The Strong Within Affirmation Podcast

Smiling Sundays - #393 January 28th The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

I'm The Architect Of My Life

"Whatever good things we build end up building us." ~Jim Rohn

Everything in your life is by design. Where there's chaos, there's order. It may seem like randomness, but that's because the patterns have not been spotted yet. And sometimes the patterns haven't been spotted, because the investigation only happens on a surface level.

We are architects of our lives, but we've bought into the idea that we're not in control of our lives. We've been taught that things happen, and then we go into reaction mode making the best of what happens. Things do happen, and life doesn't always happen how we plan it to happen, but if you build your life on a solid foundation, you will find that you fit your happenings into a confined set of strong walls. And I don't mean confined as in you're trapped, but I mean that you're taking control of the outcome to produce more desired effects.

Think about what an architect does. I know the first thing that comes to mind is they build buildings, and while that's partly true…the very first thing they do is draw out the plan and maybe even construct a model. And in our lives, we think that we are architects when actually we're builders without a plan. And you can form some sort of structure without a plan, but will you create a lasting form from what you've put your work into?

And when we are life builders instead of life architects, we build a structure that looks good only on the surface. We put walls over our pains, we bury our fears underneath it all, and we hide behind paint afraid that people might see the real us. And so we live a life of fear and untruth. We build our life structure on a weak foundation, and when something negative happens in our lives we complain, we get upset, and we fall apart because we haven't truly built a solid personal blueprint.

A strong life isn't in the building materials you use to assemble it; it's in the way you form your foundation. We believe that a strong foundation is derived from the external things we pursue—that good job so we can feel secure with the money we make, someone to marry so we can feel loved, a God to believe in and worship so we can lay our heavy burdens upon Him.

And those ideas are all great things to have in your life, but they're not the core of your foundation. They are parts of your structure. They are parts of you, and maybe even parts of the foundation. But if we make those things our whole foundation, when something goes wrong… we'll fall apart. When a family member or partner dies our lives feel over because they were our world. When we lose a job we crumble because we think that our security has been stripped from us. And when things don't go our way, it's easy to blame God and be upset on how He lets bad things happen to good people. It's easy to say we're not in control of our lives or our happiness. But you don't have to buy into that level of reasoning, you can tell another story, a better story, that you aren't built by the things in your life, those things are only part of you…not the whole you.

And I'm not trying to be callous and say you can't be upset when a death happens of a loved one, or that you can't be afraid when you're unsure what to do next when you lose a job you weren't expecting to be released from, or that you can't look at all the heartaches and pains in life that have happened to you. But if you build your structures, if you build your life upon only things outside of yourself…then you will always be on the edge of chaos. You will always be controlled by what is happening in your life rather than knowing you are in control of how you want to feel at all moments. Because while it feels like things in life are just happening, it's actually a choice. Life is a choice to see it how we want to…as either a tragedy when something bad happens, or something more through it all.

And understanding that a strong foundation comes not from what you have built outside of yourself is a hard thing to truly understand. And really where the beginning phases of your personal foundation start come from knowing your values and living them. We as humans have the tendency to know right from wrong naturally. We know how we should act, we know we shouldn't be upset when tragedy happens as it's only temporary…but when it happens it's another thing to truly know it in your bones. To act accordingly and not let the event destroy us.

In the book I am finishing up, I talk about getting to know your values. So instead of getting into a long-winded discussion on how to find your values, let me tell you a story of a personal training client of mine.

My client and I were talking yesterday, and our inside joke is how she'll always be cussing me out in her head for making her do more reps when she thinks she's done. So while she will huff and puff after I tell her to do 5 more, she always is glad I push her to that point. She's always glad I show her that she was stronger than she originally thought she was.

In fact, she's one of the hardest working clients I have. She enjoys the pain, she wants to feel sore, and she always thanks me for pushing her to her limits…but not during our workouts…that's when she's cussing me out in her head. I always wondered why she was so quiet during the workouts, and now I know.

Anyways, we were in between sets, and she told me about how she would complain all the time before and after her workouts. She didn't want to go to the gym as she asked me in a rhetorical way… "who loves working out? It isn't fun. But they know what they want, and they commit to it."

She enjoyed reaching the goals we'd set for her, but it was always an elusive pursuit because when we'd reach one goal, she would still be comparing her 20-year-old self to her current self. How she didn't have to work as hard back then and how she always looked fantastic. Which caused this cognitive dissonance in her—this perpetual feeling of being unsettled.

And to finish off her story to me, she said that she began asking herself, "Why am I complaining? This is what I want. Why am I making this harder on myself? I want the growth; I want to be pushed, I want to be sore, I want to go out of my way and do the workout." And so she's found a peace in her life by not fighting herself.

And if you think about the things we want in our lives, we fight ourselves the whole time. We fight how it's too hard, and we wished it was easier. And when we're always fighting ourselves, we slow our progress down…or maybe even stop it altogether. Now I'm not saying we can't be upset, but a lot of the things we're upset about are the things we want. And by continually doing this to ourselves we are always in chaos, so when minor inconveniences happen it shakes up our lives. And if the minor things are bothering us so much, when big things happen we're destroyed.

We incessantly complain about the things we have no control over instead of finding the beauty in the moment. We complain that the weather is too hot or too cold never being ok with how it is. We complain that it sucks going to our job and we wish we didn't have to go. We complain about our relationships and usually it's never to the people who can do anything about it. And we complain about our goals, the things we want to do, wishing everything was easier…and it could be if you allowed it to be. If you stopped fighting yourself the whole way.

And so we focus on the superficial walls of our life's structure instead of looking at the smaller habits that help us live within our values. We get so caught up trying to decorate the walls with a paint to cover up our pains and inconveniences, that we don't see the destruction we are doing to our internal foundation.

The reason I'm always talking about choosing to see events better instead of finding the faults within them…is not because I want you to ignore what's going on..but it's that I want you to begin becoming a different person. It's my hope that you can turn a negative into a positive. It's my hope that you can become something more. That you don't just build, but that you plan a better structure. That you become a great architect designing your life in a manner that helps you understand that your happiness or sadness is determined by how you've developed your foundation. A foundation that's focused on your personal values, not from the stamina of the external things or people within your life. Those external things are the bonuses within your life.

Today's Personal Commitment:If you are the architect of your life, how have you been building your life? Have you been going with the flow just allowing external events to decide how you feel and what controls you, or are you constructing a personal blueprint that you govern your life by?

So think about what your personal blueprint would look like, and then ask yourself how you can live within it? The only way to succeed, at least from my personal experience, is to become aware during your mistakes. It's to catch yourself in the act when you feel that something is off in regards to your standard operating procedures in life. And that's the real test, not just staying true to the plan when things are good, but practicing the plan when things are bad. The true test of strength is not in how strong we are in our good times, but how committed we are to staying strong in those bad times.

So design your plan, and know that life will challenge you more than your worst enemy. Life will challenge you by making you prove how committed you are to living in your values. Life will keep asking every moment is this the best path that will keep you strong? Is this the path that you'll be strengthened on? For when we get to know our values and become them…then even the hardest events, yes they might make us stumble for a moment…but they will never stop us…because we've built from within rather than only building superficial walls that look nice but never really kept us safe and strong.

Through intuition, our bodies and minds always have a way of notifying us if we're out of alignment within the life plan we've constructed. So get better at hearing those subtle cues reminding you if you're still building on a strong foundation, or if you've taken a detour and began building on quicksand.

I'm The Architect Of My Life

Thanks for listening. I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together, Personal Development Life Coach- Chris O'Hearn

Contact info- email: [email protected] phone:865-219-3247

Music by: - Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. - I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide

Synergistic Saturdays-#392 January 27th The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

I Hold Onto What Makes Me Stronger

"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go."~Hermann Hesse

One of my biggest problems is holding onto things I should let go of. Take for example this podcast; I tend to have a lot of ideas when I'm writing for it, and during my brainstorming process, I write in stream of consciousness.

