The Tenacious Mama: Confessions of An Adoptive Mother

Confession: I swear a lot.  Well, maybe not a lot, but I definitely swear.  Some believe that it’s healthy for you to get it out, but, like all things, only in moderation.  Also included: stories from my childhood, more about the How We Feel app, the 5 lies depression tells you, and funny stories about swearing! Oh, and how the Let Them Theory is helping me reclaim my peace.

Included in this episode:

*a funny story from my childhood

*How We Feel app helps me check in with my feelings several times a day

*the 4 quadrants of emotions and a few of my favorites from each

*reports and tools on the app

*the 5 lies depression tells you

*my first curse word as a toddler and my mother's response

*my favorite gifts from friends include swear words

SHOW NOTES:

How We Feel

5 Lies Depression Tells You By Emma McAdam

Parents Under Pressure: Struggling to Raise Children in an Unequal America By Karen Zilberstein

The Let Them Theory on Mel Robbins Podcast

The Let Them Theory book by Mel Robbins

Mel Robbins with Oprah podcast

Talk to me! Click here to provide feedback

Thanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!

PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:

The TBRI Podcast

QUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:

Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development

BOOK RECOMMENDATION:

The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah Naish

Resources on suicide prevention:

Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.

- Call or text 988
- Chat at 988lifeline.org 

Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: I didn’t learn how to process my emotions until my mental health crisis when Lane was in 7th grade. To those of you who are emotionally healthy, that may sound crazy.  But it’s true.  I share how music therapy helped me process emotions, as well as a helpful analogy to understand why processing your feelings is so important.  You'll also hear about Lane's first concert experiences and extracurricular activities.   

Included in this episode:

*my mental health crisis and how music helped me

*Lane dancing to banda music at a party

*music is a constant in our lives

*Lane's first concert: Kids Bop at Red Rocks Amphitheater

*NF concert in 8th grade

*NF's song Happy really hit when I was at my lowest

*Therapy in a Nutshell: fish processing plant analogy

*Lane's extracurricular activities through the years: capoeira, gymnastics, soccer, baseball, flag football, football, drumming 

SHOW NOTES:

Hope music video- NF

Happy music video- NF

Therapy In A Nutshell- Emma McAdam LMFT

How We Feel app

Talk to me! Click here to provide feedback

Thanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!

PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:

The TBRI Podcast

QUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:

Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development

BOOK RECOMMENDATION:

The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah Naish

Resources on suicide prevention:

Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.

- Call or text 988
- Chat at 988lifeline.org 

Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: I suffer from depression: major depressive disorder.  But because I am high-functioning and an extrovert, very few people in my life know this about me- even many close friends and family members.   I reflect on why my depression seems to hide in plain sight as well as explain some of my most troublesome symptoms of depression.  I also share more fun stories of Lane dancing through the years!

Included in this episode:

*Lane's first dance class and his hip-hop outfit and routine at the recital

*my diagnosis: major depressive disorder

*Dr Judith Joseph: high functioning depression

*my depression is not visible to most, but shows up in low energy and procrastination

*meds, therapy, reducing alcohol consumption, exercise, self-help books

*Dr Judith Joseph: the 5 Vs: validation, venting, values, vitals, and vision

*Lane dancing at a wedding in Vermont

*School of Breaking

*Lane's constant need for motion

 SHOW NOTES: 

Mel Robbins and Dr. Judith Joseph

The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins

High Functioning:  Overcome Your Hidden Depression and Reclaim Your Joy by Dr. Judith Joseph

Talk to me! Click here to provide feedback

Thanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!

PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:

The TBRI Podcast

QUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:

Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development

BOOK RECOMMENDATION:

The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah Naish

Resources on suicide prevention:

Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.

- Call or text 988
- Chat at 988lifeline.org 

Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: Despite my extensive background working with children as an educator, I was woefully underprepared to parent a child with developmental trauma.   Also included are stories of Lane's dancing abilities and how they showed themselves at a very young age!

Included in this episode:

*Lane's dancing at a wedding

*the terms "wounded children" and "kids from hard places"

*developmental trauma

*Lane's layers of trauma

*the juxtaposition of working in a trauma responsive school district and parenting Lane

*the window of tolerance is much smaller for folks with a trauma background

*Lane dancing the Whip It Nae Nae at the airport!

