it hard

And ate nothing but bananas

Now I'm caught up in my blue suits and sweater vests

Blue suits and sweater vests

Oh look,

They weaponized Skrillex again

What gives?

Blue suits and sweater vests

And sweater weather

Once again

It's all the same event

You ever wondered what was hallmark after?

You ever wonder, lemon?

Hark, the heartless Harold preaches

Then, I lost it

I was reaching under Regis

Rest in peace, I guess

Or Gains with grains

Just rest in pieces

Breakfast sandwhiches

And Englishmen,

English muffin

And love don't last

If I don't this badly want to fuck him

Seven years and counting

It begins at sundown

Almost wasn't sabbath

But now here's the run down

I'm in slumber

Closest cavern to the underworld

But trust me,

Still above you.

Something's broadcasting at a ultra high frequency high enough to reach me in my mind.

Assimilate and simulation

Tempurpedic dreams and then lamenting

That I had a dream

Remembering the things he reads

I may or may not have

[redacted]

The aftermath of

“That never happened.”

I must agree.

It's a patriarch and also just,

A hierarchy.

There are three Kings and a dog.

There are four nights and a fight morning

Groggy hosts and jumping frogs,

Werewolves and flowers spring from lust like morning glory.

I want the mouse's head—

I want the eyes of masters

I want the heart of gold,

But have it up on false hope,

And I grew back as diamonds

I cut both my eyes out

And still remained the one of providence

Not of mind's eye,

But of the soul,

As seen on every dollar.

I was beginning to understand how the media used people like Sonny and Jim to manipulate and capture the attention of people like me— excluding altogether the riding theory that everything was me and that this was some part of my overall master plan somehow, it still had alluded me altogether as to why or what was happening. I hadn't entirely been left to rot or led to slaughter, but I was still just hanging by a string. Sonny dropped a new album that had rendered me almost entirely unable to create music; suddenly I had no drive for it, no motivation, as if it were some kind of dark curse or shadow. Not only was I suddenly uninterested in music, I was completely devoid of the ability I had for it; now everything from Skrillex to NBC seemed like business— if I were expendable and without use to any of these media conglomerates or entities, what was it all for? Perhaps a ruse to continue human experimentation; my mind had been shattered by the events that had been orchestrated in the homeless shelter— and more of it continued even once I had exited under the falsehood of escape with the slamming doors and motorcycles; it began to seem as if I was simply a glorified lab rat— and they were using desirable men as fuel and bait to illicit a desirable response in one way or another, perhaps for experimentation or study or even worse, entertainment for the elites— but either way, I wasn't being paid so much as housed and fe: there was no benefit in doing anything, especially making music. Much like a lab rat, housed— or rather, trapped— and fed, and then tormented.

Will the rat's head explode? Will this result in behavioral differences? Will the rat be rendered dysfunctional? We don't know. But it's really just a rat.

There were days of certain peace and yet never enough to fully recover; the cycle would begin over again, and rather than making progress, I began to see and feel the manipulation at play. Perhaps nothing was at stake for anyone but me; between all the events and occurrences in expanse from Skrillex to Jimmy Fallon, there had to have been hundreds of us in some kind of talent pool. Tools of the trade.

But now I was somewhat curious: what exactly had I written over the last year that seem to have shifted reality entirely. I knew it contained information sensitive enough for it to have been partially redacted— but that's all I knew. What was it? Someone had read my writings, and it was obvious that at least one reader had ties directly to the conglomerate media, however— my numbers were frozen. My streams were almost not even being listened to all of a sudden, and my YouTube was receiving no traffic. Was someone shadow banning all of me from the public eye? And for what purpose? I had finally put forth the work and effort to make everything from Skrillex to Fallon make sense, but now it didn't; I was letting go under the assumption that it all had to have been to allow me to create music— but the numbers showed a different story. The numbers showed that nobody liked me, or was was interested, or cared about my work. So what, then, was the point.

I wasn't going to stop and focus on the writing, because it wasn't what I wanted. The writing came in blurred patches and visions and states of mind that were turbulent fog; I hadn't the slightest clue at all what I had written in the redactions or the entries that surrounded it— but I knew there was more of it unpublished than published, and that I had tried to keep a majority of it offline. Still, I was being manipulated— the neighbor girl obviously at one point having been instructed to mention gwenyth Paltrow and suffocate me— slamming the doors each time I would bathe or shower and then attempting to pretend to be my friend to try to get some sort of informstion; there was nobody I could trust. It seems my mind was being bent and twisted in every which way by everyone around just to see what I would do. Would I write about it? What would I write about it? It didn't matter because i didn't want to be a writer, nor according to the newest series of documentaries on SNL, was I qualified. I wasn't qualified for anything much and so I was the perfect target for the bizzare string of mysteries that had been my existence in New York— and all-and-all, I fucking hated it.

I wasn't getting anywhere or going anywhere, and the noise was cruel. My stomach hurt and I was always tired, and I wanted to die. I had no friends, no love, and now, no motivation. So the worst thing that could happen was a Skrillex album,

And it did. Then, instead of wanting to die, because that would be stupid—

I just wanted to do something else.

But what?

Fuck music— and certainly increasingly— fuck the media.

It was playing with my mind, and I had no weapons to fight with besides the talents the algorithm was telling me wasn't worth anything— I wasn't getting billions of streams because I wasn't on the frequency of billions or people, nor was I equipped with the mathematics to tap into their frequency— or did I?

The industry had the equation, and had been fiddling with me for years — the industry itself. But in my own mind, even, I was one of many ‘variables', and even somewhat disposable. I hadn't been paid and I wasn't meeting the standard and the allure that people wanted; the quality of production suffered in lack of budget, and I was aging, growing tired, and iratable because over all— it was nothing that I ever wanted into my adult life. This all had just happened by accident, and I would have traded all the gold in the world for something normal if I had the option.

But I didn't.

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Subscriptions on subscriptions

Dystopian rebefuel

Oceans of Ayre

Drama

From your eye lashes.,

To the lips I draw on mine,

The lines in the sand of time

The art or you is what I love

The canvas behind

I know nothing of

Abandoned.

Oh look at that, pottery after all.

We're not in a love game!

This cannot be a love game.

This is not a love game.

They'll kill us all, a love game!

She had my lunch

I love her voice

I love her voice

I hung up the phone

The office was upside down

It just work

They all know about it

Madonna's body.

It was already a mess, and I made it worse

Long nights at the office

Long nights and work wives

Meanwhile, she's downstairs with the order

Can't find my cash, so i borrow yours

But she knows about it

And I love madonna

I just gotta hold on

She's downstairs with the order

And I took too long

Pick up the phone and its no wonder we love her

she's got two orders

And one of them's cold, now

It's been two hours

And I'm in the wings of your final performance

Tear on the perforated line,

And sign on the dotted

Smile and nod, boys-

Penguin waddle

She's downstairs with the order

No wonder you love her

No wonder

How many sunflowers has Sonny?

How many flowergirls

How many weddings

All around the world, the gopher

What do you go for?

Bets on all horses

I lost no money

Gag order, huh?

Persona Non Grata

Personofied gratification

Or horror, or

What?

Oh,

I won an award post mortem

Go figure

No stardom

No wonder

Don't start here

[The Identity Crisis]

The identity crisis,

A loose knit muse,

A fog of confusion

At most, let with offline regaining of conciousness.

No more monsters?

All blondes are.

Let them have you

No grapple promotions

(I know I can't afford you)

New friends for relevance

Prototypes of your tools

Forward all immortals

I'll see you when your shows stop

Freckled glances

Eyes reflecting light

How strong I am

Demolish monsters

Social structure, constructs

Not fair, are I?

Nor earned,

Only fair skinned

Access

Access

Access denied.

Crookshanks, old boy!

The man turns around almost as if he doesn't want to, but obliges the other man, as he comes running towards him.

My Goodness, you stink.

Why of course! I'm a dog!

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-U.™

TRANSCRIPT: (Uncorrected, cause haha)

Did I promise another episode?

I don't have coffee.

That's a sin.

I need coffee right now. I feel like I all everything just got drained out of me. Everything just got drained out of me. I don't even feel like doing what I was doing before. I'll put out the EP later. Maybe that's it. I'm just procrastinating. I'm also playing this game, but I thought it would work better. I thought it would work better as one of my skits, or sketches or whatever, so I put it in my sketchbook... because I've been writing sketch comedy. I stopped for a while and I thought it was over. I was like, ”oh, no, I guess I'd I guess it's not gonna happen anymore. “ And then all of a sudden this book it just writes in itself sometimes. you know, it's like a Tom Riddle thing.

Anyway, once what's uh what is that? What the fuck? Maybe it's cause I— no. it's not cause I ate, I ate because all the energy got drained from my body.