I take an idea, and just let all the words fall out of my brain as I put pen to paper (or more accurately fingers to keyboard)—not trying to plan anything out. I work through flow and connecting with my subconscious. And after I feel like I've written for a sufficient amount of time, or exhausted my thought process for the moment, I'll look over my writing to edit and flesh out thin ideas.

I don't outline too much unless it's something bigger. For my book, I needed an outline to keep me directed. By keeping to the outline it kept me on task, and when I felt I was stuck in one chapter or idea the outline gave me other places to look. It helped to keep me writing on something else that I felt more creative about at the moment. But on my podcasts, I don't outline much as I don't want to go into every detail known to man. I just want to get some good ideas out there, and to get not only myself thinking but you as well in being more efficient in life.

The problem I run in to with writing my podcasts is when I don't want to let go of ideas. I'll write something that I think is interesting and I'm like oh this is a great idea you can't let go of this. I tell myself that you as the listeners NEED to hear it, it might be that one piece of information that could change your life. And so what happens, is I put some good information in the podcast that really doesn't fit like it should.

Sure it always seems to work out alright, but it's me trying to cram in too much information at one time. In fact, I did it the other day putting in some interesting facts, but I questioned if I should have used it for another podcast. I lied to myself saying it would have been too much work to delete it or to cut it out and put in my file for future topics.

And so I get lost in the conundrum of whether I should be more concise or whether I should add more ideas in just in case it resonates with someone. By holding so tightly on to things, it makes me afraid. It puts an anxiety on me that keeps me from relaxing. And when I'm not relaxed, I'm not able to put my best content out into the podcast. No one seems to know, or at least I hope I don't bore you to death with my podcast and you just haven't told me, but it's me putting out something that isn't my highest effort. And it's not from me trying, I put hard work into it, but the hard work is misdirected as sometimes it's more about trying to cram everything in, instead of putting the best most concise information in.

I think it's easy to be afraid of letting things go, because you don't want to make a mistake in not putting everything out there that you can. It's the thought that what if I let go of this one thing and I made a mistake and can never get it back. And for me, I sometimes get thinking that more is better, and that I need to provide everything to my listeners.

And by thinking this way it takes me away from my mission. Well, one of my missions. And that purpose, is to be a place that people can get a quick but powerful podcast in changing the way they process their day and their life. And when I try to add in every piece of information, when I over cram a podcast with other ideas, what happens is I convey a message that I don't trust my listeners. It's a message saying that I think I have to hold their hands and spell everything out for them like confused school children.

But what I truly hope for, is that people will hear my ideas and they will finish them—that they will add more to them and make them more complete for their lives. Because while I believe I have good ideas and questions—I believe you have better ones. I believe that when you and I collaborate we make ideas better. So I like to think of myself as the sandpaper on the side of a matchbox, and you as the match…as we come together to ignite a change within.

So what are you holding on to, in a negative manner, because you're too afraid to let it go? Are you like me, trying to get every piece of information out to others because you're afraid that what you say will never be enough? Are you a hoarder of things—worried that you won't have what you need when you need? And so you stockpile everything up afraid to let go of anything just in case you might need it later. Are you afraid of losing people in your lives, so you create relationships that aren't the best for you? Are you afraid of being alone, and so you make poor choices in the company you keep?

Whatever it is that you're holding onto due to fear, they all basically come from the same source—the fear of not being enough. Now listen to me closely here…you will NEVER be enough…because you will ALWAYS be more than enough. And while we will never be perfect, that doesn't mean you won't bring something great to everything you partake in.

We want not to come up short, we want to be worthy for the task at hand, and we want to be every answer that's needed for every problem, and that's the ego speaking. So it's not that you aren't enough, it's that you're trying to find your worth in things, in being something, instead of knowing you already are something. And when you truly grasp this idea at your core…you will stop trying to prove your worth, and you'll be automatically living your worth. Your strength won't originate from fear; it will come from the comfort of being secure under your skin…knowing you are always more than enough.

Today's Personal Commitment:I give you permission to take a break today, or this weekend. We feel we always have to be doing something, or that if we aren't doing something we're being lazy…and so we punish ourselves for resting. You deserve a rest, and not just a break where you feel guilty for not doing something. So take an hour out of your day to do something for yourself, even if it's just purposefully relaxing. Now some people will say I waste too much time watching TV or Netflix, or napping. That's fine if you already do that, but a lot of times we do it mindlessly. So when you choose a reward for yourself, choose purposefully, and tell your mind that you are giving yourself a much-deserved break from all the stress and things you've been holding on to.

By telling your brain this, you are letting it know that it can rest too, and that your brain doesn't have to be thinking about all the things you should be doing instead. That's why when I tend to rest, I never rested. I was always beating myself up for the things I should've been doing. And even though it was a break, it was still draining on me. So be purposefully in your rest. Love yourself enough to silence the chatter in your mind telling you that you have to be busy 24/7. Know you are enough, not by what you do, but by who you already are.

So give yourself a break, know you are worthy, and rest purposefully. And the more you do this purposeful rest, then the freer you'll become. You'll find yourself less stressed, more energized, more creative, and more purposeful. You'll work to hold onto things that matter, not trying to hold onto things out of fear.

I Hold Onto What Makes Me Stronger

Thanks for listening. I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together, Personal Development Life Coach- Chris O'Hearn

Contact info- email: [email protected] phone:865-219-3247

Music by: - Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. - I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide

Fantastic Fridays-#391 January 26th The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

I'm The Best Tool In My Toolbox

"If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail." ~Abraham Maslow

Dwight D. Eisenhower was president of the United States of America, Grace Kelly and Marlon Brando won Oscars for the best actress and actor, Roger Bannister became the first person to run a mile under 4 minutes, and the 1st atomic power station Obninsk opened in Russia. The year was 1954, and like every year before, people had great expectations for having the best year yet.

In fact on January 1st, a much anticipated event was about to happen. My father was a wee young lad at that time, and since I wasn't born yet…he didn't know what amazing was…ok maybe I'm getting ahead of myself here…but my father was telling me a story about how as a young child—he, his parents, and his siblings were eagerly awaiting history to happen. They were in front of the TV waiting for the first coast to coast color broadcast ever. NBC was going to be showing all the glory of The Tournament of Roses parade in color.

Now this event may seem silly to some, but being able to see happenings in realistic color instead of black and white…was a big deal. Think of it like this, if you've ever seen videos of people who are color blind and they put on those new glasses that help them see color, their reactions are priceless. Maybe I might be overstating it a bit, but it was an event that was much anticipated for a long time.

And as my father told me how excited he and his family was…they had their TV on waiting for the switch to happen. The minutes passed like hours as they stared at the screen afraid to blink for they might miss the moment…that one moment that they knew they would tell their children and grandchildren about, saying, "I was there for this event and it changed my life."

They kept their eyes glued to the screen as the switch was about to happen, and they waited, and waited, wondering why their TV hadn't switched over when the parade had come on TV. Was it a glitch, did they have the date wrong when it was supposed to happen, or maybe something else had gone haywire. It wasn't until later that they realized that to see things in color you actually had to have purchased a color television. You couldn't see color with the old black and white TVs. And we all laughed at his telling of the story, as he said who knew that you actually needed a color TV to see color, and he ended the story saying "what a gyp."

Now, I know this is a funny analogy of not having the right tools to see what you need to see or do what you need to…but I want you to think about times in your life that you've brought hammers to a job that required a screwdriver, how you brought a knife to a gun fight, or how you tried to explain something auditorily or visually to someone who is a kinesthetic learner.

In my book that I'm finishing up writing, the first lesson I talk about is choosing which direction to face. Now that can be tricky as it's a subjective process of deciding what's right or wrong. But in the beginning, facing the right direction isn't as important as deciding to face a direction, any direction, to make a choice. Because it's better to move and make mistakes than it is to not move and never learn from making a mistake. And it reminds me of the quote, "show me a person who has never made a mistake, and I'll show you someone who has never lived."

And I think we get trapped by trying to see things only at face value. If you look at some of the most successful businesses around today, you might ask yourself what's similar in their success? I think most would argue that these businesses help people have the right tools for whatever it is they are trying to tackle. But I think it goes deeper than just the physical product or service that's given to a consumer or even an employee within the company…it's what's behind the whole process.

