the STAB! show

In this fiscally sloppy episode of the STAB! show, short seller and host Jesse Jones welcomes a turgid portfolio of a panel of Dylan Fox, Gaby Gilmore, & Bernie Baktashian to share their three JGOFS, nine items on the bathroom walls of American Politics, closing arguments in defense of whoever is responsible for the new colors of new cars. That gray, that blue, you know what I'm talking about, someone who farts in a crowded elevator, & dynamic pricing, dating profiles for Zuggy, an aspiring product mascot, who has yet to land his first big gig, a blimp captain, & a gravy boat full of rubies and emeralds, and erotic letters to the editor of Investopia, Soups & Stews, & Prepper Survival Guide.

In this QUICK! RUN! episode of the STAB! show, SHH! SHE’LL HEAR host Jesse Jones welcomes a panel of QUIET! SIT DOWN! Willie Travis, Kevin Cooley, & Ben Rice to share their three OWs, bootleg versions of Masters of the Universe, Sheep Detectives, & Project Hail Mary, celebrations of various 9/11 things, including the Hope Diamond, BART, the song “Oh Susanna”, National Make Your Bed Day, the Postal Mail Chute, & National Hot Cross Buns Day, dating profiles for a sippy cup full of bourbon, a paper towel tube man just trying to get out there, & a gaseous cloud named Verm’lakt, and recaps of podcasts including a podcast hosted by an entire third grade class, a podcast hosted by two alternate universe versions of the same person, & a podcast titled, “Gotcha, Stupid!”.

In this fluff cardio episode of the STAB! show, nerf aerobic host Frankie Lord welcomes a squish peloton panel of Christy Farley, Dayna Bryant, & Jeff Brown to share their three takes on FRANK, bootlegs of Say Anything’s 2005 Album “... Is A Real Boy”, tumbler.com, & Horse Girls, celebrations of things including the death of the Roman Empire, Kelly Clarkson, Thomas Edison, Dorothy’s ruby slippers, King Charles II, & YouTube data collection, explanations of things in the styles of things, like Bob Ross describing Jim Henson discovering the ideal pupil placement on Muppets, Jenna Marbles describing Grover Cleveland’s secret cancer surgery on a yacht, & CJ The X describing Fortune Street 2011, and their own particular perfect endings to the show!

In this ethereally sticky episode of the STAB! show, milky white host Nick Pettigrew welcomes a divine load of a panel of Marco Cabodi, Frankie Lord, & Joe-Joe Louis, to share their three MTGs, modern mythological tales of the Nintendo Power Glove, how the Farmer’s Market in the Sprouts Parking lot every third Saturday came to be, & Rizz, reviews of made-up Steam games Fate of Night: Dawn of the Daystar Twilight Goddess, Tourist Trap Roadside Emu Farm Simulator, & EA Sports Presents: Donk Toss 2027, nine dead celebrity limericks, and who’d win in fights between Dr. Samuel Loomis vs. Dr. Emmett Brown, L. Ron Hubbard vs. Marshall Applewhite, & Joseph Rogan vs. a Silverback Gorilla.

In this tasty, dank episode of the STAB! show, mushy host Jesse Jones welcomes a soft, chompable panel of Sean Crandall & Tyler Kinney to share their three takes on MRSR, six topical haiku about Back to School Season, recipes for a spiritual guru, & someone who overuses air quotes, reviews of things, including a Car & Driver review of public transportation, & a Yelp review of someone’s curbside pick-up pile, and descriptions of the results of fights between the imagined monsters of a child’s early nightmares vs. the stress dream monsters of an adult’s midweek restless night’s sleep, & the crew of a ghost cruise ship, cursed to sail the pleasure cruise of the damned for all eternity vs. all of the members that a 70s Cover Band have had over the years fueled by the resentment of coming together to clean out the band's storage unit after the guy who had been responsible for covering it finally got enough pressure from his wife to stop paying for it.