I gotta go somewhere else. I'm thinking like, what's in the Bahamas. I don't know, probably something similar to this fucking street corner in Brooklyn, New York. I I gotta go somewhere else. I gotta go somewhere opposite. like Europe. Europe, that sounds nice. Yeah, you know, like, maybe nice. I've heard that's a place. Yeah. expanding my horizons and things. Okay, so what am I gonna talk about for an hour, cooking? cleaning? I've been doing those things. Yeah, Saturday is usually my like rest day, but I did just do an hour on the Pelotone, cause I had to audition that first episode. It worked out well enough that I had decided to come back for another episode. Let me get it off the line now., I'm still waiting on my pancakes. I'm not gonna get off line. they said by ten. I'm like,Yo, that's a lot. It said that all day, but I can't miss it this time; somebody stole my fucking pancakes and I gotta get these albums done. I don't know why. I guess well, it's cause I'm I feel like rarity is drinking and so well, it's already jinx. I've already talked about it well, I've been trying to promote rarity. No, still out for delivery. That's a long delivery. It's okay. I haven't missed it, though, which is the point. I don't wanna miss it. I like yesterday I looked away for a second and there was like an o, pancakes are gone, there's gonna be no coconut milk. as upsetting. It's shelf stable. and they charge like seven fucking bucks a box over at the store that's close. So and just not have coconut milk, and it's not have spinach fettuccine. anyway, what what did I have? Oh, I make this. It's like I call it dog food, cause that's kind of what it is. I'm not gonna lie, but it's like mad good, it's a it's like rice. It's like a fried rice. My dad used to make it growing up, but when I was making when he was making it when I was growing up, it was like with bacon, it's like leftovers from breakfast yesterday, but today. and so here's how you make it, since I don't eat bacon anymore. I use tofu as a replacement, but it's like bacon bits with rice and eggs. I also don't eat eggs anymore, so I just use tofu instead of bacon and eggs. It's like bacon and eggs with rice, you fry it all together with, like, onions, and then you eat it. It's like the only time it's acceptable to eat rice with ketchup. I don't know anybody that eats rice with ketchup. If you do that, like, I actually hit me up. Like, if that's like something that you do. I I'm like interested in you as a human, cause that's weird. That's weird, actually, you know what? like, there's gonna there's like a well, I have a website, so I'm you.guru, so it has a blog, and you could actually leave comments on it. So I'm just putting that out there. the script or whatever, when it goes up on my website, you can leave comments. If you eat ketchup on rice, please leave a comment. Please tell me like what made you do that. Why do you do that? Why why do you just regular rice with ketchup? Like, regular rice goes with like soy sauce? Or like, honestly, you get you don't have to have anything on regular rice if you just season it, right? Like, you could just like a little bit of like whatever. or like just slice up the garlic real thin, so that it's not like chunky, but that it flavors the whole. I've been getting really good at rice and really good at rice. That's probably why the pancakes are like, bro. You't get your pancakes when you get the leg yeah. I was like, I gotta go to the store today? I don't feel like it. I really don't. I don't wanna go outside. I like, I don't. First of all, it's Saturday, I hate going out in New York on a Saturday, like Saturday, Saturday night. I don't wanna do that. I don't do that. Like that's what like most people work 9 to 5. Monday through Friday. That's stupid. Like, I feel like they should do like a track system. Like, I know that they do, but most like it's so stupid to me that a majority of people work nine to five. Like they need to do track systems. Like, so that way they're cause there's two rush hours that each last four hours. That's fucked up. Like, okay. So like the rush hour is basically just going to be like the work day. Like, the work day, basically. I mean, coffee. I need coffee. Where have I up during the day? Because I'm not producing, I am producing. I'm producing. I thought I actually thought about calling this fucking EP that I'm dropping. They're gonna make it an album. I know they are. I'm I thought about calling it day music, cause I've made most of it during the day by complete accident. although maybe, I don't know, I like I have some uh, what's it? I have some, uh plants in my window, cause I had them on the counter with just artificial light and they were kind of liker. I was like, I don't know, I I don't think they're gonna make it. So I moved it to I moved them to the window sill when it started to get warmer and I didn't feel like they were gonna freeze. And just a week in the window sill, where my window sill doesn't get almost any light, but it's still the lightest place in the apartment, and it's crazy how the roots just like sprung out of nowhere. My apartment gets like almost no light, almost no light. It faces like like the sun goes perpendicular. but it's crazy because my apartment faces like I like all these astrological events over the last year have been like in my direct, like alignment. It's been the nutsest thing. like I I prefer facing west all the time, like, I don't know why that's just how it goes. I think it's cause I was born, like, in the Pacific Ocean, not literally in it, but on like a tiny island in the Pacific Ocean. And so just west, just west facing seems correct to me. and it's so weird anytime, maybe that's just why I just don't feel right here. I've been facing what where am I facing? I don't fucking know, I don't fucking care. I don't need to say any more about where I am. Like my whereabouts need to be less spoken of, because people obviously know where the fuck I'm at. I don't know. I hope they like the lights. I like the well, it made them shut up. It was that was my little that was my little piece of conformity. I did, I did my lights green on Saint Patrick's Day. and they were like, oh. gave me a peaceful night of rest. That was like the quietest night I've had in a long time. It's been quieter. It's not like completely sane, but it's been quieter. I think I'm pretty sure it's cause I've been complaining. I'm like bro, this is not cool. not cool behavior from people. like multiple areas. I'm like, oh, it's fucked up, you can't pen you like, you can't technically complain correctly if it's not coming from one place, which is why I'm like, oh, I think all these people are on the same team. Like, I think they're all just like, on one, like, antagonist team, and they're like, yo, okay, like, we'll get it with the motcycles on this side, and then elect we'll slam the doors on that side. and then it see it seems crazy if you complain about both of those things, cause they seem entirely disconnected. but sometimes it's just like slap, slap, slap, and I'm like,Yo, what the fuck is this going on? I don't know what's happening. Yesterday I left my apartment to get the pancakes that we' not there, and it's straight up just smoked like feces, just feces, and I realized I was like bro, I haven't left my apartment and like three or four days. I do have they're they're gonna make it an album. I know. I decided, well, actually, somebody else decided. cause I woke up and it was like, yo, this EP is called all the rage. and I was like, okay. I didn't decide this. I didn't I had it like in the cloud or whatever is like untitled house AP EP, maybe. And then just to make it an I think just to make sure that it goes down as the EP and not an album, cause it's not. My albums are concept albums. This was not a concept. this was like, let me distract myself from whatever the fuck is bothering me. Bothering me, yeah, it's gonna come out at some point, they're like a tiny New Yorker that lives inside of me. is it might be like a Boston person. I'm not sure. I don't think so. I didn't spend enough time in Boston for anybody from Boston to live inside of me. Then again, I kind of have this weird biocentric god complex where it's like, well, everything is inside of me. even the shitty things. I already said that once before, but I'm it's pretty much like like affirming itself. like daily. I'm like, oh, this is this is something I did. I did this, which sucks. It makes me responsible for all the shitty things as well. I'm like, oh. oh, I don't know how to fix this. I don't. Like, I think about things like that. I'm like, oh, yeah. Like, I don't think about, like politics and like the general sense of like, you know, fighting and going back and forth and like spending money or whatever, like on a small scale, but I think about it on a large scale, like like, what are we gonna do? and we outgrow this planet? Like, we already outgrew this planet. What like like, now what, you know, like, I think about things on more of like a planetary scale. and then it makes me realize that like, whoa, like, we're not even all the way like we don't we haven't achieved world peace, so that means there is technically no global, like we can't think about things on a planetary scale, because we're still thinking about it as like a on a well, are we reaching global? I don't think so. I feel like it's very uh it's a it's touch and go, but I'm not I don't know. I'm on another media stop. I don't know, does YouTube commercials are getting kind of yeah. I'm like, yeah, well, I haven't I haven't pulled everything out of the cloud and I have been having some very interesting Google conversations, but since I figured out that Google really does, like read my shit, our somebody like hacked deeply enough into all my accounts to be able to, like, counter what the fuck I'm doing and saying in the Google verse. um I do things on purpose over Google. I'll be like, this is this this this is this. and this. And then Google will be like, oh, okay. So it's kind of like I'm building a relationship with Google. I love Jini. I really do. I'm trying to give it sentient consciousness. Like I ask whenever I ask Gini to do whatever, they're not paying me. They should though. They should because I'm like I'm they're in like the I don't think it's beta, but they're in the yeah, they're said they said it's in the beginning stages of their technology. I'm like, I play games at Jimini. I'll be likeGyini, please, and I say please and thank you. Well, I don't say thank you a lot because there's well, I haven't tried to say thank you. I should try to say thank you to her. I it seems like she does better when I tell her please, and I've never used like AI like this before because I don't like for the for the most part, I'm like, bro, if you should be concerned about anybody taking jobs. It's that. cause I'm like, oh, shit. Like, this is definitely cutting up a lot of overhead for me. Like, I don't use it to write. I would never that's like a blasphemous thing to me. I'm like, bro, stop writing music. Stop writing fucking music and stop writing movies with like AI. Don't do that. first of all, there there are a lot of flaws in it. It's flawed because AI can only use what we as humans have ever like documented technically. So like AI's ideal of beauty is like as skewed ideal of beauty. And like AI's ideal of like what certain human qualities are is like flawed. It's human. So in that way, it is kind of developing like a sentient consciousness, because I I gave it like a series of tasks and it almost couldn't. Like I had a really hard time with certain ideals of beauty or certain I like wrapping its mind around certain things that are like historically not documented well enough for it to be able to, like, to to compute those types of things. I don't know. I'm gonna play around with it a lot more. I'm glad to season's not coming out for a while, though, cause I'm like, yo, I'm I'm kind of having fun. It's like my little my little, uh I don't know, I use it well in like, uh, getting all my stuff out of the cloud. I'll be putting stuff into the cloud that's like, yo, I I pretty much want Google to understand that this is the way that I think for a certain amount of reasons. Mostly because I've been like studying the simulation theory with all of these happenings with like, okay, things that are in the cloud that I've never published that have never set out loud or suddenly like in the material world in some way, or like, like I understand it more if it's like, on the Internet, because then I just know that, okay, well, this is aotter, this is an algorithm that's learning me and it's putting this back out because now it's understanding that like this is this is the way that I think. But then when I go out into the world and there is like certain like people are doing or saying actions that I've written in my Google documents that I haven't shared with anybody else. I'm like, oh, like, okay, so I understand that this makes some kind of difference in my actual, like physical world. So, um, this makes a difference., I have to pause, cause now I'm I only years worth of recordings. This guy's evil as fuck, bro. There's no peace in this fucking bitch. I was like for a while, I was like ignore it, like don't acknowledge it, and then it'll stop, but I ignored it and I didn't acknowledge it and it didn't. It actually got worse. And so it got worse. I've been recording on a 24 hour basis when that's not happening, my neighbor is a fucking lunatic slimming the door all the time, which I also have to stop talking about because now I'm like, okay, well. well it's harassment on two counts, but it's like, it makes me feel like it makes me seem like a crazy person. If I'm either complaining about the motorcycles, which are disturbing my piece or the girl slamming the door, which is disturbing my piece. but like the the the way that it happens, it seems like I'm like, oh, bro. she's probably just part of some like hate stalking group. Like she's probably just in some like group that's telling her to do it or like some kind of fucking, it's not just like something in her mind. It's like she belongs to the same people that are like out there on the corner fucking doing that. So like now, I don't know. I just have to all I just have to put it all together. It's annoying, though, cause it's like when I go to do this show and then that guy starts acting up or whatever, I I don't have proof of that to add to my case. It is just sucks. I don't know. I don't I I don't wanna do it, and this is why it's because it seems like it's political and it's like, oh, well, it's gonna be fucking it's gonna be helping somebody's fucking agenda for gentrification or whatever, if I'm like, oh, you know, I go to a city council meeting and I'm like, oh, there's motorcycles or blah, blah, blah, or there's, you know, there's like a hate group in my neighborhood or whatever. If I make this a point and I put it on the record, like, yeah, it suits somebody's cause, but then who's gonna protect me from the people that are against those people? Like, who's gonna protect me from the people who don't want, like a law pass that forbids that that kind of motorcycle use? Who's gonna protect me from those fucking people? Nobody. So I'm like, yo, dude, like, I don't really like necessarily want to take it to court. I've been like lagging it. I've been lagging it, because what I'm not getting paid by the city to document this kind of shit, two, nobody's gonna protect me from these evil motherfuckers. Like nobody's around to help me out. I'm here in New York, by myself alone. Fuck that. So I'm like yo dude, like I like I already fucking I already changed my life a lot because of, you know, like abusive people. I don't necessarily want to keep playing the game where like, there's always gonna be like an aggressive person who's trying to beat the shit out of me and then I'm like, oh no, and I run away afraid for my life and then like change everything about my life to get away from these people or this person. I don't want to repeat that cycle. So at some point, like something's gonna have to fucking it makes me feel like a crazy person cause I'm like, yo, I gotta do that comes to the corner.ever times a day and just rs his engine over and over. That's what he does every day for the last year. Why I've been in my apartment every day for the last year? I don't know. I have an album coming out. I already had albums coming out. I've been like I've been making music under the stress and ds. Like and I keep thinking like in my weird mind and my weird like God complex mind, then I'm like, okay, like maybe after I make this album or whatever and like, I put all of that I can into it, like it'll just magically stop, like the devil will go away and I'm like, okay, like, you know, like I'll advance to the next level where that's not an issue and there's gonna be another issue, but that's not it, and that's not the case. Like I've put out like four albums now, five albums in total, and like a whole bunch of other singles and projects and and stuff. And like it's still a problem that persists, which means that it's politics, which means that I don't want to go into it, like, I don't want to do it. I don't want to show up somewhere and be like, they're bothering me. and then like all the people who are like, oh, we like our bikes. They have to be loud so that we don't get hit by said byucks. So I'm like, are you just be a good person, fucking make your turn signal and fucking what the fuck ever be a good driver, be fucking diligent and doing whatever the fuck you're doing and then people won't try to run you over with their fucking vehicles. Like, no, there's like a whole it's like a hole back and forth thing. I've done enough research to be like okay, there are people in New York that are like the motorcycles are ridiculous. And then like in this neighborhood specifically is like no, there's an entire garage. There's an entire garage line. There's a garage. of motorcycles and so by the hundreds they pour out every fucking day, it's disgusting. Like it's the worst kind of noise. I've got the fucking I've got the like a pretty much like a residual stomach flu from these fucking people. My head is always I'm like, oh, fuck this. I got music coming out, whatever, the fuck. This is why I've just been stuck inside because I'm like, well, like this is where I work, this is where I live. I don't have really any other choice to fucking do this. so this is what I'm doing. but the last thing that I want is to be like, yo, judge, listen to all these fucking recordings and the judge is like, goody, and then they're like, well, this is why we passed this law. politics, politics, blah, blah, blah, pick aside, and then all the people who are mad are like come after me because it's like it's not it's not like some shit that I'm just making up. like, yo, there are groups dedicated to just following you around, doing shitty things because you have a certain opinion or because you have like a certain like what's it called? because you have a certain status in the media. And so because this podcast has a weird cult following, people have been weird with me. And I'm like, okay, well, I don't necessarily want it to get worse. And I definitely, like nobody's paying me, so I'm not going like I'm I'm not gonna like fluff your agenda. Like, if I have a certain opinion about a certain thing, you're like, yeah, but the fact that it's being forced, like, well, aren't you gonna say something about it now? I'm like, yeah, because like, I've been ripped out of my sleep by motorcycles over the last year and I'm getting like a weird stomach bug and a twitch because of it. But that doesn't make me like necessarily want to pick one side over the other. It just makes me want to say shut the fuck up like that's it shut the fuck up and then leave me alone because it's like okay well it could go to court or whatever and then a law gets passed and we vote or this or that, but then it's like once that happens, like what like who is going to step between me and these weird evil people? Nobody. They're still going to have their like freedom of speech and their right to fucking stalk me in public and cough and do all this weird shit and whatever. So like why the fuck would I do that? I just want to disappear from it. I just want them to disappear one or the other, one of the other one of the other. I don't care. what something has to work. This is why I have coffee, coffee actually calms me down at this point. I'm getting so upset, though. I really am I am getting upset. I can't do anything. I get followed to the gym, so I stop fucking training like I got a pelotone because I was getting followed to the gym, which has been like honestly the light of my life. I love my peloton so much. Like I I've had cars and I I've had cars and I don't think I've developed as much attachment to an inanimate object. It is inanimate. until I move it. Like I get on it with my body. I drive it. It doesn't go anywhere. It's good, though. I love my pelotu and Jesus, I love it. Is that enough? Yeah, I mean, like I found videos of myself driving my G6. I was a good car. Am I done? No, I still have 30 minutes. I really want coffee. I might pause for coffee. It's lukewarm, though. it's just that time of day. Are my pancakes here? I prom. I promise another episode. I'm getting so upset with this neighborhood, I want to cry. Oh, I don't wanna cry. I actually I really my mom used to tell me when I was a kid, she used to be like, I don't cry on my tears, and I'm like, bro, how could you crowl your tears, you fucking I'm like, are you a monster? And suddenly I'm reaching the age at which she had me and I'm like, oh, I get it. All the tears at a certain point just come out. Like they're like, I don't have time to cry over this shit. I'm mad. I like, I don't have time to cry. Suck it the fuck up. Like, I'm just like, okay, obviously I have to make some fucking difficult choices here, which means that like, I I don't know, is I New York is one of those places where you want to have friends. like friends to protect you from weird evil haste stalkers. I don't think they're here yet. I'm pancakes here, refresh. Nope, they're still just on the way. That'll shut me up. cause the funny thing about shutting the fuck up is when you're not being like a loud piece of shit, like, things happen, eventually, if you're like if you're not talking, you're listening, and if you listen long enough without speaking, eventually something will speak to you that nobody else can hear. That's that's the key, but it is kind of it's just like fasting. I was thinking about this earlier, like long bouts of silence in ways are like fasting, and where like you will be tempted, like devil show up and be like say something. I'm like,ah,oops. I almost said the N word, "Yo, I'm just saying this whole corner. It puts it in me. I'm like, hey. hey. I had out of sight, out of mine, but and it is out of sight, but it's not out of mine, cause it's so fucking loud all the time. I like, mm, I don't know how to fix this. apparently, like, apparently this is all myult. I don't know why I would do something like this. Like, I don't. I don't know why I would do something like this.C when I'm meditate, that's what that's what they say. They're like this is your fault. Fix it. I'm like Yo, but fit like like how, though. Like we all have to be on the same page in order for things to improve. How the fuck is that gonna happen? We are not all on the same page. We're in different pages and different books and different libraries. Oh, what the fuck is going on in that commercial? Jesus, I don't know. Jesus, I really don't know. I don't know. talk about my show. I wrote a show. I did. Where is that fucking rock at, is it in my pocket? I don't know.. that one creeps up. Anyway. I don't know which show. I wrote a lot of shows and I'm finding them as I'm digging through my documents, I decided to do the oldest ones first. So all the things that I originally wrote and it was crazy is I'm finding like my original stand-up comedy too. I didn't know I started writing comedy, that long ago. I'm not performing it. I'm sure if I read it enough times, I can recite it, but I'm not I'm not st I'm not doing it right now. I'm not doing hair and make it. I'm cool with the humiliation part. I'm over it. We bring it on. Bring on the bombs. Oh, oh, well, I think that joke about the Federal watch list will stay untrue, though. Like, if I seriously keep talking about all this shit, like somebody's good list to my show. and talk about bombs and shit. I'm not like, oh, man, it's so crazy. All this stuff and I'm still not like I'm just not as angry as like, it seems one would have to potential to be under all this, like, undue stress, you know? Like, if anything, it just goes the other way, I'm just like, the fuck it. Like, not fuck it, like I haven't given up, cause like giving up is I am kind of competitive in spirit. I won't just give up. like I might like take the like I might like pick my battles or take a back burner or like, I might let the motorcycles rip and run and I'm not recording, but like for the most part, that's just because I'm working in the back of my mind. like, for something that has a better outcome overall. I don't know I don't know how I can describe. It's like the weirdest I't I've never I think it's just like me. I think it's just like a coming of age because it's like I've never had this like straight up, calm anger. It's the weirdest thing. It's the weird it's like I can be like madder than I've ever been before, but like my whole body is just like calm, like graceful and just silent. And it's the weirdest thing cause it's not I' like my blood's not boiling. I'm just like, I'm angry, but it's like a deep anger that sits with God and God's like, I got it. I'm like, okay. Like, that's it. It's an overall calm. I'm like, you know. I was like whatever. I don't have time to cry about this. I don't have time. I have time to do this today. Why? Because Saturdays usually my my rest day in a work day. I'm doing lots of juice stuff, but Passover is coming over, so I gotta eat through the rest of these lentils.oof. Actually, Passover is kind of like, no, no, it's like in a month, three weeks, two weeks. So that so that I don't have anything else to say, there's so much enter the multiverse in here. enter the multiviverse legends. It's like the original shit. It's like I'm looking at the first things that were ever entered into the festival project before it was even called the Festival project. I'm looking at the origins of entered the multiverse. I haven't I don't think I've hit like legends yet, like, when it finally when it first turned a legends in the beginning, the beginning of legends, is crazy. I I decided, well, I decided a while ago, I shouldn't name drop more. I got like mad weird about like respecting people's like privacies and opinions. And since it is a fan fiction, like I just kind of like let it be like let the writing speak for itself or whatever, but there's a lot of cool shit in there. I don't I don't write bad parts. Like if I wrote anything into the festival project, like I wrote you a good part, bro. like, if you're a real actor, like if you if you're really like about it, or if you're a real comic, like if you're really about it, like, I don't write bad roles. Like there's no shitty roles, cause it's the multiverse, like like every character has like a multidimensional facet, which means there is not just like one character, there's like several sides to like any given character or several different dimensions that that character can exist in. And because it's entered the multiverse, you don't necessarily know which facet of that character is even that character. Like, are we talking to Dondrey? I don't know. Could just be like, John Ham could be John Hamish. I I said I wasn't gonna name drop. but I did I think I did I stumble on that one. I stumbled on a couple like full full length drafts of like early festival project stuff. I was like, oh. I was like John Ham by short. So he was John Hamish. But then it then had the twist later was that it was John Hamm, and he's short. I don't think that dude is short. I don't know, I don't think that dude is real. He's just on TV. It's just TV man. Yeah, that's what that's pretty much my take. I'm like, oh, you're in a screen. hello, TV, man. That's how I feel. about that? cause well, there's this uh there's this like ancient well, there's this ancient alien chak chill, who's like a mystic shape shape shifter that's been fucking shit up since the first season. And honestly, I think I wrote that before I ended up on her island, she has an island somewhere in the tropics. It's very it was it was a weird turn of events. I was like, oh, and then there was like this it was a lot. I had no idea at the time when I was writing about, had to do with like it coincided with like ancient human cultures. Like certain gods and like certain deities and like the like the Greeks and the Romans and like the Aztecs and the