Take for example Apple. There's a story I heard about Steve Jobs talking with his employees when he returned to back to Apple for the second time years later after being fired. He said, "remember that we don't just make tools for people to get their jobs done, we make tools for people to change the world." He also said that "Some people think design means how it looks. But of course, if you dig deeper, it's really how it works."

Or if you were to look at Starbucks coffee, you'd think the product is what makes it so great. And sure people love their delicious beverages, I'm not much of a coffee drinker myself, so I'm taking people's words for it. But what Starbucks did, was to create a 3rd environment for people. It was a place in between home and work that could be visited to get work done, to relax and enjoy a good beverage, to get together with friends and chat, or maybe to get together with colleagues to do some brainstorming. What Starbucks was hoping to create…was an experience.

And if you look at the Disney adventure parks. Sure they're fun rides, they have great food, and fun educational stuff too. It's a great time all around, but what Disney does that I think no other park does, or at least as famously, is they create an experience. You're literally taken to another world that everyone is in sync with. You become part of something more than just a theme park. The Castle, the iconic creatures and individuals who never step out of character, the parade that happens daily—sometimes even two parades, and also Walt's attention to details.

One story of Walt's demand for a great experience even came down to trash cans. He was particular about how trash cans were arranged in the park. He studied people's habits in other amusement parks. And found that after people finish their food, they usually wouldn't travel more than 30 steps before littering their food if they couldn't find a trash can before them. And in the Disney parks, there's an abundance of trash cans arranged so people can always reach one. If that stat is true about people littering, that's a pretty sad statement on our level of commitment as a society in not being lazy greasy bums. Don't be a litterbug people, but I know all of you listening aren't like that.

In each of those examples, they turned the equation around, and they found a way to create something more. They created experiences in helping their customers be fully engaged in what their goal was. I remember reading the book The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, and how he talked about how Starbucks had great employee training courses on giving their employees the tools to handle rude or ungrateful customers. Starbucks went above and beyond to create the environment for the customers, but they also helped guide the employees into making that experience even more. It was an immersive experience at every angle to help the customers with their frustrations, and to help the employees be better equipped to not let a rude customer ruin their day.

Do you have the right tools for the job you're performing? I'm not saying you can't be creative to find better ways, but sometimes we aren't doing things as efficiently as possible. I know sometimes I take the easier road, instead of taking the better road.

For example, I have a few filing cabinets in my home office, and I have all these folders stuffed in the cabinets with no real logical order, or more accurately not taking the time to sort them right. And when I need to find a folder, it takes me awhile to find it since there's no logical order to them. I've forgotten what folders I created, so I have multiple folders with the same topic, which causes redundancy. And so I have important files that should be together, and then I'm pulling my hair out knowing I'd filed that one file but I can't find it.

And the best place to start in creating a more fulfilling life, a more organized life, and a more rewarding work environment, begins by looking within. Yes, it's nice to have the right tools for the job, the newest and latest technology, or whatever makes your job easier. But a great tool won't create something amazing from a lazy or poor craftsman. Are you seeing yourself as the best tool in the toolbox?

I know there are times that we want to get something done as fast as possible, and so we create subpar efforts which produces crappy work. We settle in life thinking it's ok to put copies of what everyone else is doing flooding the market, instead of seeing how we can make a difference, how we can change someone's day, and how we can we put our masterpieces into the world.

So how do we end our commitment to being subpar and create a life dedicated to greatness? Maybe to end that dead end way of living starts by asking these questions…"What am I really wanting to do? What difference do I want to make in the world? And how can I start out small at first and continually grow?"

You see, there's nothing wrong with copying someone or something…in the beginning. In fact it's probably necessary to get better. Most of the ideas in this world aren't all that original, so we should learn from others, but we must then ask how can I add my unique twist to this, how can I add more effort, how can I make what I'm doing matter?

And I think that's why employees, students, and people in general are disengaged…they've been waiting for someone to give them the tools, they've been waiting for someone to tell them how to be great, and they've been stuck in the habit of doing…to just do…not to look beyond and ask how can I create something better?

We all start out copying someone or something in hopes to get better at it, in hopes of mastering a craft, but when does it stop from copying into creating something more? I can't answer that for you, but I hope YOU take the time to really answer it for yourself.

The world has enough imitators, find the right tools externally and internally, and begin creating something more. Get to the root of what you want to create, and be original, be more than what's asked for…and I bet you'll find life will surprise you…in a good way.

• -Go above what your manager asks of you.
• -Give more than what your customers expect of you.
• -And continually ask more of yourself.

And you'll be rewarded with a fulfillment most have never known, because those people decided to be average. And when we shoot for average we become insignificant, we give less than what's required, and we complain wondering why it's never our turn to get what we think we deserve.

Mediocrity is a crippling disease, and we bring it upon ourselves by not understanding that we are the greatest tool for the job. A bad workman blames his tools…but a great workman sharpens his tools and expects more from his tools. Demand more from yourself, in a loving manner, not because someone else expects it from you, but it's what you want for yourself. And the more you challenge yourself, the more you'll find yourself being sharpened without even trying. Be a great artisan, be a great tool, be the answer…the world is waiting for your signature to be placed upon it.

Today's Personal Commitment:Ani Difranco said, "Any Tool is a weapon if you hold it right." Are you a weapon of destruction or are you a tool of great merit? Everything you do will create great things, destroy great things, or create nothing. Do you bring beauty to this world in all you do?

I can't tell you what you should want for your life, but it's my hope that you decide to rise above the attitude of mediocrity that has plagued this world. It's my hope that you see yourself as the greatest tool in your arsenal.

So maybe the best question to ask yourself is, is mediocrity the place you want to make your home?

It's not my goal to change people who don't want to change. But I believe people choose mediocrity when they are comparing themselves to others. They believe they could never be as good as that person. And they're right; you aren't meant to be that person, you are meant to be your own unique person.

When we choose mediocrity, we are essentially saying I am afraid, and I would rather live in fear than to be free from my fear. We are holding back just in case things don't work out, just in case they fail. But if you tried, if you put yourself out there, and gave 1% more than you normally would—then you will never fail because there's more honor in the person who asks more of themselves, than the coward who decides to quit because it was easier.

So if you're stuck in a place of comfort and mediocrity, ask yourself if you want to stay there. And if you don't…begin asking how you got there, what you could do differently, and how you can continually keep sharpening yourself to be a better tool in all that you are applying yourself towards. A fulfilling life isn't in what we received from our work, but in the opportunities we decided to give more of ourselves to. How will you give more of yourself and your life to this world consistently?

You aren't meant to be like him, or her, or them…you are meant to be your own unique signature in this world. So instead of comparing yourself to why you could never be good as them, pivot your mind towards the task of creating your own greatness. And know, you are the best tool in your toolbox, and you are an exceptional tool in this world.

I'm The Best Tool In My Toolbox

Thanks for listening. I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together, Personal Development Life Coach- Chris O'Hearn

Contact info- email: [email protected] phone:865-219-3247

Music by: - Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. - I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide

Thoughtful Thursdays-#390 January 25th The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

I Have No Enemies Because I Decided To Love Them

"In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him." ~Orson Scott Card

On December 24th and 25th of 1914 a temporary truce was called. It is famously known as the Christmas truce where Belgian, French, And British soldiers came out from their foxholes and trenches to fraternize with German soldiers during World War I.

There are different accounts about how such a temporary ceasefire happened…as one account says a sign was written by German soldiers that said "you no shoot, we no shoot" as they got out of their trenches to meet each other. Another account is said that one side would sing a Christmas carol, and then the opposing side would sing another Christmas carol in their native tongue, and finally both sides were singing Silent Night at the same time as the Germans sang it in Latin and the Allied forces sang it in English.

Based upon multiple eyewitnesses and journal accounts, it's uncertain what one thing brought these supposed enemies together. Both sides stopped fighting and killing each other to mingle, shake hands, and exchange small gifts with each other. There are theories how this two-day truce happened, and some will attribute it to being—their proximity to each other. These two opposing trenches—some were said only to be 100 yards away from each other. They could hear the other troops, they could smell their food, and so they literally had gotten close enough to know their so-called enemy. This closeness had changed the orders from superior commanders for the men in the foxholes by seeing the humanity in the side of the enemy.

