On this week's episode: Noah gives up a cool space story to talk about idiots irradiating themselves ... Eli gives up important political stories to talk about syrup ... And we celebrate the end of the year with a very special pocalypse-tacular.
 
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Headline Sources:

CDC warns of omicron variant: https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2021/12/14/omicron-us-spread/

Canada dips into their maple syrup reserves: https://www.wtsp.com/article/news/world/canada-maple-syrup-reserve-shortage/67-d42eb5f2-be13-43d5-86ef-fb3316e5ea52

DeSantis unveils the Stop WOKE Act so parents can sue if their kid learns about CRT:https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2021/12/15/desantis-stop-woke-act-mlk-crt/

Necklace advertised as “anti-5G” turns out to be radioactive: https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-59703523

Scorpion-pocalypse: https://www.npr.org/2021/11/14/1055680400/3-dead-hundreds-injured-after-storms-rouse-scorpions-in-egypt

21 things that made the world a better place in 2021: https://www.wired.com/story/2021-positive-news/

On this week's episode: The Supreme Court has a reply for the voters who sent a message in 2016 ... We’ll get far enough into the Greek alphabet to find Decepticons ... And we learn how a sentient swarm of tiny frogs could affect your holiday travel plans.

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Headline Sources:

SCOTUS seems ready to take apart Roe v Wade: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/01/us/politics/supreme-court-mississippi-abortion-law.html

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/04/us/mississippi-supreme-court-abortion-roe-v-wade.htmlhttps://www.huffpost.com/entry/madison-cawthorns-simplistic-abortion-analogy-misses-the-point_n_61ab8ba1e4b0ae9a42bd4c76

Omicron variant: https://www.cnn.com/2021/12/03/health/omicron-cdc-walensky-testing/index.html

Scientists create first self-replicating biological robots: https://www.livescience.com/self-replicating-biological-robots

Lin Wood tries to clarify which version of crazy he is: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/lin-wood-qanon-deep-state-michael-flynn_n_61aaa010e4b0ae9a42bcce0c

Dude totally got away with robbing a bank: https://www.bostonglobe.com/2021/11/29/metro/hiding-plain-sight-how-one-countrys-most-wanted-fugitives-led-quiet-life-lynnfield/

Trump social media site misses self-imposed deadline for beta version: https://www.cnbc.com/2021/12/01/trump-spac-social-media-company-appears-to-miss-first-deadline.html

On this week's episode: Murder continues to be legal in Wisconsin ... We’ll all overlook what a low bar “build back better” sets ... And the Republican Party gets triggered by muppets.

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Headline Sources:

The Kyle Rittenhouse Verdict, dammit: https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2021/11/19/kyle-rittenhouse-acquitted-all-counts-polarizing-kenosha-homicide-trial/

If the BBB Bill was put forward by Bernie Sanders your shitty cousin who voted for Jill Stein would be splooging their pants over it: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/11/18/upshot/whats-in-democrats-reconciliation-bill.html

Citation for insulin cap: https://www.kff.org/health-costs/issue-brief/potential-costs-and-impact-of-health-provisions-in-the-build-back-better-act/

SpaceX astronauts return to Earth wearing diapers: https://www.cnn.com/2021/11/08/tech/spacex-crew-2-dragon-splashdown-toilet-scn/index.html

https://www.npr.org/2021/11/07/1053383188/a-broken-toilet-on-spacex-capsule-means-astronauts-will-return-to-earth-in-diape

Kamala Harris hold presidential power while Biden undergoes colonoscopy: https://www.reuters.com/world/us/biden-transfer-power-harris-during-colonoscopy-friday-white-house-2021-11-19/

Tomatoes growing from poop: https://www.independent.co.uk/climate-change/news/tomato-sewage-pegwell-bay-b1955704.html

Republicans ban Bert and Ernie, Elmo, and Big Bird from CPAC: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/cpac-bans-elmo-twitter_n_6196ce1de4b07fe20108f653

On this week's episode: Congress agrees to build a bridge as long as no Critical Race Theory drive across it ... Thanks to quarantine protocols, Aaron Rogers finally gets to be the smartest man in the room ... And Republican spies accidentally audition for a tragic farce by the Coen brothers.