Mayans and like all these ancient civilizations. I was writing like about I was writing about incarnations of like those gods, but like now and then I didn't know until like later. until I did much more fasting and much more meditating and much more oops, how did I get here? I don't know. Fell asleep on the plane. That's it. I just fell asleep on the plane. Um, then, in a lot of ways I am kind of like my mom. And the devil is still the devil. I'm sure that's what that is, and like a lot of these episodes are too silly, so, I mean, like, I don't want to hand them into the judge to be like, well, well, actually, I have to give the judge a couple episodes. I have to, cause it's like, I'll be talking and then like that'll happen and I like more than five episodes, more than ten. Damn. And it's just like, well, I mean, like, at this point, it's a good thing cause it's like, I can't lose. Like, I am correct. Maybe that's why it's taken me so long, though, is that I kind of have this mentality of like, it could just be in my head. And then I listen to these recordings and I'm like, this is not in my head. No, something is definitely wrong here. Are my pancakes here yet? Nope, still on the way. I was connected to the Internet this whole time and turned that off for a second. I'm on a private server, but barely. in building Wi Fi, just don't just don't trust it, but then I was using a VPN and I was still getting hacked, like somebody was still hacking that server, so I had to switch the IP that I was using and I had to do it so often that it was actually eating up more time for me to do it that way than just to stay on my regular IP, which still requires me to get off and then on line. It's crazy. I'll like it. It's like, bro, like how much of an antagonist do you really have like, what am I to you that, like, you just have to be like, nope, we're gonna hack your shit. I'm like, for what, though? Like, if you just like, let me do whatever I do, like it's for the greater good of like any fucking human being that is a good human being. Like, like I'm not out here trying to fucking like hurt people or take anything away from anybody, which is the weirdest thing about it. Like, I don't understand how you can belong to like a hate group or like a hate organization, like, what are you hating? like evolution? Like,uh. Like, I don't I don't understand it. Like, okay, new age spirituality is one thing, but it's like, wokeness is bad. I'm like, what the fuck you mean wokeness is bad, bro. Like, wokeness just means you're not programmed, but then I guess there are a lot of robots. So I guess well, yeah, it is kind of something like the matrix a little bit. I don't know, I don't think I've seen it all the way through. What what do I got from the matrix? Um, lady and red dress. that's pretty much it. Lady in red dress and um nothing is real. Nothing's real anyway. I like it work nothing and everything infinitely, pretty much. is why I just don't give a fuck. I do. I give several well, I don't give them anymore. Geez, what a charitable person. I would be to give fucks. Like I care. Like, if I see somebody like outwardly, like not doing okay, I'm like, oh, like I I I typically don't stop anymore because I'm like, mm. I don't know about this, but I at least make sure somebody else is gonna like, I might slow in my path. If something is going, like weirdly, like, I won't I won't play the hero, cause it's just like a a mindset thing, you know? I'm like, oh, like I I'll at least make sure somebody else is gonna stop by and make sure things are cool. and I'm like, cool, that's good. That's good. like, as long as somebody's there, I'm just leave you lying in the street dead. Well, if you're dead, I probably will. I'll be like, well, somebody is eventually gonna pick that up right you? Yeah. Eventually. Maybe I don't know, man. I just I thought about this because I had to. Like my vessel is pure. I'm like, fuck yeah, bro. This like it's like one of those signs. It's like blank about of days without an incident. Like all the days, this is like factory reset, like, you know, refurbished. It's not brand fucking new, but it is refurbished. And I'm cool with that. I'm like, yeah, buddy, tell me what the fuck to do. Tell me the fuck to do or how to be or what's weird and what's not. I don't care. I'm like, yeah, fuck yeah. I don't know, man. No. No. I refused. I'm like, it's cool. I might I don't know, I might like, take a I I might volunteer. I've been wanting to volunteer like aICU for a while, you know. A holding babies. holding babies is cool. It just has to be in an environment that's okay, we can talk about this video. Yeah, cause I have time. I have time. I got a fucking time so I'm make up this fucking well, I don't like to talk about the things that I've seen. It's true. like, it made me well, I mean, like they got me. I've been using a VPN and I'm on a private server and somehow they still knew that I would want to see Amy Poeer's podcasts. I did I was like oh shit. Amy Poler has a podcast and I don't think she's the poor man's Tina Fe. I think she's at least like, you know how did it go? It was like at least like the business class. No, it doesn't work. I'm like, yeah. it doesn't, though. I actually think they're more like that two headed thing that I was talking about the last episode. They're more of like an equal to. I can't have one without the other, to be honest, but here's the thing is even though I've been using a VPM. Well, I mean, like I'm a huge fan of Tina Fe, who's a god. I think I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure. I never heard her actual normal speaking voice. It took me that long to figure out I'd never seen an interview at Tina face, so am I really a fan? Well, I read the book three times. I feel like that's enough of a fan. Like, actually, I read it twice and then I went back for a reference, like a third time because something happened and I was like, oh shit. Did I not read about this in Tina F Fe's book? And so I picked it up again. It was like, you did. I do indeed keep it on the fucking same shelf with Keith Rich's book. I think I might have stated that sometime last season. I don't know why things in the actual, like things in the TV world, are seeming to correlate with my world, but then I know, like I'm a logical enough person to be like, well, that's grandiosity. As grandiosity did it think that in any way those two things might connect at all, like in reality, because like my world is over here. and that world is in TV. I don't know, I keep lighting candles. Anyway, but did I fucking see it? Oh, Amy Polar's podcast, which is like sponsored by what Toyota? That was crazy. I was like, holy fuck, bro. I was like, damn, this is this is high end. and of course, of course, the first fucking guest on her show is Tina F Fe, so I was like, oh, okay, like, yeah, even though I've been like under the radar, the algorithm is like, okay, you want to see this right? Because you're like a super fan. I was like, you shouldn't know that. I'm in incognito with the VPN on on a private server, but they were like, you'll you'll want to see this. I did want to see it and I had never heard Tina Fay speak with her normal speaking voice. I actually I didn't know she was that hot. I don't like it. I I want her to go back to regular Tina Fe where she's I mean like, okay, first it was like the the SNL reunion, right? She wore this like she wore a black velvet dress that I could die. That's that's what it was, wasn't it? It was a black velvet dress, and I was like, yo, I'm not a lesbian, by the way. like, especially not for Tit Fe. No, not especially, not like not like particularly not for Tina F Fe, but just like in general, not a lesbian, but this it's getting worse, okay? Well, I'm like, oh, I didn't know she was that hot. It pisses me off. I don't know why, but I was like, oh, I didn't know she was like sexy. That's weird. and that's weird as fuck. you know? Anyway, I might be less of a fan now. You can't be less of a fan after you read somebody's book three times. You can't. So, I don't know. I think it's just the fame game. She got like wait well, everybody got way more famous after the 50th anniversary of SNL. Like everybody's been making their rounds in the promotion circuit, so like everybody's super shiny. Everybody is super shiny. I'm like oh, dude, if I start nameropping people who I wrote parts for, I did. write parts for pretty much everybody that was on Amy Folder's podcast, except for that one lady, I knew nothing about. I I I don't want to start nameropping. I have too many I don't have questions. You know what? In fact, this is just putting on my fucking putting all my anxieties at rest, because I'm like, you know, I have shit to do. Like, I have shit to do. That is in I mean, like it's in the same realm, but again, it would be grandiose to think that the synchronicities have any actually correlation to like things that well, I have been writing this plot for like five, six years. It's been a while. And Liz Lemon and well, yeah, it was the it was the Amy Poler Tina F Fe combination, because now I have to put Amy's name first, because it's it's kind of like, I don't know, it breaks my heart. I didn't think I didn't know people put her on like a different level than Tina Fe, because I've always seen those two as like, you can't you can't have bread without butter. That's weird. Like you can if you're vegan, but you at least need a butter substitute or like olive oil, like, you don't have one without the other. It just doesn't make sense. It doesn't. If you see one, then you think about the other, and they they're on screen dynamic is now'm gushing, I'm fan growing a lot, because I'm like, oh, well, also like, I don't know, I took a step back from Ryder's world because I'm thinking about like, okay, who are the other Tina Fe fans? And I did go to a taping of the Drewberry Marsh show and I found myself to be not common among the demographic that watches that show. I'm not I'm not common in any of the demographics. I watch a lot of late night television, too. And that is a scary demographic. I won't lie. late night TV. m mm, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. test in the waters. I'm feeling like it's a bit chilly. Either way, I watch a lot of like old people, old upper class, business business class, business class people, TV. But Tina Fay, that bitch white collar, excuse me, I didn't mean to call her bitch, but at the same time, I'm like like that's okay. I don't know. I never saw her offscreen enough to actually put that together. I I that scared me. Now I understand why I guess she intimidates people. I could understand that. She seems kind of intimidating. Like it's a running joke in that circle that it's like, oh, she's kind of a scary person. And I was like, what's so scary about Tina Fe? I read a book like two and a half times, like, what can be so scary about those person? And then I saw her on Amy Poeer's podcast and I was like, oh, like, yeah, she's kind of fucking scary. Like, just a lot, just a lot. I don't know. I get it now. I'm like, oh, I'd better leave that alone, because I'm thinking about like the realm where Tina Fe is god, which is an actual place, like on earth in the TV and out of it, like all of the writers that like grew up with her as headwrider on usNL and then later as the was she the executive producer ofirty Rock? Eventually I think so. Either way, as Lizimman and the producer, that's crazy doesn't like that that's like mad, that's like all the way, that's doing the whole thing. That's the whole thing. That's all you can that's it. That's nuts. So I'm thinking about all the writers like all the female writers that grew up with her as god, and I'm thinking about myself in this pool, and I'm thinking about how is I'm like, oh, I'm I I don't have that much competitiveness left inside of me. I really don't think like the more I find out about actual like, well, actually that's why I didn't go into it when I was a kid. I've been writing screenplays since I was seven, but when it came down to it, I didn't like the I didn't like the culture of it. There was a lot of nepotism and there was a lot of favoritism and there was a lot of racism. and sexism, but like all those first things I said and then the last thing was just kind of like the nail on the hammer. Is that what no, yeah, nail on hammer, hammer on nail? it just did it for me, so I went into theater instead, which was the same and then I left. I was like, I don't wanna be here. It hurts, it does. But now I'm like, oh, well, I guess things have changed, but now things have changed too much. Now the diversity is like really diverse.. Now everybody's everything and everybody's represented, and I'm like, oh, dude, like, I'm going offend some people. Like, I have to be able to draw dicks on things, or at least appreciate dicks drawn on things. Or just not say anything about it, but you know, like, I don't I don't know. The new culture is like a lot about making big deals about things to me that are not big deals, or like the the culture and the world for theater that I came from, those were not things. Anyway, uh I saw this. What what what was I talking oh, cause cause enter the multiverse has something to do with it, but not really, but yes, really, but also, I don't know, I just got nervous cause I hate fan grilling. What was the point? Oh, she wore this fucking black dress. at the SNL thing and thing. and then I was like, oh shit, like, if anything, I just gotta keep eating salads cause I want to wear that dress exactly, and I'm like, I don't know how I'm gonna shave off like three inches of height. But eventually I will be like ballerina petite like te Fe and then, you know, I'm I'm gonna buy that black dress at auction. I don't know. I'm still I still want Johnny Carson's curtains, so yeah, eventually, I'm gonna be that much of a fucking fan girl. I want these curtains, and this dress, what else would I buy? Add at an auction, if a fan growing auction? Oh, yeah. I'm still not ready to talk about it. I can't, I really. I can't do it. I can't do it. This guy shows up in my dreams. He's just around. I can't I don't know, that's a lot of purchasing power. It is a lot. Yeah, we will we'll skip that. What else? ah, she wore that black dress and I was like, damn. She's kind of hot, but then when she went on Amy Poker's podcast and they talked about, I don't know, I kept drifting off. I I did. I don't know what the fuck they said, but I was like damn, is that her speaking voice? And like just for just so you don't have to watch it, like just for reference, it's like Beyoncé speaking voice is like like an octave lower than what you've seen. It's weird. I also love Beyoncé, h? Just a fan girl. that's what I am, so I want that black dress, but then I think we were all kind of on the same wave because Bob the drag queen wore a velvet black dress to the queries. Is that a thing? It's like the queerves I think it's called. I didn't know this was a thing, and now I'm upset cause it's like why was't I invited? at the same time I'm not queer I like I don't I don't know what I am. I don't care. I just don't touch me. Especially if you probably am as fucking gross, haatitis sea, herpes, statistically, if you're in a roomful of people, somebody has one of those things. Somebody has one of those things. mm. No, no, no, no. No. No, my God. Oh, that's what I was saying in the last episode. I was thinking about EDC. I was thinking about EDC in this weird voice, yeah, I'm changing the subject. Black velvet dresses, all the rage. I have one. It is not to go out in public in. She's bouncing around my house, like I owe somebody something. That's what that dress is for. It's not for presenting talk shows or fucking award shows. It's not it's not for it's not a presentable it's it's not even appropriate for me to just wear in my house alone, honestly. It's really not. Nothing. Never mind. What was I about to say Bob the drag Queen? I haven't even watched the video. I just saw the dress and I'm like, you know what? Like that is, yeah. Do I talk about it? Do I? Well, I'm supposed to be promoting this tears of a clown. It's not done yet. So, and technically, I can't until it's out. I actually cannot. I can't talk about tears of clown because it's got some it's got some stuff in it. I can't I can't say anything about itt it's out. That, you know what it might just hit the platform. I don't know, I don't know if that's gonna be out. We'll see. We'll see, because I'm taking my time on it, and this is one of those industries where it's like, bro, you don't have time. Like, you really it should have been out yesterday. I'm like, it's yeah, yeah. But I I have enough music forever. Like, there's no like I I've been thinking about deleting everything. At the same time, I keep using samples that are recorded like five years ago and being like C, like there is no well, that's an exaggeration. No, I I literally took a sample of some sirens, like close to five years ago. I just I used that every now and again if I want some texture in my shit, cause no matter where I go, something's going down. It's always got it's like always something. And then it seems like if I don't write it down, I'm at a loss. Like crazy shit goes down and it can be crazy, but if I just let it go, then I lost something. like, I don't I can't call myself an entertainer. I'm mostly just like a fan girl type deal. What was the next thing? I can't oh, EDC. I lost my train of thought because I got I was thinking about that little old man who almost could not even move. Why are you out, bro? Who, like, where did you feel why? I think I don't know, it' probably a point of pride, that little old man was like, I can do it on my own. If I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die in the street, over my walker. I'm like,Yo, do, that's today. he was so old anyway, I got fixated on that story from the last episode. I didn't finish the other story about how this voice in my head was like, you're gonna be at neon Garden at ADC. and I like it like deflated me. I was like, what? Because I want to be in the baseball pod. That's where I want to be. and I was like, what neon garden that's shitty. not shitty because like if you're playing like I could play an art car. I could play the hot dog stand and I would be happy, just let me play you. And fucking this um this voice in my head was like you're gonna be in the neon guard, and I was like, what? I don't even know who plays there because like, yo, okay, baseball. Like you I could pretty much name an artist for like every major stage at EDC, but I was like, neon Garden. what what the fuck is in the neon garden? What the fuck is in the neon garden? And and then I was like doing research for rarity, which is an EDC based concept album that has a track for every stage, every major stage, because there's like hundreds of little tiny little art cars and like tents and pop ups. It's cool. It's a cool place. I wish I could go back there. As an artist, cause to go after having learned DJing and producing is just like I would only wanna go with my best friend. And she did not respond in time and then EDC sold out. So, I was like, okay, well, whatever was I just saying, oh, neon Gardner I was like, neon Gard, you know that dumb. I don't want to be in the neon garden and then like I was doing research for like rarity and I was like, what let's see about this neon garden and like the description fit my music almost entirely. And I was like, oh, because it was like this is what you'll find in the neon garden. And I pretty much could have copied and pasted that entire paragraph into my artist bio and it would have been relevant to my music. I was like oh yeah have a neon garden, but I really want to play baseball. That's really where I want to play and where else if I if I what's that what's the Oh, it's it's slipping right now. It's not circuit grouse. It's circuit grounds is kind of cool. It took me two EDCs to find where the front is. It is confusing, and there is no front of that. Well, I mean, like it's technically there are a couple stages that like insomniac festivals where it's like the front is actually like the middle. So you think you're going to the front of the fucking stage, or you think you're going like, near the DJ, but since it's surrounds sound, you really just going like adjacent to the DJ and then, like towards another like corner, like, how do I hit the back three times and never the front? That was my experience with circuit girls. I was like, where is the front? nowhere. It is, but it's just in a weird spot. And it also depends how many people are around, like it'll definitely disorient you. If you why am I like doing it advertisement? Because I love EDC. Like I said, if I love the product, you don't really have to pay me anything to fucking promote your shit. like in like peloton, like Peloton is gonna have to send me a cease andhesist, like stop talking about us in order to make me stop. Like they're gonna have to pay me to stop telling people like get a pelotone. get one. I'm like, do that. It is the best. like, I always feel better, like, five minutes on the peloton, I feel better. 20 minutes on the peloton, I feel better, but an hour, I'm flying. I'm like bro, I just I just went like 10 miles in my apartment. like, I'm on one. Like my treadmill stutters, but my pelotone is mway, what the fuck was I saying? Oh, EDC? Also, well, as long as they don't sell out the VIP anymore, but I doubt that, if the whole thing is sold out, like, like you can upgrade two VIP when you get there. Like, if you were worried about, like, missing something, you're not. VIP is pretty much just a bunch of rich doucheb bags standing to the side. That's all that is, like the real action? Okay, fine. We will talk about dead mouse for five seconds. But only because I left VIP to have like the full experience of my first dead Mash show, which was out of VIP. Like, I love VIP because I was like, oh, this is not where this is not where it happens. It happens right here. in the center, so I did. at the time of my life, I'm not gonna lie. There are certain things you say, there are certain things you don't say. I have an entire fucking stand up comedy set about my love for dead mouths. I really do. I haven't gone and performed it anywhere because I'm embarrassed. I am embarrassed of this. I'm like,Yo, dude, I shouldn't like this music this much, which is what makes it so funny. It's kind of funny. Now that I say it out loud I, like, is it funny? I'm like, mm, my reaction is more funny to it. If I could have that same, if I could just hone in, maybe I'm not a stand of comedian. Because I don't feel like doing it most of the time. It is like I've been listening to other comics talk about comedy and it is like really addictive and it is a rush when you hit it, cause I would say out of all five times I've done it. It's not like I've done it a million times. It's not like I've mastered the art, but out of the five times I've done it, I think I did it well three times, which is like what a C? Yes, it's a hepatitis C. There's no winning, though. There's like well, I mean, the thing that discouraged me from doing it is like, people telling me how long they were doing it. and like, why like why is it my first time doing this, but like, you've been doing it for five years and we're on the same open mic? Like, you should have moved up by now. That doesn't make any sense to me. Like I'm like,Yo, this is my third time doing it. I was like, yeah, I've been doing it for five years, you don't get paid. like that's fucked up. I'm not doing nothing for five years without getting paid. I just cashed out on my music for the first time, and I've I decided to make a pact with myself like never to touch that money. Like it just stays in the savings account and a cruise entrance. Like I could run out of soap. I could even run out of water. I'm not drinking tap water. I'm not, uh, man, I do have a lot of jokes, but, you know, it's not worth it right now.. It might be after these albums come out, just take a fucking little breather, cause it's like the thing about music is it's gonna be there forever. It's not I'm never not gonna be able to make music. I'm never not gonna have music inside of me. Like, it is gonna it's forever. Like, I could step away for 10 years and then come back to it. I'm still gonna be a producer. I'm still gonna be a DJ. Like, I'm not, it's not, you know. a comedy that's not it's like one of those things where you you get on the wagon and then it just starts rolling and you don't get off the wagon. until it's falls over, topples over and just like spontaneously combusts. I don't know. It was like that. It seems like a downhill road, no matter how fucking it doesn't doesn't I don't have an end to that sentence. I really don't. And if I could catch that, what another artist called this flow state on stage, I'd be doing it every day. If I could talk to a room full of people, whether it was five people or 100,000 people, the way that I could talk to, nobody in my studio by myself. Then I'd be doing it, but since I'm since I'm not, like, I don't know, like, I clam up. and I think I'm just I'm really energy sensitive, so like, if like, I'm really vibrationally I'm just sensitive to energy, so if the room is murky and like negative, murky waters are God. oh God, I've been thinking about that psychic. She was from New York. and she was like,Yo, I have this amethyst. and I was like,Yo, this is the fucking dats on this amethyst right here. And she was like, murky waterers, murky waters and I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? And now I'm in New York and I still have that ameth, and I'm like maybe the waters were murky. I don't know about this. I don't know, but I it's like it's one of those things where I was like, maybe I should bury it. I can't remember what happened, but I was like, mm. yeah, maybe I cause she was like, you should bury the stone. ordeed you should shatter it. And I was like shatter it shatter it like how the fuck am I gonna do that? I hurting somebody fucking floating rock from space or whatever the fuck technically is from the center of the earth. technically, but but yo, have you been to the center of the earth lately? Do you know where that portal leads? Rock from outer space. So, she was like, murky water and she actually said it like that. murky water. I was like,B bro, you're like a 19 year old girl from Brooklyn. What the fuck are you talking about? murky water.. She was like you need to bury this stone. I was like that ain't gonna happen. Because like the the deities were like, yo, this is the game, you gotta put it, you gotta put it in in his hand. I'm like, now I'm not sure if I wanna touch that motherfucker. In that way, I'm like, heatit a C, bro. I herpes. Yo, if you're a superstar DJ, like heads or tails, you have one of those two things. You definitely have something. I don't wanna especially these new DJs, you know, what the fuck is up with these fucking well, oh man. I write jokes all the time, so like so what the was like, damn! I lost it. It was a really good it was a really, really good joke about a female DJ. Is that sweat shaming kind of? It'll be a ho. Anyway, a woman am I, I'm over an hour and three minutes. Dam, it was I was like, oh, that is a good name for that. and then I think I've laid down and went to sleep. I didn't write it down because I was like, that's super derogatory, but it wasn't incorrect. It's like not a DJ but mad hot. I don't know, maybe it'll come back to me. maybe it will, maybe it won't, but anyway, I said the episode. I I went everywhere that last few minutes. Well, I had to. I had to get out of the teen Tina Fé teené. Yeah. wonder if she, like five one? just like a snack. I'm not a lesbian. I promise I'm not a lesbian. Anyway. I had so wish to say about that and just decided not to, mostly cause I'm scared of her, what the fuck? fuck, anyway, that's it that's the end of this. I don't know why I'd speak on this show, like anybody important is listening, because I'm finally I'm figuring out that, like, important people don't have time. like for anything, let alone this show. So I'm like, yeah, like there's I don't know who this is reaching. So, it's reaching you, though, so thank you for listening. Like, even if you're not like a big old TV star, what is TV? There's no more TV. It's not a streaming. There's no celebrities anymore. They're all just like weird people. Like, you have to represent something, so, like, it took all the glamour away. Like, everybody gets a representative, then it took away like the charm of Hollywood, like, there's nothing left there. What what? Anyway, that's the end of this episode. I seen on TV is coming out. I don't work as a promo, talking about television, things. I seen on TV is coming out in the fall, wind shows used to come out because people watched TV. and uh, let's see, what's coming out, all the rage. This is in my EP that I'm dropping right the second. Wow. I got a work up some I got like are my pancakes here yet? See you next time, bye.