Now granted this truce only lasted two days, and things went back to normal. But for a brief moment, both sides connected knowing a similar truth—peace. Yes, while each side was at war to win, they saw that each side had a humanity about them that wanted to end the war, to be at peace with each other. And I wonder how long that peace would have lasted if we took out the objectives of the commanders who were far off somewhere else not in the trenches.

Now I'm not saying we shouldn't stand up for ourselves or defend and fight for what's right, but maybe if we got to know who the enemy was, we might not have certain disputes, we might see that we all want the same thing. We want peace within ourselves.

So how do we turn an enemy into a friend?

Maybe it's not about seeing people as our foes, as our bully's, or even as the enemy; but seeing them more as people who are hurting. They're people hurting to fit in and be part of the crowd, so they don't feel so alone. They're people hurting for love, but they don't know how to get it, so they hurt people around them. And they're people confused on how to find peace in their lives. Maybe we can be the one instance of peace in their life by not reacting how they expect us to, as we be above their chatter.

I like to think I'm a nice person, but I know I've done things that have offended people, and probably not purposefully. Some hate that's been thrown towards me might be warranted as I might not have been mindful in how I was around people, but probably most hate towards me was unwarranted. Now, this is not a brag upon myself, but this is to bring an awareness to yourself. When you are a powerful person, when you resonate at a higher, more powerful, positive energy…it's threatening to weaker people.

I've spent so much of my life trying to change my behavior. I didn't want to displease others, as I wanted to be acceptable to everyone. First of all, it was because I never felt I was good enough and I was looking for acceptance from everyone. And secondly, I thought me being this way would minimize conflict. But when you resonate at a higher more powerful energy you will create conflict. Not within yourself but in weaker people threatened by your gifts. They think you have something they want.

John Wycliffe said, "The higher the hill, the stronger the wind: so the loftier the life, the stronger the enemy's temptations." So the more you climb, the more you ask of yourself—then the more you grow. And the more you challenge others to be better, then the more you threaten people, and the more you will tempt people to find fault in you…not in themselves.

The people who resonate at the highest frequencies change the equation. They realize they don't have enemies; they're focused solely upon their objectives. A lion does not concern itself with the opinions of sheep. And I'm not saying anyone is better; I'm only claiming some people are more aware than others.

I've met some amazing people through my podcast, and I still think it's surreal and humbling when people tell me they listen to it and enjoy it. I received an email from a lady by the name of Elana who told me that she, her husband, and her kids all listen to it together in the morning. In fact, the reason I chose the affirmation about enemies today was based on a poem her daughter wrote.

Her daughter Fiona Joy is 11 and is famous in the internet world, and so children at her school can be mean and cruel in how they treat her. Fiona heard the podcast with the affirmation "I Find Magic Wherever I Go" and wrote this poem to help her see the magic in her world differently…and with her permission I wanted to share this beautiful poem with you as well:

Walking to the cafeteriaSauce on my skirt.Someone laughs.I feel hurt.

ButI forgive and let my good feelings show.Cause I find magic,Wherever I go.

Skipping to class,Dirt on my shoes.Someone snorts.I feel blue.

ButI forgive and let my good feelings show.

Cause I find magic,Wherever I go.

Running in PE,I forgot my gym clothes.Someone looks at me.Wrinkles their nose.

ButI forgive and let my good feelings show, Cause I find magic, Wherever I go.

At the end of the email Elana, Fiona Joy's mom, wrote this, "just imagine what life will be like for children who are brought up to be strong within."

So let's not see people as our enemies, let's see the greatness in ourselves, let's see the hurt in others and not take offense for their reactions as we rise above it all—knowing it has nothing to do with us. So stand up for yourself when you need to, but also know there are more times than not that we have to hold our tongue and resonate kindness silently from our heart. I like the saying "never argue with an idiot, for they will always drag you down to their level and win every time." I know the word idiot is harsh in that quote, so let's see people more as ill-informed about living a better way. And let us be the example of living that better life so when they are ready, they won't need our words…they will see our example.

Today's Personal Commitment:How can you see the people who rub you the wrong way as less of an enemy but something different?

Saul Alinsky said this, "Always remember the first rule of power tactics; power is not only what you have but what the enemy thinks you have."

You see the enemy thinks you have something more than they have…and they're right. They want to steal your harmony. They want to steal your calm and peace. So I challenge you to see the bigger picture that a bully, or that those who persecute us, have nothing better to do than to be in our business. So let them be in our business, and let us be ONLY about our business, as we rise above the small-mindedness of those who are hurting and are lost.

So take a moment to think or write down the people who have treated you unfairly, and ask yourself these questions:

• 1) Who do I want to be?
• 2) Should their opinion of me change who I am?
• 3) How do I follow through in being who I want to be?
• 4) How do I want to see those who are hurting? How can I view them with kinder eyes?
• 5) How do I remember my purpose, so those people do not derail me?
• 6) How can I breathe through the problems rather than open my mouth and end my peace?

Good luck friends. I'm sending great energy on your journeys of ending the conflict and creating more peace in your life. Resonate your energy at a higher level. Not because you need to, but because it's who you are. Silence the naysayers, not with your words but with your example of greatness.

I Have No Enemies Because I Decided To Love Them

Thanks for listening. I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together, Personal Development Life Coach- Chris O'Hearn

Contact info- email: [email protected] phone:865-219-3247

Music by: - Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. - I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide

Wisdom Wednesdays-#389 January 24th The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

I Treat Small Matters With Great Respect

"Small minds are concerned with the extraordinary, great minds with the ordinary." ~Blaise Pascal Working harder for something doesn't always mean we are working smarter for something. It doesn't always mean we're working in the best way. Take a moment to think about a time where you put all your effort into something and you didn't get the return that you were expecting?

Ask yourself, why you didn't get it…but take a deeper look rather than saying it wasn't meant to be, or you weren't talented enough, or that someone kept you from it. Ask what's the deeper reason behind all those easy answers. Ask what you could've done differently to help you change the outcome.

For me, I think about sports. Playing ice hockey for a good portion of my younger life I dedicated myself to the pursuit of being better. I'm a shorter guy, so a lot of people didn't give me the credit I deserved, so I earned it. I was faster, I was scrappier, and I trained harder and longer than most of my teammates. Now I am not saying I would've ever made it pro, I wanted to go pro, but the reason I didn't go pro or play to a higher caliber than I did was from how I forced myself to become better. I worked hard, and I pushed myself past my limits, which were a great thing, but I didn't believe I could make it to the level I dreamed about, and so I sabotaged myself the whole way.

I told myself how I was worthless, how I was nothing, how I would never be strong enough, or good enough. I did it because I thought that the boot camp mentality of breaking myself down would make me stronger…but it did the exact opposite. It broke me down, and I didn't have a contingency plan to build me back up. And so I lived my life as a lot of us do, broken and confused, hoping that if we work hard enough, that if we force the pieces together…then things will happen.

Now I want you to hear me clearly, working hard isn't the problem. It's how we work; that's what the problem is. We see the goal in the future, and we want that goal, so we set out to achieve it. We force hard work. We make it about the end goal instead of making it about the betterment of self along the way.

And so we disillusion ourselves by forcing the work, hoping to get to the end as fast as possible. We get upset at the mistakes we make and try to avoid the mistakes, or get past them as fastly as possible—never truly learning from the mistake. We look at the work as the obligation and the mistakes as the scars along our journey. But scars are meant to remind us about the things we went through, not just a lashing upon our bodies, minds, and souls. And so we trap ourselves in a mental loop, thinking that the work is separate from ourselves. That the work is something we do to get something, instead of the work is done to become something.

