It’s the week’s biggest issue: should the grand final be known as The Big Dance or The Granny?

Well, here’s the tip from Rampaging Roy Slaven and HG Nelson – the Big Dance has to go. In fact, the world’s greatest broadcasters are calling for Government legislation imposing massive fines and points deducted from driving licences for anyone using the term. (Hint: The Granny is not on solid ground, either.)

And what’s next for Sam Newman since he kind of, maybe, quit the Footy Show? HG’s dream is that in a perfect world Sam will team up with Bruce McAvaney for Talking Footy Part Two but Roy’s mail points in a completely different direction … how about Sam After Dark on Sky TV?

“Footy show topics have held Sam back in the past … what people want is Sam in a nappy, covered in boot polish and let off the leash.” (Hint: it won’t be a show for the easily offended.)

With the Sydney Football Stadium now to be demolished, HG and Roy take a trip down memory lane with Roy revealing how he found Barbra Streisand lost in the car-park and how he had to punch a few fans as he led her to the stage.

Did Dave Warner over-do it with the celebrations after scoring a century in his return to local cricket? Well, yes, if you think burning down the clubhouse and jamming fence pickets up the dates of opposition bowlers but as Roy and HG point out, it’s been a long time since he had reason to celebrate so give him a break.

That’s just the tip of the iceberg that is this week’s podcast so welcome aboard to the good ship, The Sporting Probe, and full steam ahead.

While every Sporting Probe is jam-packed with old fashioned, no nonsense Aussie values this week’s podcast somehow finds room for more.

Maybe it’s the time of the year as Spring blooms and Grand Finals loom that pushes Rampaging Roy Slaven and HG Nelson, the world’s greatest sportcasters, to new heights of Aussie excellence.

Maybe it’s the way Winx goes clippety-clop, clippety-clop or the way Bruce McAvaney rides the champion to every win.

Whatever, you’ll find the spirit of the nation here.

Sure, they ask the hard questions and don’t shy away from the big issues like pointing out the lack of old fashioned, no nonsense Aussie values displayed by ‘the idiots steering the Australian cricket team around the park.’

And WHY this year’s Wacky Wednesday was the best ever and HOW to fix the AFL finals schedule and WHAT songs the Black-Eyed Peas will be performing at the MCG and why fans at Lottoland all sit with garbage bags round their gusset area (Hint: lack of toilet facilities plays a big role.)

If that’s not enough to have you licking your lips in anticipation then how about a massive news update from that well-known Barossa Valley town, Nurioopta.

Yep, thought that would do it. Get downloading now!

The issue ‘du jour’ on The Sporting Probe this week is the Murderer and the Immigration Minister’s involvement in Australia’s ‘au-pair’ crisis.

WHAT is ‘au-pair-ism?’

WHY do au pairs only get paid enough to buy an end of week beer, pie and packet of fags?

WHY must au-pairs be ‘au fait’ with AFL current affairs?

These questions and more are answered by the world’s greatest broadcasters, Rampaging Roy Slaven and HG Nelson.

But, of course, there are other pressing issues unpacked and analysed including:

HOW the Adelaide Crows learnt that to be a good husband you have to be a very ordinary football player.

WHO could be  Australia’s next heavyweight boxing contender? (Hint: Shane Mumford? Barry Hall? John Hopoate?)

WILL the US Open umpire’s coaching of Special K revolutionise sport?

And learn how Roy has been helping Chautauqua with barrier issues (Hint: It involves poetry.)

Bonjour!

How good were the greatest broadcasters in the world this week?

Were Rampaging Roy Slaven and HG Nelson (a) good; (b) very good, or, (c) as good as a dingo in a dunny.

You decide as you tuck in to The Sporting Probe’s smorgasbord of tempting dishes.

There’s analysis of the Wallabies Bledisloe Cup loss (“The Wallabies are the best team I’ve ever seen,” opines Roy, “They’re just poorly coached.”)

There’s outrage as The Probe calls on the South Australian Government to pave the road to the home of our Motoring Correspondent’s Mum.

There’s intrigue as Roy and HG reveal why Penrith Rugby League boss Gus Gould will be wearing just his undies and a box on his head to West Tigers games? (Hint: It’s an improvement on dressing up as a woman.)

There’s advice for Network Nine’s Tennis Coverage (Hint: It involves The Sandpaper Three,) and there’s the full line-up of artists performing at Farm Aid including exclusive news about Kanye West’s duet with Phil Collins.

And there’s so much more so, Two-Four-Six-Eight, Bog in, Don’t wait!

Underpant technology is a big issue on The Sporting Probe this week.

Yes, it’s yet another world exclusive as Roy and HG reveal the innovation that will change your world (Hint: the self-cleaning undie is here.)

Also, WHO is responsible for Rafael Nada’s hungry bum problem? (Hint: it involves ex-James Bond star Roger Moore.)

And WHY Port Power captain Travis Boak is the hot tip to be the next Bachelor star? (Hint: he has his own underpants range.)

In a related issue, WHY should rugby fans give the Wallabies the brown-eye as they fly out to New Zealand for the next Bledisloe Cup match.

Drought relief is addressed with the Rooting King Foundation Firewalk For Farmers – find out how you can get involved.