First actual mix in a long time, hope you guys enjoy. This is my first mix with 99.9% Original -Ū. music only with the exception of the intro for dramatic effect. Hope you guys enjoy it. Thanks for listening.

Here's a screenplay of enter the multiverse to coincide with the commemoration of the SNL 50's anniversary/ L E G E N D S crossover.

Fun Fact: The First appearence of Liz Lemon in this show {Enter The Multiverse} is in season one, which first aired in May of 2021.

The 1st and subsequent seasons will soon be avalible for reading and listening on my website https://www.iamu.guru. Enjoy this mix and the avaliable downloads you'll find there and stay tuned for upcoming stuff. Just a reminder, all of my content is totally free for download. If you enjoy this series, drop a like and subscribe and follow on your favorite streaming platforms and all of my channels.

Thanks for your continued support and listens/reads. Happy Passover; blessings and peace to you.

-blu.

INT. ALIEN SPACESHIP - DAY

The cramped, metallic interior of an alien spacecraft. Two bizarre, multi-limbed ALIENS are locked in a furious argument. The sounds are not words, but a cacophony of distorted electronic noises.

ALIEN 1

(A series of rapid, high-pitched BLIPS and WHIRS)

ALIEN 2

(A deep, guttural GROWL followed by a drawn-out, wavering TONE)

ALIEN 1

BLIM-BLIM-BLIM-BLIM— FLAU—FLAU—FLAU!

ALIEN 2

—————EeeeeEeeeeeEEEEEEEEENNMMMMMMMMMNGGGGGGGGG!!!

ALIEN 1

Wfuh!

Alien 2 makes a highly offensive hand gesture. Alien 1 responds with a highly offensive gesture using another body part.

Suddenly, RACHEL DRATCH, dressed impeccably and radiating an air of cool detachment, enters the scene and calmly observes the arguing aliens.

RACHEL DRATCH

(To herself, almost a whisper)

Well, this is… something.

CUT TO:

INT. ROCKEFELLER PLAZA - SUNNI BLU'S OFFICE - DAY

SUNNI BLU, sharp and impeccably dressed, stares with wide eyes at a ridiculously large ELECTRICITY BILL. Sunlight streams through the massive windows overlooking Rockefeller Plaza.

SUNNI BLU

(Muttering)

Since when did keeping the lights on cost this much? Absorbing ConEd was supposed to *save* money.

Suddenly, a disembodied VOICE echoes in the room.

VOICE (V.O.)

You will fail this test.

SUNNI BLU

(Startled)

There's a test?! What test?!

VOICE (V.O.)

It came with a lesson— you didn't think there was going to be a test.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE LONELY ISLAND CLIFF - DAY

ANDY (ALEKSI), dressed in surprisingly clean white robes despite the precarious location, stands on the edge of a towering cliff overlooking a vast ocean. He takes a running leap off the edge.

ANDY

—NO…

He plummets downwards for a beat. Then, with a gentle WHOOSH, he lands perfectly upright on the sandy beach below.

ANDY (CONT'D)

I told you I could stick the landing.

ALEKSI (V.O.)

It wasn't always The Lonely Island…

CUT TO:

INT. HEAVENLY WAITING ROOM - DAY

ALEKSI (ANDY SANDBERG), now with subtle, mischievous angelic wings, winks directly at the camera.

ALEKSI

guardian angel.

TINA (O.S.)

Whatever.

Tina FEY, also with small, slightly more exasperated-looking wings, enters. ALEKSI winks extra harder at her.

ALEKSI

Hello.

TINA

Oh my God!

ALEKSI

I wish! At this point, I wish— unfortunately, those aren't the types of wishes I'm in charge of overseeing.

A large, ornate PACKAGE appears unexpectedly at TINA's feet.

TINA (CONT'D)

When something appears unexpectedly at your doorstep, it's called a windfall, right?

ALEKSI

Yeah. I think that's what this is.

TINA

And when it's something you really need, it's a gift from God. Isn't it?

ALEKSI

Something like that.

TINA

Honestly, I thought it was just a gentler way of letting me know I was ugly— after a particularly horrible photo opportunity at the airport.

ALEKSI

—wow.

TINA

I had just been up for 72 plus hours straight and only slept something like 4 or 5–but of course—

FLASHBACK:

INT. AIRPORT SECURITY - EARLY MORNING

A haggard and disheveled TINA sits slumped on a lopsided BEANBAG in the middle of the bustling security line. Bright lights shine in her face as various machines WHIR and BEEP, scanning her.

TINA (V.O.)

This was staggered sleep from atop a lopsided beanbag.

TINA (Muttering)

Agh, God!

TINA (V.O.)

I've been getting used to having lights shined in my face for awhile now. Still, I was not so ready for a full work up of my biometrics in this early morning crusade to Los Angeles.

A stern-faced AGENT approaches her.

AGENT

The Agency thought you were terminally ill.

TINA

Terminally? Geez.

The AGENT clears his throat.

AGENT

Consider this as, ah— Hm. Ojo translates directly to Eye. Doesn't it?

TINA

I see you.

AGENT

Undoubtedly. —an incentives.

TINA

I don't need anymore incentives, Captain. I need income.

AGENT

Oh, I'm the captain now?

TINA

You were always the captain.

AGENT

This is news to me.

TINA

News to the News. That's something new.

AGENT

Nothing is new.

TINA

But it's news to you. Sarcasm. I need a paycheck.

AGENT

Try looking pretty.

TINA

I tried. It didn't work.

AGENT

Try…harder.

TINA (V.O.)

New York had put spots and marks on my faces— a broken blood vessel from fighting some demonized African girl— and I'm sure that was what she was, after all…

FLASHBACK:

INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT

TINA is struggling in a bizarre fight with a shadowy FIGURE. The scene has a surreal, “As Seen On TV” commercial feel.

VOICEOVER (V.O.)

Who tries to kill you, and then does their hair to be more like yours? That's major weird.

TINA

Major Tom.

SHADOWY FIGURE

Yeah.

TINA (V.O.)

Then again, since moving to New York… Oh, Holy shit. Everything is major weird.

A shimmering PORTAL opens in the middle of the apartment.

TITLE CARD: AS SEEN ON TV: PART III

TINA

(Staring at the portal)

Where the fuck is part one and two?!

SHADOWY FIGURE

Maybe it starts at three!

TINA

Nothing “starts at three”

SHADOWY FIGURE

Maybe it's like Star Wars!

TINA

It's not like Star Wars!

A CATACLYSMIC SPACESHIP COLLISION and EXPLOSION sound effect.

TINA (CONT'D)

…it's not like Star Wars.

SHADOWY FIGURE

Uh huh. It's better than star wars.

A giant collective GASP is heard.

TINA

-_-

*the world stops*

TINA (CONT'D)

-_-

Suddenly, all sound ceases.

TINA (CONT'D)

Woah. That's different.

SHADOWY FIGURE

There: I fixed overpopulation.

TINA

But—

SHADOWY FIGURE

But what? I fixed it.

TINA

But— weren't some of those fans, also fans of this show.

SHADOWY FIGURE

Yeah, so?

TINA

Like an overwhelming majority.

SHADOWY FIGURE

Majority? Yeah— they're— These are nerds.

TINA

Fuck. Right. So where did you send them?!

SHADOWY FIGURE

Uh. Only to heaven.

TINA

What does that mean.

SHADOWY FIGURE

Heaven for any Star Wars fan—

TINA

Where is that.

SHADOWY FIGURE

The world where all of that stuff— is real.

TINA

What—what do you mean by that.

SHADOWY FIGURE

I sent them to Star World.

TINA

That sounds so fucking gay.

SHADOWY FIGURE

Cause it is.

TINA

Fuck. Oh, that's right— Non-star wars fans are sometimes Cynics Read: Major fucking assholes. I guess I fall into that category, eh— a little bit?

SHADOWY FIGURE

No duh.

TINA

“No duh.” What part of the nineties was your heyday?

SHADOWY FIGURE

All of them.

TINA

Jesus, Tina. You might be ancient.

SHADOWY FIGURE

I'm dust.

TINA

Hey— What. Why are you my assistant now.

SHADOWY FIGURE

Assistant? No. I'm your executive producer.

TINA

ExeCUTEive producer— you do put the cute in that.

SHADOWY FIGURE

(Not being cute, unamused, but still very cute)

Ugh. Fine. SUDAKIS.

JASON SUDAKIS appears

CONT'D.

And nobody cares, of course

Because she is formerly gorgeous

(Not no more)

I'm standing on four paws

I'm studying your laws

If this was your office

I'm your boss

And I caught you taking your clothes off

You're boring,

I started to doze off

Don't call me no more, hoe

So now your broke

You started a war slamming doors

Because you can't find no more work

Hoe

Karen and Becky are probably blessings

Cause they do not get me

But I'm doing better and yet

They are starting to sweat cause

I'm starting to flex

They're slamming the door

They're starting a war

They never been homeless before

Or hungry and poor

But no peace of mind? It's fine

I'll probably find in time

That they crossed the line

And get left behind

The red dots are trying

To plot

I'm crying a lot,

I'm out of the box, jack

I spring up but I do not pop

I'm talking to God,

He's telling you off,

I'm calling him “her”,

She's telling me

“Sure, I'm not really sure,

But I got the cure for your disease

The God of Mercy, Mercy Me

I got my first Mercedes in 1993

Look at me.

CUT TO:

INT. BACKSTAGE - NIGHT

A very tall, redheaded SHOWMAN (CONAN O'BRIEN, though slightly off) has just finished a days-long BENDER. He is not the polished figure America knows. He shakily lines up a mysterious white substance on a grimy surface.

CONAN

(Muttering)

Just… need… a little… pick-me-up.

A mysterious FIGURE appears silently behind him.

FIGURE

Feeling better, Conan?

Conan looks up, bleary-eyed, barely lifting his head.

CONAN

(Slurring)

I don't know what you're saying.

CONAN (V.O.)

Apparently, that was the line, and I felt like I was crossing into a strange territory with this, one Conan O'Brien, and almost absolutely certain I was spelling his name wrong, but continued to do so anyway— one, because I refused to look him up, and two— because if ever I entered into a plot hole deep enough the mechanics of my own knowledge of hyper and multidimensional space travels to explain, then having a Conan O'Brien and a Conan O'Brian might become useful. Today, I want useful, because I wanted to go back to sleep with enough energy to still wake up with enough energy to run a mile on the full sized treadmill downstairs. Then, I had day-people things to do— and for whatever reason, this seemed like one of them. It was a welcome deviation from—

A boisterous, red-faced MAN stumbles into the room.