Think of it this way, I was speaking to someone about their week and I asked them how it was going. They went on to tell me that they were unsure what they wanted for their week. They wanted it to go faster so the weekend would hurry up and come, but also for it to slow down so they could get more done. And I know we are not our jobs, but there's confusion in thinking that we are only working to make a paycheck. Yes, you may not be in your calling, but your calling won't always be your job. And one of the greatest callings you will have, will be making the most of your moments that you're in… no matter how crappy, how hard, or how unfortunate it may be.

We wait for the spotlight to shine so we can have our moment. All the while, never realizing we are the spotlight. That the monotony of the work isn't the problem; it's our attitude that needs to be worked on. Yes, you may be destined for greater things than just the small dealings of life. But when we treat the small, seemingly minor, and unimportant tasks of life as nothings, we will then treat the bigger things with improper respect as well.

Basically how we treat one thing will be how we treat another. How we do anything in this life is how we do everything.

I've spent most of my life waiting for the great things to come my way, thinking if I worked hard enough, or I waited long enough that they would find me. But the great things were already here, I just had my eyes focused on the wrong thing. I thought great things meant big things. I thought that the great things were the goals in the future…and so I lost perspective of my life.

People dream of winning the lottery. Every time the lottery gets up to a new high number tons of people go out to buy a ticket, and they talk about what they would buy if they won the big jackpot. People think winning the lottery will change their lives. And it will, but maybe not how you thought it would.

A friend of mine was telling me about an article they read about past lottery winners in how it actually ruined their lives. They spent all their money too fast and went bankrupt. Which seems so crazy to us, but when you are spending a million here or a million there on things it can go pretty fast. You don't have a respect for money like you once did, if you ever did, because you didn't have to earn it…you just bought a ticket worth a few dollars. And the other thing that happens with lotto winner is it ruins their relationships. The article talked about everyone they knew starts hounding them for money. And that's why I stay poor and ugly, so I know people truly love me for who I really am.

But in all seriousness, we treat our lives like the lottery. And when we can't learn to respect the smaller wins in life, and we're always looking to win the big jackpot, we miss some beautiful things along the way. We then take life for granted as we don't learn to respect life like it deserves. The small things become big things. The small things are what prepare us to be able to hold onto those bigger things we dream of.

So go and win your lottery, but know the lottery wasn't in the luck of buying a ticket, it was in putting in the daily work, the daily grind, it was learning from the mistakes to become better, and it was in respecting the smaller tasks and things in our lives…to help us respect the bigger things that will come our way. Because if we can't see the beauty in the small amazing things in our lives now…what makes you think you'll be aware enough to see the bigger things when they do come into your life? You've probably already missed a few of them by keeping your eyes up in the clouds instead of keeping them focused in the now. And that would be a shame because your life is literally…flashing before your eyes. And not in a good way…unless you are purposefully trying to miss the best parts of life.

Today's Personal Commitment:During your day write down all the things you did, big and small. At the end of the night take a look at your list and ask how you handled the smaller things? Did you treat them with the respect they deserved?

When I talk about noticing the beauty in life, being mindful of the moment and the small things that we take for granted, people may think that I am talking about being serious and so anal about everything that happens to us. But really what I am hoping that this helps you do is to awaken you to what you've been missing out on.

So after looking at your list, instead of getting upset or beating yourself up for not treating the small matters with great respect…what if you asked yourself what would happen if you treated those smaller things with more importance. What would happen immediately…and what would happen longer term in being more mindful of those smaller matters?

I Treat Small Matters With Great Respect

Thanks for listening. I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together, Personal Development Life Coach- Chris O'Hearn

Contact info- email: [email protected] phone:865-219-3247

Music by: - Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. - I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide

Tag Me Tuesdays-#388 January 23rd The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

Problems Are Actually Questions Asking Me To Be Better

The highest levels of performance come to people who are centered, intuitive, creative, and reflective - people who know to see a problem as an opportunity.

~Deepak Chopra

It was a chilly day for San Francisco on October 25th 1964 when the Minnesota Vikings came in to play the San Francisco 49ers. In the fourth quarter of the game future NFL Hall of Famer, Jim Marshall nabbed up a fumble and ran towards the end zone with no one on his heels. He saw the field goal posts and knew he had to bolt and get there no matter what the cost. And after running 62 yards making it in the end zone and throwing the ball into the stands, he waited for his teammates to meet him in the end zone with a congratulatory celebration.

A San Francisco player made it to Jim first and thanked him for what he had done. And Jim Marshall was confused. He looked up in the stands and his quarterback yelled at him…"Jim, you ran the wrong way." Jim had scored a safety for the other team on accident by running 62 yards the wrong way. Jim was so embarrassed, as he knew this was a mistake he would never live down. He's even quoted as saying, "it's probably one of the worst mistakes you can make in football."

Jim was devastated, and he thought his coach would let him have it for making such a mistake, but coach Norm Van Brocklin said, "Beanpole, you did the most interesting thing in this game today." Jim wanted to hide from embarrassment. He figured that there'd be laughing and booing, but he said there was a weirdness in the stands. And instead of letting his embarrassment control him, he decided to numb himself to his hurt emotions and play his best. And he actually caused another fumble from the 49ers, as a teammate picked up the ball and scored the winning touchdown for the Vikings.

Now you'd think that the story ended there, that I would tell you when you make a mistake to pick yourself back up and use it as fuel to help you change the outcome…but there's more to this story. Jim's play has been named one of the top 10 worst plays in the history of football. He's been nicknamed Wrong Way Jim. And while he's a Hall of Famer now, that play changed his life into making him more than just a football player.

After the game he had a friend ask him to come out and speak at a nonprofit organization event. Jim tried to avoid it, but his friend persisted, and so Jim decided to face the music like he did when he continued to play after his mistake on the field. His anxiety was through the roof before the event, and when he walked into the room where he was to speak, he received a standing ovation. Jim said he received tons of calls and letter from people telling him that what he did was give them the courage to talk about and face their most embarrassing moments. His mistake actually helped people to free themselves from their self-imposed prison. He later co-founded an organization to help kids deal better with their mistakes and become responsible members of society.

Mistakes are unavoidable, how we deal with them doesn't have to be. We want to hide from the things that embarrass us, but they are our greatest teachers. And one big reason we feel embarrassed from mistakes is from the fear of the ridicule we might get from others, and yes there'll be people who won't let us forget what we did, but that's because those people are living in a world where they find pleasure in other people's pains. And the reason they find pleasure in our pain is it gives them a distraction to not look at their own mistakes.

Mistakes, embarrassments, and problems that we deal with, are really questions that are posed to awaken ourselves and see if we are willing to face the music. They're questions asked internally if we're willing to get up and try again no matter how many times we've fallen, failed, or how embarrassed we might feel. These trials are asking us how creative we can be in making our misfortunes something more than just a mistake.

And how we approach our mistakes can be answered in two manners:

• 1) We say, "I can't overcome this. It's physically too hard, it's mentally too hard, or something or someone is keeping me from being able to do what I want."
• 2) Or we can adopt the mantra of… "I can make this good, no matter what it is."

And what I'm saying isn't some trivial positive fluff telling you to get over your problems, to let them go. It's quite the contrary; I'm asking you to rise above your problems by seeing them differently, by becoming different, and being changed because of them…being changed for the better.

You can be like 70-85% of humanity who will take a problem and complain that there's nothing you can do. That it's not your fault, that it's unfair, and it's just your luck that nothing works out for you. Or you can become something more, you can begin seeing a problem as a question not as a definite end…as you ask how can I make this good, how can I be forged through the fire and come out stronger and better because of this?

Today's Personal Commitment:What embarrassing mistake has kept you prisoner, and why is it keeping you prisoner? I'm not saying you have to shout it out to the rooftops for everyone to hear, but if it's keeping you from growing, and moving on, maybe you need to look at better ways of dealing with the issue.

I know in my life the things I was embarrassed about kept me hiding. They kept me from moving forward or trying something again. My depression and thoughts of suicide made me think I was so different and no one would understand my pain…and so I hid in plain sight in all my pain…dying a little more each day. But until I could talk with a good friend who cared for me, he helped me to understand I wasn't the only one thinking this way, and I wasn't so alone…it freed me from my prison of fear. It freed me from thinking no one could understand me and that I was so different. It opened my eyes and awakened me to better possibilities.

