The Illusion of Success: Why We Feel Unfulfilled Even When We Have It All
What if your greatest achievement was a trap? What if the success you've worked your entire life to achieve left you feeling more miserable than when you started?
This isn't a hypothetical question. It's the shocking reality for countless high-achievers, entrepreneurs, and leaders. It's the central theme of a powerful conversation I had with Keala Kanae, who went from $20,000 in debt and a life of numbing out to building a multi-million-dollar empire. But as he revealed, the real breakthrough wasn't about the money; it was about "unlearning the lies he'd been telling himself".
This is a new perspective that will shatter everything you think you know about success, discipline, and leadership.
Procrastination is Not a Flaw, It's Feedback
We've all been told that procrastination, self-sabotage, and imposter syndrome are signs of a lack of discipline or a character flaw. But Keala offers a radically different view: these are not problems to overcome, but symptoms that serve as feedback.
He explains that every human being has a set of unconscious values that governs their life. When our conscious goals are in conflict with these unconscious values, we experience these symptoms. The 11-year-old boy who plays video games until 2 a.m. is not undisciplined; he is highly disciplined in something he values. The mind's purpose is to help us fulfill what we perceive to be most valuable. Therefore, our procrastination isn't a sign that we're broken—it's a signal telling us when we're venturing away from what we truly value.
The True Meaning of Your Bank Account and Calendar
To understand our own values, we have to stop listening to the "noisy society" that tells us who we are supposed to be. Keala echoes the wisdom of business guru Peter Drucker, who said, "Tell me what you value, and I might believe you, but show me your bank account and your calendar, and I'll show you what you value".
If you're a leader who says you value your family, but your calendar is packed with work and your energy is spent on business podcasts while your kids and spouse are at the bottom of your priority list, your life is perfectly demonstrating what you actually value. When we are pursuing things we truly value, we have
inspiration—an internal, self-sustaining drive. When we're pursuing something low on our value list, we need
motivation—an external force that is never self-sustaining.
The Trap of the "Greatest Human Illusion"
Keala believes the greatest human illusion is thinking we can have one side of life without the other. We are taught to label things as "good" or "bad". When we label something as "good," we're conscious of the benefits but unconscious of the drawbacks. When we label something as "bad," we're conscious of the drawbacks but unconscious of the benefits.
The reality is that equanimity, or balance, is the language of the universe. Keala shares a powerful example: the Black Plague of the 14th century killed tens of millions, but a mutation that stemmed from its survivors made millions of people immune to the AIDS virus centuries later. Was the plague good or bad? "It was both," he says, because both sides exist.
From Forgiveness to Gratitude
This understanding is the key to true healing and fulfillment. We often hold onto resentment. The next step is forgiveness, which is better than resentment, but still comes from the perspective that "I'm right, you're wrong".
The place beyond forgiveness is
gratitude. It is the profound realization that "I see how this benefited me". When Keala went back and re-examined the traumatic memories of his childhood, he realized that the very arguments about money that caused him pain were what honed his communication skills and helped him become a great marketer.
When you realize your greatest challenge was also your greatest gift, "what the fuck can stop you then?".
Your Secret Weapon: Know Thyself, Lead Thyself
This entire journey is about becoming an "authentic leader". Keala defines this as someone who "knows their calling and has the courage to answer the call". This requires shedding the personas and false beliefs we've inherited from a noisy world.
Want to start this journey of profound self-discovery? Keala has a free self-assessment that will help you identify your actual, unconscious values. He calls it The Power Code.
Take the free self-assessment here: thepowercode.com.