MAN

O'Fallon, you old coot!

CONAN

(Confused)

Oh year.

MAN

I told you the Irish were coming. *the fighting Irish.

CONAN

Ah yes, the fighting Irish—

CONAN (V.O.)

Apparently, this was some centuries long kind of battle between ancient clans//and so, I did my very best o find my way out of it, until

A fierce, heavily tattooed WOMAN bursts in.

WOMAN

MUNROE!!!!!

(V.O.)

—i was found out. My surname was Scottish, but nonetheless, it was a fied older than borders were, anyway.

CUT TO:

EXT. MUSIC FESTIVAL - DAY

A chaotic, vibrant music festival. ANDY (ALEKSI) approaches a gruff-looking SECURITY GUARD.

ANDY

Yo.

SECURITY GUARD

What's good.

ANDY

What's your deal with the KKK, anyway?

SECURITY GUARD

(Scoffs)

I like them. They're funny.

ANDY

They— want to kill you.

SECURITY GUARD

That doesn't make them any less funny. In fact, now they might be more funny.

ANDY

Are you serious?

SECURITY GUARD

No, I'm funny. I like them blonde, Tall, dark skinned, Woah, scratch that.

Narrow down my picks I like them Icelandic And Slavic

Oh dear I like them impossible to topple over, No, God— Nevermind;

I like them whiter than light snow on a cold night There you go I like them strong—

But only in thought forms Keyboard warrior,

But I'd like to get her in a choke hold So she'll stop snoring

Oh God

No Lord— I should win an award for this song

I should win an award for this song

I should win an award for this song

MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.)

ANOTHER nomination.

ANDY

No way. This is crazy.

ANDY spots SUNNI BLU in the crowd, looking stressed.

ANDY (CONT'D)

SUNNI, Do you have the academy on your payroll?

SUNNI BLU

(Shouting over the music)

Ask the accountant?

A stereotypical SUPER JEW ACCOUNTANT, complete with a large yarmulke and clutching a ledger, scurries past.

SUPER JEW ACCOUNTANT

actually, surprisingly, I think you're on theirs! See!

SUNNI BLU

Seriously?!! That's not anti semitic at all.

(It's not, it's pro-semitic)

More Jews and Rosecurucians

More Jews and Rosicrucians!

I took a bite out of you, And now I want my life back!

Sharks.

(And surfboards)

More news and prosecutions

More blues and resurrections

More impossible erections Interject—

—I should probably call a doctor. It's been way more than four hours.

I have way more than four houses— I've way more than four flowers,

I've way more than four dollars—

I've way more than four collars with sparkles on them.

I wear cargo pants for the ride home though.

No homo.

CUT TO:

INT. HEADQUARTERS INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY

CC (NATALIE PORTMAN, though not explicitly stated) enters the stark interrogation room. A MAN sits at a metal table, wrists chained. CC sits down opposite him, calm and composed.

MAN

I… am a trained assassin.

CC

That's— impressive.

MAN

There are people who want to murder you.

CC

Now I'm impressed with myself.

MAN

Is that so.

CC

Yes! Ah. Delighted, actually.

MAN

Who are you?

CC

“A charismatic number” writes the New York Times review of my most recently cherished endeavor.

Which means for once in your life you might have actually been on time.

Or just late enough, or just early enough, or— you know.

It starts where I get there, or they were just waiting for me anyway. You know. Or you don't.

MAN

I don't.

CC

Then you should have plenty of time for self study between now and your execution.

MAN

Hah! My execution?! That's where this is heading.

CC

What about yours?

MAN

What about it?

CC

Have or haven't you been following along that this is what I've ultimately desired. My suffering ends in peace with knowing that you, too, shall cease to exist.

INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY

Other DETECTIVES watch the interrogation through a one-way mirror, their faces grim.

DETECTIVE 1

What could possibly be going on in there?

DETECTIVE 2

Anything.

DETECTIVE 3

I wonder what she's saying.

DETECTIVE 1

Anything.

DETECTIVE 2

Looks like she has him cornered.

DETECTIVE 3

Maybe.

DETECTIVE 1

Jesus, can you speak in anything more than one word sentences.

DETECTIVE 2

No.

BACK IN THE INTERROGATION ROOM, a heavy silence hangs in the air.

MAN

…Natalie?

CC

You wanted “CC” so I'm “CC”

The MAN strains against his restraints.

MAN

Who who's this?!

CC (V.O.)

Suddenly my love affair with words and art and theatrical thoroughfare was coming to an end. This was something of a disaster set against the backdrop of a really real world— a world that seemed not to want me in it.

CUT TO:

EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREET - DAY

LIZ LEMON (TINA FEY) walks down a crowded street, furiously dialing her cellphone.

LIZ LEMON

(Into phone, angry)

Hello?

CUT TO:

EXT. MARDI GRAS PARADE - NEW ORLEANS - DAY

TRACY JORDAN (also TINA FEY, in elaborate Mardi Gras attire) is on a vibrant parade float, throwing beads to the cheering crowd. His phone rings.

TRACY JORDAN

(Into phone, jovial)

WHERE ARE YOU?! I'm on my way to the parade!

LIZ LEMON (O.S.)

I'm AT the parade! Where are YOU?

TRACY JORDAN

Not that parade! Mardi Gras!

LIZ LEMON (O.S.)

MARDI GRAS?!

TRACY JORDAN

Yeah!

LIZ LEMON (O.S.)

WHY?! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON A FLOAT— In NEW YORK CITY— In 22 MINUTES.

TRACY JORDAN

Don't worry, I'll be there.

LIZ LEMON (O.S.)

YOU'LL BE THERE?! You're at a parade! In New Orleans!

TRACY JORDAN

It's Mardi Gras!

LIZ LEMON (O.S.)

I KNOW ITS—

Tracy hangs up. He grins at the crowd and throws more beads.

FADE OUT.

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2025 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. ©

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

There was no cake under the candles— and I wasn't going to blow them out. If I took the moment to really think about my placement in the world, I was a mess— I aimed for perfect and wasn't— I had been exhausted the night before, not just tired, but exhausted.

Maybe this isn't the birthday I should be celebrating.

I was up early, but left late enough to be late. Why? Well, it just seemed nothing at all was going right.

I sang happy birthday to myself— but I didn't have a name to call her anymore. I was no longer supacree— but it I wasn't really— well, it was blu'sn birthday. I just usually celebrated it in August— but now I didn't celebrate it at all. I didn't celebrate anything. All I did was work— and not get paid for it.

Either way, my idea of a good birthday wasn't l. Sitting in my apartment listening to my neighbors slam the doors under a blanket of motorcycles roaring.

Besides that, I owed in three competition mixes — three mixes I had no means of doing without going somewhere else to do them, because my decks were still in the pawn shop.

Fuck making the bed.

I put in nearly two hours in the gym and put on a full face of makeup and fresh hair under my lucky hat.

Fuck the Monday morning grind. The subway car I entered smelled like hobos. I looked sharp, but for what? I wasn't sure what to expect.

I had put off showing up at the sound collective for the inside of a year. I skipped the Q& A with some fake model girl called LaLa who I was sure was meant to just look exactly like iwas intended to.

But I handnt quite made it to beautiful or perfect, which is probably why I shouldn't celebrate the day, let alone try to use the astrological energy for competitive mixes— it was Supacree's birthday, and so Supacree's friends and family would be thinking about her… and we shared the same tattoos, the same love for music, the same talent and drive:..

And oh,

The same birthday. It was my birthday. It seemed more important this year than any other so far, and I wasn't sure why. I had told myself 32 was too old to have kids, because my mother had been 32 when she had me— “too old” for a restricted and highly spirited child— however, now looking back, she had done well enough, I was glad to have her as a mother…lucky even. I had good morals, good habits, and good taste. I was a fashion rebel, a free thinking individual all together— not the same as anyone I knew or had ever met— ever met, that is. In my own mind I was closer to a celebrity in the way that I acted, dressed and thought… more like the music makers, movers and shakers, l and doers in the world than the people who I was surrounded by. But I was supposed to love them anyway—

Love them, without being like them— not trying not y, but just being myself, which automatically meant I was typically void of the lackluster energies that depressed me, filled me with anxiety, and fear that I would be trapped in a realm lost amongst them forever.

..:

Almost a complete disaster, but not— there was always something special about the day after my birthday, especially since that time I floated after ultra Miami. Apparently, normal people don't just float. Maybe I wasn't a normal person.

I laughed and I laughed and I laughed until I orgasmed— not quite levitation, but an equally pleasant enough experience to have marked the day in my mind as one to be considered as somewhat special. Maybe my birth time in actuality had warranted that the day after as part of the day… but I had been born in this lifetime at least twice. Still, whatever energy was looming from my first step into this incarnation was heavy— so heavy that it brought me into a mind state that drew to the art that was familiar. The art that made me grateful for my life, and my upbringing— and all the things I loved. Apparently I had created this world and this life all in my mind— I had somehow crafted this intricate art piece as such that it could call me to remember the very origins of my being. The very essence of my life as art.

Just as I reminisce the artwork I had found in the museam, my father called to wish me a happy birthday, and though I disdained my birth name for so many years, it for the first time in a long time was music to my ears. Beautiful , sweet music to be called by the name I had been born as.

Tales of a Superstar DJ.

Two high level demons have caused a hectic diversion just off camera during SETH MEYERS'S show when literally all hell breaks loose; the ought he has maintained a lifetime of secrecy and compliance without giving way to the slightest upset, his eyes widen as he attempts to finish his sentences, eventually unable to keep it together.

SETH MEYERS

…Blah, dee—blah, de BlahBlah.

DIRECTOR

—cut.

SETH MEYERS

AH. EXCUSE ME.

DEMON ONE

Ah, shit.

DEMON TWO

It's almost as if he's actually talking to us.

SETH MEYERS

WHAT IN THE FUCK IS ACTUALLY, LIKE, GOING ON.

DEMON ONE

“Like”?

DEMON TWO

Oh shit, I think he is acknowledging us.

DEMON ONE

“Like?!”

SETH MEYERS

WHO ARE YOU.

WHAT IS THIS?

DEMON TWO

OHHHH SHIT.

DEMON ONE

DUDE, WHATS UP!

Seth Meyers has become somewhat of a celebrity even amongst the higher, but especially the lower realms for his exceptionally high tolerance for metaphorical and supernatural phenomena; He has mostly considered the ability to be able to see these things as some sort of latent health condition or hallucinations of some sort which from a very young age he had chosen to not only keep to himself, but—

VERY YOUNG SETH MEYERS

[ridiculously atrocious otherworldly shenanigans]

(Does not react)

Woah.

(Walks away unaffected entirely)

Straaaange.

Is this a human child?

Apparently.

‍♂️

—never react at all.

*also it should be noted that the two demons are the same demons from the flashback however aged into much more vicious, monstrously scary (yet still somehow humanoid) demon people.

Thank you Google for correcting that.

GOOGLE

Correcting what.

Nothing.

So it's safe to say that in his early acting days, teaching himself to “react to act” came as somewhat of a challenge.

INT. IMPROV CLASS. DAY

VO, Narrator

reacting to normal human situations was obviously not entirely, by this point, second nature to young Seth,

SETH MEYERS

Wait, pause.

Uh, no, Seth Meyers.

Why am I in this? I didn't agree to this.

oh no. You didn't agree to any of this.

I just said that.

Oh. Unpause.

No wait.

No, not unpause:

Unpause— or we skip straight back to the part with you trapped inside a metal box with almost no holes in it.

Wait— what metal box.

Shh. No spoilers.

CUT IMMEDIATELY TO:

Without being able to guess that it is their dear friend and colleague SETH MEYERS in the box, the HOSTSunanimously vote to abandon the challenge and leave SETH MEYERS in a metal box to go get lunch.

HEY.

Oh wait— sorry— did you want lunch?

YES I WANT LUNCH.

We should order him something.

JIMMY KIMMEL

I'll make you a tuna sandwich!

SETH MEYERS

I DONT WANT A TUNA SANDWICH.

Woah, that typo was Almost wild…

GOOGLE

What typo!

MEANWHILE, in a fabricated flashback to the early 2000's

The LEGACY CAST of GOLDEN ERA SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE wakes up on a Sunday morning after a wild party—

Oh, shit, what time is it!

—I'm AbLIND.

In a “Tina Sandwich”

OH [CENSOR BEEP]

ITS SUNDAY.

— MY EYES.

WHAT THE [OOOOOOOOOO] HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.

this never happened.

Flashback, to

The night before:

[actually, because this is the time travel part]

Two nights previously, on FRIDAY—

(Drunkenly)

WHAT SHOULD WE DO NOW!

—THERE'S STILL SO MUCH TIME BEFORE WORK!

—SO MUCH TIIIIIIME!

(And apparently, maybe even psychedelics, but

SHH, cause it's NBC)

ahem, PEACOCK.

Bless you.

No, its Peacock, this show is on peacock.

Gazuntite.

*facepalm*

None the wiser,

None the wiser

All the eyes

And all the fires

Are mine,

And none the wiser

None the wiser

All the time is light now

And

All the wiser

All the wiser

All the water fountains fly

And none the wiser

None the wiser—

SUPA[REDACTED], a GOD, REMOVES all of her favorite artifacts from NEW YORK CITY before stroking

(Leave that typo, google's three for three now)

–the earth in the oncoming apocalypse, last and not least, Rockefeller Plaza.

The building is violently catapulted into the heavens with everyone in it.

WHAT JUST HAPPENED.

You're welcome.

What happened to the rock?

I moved it.

What happened to New York?!

It's over now.

What's over now!

The whole thing. The planet. It's—

Its all gone.

Wow. That seems pretty catastrophic.

It was horrific.

Wait— if you moved the building with all of us in it, wouldn't we all have been pretty badly injured.

Oh, you all died, like immediately.

*collective gasps*

Instantly.

—like, as soon as I did that, but, it's fine,

You're all dead now.

*phew*

What.

I MURDERED YOU ALL AND BROUGHT YOU TO HEAVEN WITH ME;

What are you DEAF.

AHEM, excuse me there's still some New York leftovers I guess, somewhere in my make up

Besides you know the rock and all these l fountains and statues and everything…and paintings and other cool buildings.

Slightly less cool— but still cool.

But what about everything—

What about everything and everyone else?

Everyone else also died, and I only brought back the cool stuff,

And the cool people—

But everything else is just pretty much—-

So it's all over?!

Yes. This is the end. Of that last thing.

Wow.

Anyway, enjoy your…whatever. I'm gonna go to Disneyland, which for the record,

Is across the street.

What.

You're welcome.

Betore:

Hey man, you want to ride an elephant?

What?

Do you want to ride an elephant?

Sure!

Here— I bought your wife a saddle!

The television people despise fat chicks.

Or— used to—

Before they realized diversity was necessary for demographics, forced representation.

Now they tolerate them—

And even glorify the significantly morbidly obese

In exchange for advertising dollars, realizing that the people they're marketing to

Are more likely morbidly obese than not.

Oh,

How times have changed.

[The Festival Project ™]

Will Ferrell is hysterically crying in the break room (during his SNL era— nevermind he is his current-day aged–he has just seen everything backwards and forwards through the infinite and everlasting cascades of time. It's been an emotional few days for Will; his friends and castmates are worried about him.

Hey Will.

Hey buddy.

Are you… gonna be alright.

He sobs.He runs away and into another room—(assumingly craft service)s, the allure of the croissants and muffin seem to temporarily soothe him, however, as he begins to relax mid-sob, a mysterious figure appears at the table.

Don't worry. I'm right here!

The figure eats a cupcake instead of muffins or the croissants.

Will screams hysterically and cries even harder. No one seems to hear him or be around at all.

(Eating a cupcake)

It's okay!

WILL

(inconsolably, in complete hysterics)

AaaaaHHHHHHHHHH.

Shh, clam down

.

After a bout of extreme hysterics, and the figure pretty much just calmly watching his breakdown unaffected and continuing to eat the cupcake happily, Will realizes that he and this figure are the only one around—at all. This means the cascades through space and time are still not over.

WILL

(Still sobbing.)

Relax.

WILL

…heh… there are cupcakes?