We get so self-absorbed thinking that everyone is focusing on us pointing their fingers at us, and there are people like that, but those are the saddened people in this world. They need to focus on someone else's pain to make it through their own. Their pain has nothing to do with you. I know that idea is easy to say but much harder to wrap your mind around, but the more you work to understand it in your bones then the freer you will be.

So in the first question, I asked you what embarrassing mistakes have kept you prisoner. I want you to begin thinking about how you can free yourself from embarrasment's grasp…because in the end, the one holding the key is you. And it's not as bad as you think it is when you decide to face the music. The more you face the music, the more you'll start living your life by asking the question of how can I make this good? The power is always yours to make a mistake a beautiful detour in your life, as it changed everything about you…for the better.

Problems Are Actually Questions Asking Me To Be Better

Thanks for listening. I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together, Personal Development Life Coach- Chris O'Hearn

Contact info- email: [email protected] phone:865-219-3247

Music by: - Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. - I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide

Mindful Mondays-#387 January 22nd The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

I'm The Best Friend I Know

"Your best friend and worst enemy are both in this room right now. It's not your neighbor right or left - and it's not God or the devil - it's you." ~Edwin Louis Cole

I was invited to give a talk to a nonprofit group called Upward Bound. Upward Bound's mission is to, and I quote this from their site… "provide fundamental support to participants in their preparation for college entrance." Basically, they work to increase high school students college enrollment and graduation rate who come from low-income families in which neither parent holds a college degree.

So during the weekend, these high school students will dedicate themselves to more school. They have people come and teach on many different subjects, and they asked me to be a guest speaker a few times. On this particular talk, I decided to discuss belief systems. I wanted to talk about how the only thing holding us back in our lives is ourselves, as I knew first hand from being my greatest enemy for most of my life—doubting and criticising myself for not being good enough.

As I was doing research for my speaking topic, I came across a song from the 70's sung by Helen Reddy. It was called Best Friend, and I thought the lyrics were so wonderfully arranged that I wanted to share it with the class. And I want to share them with you now, as we all need to be reminded of this continually:

"Would you take better care of yourself?

Would you be kinder to yourself?

Would you be more forgiving of your human imperfections?

If you realized your best friend was yourself?

Who is always with you everywhere?

Who is on your side when others are unfair?

And tell me, who will never let you down in any situation?

Who will always see you get your share?

And that's why I'm a best friend to myself.

And I take me out whenever I feel low.

And I make my life as happy as a best friend would

I'm as nice to me as anyone I know!"

Helen actually sang it in a movie called Airport 1975 where she's dressed as a nun and is singing it to a sick girl waiting for an organ transplant who's played by Linda Blair. A funny side note, if you've ever seen the movie parody Airplane! With Leslie Nielsen…they have a similar scene like Helen's where a stewardess asks to borrow a nuns guitar on the plane, and as she brings the guitar up to the front to play for the sick girl she bounces the guitar unknowingly off everyone's head in the aisle seats as they all say "Ow." The stewardess then sings a beautiful song and accidentally pulls the sick girl's life support tube out as she really gets into the song.

I'll Include 3 videos in my blog for this specific podcast on my site that has Helen's song with the lyrics, the scene from Airport 1975, and the scene from Airplane!.

Now I know it song has that 70 corny-ness to it. However, I really love the beauty behind the way things were produced back then, and the meaning in the lyrics are a beautiful reminder about the things we seem to forget so often—that our best friends aren't other people; your best friend should be yourself.

If you know my story, I spent many years in a dark depression and I thought about suicide quite often from when I was 10 to 25. And the biggest reason I feel that I was in that darkness, was due to me being unkind to myself. I wasn't my best friend. I was actually my worst enemy. And looking back at it now, it seems so obvious. How can you reach your best if you are constantly looking at why you are a horrible person?

Now mind you, there wasn't anything wrong with me, except for how I criticized myself constantly in efforts to become better—which only made me feel worse and kept me feeling bad about myself. Things weren't able to change for me until I began doing something different, and the first thing was being kinder to myself. It was really about being a better friend to myself.

When people ask what I do as a life coach, I tell them that I help people work on and cultivate the greatest relationship you'll ever be in—the one with yourself. You see, if you don't have a good relationship with yourself, everything will falter. While you may be successful in other areas of your life, if you aren't successful in loving yourself, it will be a hard road ahead in ever finding peace and comfort in what you pursue.

And that's what happened to me. I thought that if I made enough money, or when I had the right job, or found the perfect mate to be with, or if I obtained the things I pursued…then I'd finally be happy. But those things were only the band-aid covering up the gaping wound. It was the distraction of doing the easier work, looking outside of myself for peace and fulfillment, instead of having to do the harder work in being more accepting and loving towards myself. The harder work of being my best friend.

And I kept struggling until I began cultivating a better relationship with myself. Everything is an effort of balance. When you are constantly out of balance in loving and respecting yourself, the other things that you pursue might keep you distracted for a moment…but, in the end, you'll always keep coming back to wondering why nothing ever seems to fulfill you.

This statement has gotten me into trouble with many people that I have said it to…especially ex-girlfriends…but I've always said that the most important relationship is with yourself, the second is with God (whatever your God is that you believe in), and then it's with family, or your loved one, or your children….etc.

You see, when you love yourself, you're able to love others more fully. It really is all just semantics because if I'm loving myself fully, then I'm working to love others fully as well. It all balances itself out in the end. I see it as the conundrum of the chicken or the egg, which came first…and if we take care of ourselves first, if we love ourselves first, if we fill our cup up first…then we have more to give others. Instead of always being on fumes, worn out, struggling, and surviving to take care of everyone else when we are slowly dying inside each day from not taking care of ourselves—from not being our best friend.

Today's Personal Commitment:So, who's your best friend? And if it's not you, why isn't it…and how could it start being you? Take a look at the things you do to yourself that you would never do to a best friend.

Maybe this might be an easier exercise if you step out of your shoes for a moment. When you step out of your body, look back at yourself, and view yourself through the eyes of how you would want your best friend to be with you. What would you do differently? What are the first 3 things you would do another way now that you've slipped into your best friend suit—now that you've changed the way your eyes and your heart sees you?

Write those 3 things down, and then write down a plan how you can begin implementing that into your life. For the next month, at the end of the night:

• 1) Write in your journal how you did on those goals,
• 2) what needs improvement,
• 3) what went well,
• 4) and any other notes you need to remind yourself on in continuing this pursuit of yours.

When you love yourself like a best friend would, you make yourself automatically better. So let's love ourselves a bit more than we've been previously doing….you've nothing to lose, except all those negative things that've been holding you back.

I'm The Best Friend I Know

Helen Reddy singing "Best Friend" lyrics video https://youtu.be/uTZpLd8Ts8o

Airport 1975 Helen Reddy nun singing "Best Friend" scene https://youtu.be/4PPL8Tgt4jM

Airplane! Stewardess song scene https://youtu.be/5pXFo14Ea28

Thanks for listening. I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together, Personal Development Life Coach- Chris O'Hearn

Contact info- email: [email protected] phone:865-219-3247

Music by: - Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. - I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide

Smiling Sundays - #386 January 21st The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

I Expect Great Things

"A desert is a place without expectation." ~Nadine Gordimer

There's the famous piece of advice that says if you don't expect anything, you'll never get disappointed. And while that's great advice, it's dime store advice because I don't know ANYONE on this earth who didn't ever expect anything.

I get what they're saying when they say it, but it's plain wrong when people offer it up as advice as if they live it. When we tell people to have no expectations, we are then essentially saying we have no expectations. This advice that we give away so freely conveys to others that we've mastered it ourselves, which is a lie because as I said before there's no one on this earth that doesn't have some form of expectation. It's like the practice of Zen, when they tell you to have no wants, but not having any wants is still the form of a want.

Now I know it may seem like I'm being anal or that I'm splitting hairs here, but sometimes the advice we give to others that sounds nice really…harms them and it harms us. Because what we're doing is telling people to do something impossible.

