This episode was scheduled to be released prior to the events of this week and I was a little hesitant to release it but feel the topic is important. Life is precious and fragile and sometimes very unkind. We truly never know what the future holds.
But just because we are not guaranteed to live to old age, does not mean we cannot think about or let be known our preferences and wishes for that time. Have you ever thought about planning for death? Your death? A loved one’s? It’s a cringey topic and most people do not like talking about or thinking death, no matter what your age or circumstance.
So full disclosure, I presently do not have life insurance or a will and to be perfectly honest, I haven’t given much thought to them beyond acute interest when I hear it being talked about on a podcast or talk show or at times like these when we are reminded how quickly things can change. I know these things are really important but I seem to always push them down to the very back of my mind.
I do however, oddly think about my funeral. Often. Maybe I am totally alone and whackadoo on this one but I wonder who will be there? What will it look like? What kind of food will be served? I also admittedly have this unhealthy need to be liked. Not admired or anything. Just liked. When I think about my life, how I want to live it and the person I want to be, I often think about my death and how I don’t want anyone I have ever encountered to be happy to hear about it or not even care at all. I want them to think “Oh, she was nice!” (how Canadian of me no?).Even if I personally don’t like someone, I still don’t ever want ill feelings towards me. It makes me anxious to think about. Is that weird? Probably something I should work through...
On this episode, we chat death and dying with Ilene Hart, a wonderful woman who has led an incredible life rooted in service to others, not only as a licensed professional counsellor and certified life coach but as a genuine human being who always acts in kindness and with an open heart. Ilene has the incredible ability to connect with everyone she meets. I have witnessed complete strangers open up to her about their lives and she just soaks it in and then wraps them in love and warmth. Despite being in her senior years, Ilene approaches life with continuous curiosity and appreciation and is an eternal student. As such, I am always learning from Ilene. This past year she had mentioned to me a couple of things I had never heard of before: Death Doulas and Death Cafes. And so I wanted to connect with her to hear her take on a topic that so many of us feel uncomfortable with.
In talking about approaches to death and dying, we are not talking about sudden or unexpected incidences of loss like the unimaginable tragedy of this week. Instead we are talking about living to old age or circumstances when you may know a life is ending for example, with terminal illness. I know this conversation is not going to be for everyone, although ironically death inevitably affects everyone. But I completely understand it is a really tough thing to talk and think about and doesn’t necessarily fill you with the feel goods. So proceed with caution and who knows, you just may see things in with a different perspective. I know I do!
In this episode we chat about:
- Death Doulas and Death Cafes
- Why it is so hard to talk about death
- Legacy projects
- Grief
Links to references made:
- The work of Stephen Jenkinson: https://orphanwisdom.com/
- Death Doula Information: https://endoflifedoulaassociation.org/
- Death Cafe Resources: https://deathcafe.com/
- Jill Schelsinger - for tips on financial considerations for end of life: https://www.jillonmoney.com/
Follow along for more:
- Website: www.theselfcenteredpodcast.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theselfcenteredpodcast/
