The SoCal Byte

It’s a messed-up game. Boston had the Curse of the Bambino. Chicago had the Curse of the Billy Goat. Los Angeles has the Curse of Time Warner. Here’s to a good long run for the game.

Researchers from the Department of Psychiatry, Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics at Zurich University recently discovered that LSD changes a person’s sense of meaning. Under the spell of Lysergic acid diethylamide, significance can be involuntarily added to events. This change in meaning takes place due to the stimulation of certain serotonin receptors not only during an acid trip, but after — in-other-words, with LSD, personal change may be permanent.

Life was complete for the golly-gee-whiz Reagan-loving Hall of Fame broadcaster except for one thing: Scully forgot how to use his voice.

Before Vin Scully retires, the Dodgers need to designate a series of special days — one every homestand — when Scully’s voice can to be heard at the stadium for an entire game again.

On Election Day 2004, when exit polls showed incumbent President George W. Bush losing to Democratic challenger John Kerry, Bush assessed his situation to Time magazine. “It is what it is,” he said. One month later, with Bush cheerleading the White House for another four years, “It is what it is” was declared America’s #1 Sports cliché by USA Today. While Bush rode a FUBAR invasion and a crashing economy to political victory, “It is what it is” was trending.

Are you violently happy, sad, irritable, restless, ecstatic, horny, hyperactive or just not sure? Of course, you are. We live on a bipolar planet and on June 21st it will be at maximum bipolarity. What’s been called the Summer Solstice, should be known as Serotonin Day.

I’m from the National Speculative Institute and we’re currently conducting a survey aggregating the views of people like you. The survey will only take about five minutes and your participation will be greatly appreciated. May I continue? Good. Since I have your permission, let me began by asking (on a scale of 1 -10, ten being more than 1) how often do you change your mind?

The American flag is a symbol of my government — a fabric rectangle, red, white, blue, stars and stripes — the representation, but not the foundation, on which we stand. Anyone can fly the flag and anyone can hide behind it.

MGM's Louis B. Mayer once said, the best way to "handle creative types" was to "hang medals all over them." According to LB, if he gave artists "cups and awards" they’d do anything to please him. I hope not.

Do you want to become a US Citizen? You’ll need to answer a lot of questions. But remember, as the famous non-US citizen Eugene Ionesco once said, “It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.” Nowhere is that more evident than with the US Department of Homeland Security’s Application For Naturalization, Form N-400.