I get what the advice is trying to say, to not be upset or be disappointed if you don't get what you want…but I believe when we use words and ideas incorrectly we cause more harm than good. What I've come to find that's better than having NO expectations, is to be open to all possibilities. It's the idea that there's great merit in finding the good in whatever happens. Because in most of our focus upon what we expected, or wanted to have happen, was a limited range of the amazing things that could happen.

My expectations only saw a small fraction of a picture, yet there was something so much better by being open to all possibilities…not just what I thought would make me happy. It opened my eyes to the whole picture. It opened my eyes to ALL the pictures that could be.

Let demonstrate what I mean. A friend had posted something on social media that said. "note to self, never expect anything from anyone." And this is where people started commenting things like "zero expectations=zero disappointments, or never expect never disappointed."

But I took another road, and here's what I posted:

"I hope you expect great things from yourself. I'm sorry you're going thru this... but never expecting is unrealistic. I expect to see good in whatever I look at, I expect to find an answer if I just keep looking long and hard enough, and I expect to find good people on this Earth. I've met you... and you're one of them. And I expect to die someday but enjoy life while I'm here living. It's not that you can't expect anything from anyone... I think it's about finding the ones great enough to be around even when they do let us down... because someone will always let us down. I let myself down all the time by being too hard on myself or giving up on myself too early. Everyone's dealing with their own demons and it doesn't make it right or better when people let us down... it just helps us to get rid of unrealistic expectations--that everyone will be there for us when we need them. I'm sending great love, energy, and the reminder that you are your best advocate for saving yourself. 😀🙌💪 I believe in you."

What I said in this post all boils down to one thing…having unrealistic expectations. That everyone will be there for us when we need them. And I'm not going to talk about her issue as I don't know what she was referencing specifically, so I'll talk about my issues. So grab a chair since we'll be here for a couple years talking about my issues…just teasing.

When I'd say things like "you can't trust anyone, everyone will let you down, no one is ever there for me when I need them…" what that did was create a world of disappointment for me. And maybe you've heard me saying this before as I like this quote… "when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." What I was doing when I spoke this way, was first feeling sorry for myself, telling myself how no one is there for me, and then I actually began creating this reality.

Being a helper, or someone who makes their living in trying to inspire and motivate others to think differently…sometimes I don't share my pains with people. And so, the story I've told myself is that I'm there for everyone else, but no one's there for me when I need them. And the reason people aren't there for me is, first of all, I don't tell people when I need help as sometimes I would think my issues weren't that big of a deal and I didn't want to bother anyone with my minor problems, but the other reason is I didn't have the right support group around me.

I work to help people who have problems, and so I attract those type of people in my life, and there's nothing wrong with those people…it's just that they aren't the right support I need…when I do need help. I needed to create the right support group of mentors and friends who can give me what I need. And being a coach, I know that I need to invest in coaches who help me to think differently when I myself get stuck. The problem I had was in believing in an idea that everyone can be there for me exactly how I needed them to be…which is an unrealistic expectation.

So sure, I partially agree—don't have expectations. But let's be more accurate about this, let's not have unrealistic expectations. And if we were to take the example I used above, then let's work to surround ourselves with people who can be there for us when we need them…but let's understand that NO ONE will be the exact answer for us when we need them to be… the only one that can do that is ourselves…and God.

Today's Personal Commitment:Take a piece of paper out and write down the answers to this question, "what unrealistic expectations have I been living my life off of that's causing me pain?"

Maybe that's a tough question to answer at the moment. So start looking at issues that you've had recently about being disappointed. Ask yourself why you were disappointed, and how you could look at it better next time? Ask yourself, "what would being open to all possibilities look like? How different would your life be, and what would it take to be able to begin living your life this way?"

Expectations aren't a bad thing, unrealistic expectations are. I do think we need to reach further than we think we can in life, and to push our expectations. But what I'm really talking about, is ridding expectations that harm us rather than push us to see more in ourselves and in life. The reason I said the quote above "A desert is a place without expectation." Is because when we have no expectations, like a desert, there's nothing there for us…it's a life that's empty and barren. There's nothing to look forward to. So let us expect good things, but be open to all possibilities. Because even in my worst situations, they brought me to something even better than I could have imagined.

I Expect Great Things

Thanks for listening. I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together, Personal Development Life Coach- Chris O'Hearn

Contact info- email: [email protected] phone:865-219-3247

Music by: - Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. - I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide

Synergistic Saturdays-#385 January 20th The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

I'm Ok With Being Wrong…For Us To Be Right

"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." ~Theodore Roosevelt

I was in a relationship years ago where I questioned my sanity. Not because I was insane for going out with this person, but they made me question things I said. One of my ex's strengths was truth, and we would get into some knockdown drag-em-out arguments…and usually about trivial things of who said what.

Take for example, we were sitting in the car arguing about something senseless that I can't even recall what it is now. This is how silly it was, we were sitting in the parking lot of our favorite Mexican restaurant, as we went back and forth for 20 minutes. We were keeping those delicious tacos sad by keeping them waiting on us to come inside to eat them.

The whole reason the argument persisted, now get this, is because we were trying to tell back to each other what the other person said. If you ever want to go nowhere in an argument, try to prove to someone what they said when they thought they said something else. She said I said this, and I said she said that, and we kept arguing about who said what.

During my time dating this person I began to wonder if what was coming out of my mouth was different than what was happening in my head. To me I was wondering if I had some sort of speech dyslexia, and was mixing things up and saying the opposite of what I was thinking. I know sometimes I feel I have trouble relaying what I truly mean to people. And I'm sure we've all done that, where we were certain we said something, but mixed it up when it exited our mouths.

As I said, it was about 20 minutes, and I got tired of arguing as those tacos were calling my name, but really, I didn't want to keep arguing anymore. I wanted us to get along and be happy in each other's company because while tacos are always a great time…it wouldn't be as much fun if we were still sour at each other.

I then immediately said, "I'm sorry. You might be right. I thought I said this, but maybe I said something else. Maybe there was a disconnect from my mind to mouth. But, yes you might be right, and if I did say it that way, I'm sorry."

I felt like the main character in A Christmas Story…where for his homework he is to write an essay to his teacher about what he wants for Christmas. And he writes on why he deserves a Red Rider BB gun. And in his imagination, he sees the teacher giving him an A++++++++++++ for being the best essay that she has ever read. And that's how my apology felt, I felt damn good knowing it was the best apology in the history of the world.

Now maybe I might've been wrong here and should've just let it go, but my objective wasn't just about claiming responsibility for being wrong. It was for us to meet in the middle. So I said to her, I could be wrong about what you said, but I was pretty sure you said this, and it hurt my feelings.

Oh!!!! And that was the wrong thing to say, because we then argued more…and kept those delicious tacos waiting even longer.

I said to her, I don't care who's right or wrong, I just want us to meet in the middle and understand that maybe things didn't happen how we'd observed them. That no one was at fault, but we might have misspoke…and she said, "NO!" quite firmly. She wouldn't admit to something that she knew was right about.

And I persisted just a bit more, as I said, "yes I could have said what you thought I did…and asked her, so you won't meet in the middle by saying we both could've been wrong about what happened? And she said, "NO! We don't always have to meet in the middle. I know what I said, and to say anything different would be a lie."

I decided to drop it. We weren't getting anywhere, and that was really upsetting to me… But not as upsetting as keeping those tacos from my belly, so we went in to go eat.

Now with this story, I'm not claiming to be the saint. Maybe I could've observed it all wrong since it is from my point of view and all. And I know that our memory isn't always the most accurate, as it's only coming from our side of things. But what happened in that argument was a switch flipped, and not the bad kind where people get more angry, but an awareness of asking myself, "what are you doing here?" And I knew immediately what I wanted to do, I wanted to meet in the middle, and end the argument. I didn't want anyone to be wrong, I wanted us to step back and look at the bigger picture—did it really matter who was right or wrong…or was being right the most important agenda at that time?