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Headline Sources:

Election Day was a trainwreck: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/11/03/us/politics/democrat-losses-2022.html

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/11/04/nyregion/stephen-sweeney-durr-nj-election.html

Infrastructure deal reached: https://www.washingtonpost.com/us-policy/2021/11/06/biden-infrastructure-deal/

Aaron Rodgers is a lying idiot: https://www.cnn.com/2021/11/05/sport/aaron-rodgers-packers/index.html

The GOP and their team of stupid spy operatives - Project Veritas and Jacob Wohl: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/11/05/us/politics/project-veritas-investigation-ashley-biden-diary.html

https://www.newsweek.com/jacob-wohl-jews-christmas-assimilation-gab-1646240

UN Climate Summit wonder what in the world that is: https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2021/nov/06/nicola-sturgeon-says-glasgow-climate-march-will-be-policed-appropriately

High school apologizes for winning too hard: https://www.cnn.com/2021/11/04/us/inglewood-morningside-high-school-football-game-trnd/index.html

On this week's episode: Donald Trump’s Twitter ends up a PornHub ... Heath will present his holiday buying guide ... And we have a very special segment about genital cage safety.

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Headline Sources:

Trump attempts to launch his own Twitter with beer and hookers again: https://www.reuters.com/world/us/former-us-president-donald-trump-launches-new-social-media-platform-2021-10-21/ https://www.nytimes.com/2021/10/21/technology/trump-truth-social-hackers.html https://news.yahoo.com/trump-social-network-given-30-204900628.html

The COVID vaccine makes you immortal (no it doesn't): https://www.cnn.com/2021/10/22/health/covid-vaccines-death-rates/index.html

Rudy Giuliani does campaign video as Abe Lincoln: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/rudy-giuliani-abe-lincoln-filter_n_616fa27ae4b005b245c3a7e4

https://www.thedailybeast.com/americas-mayor-rudy-giuliani-is-in-a-whole-lot-of-trouble-and-he-thinks-youre-really-stupid

Texas school official urges teachers to stock books on the alternative views to the Holocaust: https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/oct/14/texas-school-holocaust-books-race-southlake

Aromatherapy spray was filled with exotic bacteria: https://www.cnn.com/2021/10/23/health/aromatherapy-melioidosis-mystery/index.html

New sex toy standards let some sensitive details slide: https://www.wired.com/story/sex-toy-standards/

On this week's episode: A very different Amazon stops selling through Facebook ... Trump will work really hard not to use “I did too get illegal emoluments” in his defense ... And the US Army gets attacked by a ninja.

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Headline Sources:

Ninja with sword assailed a US Army special ops unit and other random stories from Sep21: https://www.npr.org/2021/10/01/1042487729/a-ninja-with-a-sword-assailed-a-u-s-army-special-operations-unit-in-california

https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2021/

Facebook won't let you sell Amazon land on their website any more: https://www.cnn.com/2021/10/08/tech/facebook-marketplace-amazon-land/index.html

Even with all the grift, Trump’s DC hotel lost a fuckton of money while he was president: https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-organization-hid-payments-foreign-governments-us-house-panel-alleges-2021-10-08/

2021 Ig Nobel Prizes: https://www.the-scientist.com/news-opinion/2021-ig-nobel-prizes-honor-decongestant-orgasms-rhino-transport-69183

Drunk man reported missing joins search party for himself: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/beyhan-mutlu-missing-joins-search-party_n_6157255be4b008640eb3e819

WHO endorses world’s first malaria vaccine: https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2021/oct/06/who-endorses-use-of-worlds-first-malaria-vaccine-in-africa

On this week's episode, Kanye West cries for help at 40 bucks a ticket, OnlyFans will relent and leave Heath’s back up career safe for now, and we’ll take a vacation so soak us in while you can.
---
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Headline Sources:

Afghanistan withdrawal is a homicidal disaster: https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/2021/08/28/taliban-takeover-kabul/Insurance is gonna start charging you to get COVID

https://www.foxbusiness.com/lifestyle/insurance-providers-will-no-longer-waive-all-costs-associated-with-covid-19-
Onlyfans relents on plan to ban adult content: https://www.wabi.tv/2021/08/25/onlyfans-reverses-explicit-content-ban-after-outcry/treatments

Kanye west has another crazy listening party

https://nypost.com/2021/08/27/kanye-west-sets-himself-on-fire-remarries-kim-at-donda-listening-party/
Rudy does a worse job of saying he’s not an alcoholic than Heath: https://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/politics/rudy-giuliani-says-u-s-has-gone-off-the-rails-denies-he-has-alcohol-problem/3243586/
Couple wins lottery twice no they don't:https://nypost.com/2021/08/27/couple-hits-nearly-1m-lottery-on-two-tickets-with-identical-numbers/

On this week's episode: Madison Cawthorne puts his foot in his mouth because what else is he gonna do with them ... Dumb people will switch to something easier to pronounce than hydroxychloroquine ... And Mike Lindell has a symposium about proof that is quadruple absolute.