In this squishy, sticky episode of the STAB! show, strawberry gel host Jesse Jones welcomes a flavor-splosion panel of Micaela Pettigrew, Nick Coleman, & Kameron Schmid to share their three SWWs, pick-up lines to and from a bicycle built for two, a t-shirt cannon, & a silly ol’ gopher with a cereal box stuck on its hear, recipes for that person who can’t help but play devil’s advocate no matter how much you just wanna vent, a charming, yet lavish ski trip, which will simply delight mummy and papa to no end darling, & someone who’s prone to mishaps and injury, reviews of things, including an Open Table review of the Playdoh food made by a child, an IMDB review of an ex, & a performance review for a guardian angel, and tourism guides for The Active Living Estates of Spry Elderly Grove, Grub-Hub-sylvania, & Hellaville.

In this sadly non-refundable episode of the STAB! show, dejected host Jesse Jones welcomes, six feet apart, a panel of Jenna Swartz, Connor Martin, & Lacey Carroll to share their three takes on RSN, greeting cards for events including, “Congratulations on Somehow Making Ends Meet Again This Month”, “Happy ‘You Got Your Fussy Eater to Try Something New’ Day”, & “Sorry ‘That Promotion In Title Only’ Still Made You Feel Good”, craigslist postings for a spot in an underground tickle fight league, a tour of the exotic, challenging and refreshing scents of the city, & rehoming some of the abominations you’ve created in your lab while working on getting your mad science accreditation, angry poems about House Plants, Drunken Rants, & Pocketless Pants, and descriptions of new businesses including a fusion restaurant offering culinary “fusions” that no one has ever asked for, a fantasy deadbeat/dirtbag camps to otherwise good, nice and thoughtful people who just want to live that life for a weekend, & a printing company that specializes in making prints of people’s posts about big plans for 2020.

In this golden, gooey episode of the STAB! show, steak supporter and host Nick Pettigrew welcomes a tangy panel including Brett Stults, Dani Walsh, & Jesse Jones to share their three different MODOKs, nine exhibits in the Taco Bell Museum of American History, closing arguments in cases including Kevin Spacey fighting a red light ticket, Garfield v. Mondays, & whether or not Debra can still “Get It?”, the spells and ingredients needed to complete several rituals, including how to make friends, a Tulpa of a father that, like, actually cares, & creating one hell of a cheesesteak, and synopsis of made-up movies “Assignment Sensuality”, “My Mother Married Napoleon”, & “The Tower of the Filth Nun”.

In this episode of the STAB! show, that, you know, happened, deadpan host Jesse Jones welcomes a non-plussed panel of Nick Coleman, Michelle Petro, & Tyler Kinney to share their three takes on BURMA, bootlegs of Whiplash, The Fault In Our Stars, & The Lego Movie, celebrations foreign beer, National Tequila Day, Tennessee, Twitter, National Drive-Thru Day, & Gallagher, wedding vows to an Oil Executive, a misplaced sense of entitlement, & the piece of shit you were growing up, and descriptions of new Fall TV shows, Rage and Wonder, Teeth of Victory, & The Skin Controller.

In this eye contact avoiding episode of the STAB! show, shame harboring host Jesse Jones welcomes an reflexively flinching panel Jeff Brown, Gaby Gilmore, & Marco Cabodi to share their three CASMUKs, pick-up lines to or from a rundown neighborhood park, someone in a pharmaceutical commercial, & a boat anchor, breakfast cereals themed around moving in with a girlfriend or boyfriend for the first time, a cereal called “Sugar Frosted Shards of Glass”, & raising a toddler, angry poems about Gallon Jugs, Gasping Pugs, & Grandma Hugs, and descriptions of new businesses including a tiny cartoon squirrel starting up your own bodyguard agency, a chain of vending machines that distribute vibes, & a promoter of eco friendly tractor pulls and monster truck shows.