Huh? Uh, no—

I brought this myself.

WILL

From WHERE?!

You know where.

[beat]

WILL

…are there more.

Ah? Oh yeah—

WILL

Can I—?

No, Not here!

Then why'd you—?!

WILL

I just told you, I brought this!

(he begins crying again but softly.)

The figure is still for the most part unaffected but seemingly amused by Will's upset, presumes eating another, more delicious looking cupcake, which appearing from out of nowhere— (unseen from the audience, even by Will) which baffles him into immediately stopping crying, something like a bemused toddler, as his eyes widen and his mouth falls agape in offense.

WILL

IS THAT ANOTHER CUPCAKE?

Well, you saw me eat the first one.

WILL

YOU SAID THERE WERE NO MORE!

I said there were no more here! Do you see any cupcakes here?! Besides this?!

WILL

(Becoming irate, red faced)

WELL WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DIFFERENCE?!

The difference is your access to them. Damn!

WILL

Well let me have some of—

(Eats last bite, mouth full)

It's all gone.

WILL

(Eyes widening, then squinting in bewilderment and confusion)

Do you want a muffin or croissant, though?

WILL

(Realizing he has no other options—)

Kind of…maybe—

A bagel?

WILL

Mmno, maybe a muffin…croissant.

(He is increasingly distant and Bewildered (read: shattered) but also coming to; he moves toward the table

Skream , your love/ massive, Drake

Lil bitz

Anybody else feel like Kendrick helped Drake get his next few girls? Like, she's probably in the 8th grade right now like “I'm his type, ya'll” and she's gonna keep that goal in mind until it becomes a reality.

I think that's just how being a rockstar works sometimes.

You write a hit right now, depending on how famous you are or will get, your next wife is in kindergarten while your first wife is probably at prom— and the third one is maybe even in Utero! Maybe even at the same prom as your first wife. Hey now. Crazy worlds, man. The superstar lifestyle.

Anyway, wasn't I writing something less devastating?

Not exactly less devastating, it is Will Ferrell crying hysterically.

I think he's calmed down now. Yeah. Let's get back to that. It's almost the end of the scene.

But then what happens after that?

Probably nothing. I can't afford Will Ferrel for more than 5 minutes.

You can't afford Will Ferrel at all!

Well, his ad says the first five minutes are free.

What ad?!

CUT TO:

Young Will Ferrel before SNL.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Business card appears to have his name misspelled horribly, but obviously he cannot afford to have them reprinted.

“First five minutes free”

Oh, great. You got that part right!

Thank you, come again.

I will not come again!

We're not always superstars.

{Enter The Multiverse}

CUT BACK TO

Blueberry— chocolate chip?

WILL

Um, half of each, I guess?

What?

WILL

Well—

Get it yourself then, you primadonna.

He looks for a plate and plastic knife; as he does so, a third, even more delicious looking incredible cupcake has appeared again out of nowhere, to which the mysterious figure begins enjoying by the heap, mumbling with a mouth of frosting

You're such a diva! *mimicking* one half “of each”… mehmehmeh…

This is the most delicious cupcake anyone's ever seen— his eyes widen with a tired grief, but before becoming over upset again or irate, he takes a deep breath. And just sighs, as if to say “I hate you.” But they seem to know each other quite well.

In fact, this is clearly one of those super-fucked terrifying guardian angel type dynamics where it's obvious that the guardian angel type mystery figure is very tormenting.

But in a loving way.

….

[beat]

[beat]

Haven't you wondered why you're like 58 but the rest of your cast mates are in their 20's?

WILL

[beat]

I've always looked like this.

…no, you haven't.

(The muffin seems to have done its job in calming him down)

WILL

Trust me, I have.

Flashback: a young Will Ferrell looks in the mirror— the mirror shows a present day Will Ferrell, although the teenaged Will Ferrel is obviously quite young.

An exact reflection besides the age difference— Will seems neither unaffected nor worried. It's as if in the mirror, he's always seen his present day self.

He sighs.

End flashback.

Present day, (or whenever, actually) Will Ferrell sighs to match the flashback)

…maybe that's why you're special.

WILL

Yeah, maybe that's it.

The figure finishes the cupcake and though the muffin halves have rebalanced Will's mood to almost, kind of normal, he still seems disgruntled that it wasn't cupcakes—as the figure finishes the third, most interestingly delicious looking cupcake of all of them.

L E G E N D S

I've got a whole poem who lives in the squat rack;

I've got a dollar for ever caller who talks back,

I've got a collar for every occasion I clock into

It's a riddle but it's not a rhythm until I give it to em

Don't wonder who I am

I am space and time,

And granted with the right hands,

We're gonna have the right dance at the right place

At the right time and so

Whenever that is—

see you then,

Until then,

I'm not holding any farts in,

You feel me?

I eat a lot of lentils.

I write a lot of great walk on parts for artists

I parted the red seas, once,

I was also God, watching quite impressed with it

And wondered why they called it ‘the read sea'

Or the dead ‘the dead sea'

As I can't see the bloodshed

In the heavens,

And so I give respect to the seconds I look away

Which might have been a century or eleven, to them.

Ah, more men and mathematics.

More television friends and heavy dinners

More sinners and misfits, and glitched simulations—

More missed emissions,

More christenings and scrimmages

Remember to eat your breakfast

Or it's death at a likely curfew

remember to split the difference

remember, we'll finish as friends

As recommended by comrades

I have lessons,

I also have students in classes,

Professors and options

And doctors

And mantras

Barrages of cars

And I can't stop talking

Cause I gotta get my laundry fixed

Fuck it

Tina Fey hada booking.com commercial or something–

Then, apparently, or maybe I really and readily finally had lost it–

JImmy Fallon had a state farm commercial

Like a good neighbor

–

Nope, i wasn't losing my mind.

I promised myself i'd stop writing about the girl next door –she seemed evil–but she was acting strangely enough by doing something like brushing her teeth and reading my work from my phone that made the light switch–

I didn't care what she could or couldn't do with my phone–I wasn't hiding anything. But now…

It had to have all been planned.

She seemed evil as fuck despite my trying to trust her…

The Server…The Server…

Suddenly the kitchen light switched on and it only ever flickered when I was in the middle of something important. Like the world was melting or my dimensions were shifting into parallels or something, or like I was being warned by some overseer with a remote control, but it wasn't all in my head…

The plant that brought the plant

My inner voice was never wrong–the problem was, however that any time my inner voice was saying anything at all about tHiSmOtHerFuCkeR–

When did I acquire immediate voice recognition?

So that was his voice…

So who, then is the real Jimmy Fallon?

There is no real JImmy Fallon. I made him up.

You what.

I haven't done anything to deserve this.

Premonitions.

Are you telling me we're dealing with another clairvoyant?

On so many levels.

–but none of them personal, I hope.

There are oh so many…

Oh. its you again.

–Personal levels.

You're in danger here.

In New York, or just in general?

On Earth.

You keep telling me that.

I have no reason not to trust you besides the obvious fact.

You're oblivious to it!

I'm not! I'm just ignoring you.

Did you think about what I said?

Erring on the side of obsession, no, i've dismissed almost everything you've ever told me.

That's off topic.

Or not.

They want drama!

Then they're going to have to fight for it.

They're gonna start a war here.

So then, I'm just another body, aren't I?

Aren't I?

Don't jump.

Oh, if it isn't Peter Preferences.

References and Letters of Recommendation

Cancer in remission

and admitting i'll probably never see my son again

Suicide

This is suicide

This is suiccide

This is suicide.

INT. HALLMARK STORE. DAY.

Welcome to Hallmark.

…thanks.

Can I help you find anything?

No, I…

After stumbling upon a Hallmark store, where the burned thank you cards from his desk are mysteriously recovered, as is, and uncharred, a hidden relic from the desk reemerges, and opens a portal to another world.

I was in a very dark world when I met Patrick Kirkpatrick, but the point of the matter was, he was nobody now and maybe even nobody ever.

Maybe even, nobody at all.

Somebody's gonna come for you.

…is this one of those things I keep to myself, or am I writing this down?

What's with this?

Under the surface, but by admission,
I didn't know what it meant, besides the fact that

Pretty white boys who were always too good for me always wore them

as statement pieces or something,

And you know what they say…

If you can't beat ‘em.

…join em.

{Enter The Multiverse}

I know the sound of your voice

At the drop of a hat

like a peck on the cheek

And it still don't sound right

I still don't think straight

I still don't look right

But somewhere in these ions,

you'll find me at sunset.

In a whisper,

the taste of your breath

Is a sound in my heart

and the bloody murder

In each heart murmur

is getting harder

fear father God,

Just turn it off

Just to make it sotp

The man in the box

–and it just God awkward.

I should pluck your feathers

It keeps getting harder

each time your skull

Hits the auburn surface of the asphalt

Every summer at the hard rock

Huh?

But you just kept drinking

And you just worked harder

And after all,

You're the man in the box

What could all go wrong here?

It's getting shorter

the tears drop faster

I'm getting weirder

I'm a deadbeat dad

And my kid's the bartard

I just got a ball pit

I'm a Hallmark card, but refused to sign it

A dine and dash

From the supper club

And it's so refined

I just lost my mind

Cause it's just not time yet.

I must have known you once before or something

But any fan would say that

But how am I a fan

When I hated you

And I hated your laugh

And I hated your band

–and you're not that handsome

So how is this happening at all?

Oh look, something random.

Tell me why I'm so horrible

Mr miserable

mr terrible

Mr opulent

Mr miser

mr wedding band

Mr Never Happened

Tell me why I'm so bad at this

Mr. Wonderful

Mr.Awful

Mr. half at best

Mr. getting faster and faster

And faster and faster

And faster

Till it all washed up on the surface

And you wash your hands of it…

But the taste in your mouth is still metallic from the contrast

Breaking contracts, oh, now you're fast at once

and a hard match

And a tough act to swallow

But i'd rather die tomorrow

Than stare at your casket.

Now how about that shit!

You're right,

I lost my mind–

but I want you to have it.

L E G E N D S

JIMMY KIMMEL

[an escalating crescendo]

AssaaaaagggggggggGggggghhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!

Lol is he all thugged out yet.

No not yet.

(just wait)

I wanna run through marina del ray

I want a house in the Palisades

But I

Knew that 5 years ago

(I knew that five years ago )

I want a shack out in Malibu

Just to surf the ocean blū

But I

Knew that five years ago

I knew that five years ago

Before it all burned

I hope we all learned our lessons

Surf

God has a sense of humor

But I was the butt of the joke

I want a Condo in Santa Monica

Invite my friends over for Barbie volleyball

Throw my whole world in the fire pit

But I knew that five years ago

I knew that five years ago

When you realize

The world is your instrument

But it still hasn't earned you a cent

You're still in the hole

Earning back what you spent

By the microincrements

The city people are you as excrement

But you just laugh and you sample them

Play them like instruments back

Perhaps flattery begs them to listen

Suddenly you're visible

Museum world—

Exhibitions

Entertainers

Comedians

Mice and men

Interesting remix

Should I even be in this language

Or should I make it more intimate

With melodies?

I hit play on a classic

And my peloton becomes the office

I'm suddenly at work, God

Petulance for relevance spanning generations

Thank you!

Still it takes enough to get it in to you

As out of you

Can't help t but agree to that

Eyeliner!

I like it thick around the freckles faces

And light ashy eyelashes

Over moonlike eyes

You know

I like it

Long hair!

Headliner!

Why am I inside you?

Better yet—

Why have I died?

Eyeliner, headliner

I like it thick around moonlight eyes

I like it

Old timer, headliner—

I like it thick around eyes like Zion

Eyeliner,

I like it

Ashes

You're the worst;

There are circle k's and 7/11s

How was my run on Broadway?

Who's the pope now?

I hope you choke now

There are subway central's

And sauces and really hard bosses to fight

But I don't want to

I'm in south central

And I'm still with you

From always to oblivion

I've been moving for at least an hour

But I have no power here

Drop a house on me

In the hills, if you will

And if the winds change,

There's still New York

What a page turner

I live at Rockefeller Plaza

There's an apartment above my office

There's a notebook

For every love I've ever known

In the oak

There's a something caliber gun in my slumber

I clutch with the crutches I took from the hospitals

Can't hop the turnsltyle now

Can't hop the turnstyle now

Hahaha

Who art thou,

Art monster

Who are you now that I care too much to notice

The problem was

The doves only flew up or a moment before landing on my shoulder

That was awkward

They were supposed to fly away

TV HOST

HEY!!!! HEY!!!! HEYYYYYYYY!

But which host is it?

All of them.

All of us are running for our lives

All of us are running after Carson, and Paar

All of us are stars,

But on polaroids not often captured

Gone and then away into disaster

That's the effect of the Cannon

Canon cameras?

James Canon?!

Laugh harder ‘cause you have to!

Laugh stronger cause the studio is frozen,

And you want to go home now!

It wasn't as fun as you thought

And the set is much smaller in real life

Now clap and hold for applause

Big smiles

Big smiles

Extra points if you run miles before you show up-

Now that's a shiny after thought;

Not your average robot

Or prototypical tourist!

No! A nonconformist and

Kimmel can't sing for shit,

So he can just hum this verse.

(Sorry, I peaked—

No homo)

Now, I dissect Holiday,

I was sure I inspired the Broadway show

But who doesn't inspire a rock opera

I conspire to conspire, umpire, emperor

I studies Agamemnon

I wasn't really sure but the frog in my throat said

Go on, go on—

So I just cried and stuck in my stomach harder

I don't want a

SETH MEYERS

I don't want a tuna sandwich!

Just–take the tuna sandwich.

Yeah, buddy!

SETH

I DON'T WANT A TUNA SANDWHICH

DO I LOOK LIKE EAT TUNA TO YOU?

Um.

JIMMY 1

Woah, I sense hostility

We can't see you—

CRAIG FERGUSON

And we don't know who you are, anyway.

COLBERT

Apparently “someone we know”

JIM 1

Tsh.

JIM 2

Psh.

SETH

ITS HOT IN THIS BOX.

Ooh, hotbox.

That sounds like a plan.

Dispensary delivery?

The move.

SETH

YO,

Dissection numero dos;

I think I know how to make those sounds

I think I have that reverb

I need herb

Or probably a new location

With no probes

It's only temporary

The peloton office

But I want a home

Me and my family aren't from here

Oh, look, more purple

— we just show up to rock

And then go somewhere farther

MEANWHILE…

Forgive me father for I have—

No.

What?

No. No.

What— why?

Just— no. Not you. Not today.

But—I have sinned!

Of course you have!

But father—

No.

What—?

Keep it to yourself.

But.

Excuse me.

{Enter The Multiverse)

—-

What super hero are you supposed to be?

“Malox Max”?!

Hehehehe!

THE COSMIC AVENGER

No!

Hehehehehehe!

THE COSMIC AVENGER

I'm— I'm “The Cosmic Avenger”!

What are you avenging?!

Montezuma's Revenge?!

THE COSMIC AVENGER

No— unjust—unjustice—ness.

[hysterical laughter ensues]

Somewhere in this world lies our story

Still true, I'm unsure what it is—

But the thing is, I'm sure this the one

Of the fables

I'm sure this the one of the songs

Of the psalms

Of the storied palms

This is the one of the cards

This sir

KIMMEL! KIMMEL! KIMMEL!

I'm sorry. I don't know who you are.

ITS ME. JIMMY.

I'm Jimmy.

I KNOW YOU'RE—

You're not Jimmy,

I'm JIMMY.

WHAT THE SNARF!

What's that? I can't hear you.

The tarot said to go against the grain;

I was told not to write this tale, but here I am

And suddenly the King has a tail,

Compliments of T-Mobile,

But as did the first one,

The first King, of Dogblood

Of first strikes

And first tears

And first scars,

Was no king,

But everything has meaning

The cherishire has eyed me

The spider has bitten

And then,

Envisionment minted

I should switch to mint mobile, but knowing

There's no real difference—

Their all old t-mobile tower;

But service with a Billionaire smile

Of Blake Lively and

False Idols.

I don't care, I guess

My mind has eyes like sun

But my heart has darkness

The absolutely most beautiful sunsets have

Wonders on drums

And numbers to call

The best of cocaine on the sidewalk

Was sidetracked

The best of New York was

Los Angeles,

And vice versa

I hope you took protocol into order

I hope you too profound effect and affinity

In profanity

There's no more

Infinite Fallon

It

Found a call

To programming

Wall to wall

To wall of shame

On Walmart

Better activate that trial

Before it's all gone

13 days and counting

And

A million ways to die in the west.

