Nothin like squatting yon hams in a restaurant, opening that gooey maw, and swallowing whole the goods the chef has birthed. But, oh dear Story, how our fellow humans ruin every good time: chattering, snorting, suckin n imbibin n laughin n nose-blowin. The worst thing to happen to humanity was humanity, uh huh. That is, if it really is humanity after all.

Invocation

Psalm: “Prime Cuts”

Liturgical Reading: “The Disgusting Man”

Concluding Prayer

Grin with us next week and we'll grin you one back. Heh heh, that's a promise ooh goo goo

Our dearest Preacher Jackie, the Miss Good Zebrowski, has returned to deliver a story of retribution true. Olden times were worsen times, we can all attest, those of us who knew them. Let us worship modernity, because ain’t nothin like an aisle of chips and a diet to every sugar free. People used to be afraid of birds, ha, and wolves? We saw to that, yes ma’am. I'll kill any bird I see uh huh.

Officiant: Jackie Zebrowski (Page 7, insta @jackthatworm)

Invocation

Psalm: “What Now The Dogs Have Buried”

Liturgical Reading: “The Mother of Nature”

Concluding Prayer

Can’t get me talkin bout bugs, not a good idea. Saw a baby carried off by ants once, and a dog stripped in seconds by termites, the kind that eat dogs that is. Can’t get me talking bout bugs, nuh uh

where does the Boy lead us except to certainty? he takes our hand, cold as his might be, and tugs us along no matter how we resist. curse you, the Boy! we wish not discover the tidings he deems necessary. we wish not endure the vision he sets before us, like a rank feast. ohhh the Boy

Invocation

Psalm: “Garden Boy”

Liturgical Reading: “The Veteran”

Concluding Prayer

well guess I’m done with yun, for now anyhow. stay greasy, uh huh, for a whole ‘nother week, wink wink

the rain is falling on my face and I feel the gusts envelop me, cradle this leakin bod. it's a weatherly hug, uh huh, an embrace for a storyteller true. in another minute I won't be here, and in weeks my name will be forgotten. heh, but there will be more brandons, more brandon than those who came before. what glory!

Invocation

Psalm: “Standards of Decades Forgotten”

Liturgical Reading: “An End to Loneliness”

Concluding Prayer

you should probably call your grandmother today. but never your grandfather.

o! how my lawn it disappoints thee. a damn shame. a foul stinking lot of indecency. i caught the local youth upon it again—more every year, names more senseless than the last. brentyn. l'aurent. david. garf'eld. i curse! i slobber with outcry! what peeves i endure! preach us proper, Sister Callista

Invocation

Psalm: “Cure-All”

Liturgical Reading: “The Grand Circus”

Concluding Prayer

goodness, oh Story, how i wooze, how i dizzy. gonna vom soon, most like. gonna ferment it in a jar till next week—when we takes sips

enter, and feast upon the delights we pilfer, the secret tidings we unearth. sniff it down and get gooey right here, right now with me. we find our own meaning, our own reason to exist when all appears as desolation. heh, though, course, some of us have gooier reasons than others. enjoy this story, read by our dear Brother Daniel Tamberelli.

Guest Preacher: Daniel Tamberelli (Danny and Mike Podcast, Jounce)

Invocation

Psalm: “Foul Blossoms”

Liturgical Reading: “Goop in the Evening”

Concluding Prayer

we love you. we caress you. we are you, when we dream. become us next week, please, young fresh.

ee ee oo oo, a story fine a story tru. mm hmm, a sad one no doubt, about the isolation we all face. i know my solitude most painfully in the shower, amid thy bubbles n scrubbin brushes, where no soul sees you and you have no voice but your own. then i get out, and i have company once more, as the worms squelch under my feet and the pigs rummage for the filth i hath dripped. can there be a desperation profound’r than this? shhhh it's a secret

Invocation

Psalm: “No Nose”

Liturgical Reading: “For A Moment I Had a Friend”

Concluding Prayer

gosh that’s it uh oh. guess you’ll just hafta stink with us next week heh heh

music does not calm every troubled soul, no matter how they might sing, no matter how they might melodicize. the body is a tomb for us, and its desires our chains which constrict and pinch. is a soul troubled by a body truly troubled? use yon bodies to further the glory of The Story, and make sin no more, even if it’s a real raunchy uh oh kind of sin.

Invocation

Psalm: “Twins in Desire”

Liturgical Reading: “Mercy and Condemnation”

Concluding Prayer

join our service next Tuesday. we’ll watch you while you sleep, caress your sweaty forehead with The Story.

some folk work real hard. some folk just sit there, stew in juices, and turn to greases to stain the chairs and linoleum. course, some folk do both. ain’t exclusive, rot and labor. they shake hands just like the rest of us, cept course those of us with them sick hands, nails stenchin proper.

Invocation

Psalm: “Show and Tell” / “Turtle Stew”

Liturgical Reading: “The Father The Mother”

Concluding Prayer

grin with you next tuesday, our sweet lil grinners, our eager acolytes

for this dutiful midnight vigil, the first tuesday of common days, we are graced with the beloved, articulate Cardinal Larson of the Archdiocese of the Church of the Seven Trusted Greases. he shares his many beautiful stories about his travels with us, his healthy, loving flock.

Preacher: Cardinal Ed Larson (of Brighter Side and Roundtable of Gentlemen)

Invocation

Psalm: “Secret Tators”

A Special Sermon from Cardinal Larson

Concluding Prayer

more frothy truth for the greasy and faithful next tuesday