And even though that plan didn't work…it actually did work. I was able to step away from the argument seeing something in this person. I could see what was important to them, and I could see what I really wanted out of the situation. Even though I didn't get exactly what I wanted, I got exactly what I wanted. I was able to find peace and clarity to be ok with saying sorry even if I didn't have to. Making this person feel good was more important to me than being right. And if that wasn't their agenda to want to help me feel good too, then that's ok because I did what I thought was right.

And so it's not that I won't stand up for myself, or even argue to prove a point, but I've come a better awareness, I've found a switch that flips in my subconscious, that asks me, "is this really what you want to be spending your time on?" And when that happens, I immediately begin doing something different. I begin finding a way to exit the argument peacefully while trying to let the other person know I respect them and their point of view.

Again I'm not saying I'm perfect, or that I have it all figured out. What I'm trying to relay to you is that if you're willing to become aware, if you're willing to see a better picture than just being right, and if you're willing to ask what's more important more and more…then your subconscious will begin helping you do more of that.

When we can step back and ask, "is me being right worth the perceived reward, or is it more important to try and find peace and harmony within all my interactions, not just for the other person's sake but for my sake?" I think with communication we miss a pertinent point. We think it's about clearly getting our point across. But effective communication with other people is not about speaking clearly and being understood, it's about finding a way to get what's best for everyone…not just ourselves.

Today's Personal Commitment:What's the most important thing for you in an argument? Is it about being right, or is it about getting to the best solution for everyone? When we can let go of being right, we can find better answers and more peace in our lives.

Sometimes I think we want to be right because it validates our worth in the world. To prove how smart we are, or that we have the best answers, or that we were the most observant…and so we want to show people and say, "look at how worthy I am." But you don't have to prove your worth to anyone; you already are worthy…sometimes we just don't act it.

So think about some arguments you got into in the past and ask yourself why the arguments happened, what happened during the arguments, and how it could have gone better or not happened at all. I'm not saying we shouldn't ever argue, but I'm hoping to help us all spend our time on things that matter most.

Some of those important things WILL be arguments that matter, and some will be letting go of arguments. I hope with this podcast that it will help to bring an awareness of treating everyone with a higher respect—to get respect we must give it, and sometimes it's not about proving how right we are to get that respect…but being willing for everyone to be "right" in form or another. As we cultivate a tranquility within us, wanting everyone to win.

And when you can do these things, it will become easier to not have silly arguments and to be more conscious in your arguments that are important…as you learn to connect and rouse you subconscious more in helping you to awaken during these times and do what's best in the moment.

I'm Ok With Being Wrong…For Us To Be Right

Thanks for listening. I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together, Personal Development Life Coach- Chris O'Hearn

Contact info- email: [email protected] phone:865-219-3247

Music by: - Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. - I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide

Fantastic Fridays-#375 January 19th The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

I've Made Fear My Friend

"If you know the enemy and know yourself you need not fear the results of a hundred battles." ~Sun Tzu

I wrote a poem a year ago about a conversation I had with fear. I was going on a journey, and setting my sails to new shores. As my ship was leaving, I was thanking fear for being there for me. And I'll share a bit of my poem with you:

The funny thing is negative thoughts are quite polite, as they don't want to bother you.

They just hang on knowing you need them, Knowing that you feed your comfort from them, Like an old friend never letting you down as you expect them to be there when things go wrong, Like an overbearing parent who wants to keep you grounded as they say,

"Now hunnie don't get your hopes up. I want you to be realistic."

They care so much they don't want you to dream so big and be hurt, So resentment, worry, anger, fear, bitterness, disappointment, and the such hold our hands like good friends saying, "I am here."

Maybe… I may want to hold on, Just in case my dreams don't go as planned. But I think it's time.

"So Fear, thank you for being here. I know you meant no harm. Thank you for helping to keep me grounded until my wings were ready to fly. Thank you for showing me the other side so I could appreciate real goodness in the world. If I hadn't seen both sides, I might not know any different."

It's time to empty me, As I'm becoming a new vessel, Leaving the past behind while I hold onto the dreams and hopes of the present and future. Opening my sails, it's funny how natural it feels, Not sure what will be ahead except for the new friends I've invited… "Hope, love, excitement, appreciation, and joy thank you for joining me."

"Oh we've been here waiting till you were ready."

And a small chuckle lights up my face, From understanding that the opposites of life aren't so different, It's just a choice of focus really.

So I ask, "where are we going to first guys?"

As they reply, "Let the wind take us and see what happens. Now that you have cultivated a relationship with us, everything's possible."

My ship leaving the harbor as Fear shrinks. One hand to my temple as I give a saluting wave goodbye, Fear…I'll see you again old friend, but not because I'll need you, and not because I've shrunk from the task ahead, But because every new challenge has that insinuation of you saying, "are you sure you don't need me?"

And I'll reply, "Not this time, things are different now, my eyes are fixed upon the possibilities. Thank you again, my old friend, for your patience with me—not pushing me until I was ready to be who I am."

Now you see, Fear is not our enemy; fear is our friend. When you know what fear's mission is, you'll understand that it's not about stopping you…it's about trying to keep you safe. Fear is the friend waiting in front of a tall wall. And depending on how you view that friend, that friend could be the person that stops you telling you that it's too high and you could never climb it, or you can see fear as the friend who's there to help boost you over the wall.

We can decide to be bitter about what fear has done to us, or we can be excited knowing that fear has no ulterior motive. In the end, fear didn't coerce us into doing anything—we decided to see the fear as fierce or friendly. Fear is a compass telling us that what it's pointing towards is something that's important to us. If something wasn't important we wouldn't be afraid of going towards it, and we wouldn't be afraid of failing. You see, we've gotten mixed up thinking that fear and excitement are two different things.

However, there's very little physiological difference between fear and excitement…meaning the body does almost the exact same thing for both those emotions. The hypothalamus, which controls the body's stress response, will tell the body to elevate your heart rate and breathing, to dilate your pupils, and increase the sweat upon your body. The physiological difference between fear and excitement is minute.

And there are simple ways to change your fear. One of the easiest ways to do that is to suggest a different response. When you're feeling fear, just saying, "I am actually excited," changes the way you feel. And that's what we're doing with affirmations, we're suggesting to our brains and bodies to operate on a more efficient level—to see a better path. It's not that we're lying to ourselves, but that we're choosing the best path.

And thinking this way always reminds me of the quote Robert Kennedy said, "There are those that look at things the way they are, and ask why? I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?"

So, what if the times that you were afraid to start working on that business that you've always dreamed of…instead of saying why you can't, or focusing on the fear why it might not work, what if you were to find the excitement in why you should? What if that the next time you wanted to ask someone out, instead of saying they might say no, you ask yourself what if they say yes to a cup of coffee…who knows I might make a friend out of this if nothing else. What if the next time you felt fear you asked yourself why you were feeling it, and instead of avoiding decided to move towards it?

Maybe you can be like the person in my poem, setting your sights on new possibilities, ready to set sail to new adventures, and saying goodbye to fear. Not because you hate him, but because with old friends you have to part ways at times…fully knowing you will cross paths again. Fear isn't your enemy…fear is your friend…reminding you what is important. So instead of seeing fear as fierce, what if you were to see it disguised as excitement?

Today's Personal Commitment:After hearing today's podcast, how can you view fear differently? Could you see it less as a deterrent and as more of a compass by letting you know what's important to you? Now I know that every fear may not be an indicator for you to go towards, like some people would be afraid of speaking in front of an audience, and maybe it's not their mission to ever do that. So instead of getting in autopilot and turning the other way when you feel fear…what if you were to pause and analyze it, what if you were to look fear in the eyes and see what it was all about?

Being mindful is a full-time commitment, but it's worth it. So, maybe every night before you go to bed take out your journal and write down what happened in your day. Ask yourself if you walked towards your fears to better understanding them, or did you walk away from them that day? Each day is about balance. Some days we'll be on fire, and other days we might be total wimps. But that's ok; it's not about judging yourself, it's about becoming aware and asking what you'd like to different, if anything, next time…and then planning on how to follow through tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that.

I've Made Fear My Friend

Thanks for listening. I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together, Personal Development Life Coach- Chris O'Hearn

Contact info- email: [email protected] phone:865-219-3247

Music by: - Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. - I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide