The Tracey Coates Show

If you’ve ever struggled with perfectionist or people-pleasing tendencies, this one’s for you.

I’m sitting down with Margaret Ghielmetti to talk about her phenomenal book Brave(ish): A Memoir of a Recovering Perfectionist.

Margaret Davis Ghielmetti is a writer, storyteller, solo performance artist, and photographer who wrote Brave(ish): A Memoir of a Recovering Perfectionist to inspire readers that it’s never too late to learn to live our own lives if we dare to let go of outdated roles and rules we thought kept us safe.  

She has lived on four continents with her Swiss husband. Her journeys inform her rallying cry ("The world is not my enemy!") and her creative work, including winning two StorySLAMs with The Moth.

Margaret loves to entertain readers and listeners with her adventures (and mis-adventures) abroad and is passionate about sharing what other countries and cultures have taught her.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• How Margaret’s experiences of being vulnerable in her stage storytelling informed her writing
• Why Margaret had to confront the rules and roles in the “Davis Family Handbook”
• How she learned to let down the mask of the perfect hostess, tour guide, expat and be her authentic self

Learn more about Margaret Ghielmetti:

• Website: www.MargaretGhielmetti.com
• Instagram:  @MargaretGhielmetti     
• Facebook:  @MargaretGhielmetti   
• Connect with Margaret on LinkedIn  
• Twitter: @MargaretGhielm1
• Brave(ish): A Memoir of a Recovering Perfectionist

Learn more about Tracey:

• TraceyCoates.com
• Coaching with Tracey Coates
• Instagram: @iamtraceycoates

As a family law attorney, my clients are often juggling many balls in the air at any given time–their careers, their relationships, their kids, their family and friends, and if they’re lucky, a minute or two for themselves.

They’re exhausted, burned out, and stressed. Not to mention that they’re going through the emotional roller coaster ride of a separation and divorce process.

As a life coach, I have the privilege of working with amazing high-achieving women who are killing it in so many areas of their professional lives, who are what I refer to as “amazing on paper.”

Because they, too, have similar pain points and feel unfulfilled and like they’re failing in their personal lives. 

So many of us work to shield the behind the scenes hot mess of our day to day lives, until it creeps up into other parts of our lives and we have no choice but to deal with it.

Today I’m talking with Tiffany Vaughan and we’re shining a light on what many of us may be going through behind closed doors. Tiffany lets us in on her journey, dealing with everything from struggling with IVF to a mental breakdown, to dealing with ADHD and ODD diagnoses with her children.

It’s so important for us to feel like we aren’t the only ones in a particular situation and to hear from others who totally get it because they’re on a similar journey. 

Tiffany Vaughan is a Soul Coach who is passionate about helping women explore their spiritual awakening and tune into their divine purpose for being here. She also hosts the podcast, Hard Beautiful Journey.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• How their fertility struggles took an emotional, mental, and financial toll on Tiffany’s marriage
• How her kids’ difficulties have impacted Tiffany’s mental health
• Why finding the right therapist saved Tiffany’s life
• Why Tiffany feels called to share her experiences, and why she needed her husband to be on board

Learn more about Tiffany Vaughan:

• MsTiffVaughan.com
• Hard Beautiful Journey Podcast
• Instagram: @mstiffvaughan
• Pinterest: @mstiffvaughan

Learn more about Tracey:

• TraceyCoates.com
• Coaching with Tracey Coates
• Instagram: @iamtraceycoates

If you live in Washington, DC, Maryland, or Virginia–or the DMV as it's affectionately called– chances are great that you or someone you know is a federal employee.

It's a lot like being a lawyer in this town, you throw a stone and you hit about five or six attorneys along the way.

And it may come as no surprise to many of you that there are unique considerations for those individuals, married to federal employees, and are contemplating a divorce, particularly in the areas of retirement and health insurance benefits.

It can be an interesting road to navigate if you don't know the ins and outs and are not working with a competent lawyer who is knowledgeable in this area.

So if you or someone you know is in this boat and are considering going through a divorce, you're going to want to have a pen and paper handy during today's episode, because my guest is the perfect person to dive into the nuances of divorce for federal employees and their spouses.

Jessica Markham is the Managing Principal Attorney at Markham Law Firm in Bethesda, Maryland.  She practices all aspects of family law in Maryland and Washington, D.C. She is collaboratively trained and also handles guardianship matters as well as serves as a child privilege attorney and a best interest attorney. She is also the author of Representing Federal Employees and Their Spouses in Divorce.

