The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast

Send us Fan Mail

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

A poem by Portia Nelson, published in her book

There's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery 

                                    Verse I
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I am lost ... I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out. 

                                  Verse II 
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in the same place. But, it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out. 

                                 Verse III 
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in ... it's a habit ... but, my eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately. 

                                Verse IV 
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. 

                               Verse V
I walk down another street.

Triggers come in all shapes and sizes. Some are unavoidable. Some are in your face. Others hit you like a train when you are completely not expecting it. Triggers don't play fair.

'Broadly', there are two types of triggers. Emotional Triggers and Environmental Triggers. (Things going on internally and others are external forces).

Triggers are often linked to unmet 'wants' or 'needs'. Remember, you can't be tempted by what does't tempt you!

You cannot change what you cannot see - because it lives in the unseen/the unconscious. Change cannot begin until you can see the problem; because you have moved it into the seen - into the visible - into the conscious.

Thereafter, there is a process. No quick fixes. Small incremental steps. One step at a time. Like the donkey in the well, with dirt being thrown down on it to bury it, you learn to wiggle and shake it off.

You know there is a problem. You keep on keeping on keeping on falling in it. Learn to get up, dust off and get back in the fight. One day you will walk around it.

"How did I do that?". Because each time you were falling in it, you shook it off, got back up and got back in. You walked around it.

Then, in the distant future, you don't even notice the problem. "Is that really possible Gary?" Yes. But no quick fixes and it is in the distant future, of consistency. Consistently maintaining sobriety. You have learned to walk down another street.

Let The Kairos Centre journey with you.

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

Triggers are a clue to our dissociated Traumas - So says Carolyn Spring in Part 2 of her article on Managing Triggers: https://www.carolynspring.com/blog/we-have-two-choices-when-triggered/

The past events that we want to avoid thinking about or confronting, may be the very things that we need to go after and change. That sounds like hard work and painful - to me. Yet - it may be worth it people!

Triggers can signpost us to unresolved issues that have set up 'avoidance'. They are possible pointers to where some key work awaits your attention.

Triggers are in fact useful guides. "Are you kidding Gary? They don't feel like that". Prove it.

They may be our brain's best attempt to keep us safe by giving us maximum warning time to get ready to respond. Over the years, a maladaptive pattern of responding, has been established by use of the compulsive pattern of behaviours. That has become the normative response to quell the uncomfortable feelings and emotions.

Tell me more. Well - let's sit down and chat with the Amygdala (a part of the brain). Try to persuade it to tone down the response of its 'smoke alarm' warning siren. Maybe it will listen - or not!

You definitely hear me cough, cough, coughing and spluttering, trying to get your attention - that the Amygdale ain't listening to you! Definitely rebellion in the ranks.

It thinks it knows better than you and ain't gonna change any time soon. It will threaten to go on strike first. You'll have an even bigger problem.

So, what are you gonna do after you stop beating it up? It's best endeavours to protect you, have gone awry.

Let The Kairos Centre teach you more about Carolyn Spring's clever and creative ways to turn down the sensitivity of the Amygdala; and even turn off aspects of it.

Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

Email [email protected]

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency | Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Self-Discovery | Healing Journeys | Personal Growth | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | obsessive Thoughts | Minfulness | Self compassion | Psychoeducation | Intimacy building

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

Triggers don't play fair. They are often unpredictable (like a music track which comes on) and moves you from chilled to a fight to maintain sobriety. So underhand. Not a nice play partner.

Carolyn Spring talks about the aftermaths of Triggers, from the sense of Shame, Self-blame, failure, powerlessness, critical self-talk, being out of control.

What is this 'Shame of being Triggers?' Anyone identify with that expression?

Are there only three types of Triggers - which need managing? Not sure about that, but Carolyn Spring knows better:
1. Uncomfortable Associations
2. Distressing Reminders
3. True Triggers

She advocates splitting the problem up into those three types of triggers; work out a strategy for each, whilst asking if the Trigger is an Association, a Reminder or a True/Real/Emergency/Fight Flight Freeze type Trigger.
https://www.carolynspring.com/three-types-of-trigger-three-techniques-for-taming/

Begin the process of empowering self with knowledge - from "learning to manage my critical self-talk and self-soothe rather than lacerate myself after being triggered was a key waymaker on my journey of recovery...."