SHOWNOTES:

Developmental Trauma Upclose from beaconhouse.org.uk

TBRI

Dancing with a porcupine: parenting wounded children without losing yourself by Jennie Lynn Owens

Understanding Your Window of Tolerance from mi-psych.com

Understanding the Window of Tolerance And How It Affects You from mindmypeelings.com

Understanding the Window of Tolerance And How Trauma Throws You Off Balance from restoredhopecounsellingservices.com

Talk to me! Click here to provide feedback

Thanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!

PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:

The TBRI Podcast

QUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:

Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development

BOOK RECOMMENDATION:

The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah Naish

Resources on suicide prevention:

Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.

- Call or text 988
- Chat at 988lifeline.org 

Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: In those early years, I often looked at other families and thought, “It must be nice to have a kid who…” (dot, dot, dot, fill in the blank).  I still catch myself doing it sometimes, even now.  But comparison is the thief of joy.  I’m learning to let that shit go!

I share how comparisons with other families caused me suffering,  as well as the ways I learned to combat that with strategies to keep me grounded in joy and gratitude.  Additionally, an excerpt from another Sarah Naish book helped me to empathize with my son during difficult times.  

Included in this episode:

*blog entry written on 5/18/15: I regret not putting my son on medication

*examples of thoughts of, "Must be nice to have a kid who..."

*Welcome to Holland poem

*how I combat feelings of envy: gratitude journal, focus on strengths, breaks from social media, knowledge is power

*what helped me be empathetic with Lane

*"penguins don't fly" analogy from Sarah Naish

My audacious intent for this podcast is to be a beacon of hope for parents and guardians like me, who are raising wounded children and doing their best to stay afloat.  I have found my way from surviving to thriving and you can, too!

SHOWNOTES

The Quick Guide to Therapeutic Parenting A Visual Introduction by Sarah Naish

The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah Naish

Talk to me! Click here to provide feedback

Thanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!

PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:

The TBRI Podcast

QUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:

Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development

BOOK RECOMMENDATION:

The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah Naish

Resources on suicide prevention:

Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.

- Call or text 988
- Chat at 988lifeline.org 

Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: I can’t imagine what it would have been like to parent my son without the help of medication to manage his symptoms of ADHD and ODD.  I explain that although I am no expert and I believe this is a decision not to be taken lightly, medication certainly helped Lane.  I don't judge families who don't medicate their child; I ask that you not judge those of us who do.  

In this episode:

*medications help me with my depression

*my stop-gap meds for anxiety last spring

*Lane's teacher's description of him once he was on ADHD meds

*years later started meds for mood swings due to ODD

*unsolicited opinions of others

*parenting strategies, in addition to medication

My audacious intent for this podcast is to be a beacon of hope for parents and guardians like me, who are raising wounded children and doing their best to stay afloat.  I have found my way from surviving to thriving and you can, too!

SHOWNOTES

Understanding Oppositional Disorder

ADHD vs. ODD: Similarities and Differences

Three Most Common Mental Health Illnesses in Adopted Children

The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah Naish

Talk to me! Click here to provide feedback

Thanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!

PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:

The TBRI Podcast

QUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:

Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development

BOOK RECOMMENDATION:

The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah Naish

Resources on suicide prevention:

Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.

- Call or text 988
- Chat at 988lifeline.org 

Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: When Lane was little, not having a daddy was much harder on him than being adopted was.  As a single adoptive mama, this was not something I was prepared for.  I also provide an update on my parents as they start to rebuild their lives in their temporary housing after losing everything in the Palisades fire of January 7, 2025.  

Included in this. episode:

*update on my parents' living situation 

*my first visit to LA since the fire: set up a kitchen and made living room more homey

*treasures found in the rubble of what used to be their home

*what my parents took when they left their home that day (sadly no photo albums)

*blog entry from 2/9/12: Me daddy?

*why he started saying, "I don't have a daddy!"

*blog entry from 8/11/13: Mama, why you pick me?

*not having a daddy was harder on Lane than being adopted

*blog entry from 4/3/13: My daddy's in jail!

My audacious intent for this podcast is to be a beacon of hope for parents and guardians like me, who are raising wounded children and doing their best to stay afloat.  I have found my way from surviving to thriving and you can, too!