Ms. Markham and Markham Law Firm have been repeatedly recognized for excellence in the fields of Family Law, Divorce and Alternative Dispute Resolution, with recent top rankings in Best Lawyers in America©, Bethesda Magazine, and Washingtonian Magazine.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• Federal pension systems and why it matters even if you were a federal employee for only a short time
• Why federal retirement plans require additional consideration and court orders
• How survivor benefits complicate the math on pension assets
• How pensions and survivor benefits impact access to federal health benefits

Learn more about Jessica Markham:

• Markham Law Firm
• Facebook: @markhamlegal
• Twitter: @markhamlegal, @jessgha
• Instagram: @markhamlegal
• Connect with Jessica on LinkedIn
• Representing Federal Employees and Their Spouses in Divorce

Learn more about Tracey:

• TraceyCoates.com
• Coaching with Tracey Coates
• Instagram: @iamtraceycoates

The last two years have been rough for all of us in different ways and for different reasons.

No one has been spared from the emotional, physical, and mental rollercoaster of the last two years due to the pandemic. And I don’t know that we’ll ever go back to a pre-COVID sense of normalcy.

But not all of the changes brought about by the pandemic have been bad.

And I believe that change is a good thing. It's such a necessary component for growth and moving towards our goals, whatever those may be, in all aspects of one's life.

We’ve all been through a lot of change since I’ve been on hiatus, so let’s catch up.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• How we’re faring going into year three of the pandemic
• Exciting professional changes
• Why I became a certified life coach
• A shameless plug

Learn more about Tracey:

• TraceyCoates.com
• Coaching with Tracey Coates
• Instagram: @iamtraceycoates

Resources:

Just Pursuit, Laura Coates

You can find Jennifer here:

Jennifer Fairfax on the web 

Parenting Choice on Twitter 

Jennifer Fairfax on Facebook 

Jennifer Fairfax on Instagram

Show Notes:

[04:18] I introduce Jennifer and welcome her to the show.

[05:30] Locations in which Jennifer has her license to practice law.

[07:08] Cases Jennifer refers out to other attorneys and types of adoption cases she takes in her practice.

[07:52] Issues which arise when international adoption and divorce happen to a family.

[10:17] The steps of international adoption and citizenship of the child.

[11:35] What happens when the parents do not realize their child enters the US without being a US Citizen.

[15:18] Different types of VISAS and how they affect the internationally adopted child’s citizenship.

[16:20] Steps you must go through in order to change a child’s DOB after adoption.

[18:14] Process of divorce when you have adopted a child domestically within the US.

[20:34] When does the post-adoption process take place?

[22:49] Flexible visitation rights for the parent who is giving up their child for adoption.

[29:35] Cases where women freeze their embryos for implantation later in life, but go through a divorce before the embryos are implanted.

[36:20] Which parent usually wants to keep the embryos after divorce?

[40:40] Does the divorce agreement have to include detailed information about the embryos?

Links and Resources:

Divorce Chronicles on Facebook

[email protected]

Divorce Chronicles Website

You can find Sarah here:

Sarah Olsher on the Web

Sarah Olsher on Instagram

Mighty and Bright on the Web

Mighty and Bright on Instagram

Cancer Party on Amazon

Show Notes:

[05:35] I welcome Sara to the show and she shares her background and how she created her product.

[06:03] Sara gives the story about her background with her divorce and cancer diagnosis.

[10:05] The importance of her parent’s support when going through her divorce.

[15:05] Sara’s first iteration of her calendar which magnetized to refrigerator door.

[19:17] Sara finds out her mom has cancer and she gets herself screened for cancer.

[23:01] She found books about talking to children about breast cancer, however; she felt that they dumbed down what cancer is and decided to create her own children’s books.

[23:34] How Sara explained to her daughter what cancer is in her body.

[26:35] How Sara’s daughter handled the news her mom gave her about having cancer.

[28:10] Sara describes what you can find out in her book, Cancer Party.

[29:20] How she incorporated the information in her book into her magnetic calendars.

[35:00] Sara talks about her two upcoming books on divorce and cancer.

[38:35] Sara’s calendars reflect the diverse types of families today.

[39:45] Her aim with her book was to cover all races and for the book to be ethnically diverse.

[41:10] Sara gives her words of wisdom based on her experiences of divorce and cancer.

Links and Resources:

Divorce Chronicles on Facebook

[email protected]

Divorce Chronicles Website

https://traceycoates.com/calendar

You can find Kongit here:

Kongit on the Web

Kongit on Twitter

Kongit on Facebook

Contact Kongit

Show Notes:

[02:50] I welcome Kongit to the show and she shares who she is and the nature of her work.

[03:45] Kongit’s background and training which qualifies her for her work and who is her clientele?

[06:45] What is couple’s therapy in Kongit’s counseling center?

[10:50] Kongit sees individuals and couples, but she can’t see you as a couple if you come to her as an individual.

[13:07] She describes the biology behind a couples relationship.

[16:13] How relationship dynamics change when you have children.

[19:41] Be honest and clear with yourself and your partner on your vision and quality of relationship which you want.

[21:23] Relationships need clarification, skill building and cultivation to work.

[23:49] One person is usually a bit more emotionally evolved than the other partner.

[27:54] Once one partner becomes emotional, you are no longer problem-solving.

[28:31] Issues that are being presented with couples in crisis.

[30:12] Differences between not having relationship skills and not knowing there is a problem in the relationship.

[32:10] Time involved in therapy and how Kongit approaches how much time she spends with her clients.

[33:45] How race and background play a role in relationships.

[35:31] Can you see Kongit if you live outside of LA?

[36:39] Kongit gives her words of advice to couples who are thinking about divorce.

Links and Resources:

Divorce Chronicles on Facebook

[email protected]

Divorce Chronicles Website

You can find Kelly here:

Kelly on Facebook

Kelly on Instagram

Kelly on the Web

Show Notes:

[03:05] Who is Kelly and what does she do?

[04:01] Who does Kelly work with and what does her tribe look like?

[05:45] Kelly talks about her mastermind which is open several times a year.

[06:18] What are the benefits of a mastermind and why would someone want to be a part of this type of community?

[08:41] Kelly speaks about roadblocks and how they can make us move backwards.

[09:54] Kelly’s journey to how she arrived at being a health coach.

[11:31] When she realized she wanted to assist other women with achieving their goals.

[13:25] She wasn’t happy with work or life, she just worked for herself.

[15:45] Kelly decides to leave her second husband shortly after launching her business.

[17:01] Kelly offers tips on how to get yourself in a better mindset.

[17:52] Self-judgement and conflict within her own mind.

[21:08] When is it a ‘failure to stay?’

[22:23] How Kelly baby-stepped her way into her new business.

[23:24] Surround yourself with specific people to support you in your life.

[26:24] Looking back, is there anything Kelly would change about her life?

Links and Resources:

Divorce Chronicles on Facebook

[email protected]

Divorce Chronicles Website

You can find Regina here:

Regina Demeo

Regina Demeo on LinkedIn

Regina’s Facebook Page

Regina on Twitter

Bethesda Magazine

Show Notes:

[01:55] Today we are discussing the power of forgiveness.

[04:00] Regina shares her background as a divorce attorney.

[05:19] How Regina started talking about forgiveness in her role as a relationship expert.

[05:55] Regina speaks about the search for her father who she never knew.

[08:09] Her father disarmed her anger by telling her he was sorry for not being there for her.

[09:44] Regina explains what forgiveness is and what forgiveness is not.

[11:09] Does vulnerability play a role in forgiveness?

[12:00] Regina explains the fallout of being consumed by anger.

[12:43] Key components of forgiveness – what we should be mindful about.

[14:01] Many of Regina’s family members kept her father a secret.

[15:13] Topics which Regina spoke about with her therapist for the eight years she was working through her family issues.

[16:22] Three key steps to work through when moving through the process of forgiveness. 

[19:03] Intent is important when you talk to the people who have hurt you.

[22:04] Options which are available and finding a workable solution for you to do.

[22:50] The opposite of love is not hate, it’s apathy.

[24:50] Regina shares examples and practices of how she was able to release her negativity.

[27:39] Advice Regina shares about what you can do when you are dealing with the struggles of ongoing forgiveness.

Links and Resources:

Divorce Chronicles on Facebook

[email protected]

Divorce Chronicles Website

You can find Liza here:

Divorce Concierge Group

DCG on Twitter

DCG on Facebook

Email: [email protected]

Show Notes:

[01:52] Who is Karen and what does she do?

[02:40] Karen’s background and how she tried to reconcile her own parents.

[03:57] Karen’s personal relationship boundaries and marriage expectations.

[05:18] What does Liza’s concierge encompass for her clients?

[06:01] Liza works in her area in Washington DC and remotely with clients around the US.

[06:47] Liza’s clientele and the types of needs in which she assists her clients.

[07:54] How Liza can assist a person post-divorce with financial information.

[14:15] Long-term solutions most people don’t think about and how Liza assists stay-at-home moms with the divorce transition.

[16:19] Liza works with real estate agents and financial advisors about staying in your home or leaving your home to relocating through to another place.

[17:32] More of Liza’s resources for her clients, including painting for her clients!

[19:07] Legal recommendations after divorce in regards to estate planning and money.

[20:34] Liza can act as an intermediary for her clients and give relief for her clients in the form of researching their best options and give her clients reliable information.

[22:52] Liza’s story about her divorce and health insurance companies.

[24:43] How Liza came up with a solution, which she then turned into her service.

[26:23] What’s the “right” decision after a divorce.

[27:29] Packages and what she offers her clients.

Links and Resources:

Divorce Chronicles on Facebook

[email protected]

Divorce Chronicles Website