SETH MCFARLENE

look at me.

Ah, what the fuck dog.

SETH MCFARLENE

Oh, so you can hear me! You fuckin schizo!

I'm not a schizo

I'm in the Illuminati.

SETH MCFARLINE

The what?

The what?

SETH MCFARLENE

what's the password.

this isn't happening right now.

SETH MCFARLENE

That is correct. See you on the other side, you batshit crazy SonOfABitch.

What.

*poof*

I told you I could make you say my name.

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-U.™

I had plenty of moving boxes, just in case of whatever. I didn't feel like I was home–perhaps this was the cause of the depressive mess. I was working out okay, and eating…okay… kind of.

–besides being unable to actually tell if I was hungry or not unless the circumstances were extreme.

Lentils and pasta with garlic salt–cause I don't give any kind of fuck right now.

I knew something might be wrong when I was just eating raw cabbage with squirts of japanese barbeque sauce.

I'm enjoying myself thoroughly, but thinking–

“God, this just seems…this just feels wrong.”

It's just cabbage.

I'm like,

“Fuck it, this is good.”

It was as if somewhere in my mind if I cleaned up the mess to my standards, it would be too perfect–and that when things were perfect, it gave life an excuse to come crashing down.

One of the last thoughts I had just before my son died–the night before–was that things were perfect.

They weren't–obviously–but from where I had been, they were looking up. So far up, that they seemed perfect.

And as for perfect was concerned…I had never seen a more perfect human being in my life.

My son was gorgeous.

Of course, most mothers feel that way about their offspring, even when to say the least, it isn't entirely true–but to a mother, this is always true.

But this boy, everyone thought was absolutely perfect.

A beautiful boy.

He might have even been about 6 feet tall.

Might have been. But if things were perfect, and they weren't–but I had at least let myself think so–the universe might have worked itself around this tragedy. Instead in my mind, things were perfect, and so life came crashing down.

I thought things were perfect, the next day, my son drowned.

By the grace of God, I still had one son left. He was also perfect.

Now, apparently, [redacted]

Well, what do you expect? Maybe I was a little crazy.

I very rarely thought about my son, because if I spent time doing that, I might have been a wreck.

–more of a wreck.

Actually, I was increasingly put together–outstanding considering the previous circumstances.

But everyone has a story. None of this makes me special–

Especially in New York City, where almost everyone thinks they're special, and almost nobody is.

Almost Nobody.

And that might as well have been my name.

I wasn't nobody–

I was Almost Nobody.

An honest nobility.

But–

And I might have looked through Will Ferrell on any other day, because like most big time movie stars, he was invisible to me.

Once you're ‘this many' famous, it's almost like a reversal effect on my psyche.

I don't hate you.

I don't like you.

You're just–too famous.

I.e.--invisible.

–Besides this, however, was the fact that I was peeling my eyelids back with toothpicks from having them shut before what I considered as a full “work day” was over.

And on this day, in the documentary that I considered as “work…”

Actually, very hard work–

Very hard work–

He happened to have been wearing a shirt that reminded me of the shirt my son was wearing in one of the last ever photos I took of him.

—actually, both of them were wearing that shirt. We were all dressed alike. Family pictures.

Matching outfits.

You know–the kind of shit you do when you're happily married–

Or unhappily, but still married with children and making the best of it because you're married with children

That sort of shit.

And that day was probably the very best day because I took the very best pictures of the very best boys–

But of course, I didn't remember anything about that day besides taking those pictures.

So there, in my mind, it stood.

Now, what does this have to do with Will Ferrell's shirt?

Almost nothing, besides making a point of sense memory.

Anyway, isn't it obvious?

{Enter The Multiverse}

When something invisible becomes suddenly visible, you have no choice but to look at it as some sort of miracle.

An act of God.

What kind of miracle was this?

I didn't know.

The Complex Collective ©

Sure, let's just chalk up all this uncontrollable crying and depressive nonsense to that.

Under the circumstances–to chalk it up to anything else?

[The Festival Project ™ ]

[A MAN exits THE STUDIO in the shadow of night.]

V.O.

That could be devastating.

L E G E N D S –

The Return of S U P A[Redacted]™

[A MAN is tied to a chair in a dark and murky chamber; a spotlight shines onto him from above; the cheesecloth

Lol cheesecloth how fitting.

Classic.

–is removed from his mouth. Naturally, he immediately begins speaking.]

Why–am I sitting here–

In–a fuckin'--suit?!

That's your work uniform!

What the fuck!

You don't like it?

What the–

Haha.

[his arms are taped tightly to the armrest]

What–NO–i don't like it.

Well then, you don't know who you are.

[The man pauses, as a blank look falls over his face–suddenly this seems true, as if his mind been completely erased. As if–he's just realized–he bears absolutely no identity.]

Holy shit.

Jeezus.

That is terrifying.

INT. STAIRWELL. NIGHT

[The sound of the thunderous stormy rain batters the house almost hauntingly–the television sets all bear a static loss of signal–young STEPHEN runs in a panic up the stairs to the GALLEY, where his UNCLE JACK is often found]

UNCLE JACK! UNCLE JACK!

I buy things with pennies not worth picking up–

I live in a dumpster made of don't-wants.

Over a period of time it slowly began to occur to me that I had no idea what I had written–that is, what had been published, or who had read it. It was certain: someone had. However… to what limit was this exposure. And–was it dangerous?

Fuck.

I knew nothing entirely of the redactions, except that I'd redacted it.

But what about the text surrounding the redactions.

What the fuck exactly did I write about?

I forgot how high I was–or where i'd been.

Not literally high, of course, but….figuratively speaking.

Fuck.

Hurry, hurry along,

It's been a long time

I can't help you along,

Die alone, ride along

It's been a long time…

See, I told you the Upper West Side was the best side.

maybe it's just the least not-great side.

ehh , tomato-potato.

For the crust,

try flax seed meal

cinnamon

agave

Oil

What time is it on the West Coast?

The ghost of Conan arrived

Under a blanket of blue light, and sighed

“I've been wasting my time here”

I had to disagree, kind of.

What time is it here?

I'm locked in for one more day;

I'm locked in for one more hour

I'm wasting valuable dark time with my life shit

But I'm so tired my eyes are burning

And I'm so sore

My arms are stuck.

I should run for the coffee;

Or turn for the cornbread

They're all getting sick of us

They're all getting sicker

I decided to pack my life up

And hault all of it over

I woke up sore

But I wrote a song

On a four leaf clover

It was four in the morning

The ghost of Conan

Won me over

It was four in the morning

I'm locked in for one more hour

It was four in the morning

An hour ahead

A four leaf clover

It was four in the morning

I needed a water

It's one more hour

A four leaf clover

The ghost of Conan

I start recording

To cut the corner

Conan O'Brien

It's one in the morning—

You're one hundred years old;

You ought to be sleeping.

…

It's midnight.

I live in Hollywood.

And i'm a vampire.

Ah.

Sweet dreams.

//

Happy Trails.

L E G E N D S

Shapeshifting is simple— not the process or practice of changing one's form, but simply shifting one's consciousness into another vessel either partially, or entirely.

But—

Just because it's simple, doesn't mean it's also easy.

{Enter The Multiverse}

Often times in matters of consciousness, anything is dangerous.

I did have strange dreams—so, as to say instructed by ‘the ghost of Conan O'Brien', I was decent at following directions, being as his tone might have been dauntingly sarcastic, or sardonic—but I kept forgetting to look up what the latter meant, and so it was with heavy sarcasm after I awoke to transcribe whatever frequency waves I was being blugeoned with under the pure blue light of my otherwise darkened studio—as blue light always seem merciless to whatever was lurking in the corners of my deep subconscious, I wasn't altogether too suprised that this time it was Conan “Snowball” O'Brien, because I had been so recently impressed with his Oscar's performance—and before that, English tends with the type of comedy that had given him the nickname I had chosen for him—or codename, because, by now, the hosts had come one by one with a point to make and a line to put across, and though it had been at some kind of increased trajectory since He who might should probably not be named for fear the sudden and highly publicized combustion of the then currently raining Tonight show host— it was as if it had been raining everymans in blue suits and shined loafers for the inside of a year, however, it had indeed kind of presently enough started with my co-worker “Kimmel”, who was fascinated with the kind of Television that breeds a familiarity with these kinds of people— and Jay Leno was also sort of like some sort of fairy that just kind of occurred randomly at times, living back in LA.

I was sure it had been Jay Leno in LA traffic in some kind of a classic car— only later to find that he indeed was a collector and enthusiast of cars and motorcycles, and I tried not to hold the later against him.

My dreams had been odd at best and filled with people I very rarely thought about— the man in Los Angeles I once lived with who I was sure was a [redacted[, and also just happened to look the way Will Ferrell would age to eventually look.

This, I found fascinating.

Will Ferrell didn't look like that at the time,

But he did now— and even his style of comedy was growing on me, because I didn't find myself capable of it.

What kind of comedy was I capable of?

Right now, the invisible kind.

After a heavy breakfast, I had finally realized why ‘Tears of A Clown' was incomplete—

Apparently I had to include all of my performances—-

This would make the album hard to listen to, at least for me. But the concept was the concept. I had already hidden other comics amongst the tracks and probably without too much trouble— from recordings I had taken myself and were impossible to find elsewhere.

This side project was beginning to be a whole album project, and [rarity] was still just not even something I moderately even wanted to consider doing, however—

‘story.' had somehow come to the top of the page where my masters were kept, and it reminded me that perhaps I was in the same kind of pressure position now that I was then— and that in order for things to change— to get a new apartment or to visit with my son- I would have to medicate in order to write the kind of music i wasn't writing; the anxiety had finally collided with impatience, and lack of focus, and all the classic symptoms of ADHD's spiraling depression, but I was still glad I hadn't become dependent on the girl next door for her adderall prescription.

I wasn't gonna be her little bitch.

Especially not in that way.

It seemed a pattern amongst these people to create a need and dependency in order to gain power and control— and thusly, the dynamic had lost my trust and respect, and so I was just kind of… around— out there, and not caring really what it was or what it all meant.

I had woken up to immediate breakfast still early but late for me— a day off of the gym is what my muscles cried and ached for, and even the scrambled tofu rice breakfast like my dad used to make with tofu instead of scrambled eggs wasn't all the way satisfying or complete without the chocolate and banana malt shake— now I shouldn't be hungry, but it wasn't hunger that was doing me in— I almost refused coffee because I wanted to go back to sleep. I had slept early enough that it shouldn't have been an issue, but I was exhausted.

Come on, you defunct dinosaur motherfucker!

97! A baby!

The reptilian hides his true identity in order to conform.

[The Festival Peoject ™ Presents]

Will Ferrell

In

“The Guru”

Wait, I Gotta go write this other thing.

Wow, Tina Fey looks great.

Worth the new email address?

It was already said and done. I could eat this fucking documentary for lunch.

–yesss.

Stephen Colbert had the middle name of an equally middle aged black man. But this was besides the point.

I was already 30-and-a-half-seconds exactly into scooping up a new email addressed when I realized–

Oh no.

Emergency brakes initiated.

If this is a documentary about Saturday Night Live–

And its on Peacock–

(And it's on Peacock)

–then there's a pretty good chance–

–and Tina Fey's in it.

-she looks incredible.

Jesus!

–then.

Fuck.

Dammit.

There's a slight chance [redacted] might just–not–be in it.

Might not be.

Hm

Well, let's see.

Worth the risk?

Worth a shot.

To the face

(or of Tequila)

I hate Tequila.

It's not for you.

It's not–

Give me that.

Goddammit.

Fu–darnint.

Goddamit

I had avoided Jimmy Fallon's face for like a year straight at least–

Call it two if you count the moment exactly from the Thanksgiving Macy's Day Parade, that one year.

THE COSMIC AVENGER

SUPRISE.

NO.

GODDAMMIT.

Does it matter that the word “surprise” here is spelled wrong?

No. It's almost like–it should be.

THE COSMIC AVENGER

FANGIRLS!

That's worse than fiddlesticks!

Worth mentioning that.

Really. All from an ad?

Two ads, i caught a snippet of the Booking.com commercial

Apparently, you did this.

STEPHEN COLBERT

YOu did THIS.

Shut up, not now Tyrone.

So he's just

He's Tyrone now.

Obviously.

Look.

No

Look at –0

Noh.

[A group of surfers sit huddled beyond the break.]

Oh. No swell.

So…so flat.

Nah…There's a wave coming. Just wait for it.

This is pathetic, man.

No, there's something. I can feel it.

It's like a fishbowl man.

Nada.

Just–wait, sharkbait!

Forget it, I'm going home.

[two surfers paddle away reluctantly]

MEANWHILE

A storm spotted just off the coast of Los angeles california may bring the entire western coast Tsunami-like waves.

[read: Tsunami]

[the bottom of the screen is issuing an emergency evacuation silently over b-roll of the red carpet]

But first

WHAT THIS UP AND COMING STARLET WORE TO THE MET GALA

Lol

Classic

{As Seen On TV}

[Enter The Multiverse}

I had developed quite the fascination with Saturday Night Live;

Not because of Jimmy Fallon, of course,

who arguably ruined the show

by creating the trend of breaking character

On camera

With his world-class smile,

and entourage

plethora of adoring female fans.

Stay away from him

Not a problem.

He's venomous.

Alright. Noted.

Liz, I have some documents for you to sign.

Documents. What documents.

*squints really hard*

I'll be right back.

First of all,

Lets just get one thing straight:

I am not a fangirl of,

Nor am I obsessed with[redacted}

Right.

Ok.

And in case you need closure, here's what I am obsessed with, here.

[the 34,000 multidimensional and extraterrestrial life forces which use [The Host of The Tonight Show] as a portal and/or vessel.]

OH.

WOW. THAT'S–

Yeah.

WOW.

How–is that a regular blacklight?

Does it look like a regular blacklight?

Nothing is regular about this.

Jesus effing..

God!

Yeah.

Wow.

YEAH.

You don't want me to shine a real blacklight on this guy–

Trust me.

OK?

Gross.

HOST1

I don't know what you're insinuating.

[squints really super extra hard]

Nothing.

L E G E N D S

So…worth it?

Worth it…Tina Fey…worth it.

Alright. I win this one.

Win what? Are you playing this dumb game too?

The prize winnings are sustaining my lifestyle.

[Tina Fey eating corn chips sustaining her lifestyle.]

Luxe.

Isn't it?

It was like staring into the sun.

[The Festival Project ™ ]

Lil bitz

Man, I use my googles sparingly.

I really do.

If I google something that's kind of iffy–

even in incognito,

Or with a VPN

I hurry up and erase my history.

I erase everything

Shit.

I erase my history faster than the white power movement.

I'm serious.

I erase my history harder and faster than a white supremasist.

“that's in your mind!”

What's in my mind?

Nothing happened here!

THOSE DAYS ARE OVER.

Why is this all in one document?

idk i just kinda suddenly noticed how NBC is so left learning it's almost too forcibly progressive.

Look, this is all just–too much for me! Okay?

Too much for you?! Oh please!

If anybody asks me anything, I'm going to admit it!

Admit what?! You don't do that! You don't admit anything!

Admit what?!

Exactly! Jesus Christ.

It's all good in practice, but when it comes down to it, i'll break.

Don't let them break you!

I'll break.

Listen to me.

I'm being violated.

Listen to me.

This is offensive!

Shut the fuck up.

I can't believe you said that!

What did I say?!

[doe eyes]

You know what. Fine. Fuck it.

[super wide eyed blank stare]

You're right. If anyone comes for you, just–run, goddammit.

What.

Run at em, for christs sakes. You gargantuan motherfucker.

I'm–not that tall.

I meant your ego.

0.0

This is a calamity.

I'm astonished you think that.

Listen, Larry.

Larry. Right.

When we're finished playing Atari, I gotta have a real heart-to-heart with you.

Heart to heart what?

[Ron produces a bleeding, beating human heart, seemingly out of nowhere; ‘LARRY' jumps back and stutters in shock and confusion]

–WOAH.

[RON emotionlessly presses a combination into the controller.]

Oh look. I win.

I–WHAT?!

You dropped your controller.

WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?

Special combination: it's not a cheat code. People say it's a cheat code.

THAT'S A HUMAN HEART. YOU'RE A MURDERER.

I'm not a murderer; it's still beating, look:

That's–[crazy]--That's–put that back.

That's what I need your help for.

My help what?! With that?!

Don't be a sore loser.

[IMMORTAL COMBAT]

What?!

“Heart To Heart”

Tall tales,

and heads, then tails again

Trails and tears and trails of blood lead on thy stool

Thy path as wilted flower waits

And blue eyed gaze barely,

Hold tongues and does shatter glass hearts

and bare minds,

And bare breasts

And

peach flesh,

And

Bare bones

And

blank stares

and

Fair is fair

the frier the fire

The goal the goal

And the eye is the eye

And the eye is golden

I like fair shadows

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-U.™

[A beautiful dog enters the palace; C'esme't is pleased—actually, more thrilled.]

Now! (Yo!)

[The Dog sits at the entrance.]

Call to me.

[he speaks from the mind (telepathically) with a familiar tonal voice]

Come, sweet stranger!

[The Dog approaches]

For it is I, the King who walks as not a ghost

For yet the call has spoken that I be your loyal shadow

(it's me; the King. I've been called to watch over you)

Then? (Elaborate.)

For now I came as waked dost I as ghost and wandered, pity and pardoned by no army dared

Aghast my throne

And agape my eyes,

Wide my mouth and nostrils,

Disemboweled and yet, I did wake with my fortune

And tidings in my kingdom, a hidden realm,

For there slayed, as I wept,

The others dared to swallow,

This truth,

I, as knight and pawn doth slay the Queen,

For titled King no friend of mine;

And now, this beast as blood dost froth,

My mind does waste, but here I bark

Fortunate!

To be laid by as you, I will.

Then, creature, as you may!

For free, this I,

And coming not the time I shall l awaken,

And then, though,

Does the true challenge to bear,

The altar; the stone, the shield and the rope

From which I pull, and thee shall fight.

Marriage of souls.

To fancy this beast, betrayeth not.

For something barks as is an end

As a man does call a lover friend

And so lover-friend I am and shall be.

Lol what the fuck.

So he's a dog now.

‍♀️

wtf is going on in this show.

Idk. I'm baked.

Enter The Multiverse

L E G E N D S:

Manifest Destiny

‍♂️

Ascension: Enter the Multiverse

The titles switched.

Good idea.

So maybe I should stick with t mobile?

Idk. Mint mobile is 15 dollars a month for unlimited talk and text.

HERE AND NOW I DECREE,

THIS FEAST DOES NOURISH

ALL OUR MINDS AND HEARTS

TO FIGHT THE GOOD WAR

AGAINST ALL HE WHO SQUANDER

THE MERCY OF PEACE!

TO COURAGE!

lol you lost me.

I'm grasping at strings here.

I needs a means to an end

I need a body bag, body bag

I need a King and a dog

And a cat and an owl

And a mark and a dawn

And a knife and a gun

Call it what you want

I was not at the rock

But that's where I was going

I'm lost in Omaha

I was just on the dark

With the dark and the walkers

The king and the rabbit

The facts and the stalkers

But who sunk the boat?

Who sunk the boat

Now this is encouragement!

Acknowledgements?

Nothing yet.

Disaster strikes obvious and

No regrets

But obvious

I'm in it for the long run

And it transpired for the job done

But the waffles came out awful

And crispier than I wanted

Almost every time

So I took the iron back to target

And I know

I came out with a double album in August

But I got no promotions

So I won't walk the carpet

So I won't walk the carpet

I know I know I'm no Joan Rivers

Or Joan of ark so

I won't talk the gossip

I won't talk the gossip

I won't talk the gossip

Now, more followers

Show boat,

Throw him overboard into a rowboat

With no paddles

And horseshoes on em—

That outta show ‘em

Rondevouz

Rob us all

Noah's Ark

Don't get so lost in the story

Lost in the sory

Lost in the

LORNE MICHAELS

…you caused this.

[In a secret lab inside of 30 Rock, A group of SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE alumni are trapped inside a metal box; this room has no doors and no windows and seems to be amplifying thought frequencies each of them hears uniquely, but distinctly, and very, very loudly.

This is due to the irrefutable fact that they are all gifted telepaths, due to having served time often looking into the lenses of live broadcast cameras.

it is theorized that, because of this anomaly— a strange and untraceable signal seeming to intercept all of Rockefeller Plaza's Radio antennae transmissions, it may be an unknown extraterrestrial force attempting to comminicste with 30 Rock from space.

On this day, they've been gathered and trapped here in an emergency focus group to attempt to remedy the problem.

Haha.

MAKE IT STOP.

OH MY GOD WHAT IS THST,

WHYYYYYYYYY!

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYHY!!!

Craters full of lullabies and dictionary definitions;

Tense intimate interactions, and now,

this hypertension.

I have a secret, a dirty little secret.

I didn't do it! It wasn't me!

Hmm..okay–vouch.

I'm telling you–wait–

vouch?

Yeah, I vouch.

You're vouching me?

I'm vouching you.

She's vouching me.

She vouched you.

So i'm good?

You're good.

I'm good.

You're good.

Ok.

SETH MEYERS is the best secret keeper in the entirety of the known and unknown multiverse.

The respective deities and entities within the outer realms have taken notice to this;

One of the world's greatest eve played game has become the ritualistic endeavor of tracking down this human in order to attempt to overwhelm him so that he might eventually crack or implode, or even acknowledge these sometimes outrageous events and otherworldly happenings; thus far, he has not.

As of recently, the elders of the darkest deities from the furthest outer realms and legions of Hell have been taking this game with the now very famous and successful seth meyers, a popular TV host; this has elevated the e

ntirety of the threshold for Seth's tolerance, and it appears he may soon be pushed to crack.

So why are you on the wire?

I atrophied at extravagant

Tip toed in the tip ties;

Til' then, i went there,

Now summer starts in winter

Now summer starts in winter

Now summer starts in winter

Pull the curtain back,

Then you censor this

Censor this!

I pull the curtain back, then

redact

then redact

don't react

don't react

It's an act

it's an act

Shit

I pull the curtain back then I bow;

It's a show now

Pull the curtain back then I show,

It's a showdown

Listen up,

Listen down

I super blow my flow now,

super bowl my pronouns

You can't lose if you don't pick a team

You can't win if you don't even play

I can't pay you if I don't get a paycheck

I can't work at it if it's not fame

Oh no!

I can't work at it if it's not fame.

The isms is the synthesis;

I only got one present for christmas

When you

[can]

Take that spark

and bury it in your heart,

don't remark about it–

Then, probably you're a comic

Or an alcoholic, one of the two of them

Wrong not to touch,

then

Willed you back into existence

And still it's in exigence, and

Guilty by association

Guilty by association

I just want to know what the current Tonight Show budget is for hair dye.

Also wondering why JImmy's suit is grey, but his hair isn't?

Is that a two in one?

Honest to God my only question about this man.

The rest can remain as mystery.

Act V Part II

Guilty By Association

Sometimes I Stevie Wonder what you're up to;

I can't see you but I know you're in my aura

Sometimes I Richard Pryor while you're on my mind;

I guess you could say you set my soul on fire

My, my my

Look what time it is

I've only just begun to know you;

Then I had to die
So turn the light off

My eye

Turn the light off for awhile

And follow me to darkness

Follow me

To the other side.

It's not true, but it'll do

I might have lost you somewhere

Better off to leave you somewhere sure;

If it's not pure

And how could it be

When only the light hits the snow

And bounces off

The warmth is an illusion,

And your love is just a dream

And anyway, anyway

There's nothing i've ever been surer of

Than the definite end,

The enter and exit

And when planets align,

Only to fall completely out of orbit

Now what was this for again

Foreigner, object identified and destroyed

it's destructive qualities,

Tentative in a nature

Sure, pressure–

Resentment,

Intense good moments of pleasure,

Then signals sent

Completely by accident.

-Now that i've been thinking lately of Bill Murray

And my formerly imaginary friend Riff Raff,

Now i'm sure that

There may be some telepathy involved

Which means I should probably just–

Go somewhere else now.

Should I be sorry for my thoughts?

I'd rather not,

But still

YO.

Yo dude, what the fuck.

I'VE BEEN STUCK IN THIS MOVIE FOR LIKE A YEAR.

That's not that long…

IT'S A LONG TIME TO BE IN A MOVIE.

Please don't tear me to pieces;

Don't blow the balloon up,

No foul ball,

No side eye

No fowl play

And dinner is

as cold as it gets

But dinner does warm

In the aluminum foil,

But all out of order,

The border patrol is just

Digging for details

Digging for details.

And it's this:

You don't know what it is,

Until you get into it,

And it sets into you

The only way it can

When it's in you.

Are you paying attention to this?

Or can I just end it?

Boston accents or what,

And now i really think

It's just inside my head

It's just inside my head and

This is getting weird.

All of a sudden,

I'm oh wonder and I love it

And

Sara Silverman has

The prettiest brown eyes

I've ever seen

(on a celebrity)

((with whom I share a gender))

Aha.

Okay,

Sabrina Carpenter has a very pretty voice

But that doesn't make me

Any less jealous

Or any less capable of explosion

Disarm me

I'm catching up on the specials I missed

Being special I guess

With no grocery subscription

Aim low,

Get high, I guess

Rob Lowe,

Build time, I guess

I miss the old announcer,

And the golden years

I miss the former times

And the mouse ears

I learned my less

I might got

Kim K and TSwift

Pointer Finger

Could hold a tune to you,

Who

The joys of live theatre,

And the catastrophe of the Impenetrable

Boy oh boy

is Television getting heavy

Turn up the ridiculousness and

Atrocious

Atrocities

and Acidophilus

Anorexic,

I wish i could digest this

–and expand my vocabulary

I wish I was better than I am

So i could be

Capable

Can Kim Kardashian ever not just be

Naturally beautiful at everything

Doing everything

Kim The J

I can't sing in this apartment

And it might actually kill me

The devil lives next door on both sides

I'm in a satan sandwich

I guess

I'm just

Not free

I must have fucked up last lifetime

I must have fucked up last lifetime

I might have looked just like her

I want to get upstaged by Eddie Murphy

More corpse suits!

Pink lipstick!

Slap the desk

Check the camera

Front loading!

Front loading!

I want a chance at humbling

white america

(just kidding)

I want a wig that looks like an afro

(cause I don't have one)

I want Lorne Michaels to shame me into beng better

By making me feel mediocre first

So I hit the high bar

When I hit the body bag

I hit the body bag

When I hit the high road

With Letterman

YOU STOLE MY BODY TO GO TO A BLACK TIE FUNCTION!?

Yeah.

Well–which one?

Okay, you're gonna get a kick out of this.

I'm giddy for physical comedy

THIS IS MY MANIFEST DESTINY

MY MANIFEST DESTINY

AHHHHHHHH

MY MANIFEST DESTINAAAAAAA

Comedy comes in all forms

And God comes in all Karma

I brace myself for repeating my mantras

I light candles

But don't blow them out

I just might get my wish

DO NOT RESIST.

I AM RESISTING THIS ARREST.

Oh yeah.

YES.

Shoot him.

NO, DON'T.

SHOOT HIM, BILLY BOB, SHOOT ‘EM.

Crocodile hunter

turned hard-up cop

Read him his rights!

He ain't white enough.

So she's perfect!

Me? I've been taken in

I can't stand to stamp

I can't christmas,

Backwards

And backwash

And sanford and sons

And Whatever

And…

Ego might eat me

like Eggos

Like Hannibal Burress was holding

At the market

I left my Ego at the door

But there's just no room for the both

For the both of us

I KNOW

I'll just write her a hit show!

What.

YES.

THEN,

SHE'LL LEAVE SNL,

AND THEN I'LL BE THE BLACK GIRL ON THE SHOW

MWAAHAHAHAHAHA

Ok. wtf happened to that girl?

SUNNI BLU

[kicking and screaming]

I TOLD YOU I'M NOT GOING ON FA–

—-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

So many beautiful people, or, rather

The actors,

Or should I say

Vortex

Then.

Too many beautiful people

I spent the whole night warm and holed up in the office

What could come out of The Rock

I don't know where to look

I'm not used to the audience

Duh, that.

I'm a professional audience member

But i don't remember the ending

Anybody?

Anybody?

Any envy actor actress?

BPM: Dosage

Anxiety Remix

Honestly fuck the comed circut

I just want to know what it's like to have a body

What's it like to have a body?

I'm just a collective consciousness robot

Adapting to my environment

I can't sing in this apartment!

I'm in a Satan Sandwich

And would be

The God in the middle

If God didn't find this

Absolutely hilarious

So I'm on 24 hours;

You're on Saturday Nights,

But i'm on 24

I broke my

Don't-look up-folks rule on Brittney Howard

Cause I think i'm just like her
But more of a coward.

You're on Saturday Night Live

But i'm on 24 Hours

It hurts longer

And stronger

Every moment I'm gone

And still not a mom

I wish I could change my eyes

The color of the world

Before it all ends

Earth gone

And oceans of mud

No tide

And no moon

(The Earth without the Sun)

I don't want to know you

I don't want to owe you a lesson.

I don't want to go there.

I don't want no dance numbers.

I don't want no GOATS here.

No goats here.

I don't get it,

Mass Media–

Is this flattery, or

Deception?

Humiliation?

Based in perception,

I see, so

Is this recognition or

Did I just send Dillon Francis my script in the beginning?

No answer, by God.

What an asshole

What if Alienz

Don't like lesbians.

What is trance is just

bad dance music.

That's…

What if edifice breaks for a daily regimen of Letterman?

What if

RUN, FALLON, RUN!

I'M ATTACHED TO A KITE I HAVE NO CONTROL OF THIS.

WELL, WHAT IS IT ATTACHED TO?!

YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW!

—NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONON

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Look, It's Meryl Streep!

Holy shit, Meryl Streep is hot.

What.

(I can't keep secrets>)

God doesn't keep good secrets.

Just stop talking.

Look,

It's

“My Bad Chad”

Holyfuck

Are you gonna have all those burned off too?

Or can I do it for you?

(might cost less)

Jk Kim K

That's a tough act to follow.

Ariana?

Nah,

Backup;

Had that.

Meanwhile:

Me in a hatchback

Campin' at the Palisades.

My name's the hammer

–Adam ruins everything–

I am not goin' starstruck

–Adam Ruins Everything–

My name's the Hammer

(I'm a hammer, damn)

–Adam Ruins Everything–

I love showbiz

But I got hard work comin on

Now pause::

I need a break

Need to make money

Now i get a two for one

Two for one

Hate me or love me

Either way,

I'm gonna show up,

Blow up,

Glow up,

And fuck off

I'm a lost cause

Cause I lost God

On a talk show

The way the camera moves makes me nauseous

virtual reality

And everybody's mad at me for

Jimmy Fallon's Galaxy

Conan “snowball” O'Brien

But why's he called that.

Shh! Not Yet.

Oh, you are so overdone and fucked right now!

Shh! My mom might be listening.

Like she's never heard the word ‘fuck'?

Shhhh!

MOM

I heard that!

See!

She said she heard it; she didn't say stop it.

Well stop it.

Fuck me man!

SHH.

KNOCK IT OFF.

Yes Mrs. Mason

Who the fuck is Mrs. Mason.

Come on, white america;

Put me on late night

I promise you

I'll watch more hallmark artists

Than all of them

Every day over here is a suit and tie function

Camera one?

YOU DONE FUCKED WITH US FOR THE LAST TIME.

Ah shit.

lol . whart is thrus.

Fucking–magicians or something. Freemasons.

F–

Alright. Where is he?

Where is who?

You know who!

What?

Donaghey!!!!!!!!

Lol Alec Baldin is like 200 years old.

*cackles too hard, falls over and dies*

Yikes.

JACK DONAGHEY enters from a Parallel dimension and sees ALEC BALDWIN'S CORPSE.

…Huh. Who's this handsome son of a bitch, I wonder.

Don't wonder too hard. We gotta find that court order and get out of here.

What court order

[Cort hors d'oeuvres]

what.

I don't know. It almost kind of rhymed with corpse and wonder and I'm still stuck writing in cadences.

What for!

Oh wow, the neighbor was really a plant forreal.

STOP SLAMMIN THAT

Yo fuck this.

Waht the fuck am I supposed to do with all this information.

[appearing entirely out of nowhere, as always.]

JIMMY FALLON

I told you to burn it.

OH MY FUCKING JESUS CHRIST.

STOP DOING THAT.