Plus, WHY is Sam Dastyari using chopsticks to eat a pineapple ring and Roy remembers when Vasco Da Gama set sail in the 14th Century with the Portugese Davis Cup team on board.

Finally, WHAT is like a bent copper at a billionaire’s wake and WHO charges more than a blind butcher with leprosy?

Yep, only the world’s greatest broadcasters are willing to explain all.

What a week, what an incredible week and Roy and HG, the world’s greatest broadcasters, are here to unpack all the big issues with a slew of world exclusives.

Only on The Sporting Probe will you discover why every Australian Of The Year will now ride a famous racehorse to accept their honour. And, which horse will be first to take out Horse Of The Year and Australian Of The Year?

In yet another world exclusive, find out why Olympic hero Ussain Bolt is about to go fishing. A lot. Rampaging Roy Slaven and HG Nelson also exclusively reveal Ussain’s on-field techniques when he runs on with the Central Coast Mariners soccer team.

What is Michael ‘The Bubble’ Buble’s connection to Australian sport and why will he be soon singing duets with Rugby League Immortals at a very special concert. It’s another world exclusive.

And you may know which football teams Russell Crowe and Hugh Jackman support but how about Tom Hanks? Yep, another world exclusive.

Can this podcast get any more incredible? (Hint: Yes it can.)

Yet another week of massive collects as Roy & HG, the greatest broadcasters in the world, unpack all the big issues on The Sporting Probe.

WHICH sporting ceremony had laughter, tears, violence and good food? (NB: Not great food, just good food.)

WHAT is the latest dastardly plan hatched by The Murderer aka The Killer to ruin the AFL?

ARE Rugby League Immortals born without Original Sin and HOW do you know if your baby is a potential Immortal? (Hint: does your baby glow?)

WHY is everyone becoming a muzzle freak and breeding greyhounds? (Hint: a million dollar purse is a lot of incentive.) And, WHY are smart dog breeders from all over the world trying to smuggle their dogs into Australia? (Hint: Again, a million bucks is a big incentive.)

Plus, WHY South African cricketer Dale ‘The Underpants’ Steyn believes the Cape Town Trios ball tampering scandal is a cry for help and, Why the Cape Town Trio should be brought back into the Test team (Hint: fans want villians.)

And grubs? Remember, they’re lurking everywhere.

Like our Prime Minister, Roy and HG are ENSURE freaks; bringing certainty to the issues that trouble the nation is a hallmark of The Sporting Probe.

The world’s greatest broadcasters this week ENSURE that all probesters, pilgrims, patriots and punters are thoroughly briefed on everything from Russell Crowe’s acting tips to AFL rule changes to why President Trump is set to become a rugby league freak, (Hint: Hoges, The Shark and Joe Hockey will ENSURE this happens.)

Budding scriptwriters can ENSURE their latest effort is any good by following The Probe’s simple sniff test (Hint: take script in to dunny; if still reading when the job is done your script is probably okay.)

Discover how the AFL can ENSURE their proposed rule changes might work (Hint: they are going to need a lot of very big, very expensive quantum computers at every ground.)

And if you’re a little rusty on your FAMILY FEUD history we can ENSURE you’ll soon be on top of this very relevant subject.

Plus learn where you can purchase the audio-book of the latest edition of Rooting King’s autobiography, I Hate Racing Volume 2, as read by Sam Newman with sound effects by Winx.

Saddle-up!

The greatest broadcasters ever to front a microphone have returned after a short break to help make sense of these changing times.

Yes, The Sporting Probe with Roy and HG is back, refreshed and ready to rumble.

First up, The Dick In The Till website has been given a new lick of paint and the odds are now better than ever (Hint: winning was never so easy.)

Then there’s the World Cup and the simple solution to stop players shouting at referees (Hint: ban them for life; if that doesn’t work, shooting them may be a deterrent.)

The big issue of non-English speaking players swearing on court at Wimbledon is ingeniously solved as is the problem of the State of Origin TV ratings slide (Hint: think Shanghai.)

And Roy and HG have some straight-shooting advice for those past AFL greats who reckon the modern game is unwatchable rubbish.

That’s just a taste of what awaits in this week’s download. If that’s not enough to hook you, then try this: Why does German poetry make Roy sick? The answer to this burning question is here.

“You’re rubbish and gutless.” That was the simple message Roy and HG sent to the referee of the World Cup Socceroos v France game on behalf of all Sporting Probe listeners this week.

Controversial? Sure. The right call? Absolutely.

In a no-holds-barred examination of what went wrong in the Socceroos first game at the World Cup Roy and HG also revealed how our Aussie battlers can win – two words: “Cold steel.”

But Roy and HG don’t just solve the Socceroos problems in this edition of The Sporting Probe – there’s the brilliant plan to solve the Gold Coast Suns problems (Hint: hello, Launceston!)

Also, what is The Murderers involvement in the woes of the Suns and should there be a Royal Commission called to investigate.

Find out whose voice Jeff ‘The Fighting Primary School Teacher’ Horn was hearing in his head while losing in Las Vegas and Grassy Grannell’s thoughts on sportsfolk who hear voices (Hint: the old coach is very harsh.)

And if that isn’t enough Roy and HG ask the timely but contentious question: “Has Winx outstayed her welcome?” Giddy-up!