Remember the correct order. Don't first of all go after changing behaviours. First, change your thinking/(cognition) and in so doing, you change your life, because changed behaviour will follow afoot.

In all your getting, get understanding. In getting understanding, gain wisdom - over time. No quick fixes remember. Don't beat up your brain for the ways it is trying to help you, even though it is doing so amiss - at the moment. 

Let The Kairos Centre teach you and journey with you.

Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. email [email protected]

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency | Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Self-Discovery | Healing Journeys | Personal Growth | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | obsessive Thoughts | Minfulness | Self compassion | Psychoeducation | Intimacy building

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

The cave man/cave woman response of Fight/Flight/Freeze, is alive and well. Don't beat your brain up too badly. It is just doing what it was designed to do to protect you.

The options it chooses or gravitates to, are at times, rather dubious and for Sex Addicts. The relief only lasts 5 minutes, but a much longer regret and repercussion timeframe. The brain needs re-training.

Stress, tension, anxiety, worry, boredom, loss, rejection, conflict and fear are just a few of the adverse emotions which cause loss of homeostasis and ramps up the brain into action - to protect you with Fight/Flight/Freeze. Realise, however, it isn't only negative emotions that trigger a desire. So also, does reward entitlement, which plants the seed of 'I deserve', 'I'm entitled', 'I earned it', 'It's my right','give me lushness'; often flowing from an existing dopamine high from other (non-sexual) activities.

The well carved out grove of entitlement, fires the neural pathway into action. It gets it's cue from the smoke alarm in the brain - the Amygdala. The message it gets is 'let's do what we always do'. No thought is needed or indeed can be reasoned, since the logical brain is nowhere to be found. It has gone offline.

There is no point at all shouting "The cave man/cave woman alarm isn't telling the truth". It is futile. 'Protect and survive' kicks in. 'Acting out" is the drug of choice. 'Feels' too powerful to fight. But even 'Feelings' ain't telling the truth. There is a conspiracy at work and you are losing.

Same old, same old, same old patterns of behaviours galvanise and will repeatedly do so until you begin to carve out a new positive hamster wheel habit of behaviours; a new neural pathway response to those emotions.

12 steps attendance is needed, but on its own, it mostly is not enough. You need an A-Z Recovery Programme. Stop flirting around the edges with lesser endeavours.

Isn't it time to take first steps to craving out that new positive neural pathway/Hamster wheel/habit - which serves you better. A new beginning beckons and awaits you.

Get help: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

Gary McFarlane, Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency | Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Self-Discovery | Healing Journeys | Personal Growth | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | obsessive Thoughts | Minfulness | Self compassion | Psychoeducation | Intimacy building

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

Let me not re-invent the wheel in this episode. There are some really clever people who say it better than me (even if rather brain hurtingly academical)! Read this Article:

The impact of the digital revolution on human brain and behavior: where do we stand?

Link: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.31887/DCNS.2020.22.2/mkorte

".....This overview will outline the current results of neuroscience research on the possible effects of digital media use on the human brain, cognition, and behavior. This is of importance due to the significant amount of time that individuals spend using digital media. Despite several positive aspects of digital media, which include the capability to effortlessly communicate with peers, even over a long distance, and their being used as training tools for students and the elderly, detrimental effects on our brains and minds have also been suggested. Neurological consequences have been observed related to internet/gaming addiction, language development, and processing of emotional signals....
......A particularly important time for brain development is adolescence, a period when brain areas involved in emotional and social aspects are undergoing intensive changes. Social media might have a profound effect on the adolescent brain due to the fact they allow adolescents to interact with many peers at once without meeting them directly. And indeed, published data indicate a different mode of processing emotions in adolescents, which is highly correlated to the intensity of social media use. This has been shown in the gray matter volume of the amygdala, which processes emotions.....
........This suggests an important interplay between actual social experiences in online social networks and brain development......Emotion precedence, peer conformity, or acceptance sensitivity might make teenagers in particular vulnerable to fake or shocking news, as well as unlikely self-expectations, or vulnerable as regards regulation of emotions due to unfavorable use of digital media......"

Let the Kairos Centre come alongside you to reclaim your quality of living life - without shame - bringing colour back to life.

Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Want to know more? Click the link and come get me.

Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

Discover the real, authentic you - without shame.

The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. www.kairos-centre.com 

Gary McFarlane

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

There is a correlation between Sex Addiction and ADHD. When faced with 'danger' on a daily basis (even whilst in the womb!), healthy brain development is derailed and impeded. The area in the brain called the Amygdala (the smoke alarm for danger), increase in volume and becomes over activated.

The Pre-Cortex and Hippocampus becomes compromised. The protective behaviours become 'hard wired'. Lifestyle, nutrition, exposure to toxins and stress, all play a part in activating ADHD genes.

Let's have a brief chat about 'The Pleasure Principle' - of the brain. Pleasure has a distinct signature in the brain. Dopamine release in the Nucleus Accumbens is tied to Pleasure. It is the brain's 'Pleasure Centre'.

Sex Addiction behaviours cause a powerful surge of Dopamine into the Nucleus Accumbens. Those addictive hormones/drugs, provide a shortcut to the brain's reward system - as it floods the Nucleus Accumbens. That shortcut is lush.

The Hippocampus lays down the memory marker as to how this rapid sense of satisfaction is achieved. The Amygdala creates a conditioned response to such stimuli.

Dopamine interacts with another neurotransmitter (called Glutamate) to take over the brain's system of 'Reward-related' learning.That system is important in linking activities for human survival.

Addictive substances and behaviours stimulate the same circuit, then overloads it. Over time, the brain adapts in a way that makes the 'sought-after' substance or activity, to be less pleasurable.

The hunt is on to find more novelty, newness, risk taking and crossing boundaries.

Try this article by Dr Anna Lembke - "Resetting your brain's Dopamine balance": https://youtu.be/azcVRy1X4Fs

Let the Kairos Centre come alongside you to reclaim your quality of living life - without shame - bringing colour back to life.

Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Want to know more? Click the link and come get me.

Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

Discover the real, authentic you - without shame.

The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

I like this article by Luke Gilkerson (as long ago as 2012), when he interviewed a Neuroscientist called Dr William Struthers - author of the book "How pornograpghy Hijacks the male brain"

Dr Struthers explains what hormones and neurotransmitters are involved in porn addiction. Hope you find this intriguing and interesting:

Testosterone: Testosterone drives a man’s interest in sex. Fantasizing or viewing images, will release testosterone. This creates an intense and growing desire for sexual release.

Norepinephrine: Is the brain’s version of adrenaline. It is responsible for making us alert, help us to wake up, fall asleep and to stay alert upon the task in hand. During sexual arousal, it alerts the brain to “Something is about to happen and we need to get ready for it.” It “ramps up” the brain for activity.

Serotonin: is a neurotransmitter tied to mood. Low serotonin levels can lead to struggling with depression. Although not specifically tied to sex, when sexual arousal happens, serotonin is released in small packets in the brain. It elevates the overall sense of excitement and enjoyment. 

Dopamine: Dopamine is not sexually specific (like testosterone). The brain is wired in such a way that it wants to remember where our natural drives are satisfied; Just like when we are thirsty, we know where to find water. The brain is wired to place significance on the place we found it so we can return to that place. Dopamine is the drive-related neurotransmitter that accomplishes this mental focus for us. When we have a dopamine surge, the sense we feel is, “I have got to have this thing. This is what I need right now, and here’s where I get it.” Dopamine is the way your brain remembers how sexual craving was satisfied in the past, pushing you to seek out the same thing in the future. For the porn addict, Dopamine creates a sharp focus on finding porn.

Endogenous Opiates: The body produces natural forms of opium called endorphins. Endorphins relieve pain. Like opium, it gives a euphoric feeling of well-being. When a man ejaculates, these opiates create a “high” and a wave of pleasure coursing over the body.

Oxytocin and Vasopressin: These are hormones released in the brain in response to ejaculation. They help lay down the long-term memories for the cells. They “bind” a person’s memories to the object that gave the sexual pleasure. When someone returns to pornography again and again, this cements a “relationship” with what he has seen.