SHOWNOTES:

The Palisades Fire

The Primal Wound on Wikipedia

The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child

More on the Primal Wound

Reckoning With the Primal Wound

The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strat

Talk to me! Click here to provide feedback

Thanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!

PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:

The TBRI Podcast

QUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:

Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development

BOOK RECOMMENDATION:

The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah Naish

Resources on suicide prevention:

Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.

- Call or text 988
- Chat at 988lifeline.org 

Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Due to the recent and very sudden loss of my family's home of almost 40 years in the Pacific Palisades fire, instead of a confession, I will be reflecting on the memories that made their house a treasured home.   If you know others who have been impacted by the fires, feel free to share this episode with them.  Their grief and sorrow must be as raw and incomprehensible and my family's. 

Included in this episode:

*the day of the fire: my brother's efforts to save the house

*the shock of finding out our home had been destroyed

* my memories from 16 years old to present

*we still have the memories in our hearts, even without the physical structure

*how special the 4th of July was in Pacific Palisades

*my family in temporary housing

Feeling helpless and wanting to help victims of fires in Los Angeles?  Click here for ideas and resources. 

The Palisades Fire

Talk to me! Click here to provide feedback

Thanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!

PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:

The TBRI Podcast

QUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:

Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development

BOOK RECOMMENDATION:

The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah Naish

Resources on suicide prevention:

Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.

- Call or text 988
- Chat at 988lifeline.org 

Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: I wanted to adopt a child who looked like he or she could have been my biological child.  In this episode, I also share my preferences for a child when going through the matching process, my blog from the day I brought him home, our Gotcha Day traditions, and an update on my relationship with his first mom.  

Included in this episosde:

*Lane's sense of humor: ADHD joke

*asked for specifics when going through the process to being matched with a child (typically developing, either sex, one year old or younger, of mixed race so it would not be obvious to the world s/he was adopted)

*matched with a blond haired, blue eyed baby

*we read books and talked openly about his adoption from the time he was little

*Gotcha Day celebrations

*blog entry written on 11/19/10: He has made your dreams come true simply because he is your son

*update on birth mom: taking it slowly

My audacious intent for this podcast is to be a beacon of hope for parents and guardians like me, who are raising wounded children and doing their best to stay afloat.  I have found my way from surviving to thriving and you can, too!

SHOW NOTES:

Transracial adoption challenges

Off and Running Movie Trailer

Nicole Opper and Avery Klein-Cloud Off and Running

Talk to me! Click here to provide feedback

Thanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!

PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:

The TBRI Podcast

QUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:

Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development

BOOK RECOMMENDATION:

The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah Naish

Resources on suicide prevention:

Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.

- Call or text 988
- Chat at 988lifeline.org 

Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: Last week I made contact with Lane’s birth mother for the first time.  I had no idea what to expect, but after meeting with her, I am cautiously optimistic that when he meets her and builds a relationship with her, it will be helpful for Lane’s healing.  I also share why this seemed like the right time to locate her, his nervousness/ambivalence about it, her response when I knocked on her door, how Lane reacted to the news, and my hopes for his future with her. 

Included in this episode:

*I always told Lane we could to to find his biological mother when he turned 18

*he recently expressed interest in finding her, then seemed ambivalent 

*I knocked on her door and introduced myself

*Lane's DNA test

*disorganized attachment is like being allergic to love

*communicating with birth mother via marco polo messaging app

*she made him a loving message, but not showing it to him yet

*I told Lane about the meeting and showed him photos

 
My audacious intent for this podcast is to be a beacon of hope for parents and guardians like me, who are raising wounded children and doing their best to stay afloat.  I have found my way from surviving to thriving and you can, too!

SHOWNOTES:

God Found Us You By Lisa Tawn Bergren

I Wished for You: An Adoption Story By Marianne Richmond

Shazam movie trailer

Song written and performed by my dear friend Jasmijn White

Talk to me! Click here to provide feedback

Thanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!

PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:

The TBRI Podcast

QUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:

Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development

BOOK RECOMMENDATION:

The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah Naish

Resources on suicide prevention:

Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.

- Call or text 988
- Chat at 988lifeline.org 

Connect with a trained crisis counselor...