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Headline Sources:

Mike Lindell holds "cyber symposium" in South Dakota: https://www.businessinsider.com/mike-lindell-cyber-symposium-jair-eduardo-bolsonaro-donald-trump-hat-2021-8

Madison Cawthorn's Tweet About 'Great Fiction Novel' 1984 Gets Mocked Into Oblivion: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/madison-cawthorn-1984_n_61134b44e4b08948dca1d025

Ron DeSantis threatens to withhold school boards’ paychecks if schools require masks: https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2021/08/10/desantis-threatens-school-salaries-mask-mandates-florida/
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/08/13/health/cardona-biden-abbott-desantis-mask-mandate.html

https://www.citizen-times.com/story/news/2021/08/05/protesters-object-buncombe-county-schools-mask-mandate-council-meeting-north-carolina/5507110001/

Ivermectin is a waste of money and the Fed is not a Ponzi scheme: https://www.theguardian.com/science/2021/jul/16/huge-study-supporting-ivermectin-as-covid-treatment-withdrawn-over-ethical-concerns

A bunch of famous people tell us that they’re crazy people who don't wash their bodies:https://nypost.com/2021/08/09/why-are-anti-showering-celebrities-trying-to-make-us-stink/

For the first time in its history, the USA has fewer white people: https://www.reuters.com/world/us/us-release-census-data-used-legislative-redistricting-2021-08-12/

On this week's episode: Not enough people get Eli's Michigan J Frog joke ... We record early in case Noah's state drowns in its own stupidity before our normal day ... And we learn about the dumbest part of the dumbest wall in American history.

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Headline Sources:

Jan. 6 commission to hold first hearing on Capitol attack: https://www.washingtonpost.com/national-security/2021/07/27/january-6-commission-hearing/

We gotta wear masks again: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/07/27/health/cdc-masks-indoors-delta-variant.html

The guy who spent $30 million building Trump’s wall is looking for buyers: https://www.bloomberg.com/news/features/2021-07-22/trump-border-wall-builder-tommy-fisher-is-looking-for-a-buyer

Company determines worst Delta Variant Danger Zone is Noah’s front yard: https://www.news4jax.com/news/georgia/2021/07/26/southeast-georgia-county-deemed-nations-1-delta-danger-zone https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2021/07/27/biden-vaccine-mandate-federal-employees/ https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2021/07/27/health-202-vaccine-mandates-are-mounting-courts-are-upholding-them-so-far/

Simone Biles: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/07/27/sports/olympics/russia-wins-gold-medal-gymnastics.html

MAGA-branded "Freedom Phone" is a black box that should be avoided at all costs: https://gizmodo.com/new-ultra-city-smiths-trailer-has-hit-the-internet-1847312989

And right-wing Twitter knock-off GETTR gets hacked: https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/gettr-the-pro-trump-social-media-alternative-filled-with-trolls-grifters-and-hentai-porn/

On this week's episode: We watched CPAC so you don’t have to ... We did not watch CPAC and Eli’s a liar ... And Sidney Powell accidentally stars in a Christopher Guest mockumentary of herself in federal court.

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Headline Sources:

Highlights from CPAC:
https://www.vice.com/en/article/epnm47/cpac-2021-trump-republican-party-highlights

COVID is skyrocketing:
https://www.cnn.com/2021/07/16/health/us-coronavirus-friday/index.html
https://apnews.com/article/coronavirus-pandemic-health-941fcf43d9731c76c16e7354f5d5e187

Japanese diplomat dismisses summit with South Korean president because he’s “probably too busy masturbating”: https://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/asia/south-korea-summons-japan-undiplomatic-inappropriate-remarks-15239336

Hearing for Sidney Powell and kraken team is the greatest ever: https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/sidney-powell-disciplinary-hearing/2021/07/12/61d44ac4-e0c9-11eb-9f54-7eee10b5fcd2_story.html

The expanded child tax credit is here and it's huge fucking deal:
https://www.npr.org/2021/07/15/1016122095/the-expanded-child-tax-credit-is-here-heres-what-you-need-to-know

Hubble rebooted: https://www.space.com/hubble-space-telescope-backup-hardware-success