So, bringing them all together: As a male goes through his day, testosterone levels begin to increase as he stares at the source of his sexual attraction or fantasizes. He creates a desire for sexual release. Norepinephrine is being released, making his brain more and more primed and ready for action. Serotonin is also released, creating a sense of excitement about the pending sexual “payoff.” Dopamine is focusing the mind, telling the brain, “You have to go back to the attraction where that reliable payoff is at.” As he seeks out the attraction, he masturbates, releasing endogenous opiates into the brain, giving him a rush of euphoria. Oxytocin and vasopressin are released, binding him to the images he sees.

Repeat, beckons in the immediate future – when it will all start again and again, and again and again….Until the cycle is interrupted. Interesting hey?

No quick fixes guys. Quick fixes does not exist!

Want to know more? Click the link and come get me. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

Gary McFarlane

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

Remember, you cannot change what you cannot see and don't understand. Even when you can better see the problem and understand it, does not mean that you can change it - quickly.

Insecure Attachment behaviours is one such pattern, which needs to be understood - to experience your "eureka moment" - the light bulb moment.

Parents (or the main caregivers) are lighthouses. Babies, toddlers and children are ships on the high seas. They can go exploring the out backs of Australia on Walkabout, as long as the lighthouse did its job "good enough" for that child's brain; not necessarily perfectly.

Consistent and "good enough" caregiving in the childhood developing years, provides the child with the secure base on which to investigate their world. In other words, grow and develop to become independent at the right time, with own well used tools for adulthood.

When the bonding with those main caregivers is not as it needed to be, because the light went out, got dim, flickered, sometimes on, sometimes off - the developing child had to learn to adjust; not trust; not depend; not seek help; not...; not...; not...;not... (you fill in the blank for you).

The repercussion and consequent is seen in how the (now adult) goes on to do their adult relationship interaction and dynamics. The well grooved, well practiced, well developed childhood pattern of relationship interaction - will likely now play out in the adult relationships and be quite visible - if you look for it.

Let the Kairos Centre come alongside you to reclaim your quality of living life - without shame - bringing colour back to life.

Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Want to know more? Click the link and come get me.

Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

Discover the real, authentic you - without shame.

The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

Love Addiction is often a response to Insecure Attachment. It looks like it is about sex and chasing sexual outlets, but it isn't really about sex - as the core desire.

It is an attempt to gain a sense of 'being wanted', 'being a part of...','accepted', 'owned', 'wanted', 'secure', 'held', 'needed', 'wanted', 'safe', 'protected', 'belonging',

The class clown will play up to that carved out role, because of a recognition that they get laughs. Through the back door, laughs gives a temporary sense of being a part of the group - where life mostly is a sense of not belonging, excluded, rejected, not acceptable.

Any attention is better than no attention. The crumbs off the table is better than nothing.

Friends looking on in frustration and annoyance at the behaviours - self, observing own behaviours - adds to the self-deprecation. The Addict is frustrated. Logic evades them all. The behaviours make no sense. The costs and repercussions from doing the behaviours, make no sense; don't add up.

The repetition, the risk taking, the boundary crossing, the trashing own Values and trespassing beyond own comfort levels - makes no logically sense.

"Why do I do the things which I don't want to do and not do the things which I ought to do?"

Let the Kairos Centre come alongside you to reclaim your quality of living life - without shame - bringing colour back to life.

Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Want to know more? Click the link and come get me.

Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

Discover the real, authentic you - without shame.

The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

The Insecure 'ATTACHMENT' label does not describe accurately, what is really in the can with this label on it! It is exactly the opposite. It typically is set up in the early childhood development years. Often, they are experiences which you can't readily or easily access; but your brain remembers them well and put an identification label/marker on each of them, as and when they occurred.

You cannot necessarily find or access them or the details about them. The brain does it's job well and blots them out from you finding them, so that you do not have a nervous breakdown.

They have been put in boxes. Nailed down and labels attached saying "DO NOT OPEN. We do not lift the lid off these boxes. They contain uncomfortable stuff. They are stored in this area of the brain, to help you get through life without them (too frequently) causing disruption".

They are filed in certain parts of your brain, which are not easily accessible without the right password, situation and environment. They can be prematurely triggered out in situations like watching a Netflix movie. (We need to be balanced in our advertising of Netflix and so add.... Amazon Prime, BBC player, Apple TV, a box set etc!).

EMDR beckons folks. Out of sight is not out of mind - entirely.

Let the Kairos Centre come alongside you to reclaim your quality of living life - without shame - bringing colour back to life.

Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intim

Support the show