The Truth I Could Not See

In Chapter 14, Trinity, I share how my encounter with Jesus led me to a deep hunger for the Bible, ultimately bringing me to a profound revelation of the Trinity. As I read about Jesus' crucifixion, I was overwhelmed by the weight of His sacrifice and the depth of His love—something I had never fully grasped before. In a powerful vision, I saw the unity of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, realizing that they were not separate beings but one God in three persons. This understanding challenged everything I had been taught and opened my eyes to a greater intimacy with God than I ever imagined.

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In Chapter 13, My Sheep, Hear My Voice, I reflect on my lifelong desire to hear God and my evolving understanding of the Holy Spirit. Growing up in the LDS Church, I believed I had received the Holy Ghost at baptism, feeling His presence in moments of guidance and spiritual experiences. However, everything changed the night I audibly heard God call my name—an encounter that transformed my faith and deepened my relationship with Him. This chapter explores how Jesus promised the Holy Spirit as our Helper and how I came to recognize His voice in a more intimate and personal way.

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Podcast Episode Summary: Chapter 12 – The Encounter

In this episode, we dive into Chapter 12: The Encounter, a powerful and deeply personal account of a divine moment that changed everything. I reflect on the words of Isaiah 61:1—how Jesus came to bring good news to the brokenhearted, freedom to the captives, and release to the prisoners. At that moment in my life, I was all of these things: burdened by grief, trapped in cycles of self-destruction, and longing for a freedom I couldn’t find.

We also explore Saul’s transformation on the road to Damascus, a story that paralleled my own unexpected encounter with Jesus. Like Saul, I thought I had the truth. But everything changed the night I heard a voice call my name—a voice that shattered my fears and filled my room with an undeniable presence. In an instant, I knew: God saved me.

From that moment, my understanding of Jesus shifted. The Bible, once familiar but distant, came alive in a way I had never experienced. Love surrounded me, and I felt an insatiable hunger for more of God’s presence. But with this newfound revelation came an unsettling question—what if my long-held beliefs were wrong?

Join me as I unpack this life-altering encounter, the overwhelming love of God, and the difficult but necessary journey of wrestling with truth. This is a story of transformation, surrender, and the relentless pursuit of a Savior who meets us in our darkest moments.

Don’t miss this episode—it’s one of the most defining moments of my faith journey!

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In Chapter 11, Heather reflects on the profound grief of losing her mother while revisiting the impact of past losses. As she confronts her emotions, she grapples with faith, spiritual rebirth, and the meaning of eternal life. Through her journey, she questions long-held beliefs and searches for deeper understanding. The chapter builds to a powerful final moment—her mother’s parting words, “Be of good cheer”—a poignant reminder of hope, love, and resilience even in the face of death.

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Episode Title: "An Unexpected Friend"

In this episode, I share a pivotal conversation that challenged my understanding of faith: "Your Jesus is not the same as my Jesus." When a new friend made this bold claim, I was frustrated and confused. Wasn’t Jesus the same for all believers? This chapter takes you through the unexpected friendship that followed, the night I cried out to God for a friend and received an instant answer, and my first experience attending a Christian church service. Tune in as I reflect on how this friendship reshaped my perspective and set me on a path of deeper questioning.

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Chapter 9: Diagnosis

In this chapter, life takes another unexpected turn as I receive the news of my mom’s cancer diagnosis. At first, the updates seem reassuring, but something deep down tells me there’s more beneath the surface. As I struggle with whether to leave Utah, where I’ve finally found stability, or return home to be with my mom, I wrestle with the reality of what truly matters.

When I finally decide to move back, I find myself in a season of uncertainty—trying to balance being present for my mom while figuring out my own future. A random job posting leads me to an opportunity I never could have imagined, and in the middle of grief, fear, and change, I experience a moment of divine clarity, showing me that sometimes life’s interruptions are actually leading us exactly where we need to be.

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Chapter 8: Unlocking the Past

In this chapter, I take you back to a time when I returned to Portland, hoping for a fresh start. I landed a job at a chiropractic office, thinking it would be just another job, but it turned out to be something much more. It was there that I was introduced to a therapy that finally helped me unlock the trauma buried deep in my past.

For so long, I had been trapped in cycles of pain, struggling with my eating disorder and desperately searching for healing. But I had never truly faced the root of it all. This therapy began to peel back the layers, forcing me to confront memories and emotions I had pushed down for years. It was uncomfortable, even terrifying at times, but it also felt like the key I had been missing.

This chapter is about what happens when we stop running and finally face the pain head-on. It’s about discovering that true healing isn’t just about fixing behaviors—it’s about understanding the wounds that caused them in the first place.

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Chapter 7: In Search of Healing

In this chapter, I take you inside my time at the eating disorder clinic—a place I had hoped would finally give me the breakthrough I so desperately needed. I walked in thinking this was my chance to regain control, to finally fix what felt so broken inside me. But instead, I found myself surrounded by a system that treated the symptoms without addressing the deeper wounds.

I share what it was like to be there, the ways it helped, and the ways it didn’t. The weight checks, the structured meals, the therapy sessions—they were all meant to heal me, yet something was still missing. I was following all the rules, doing everything I was told, but I still felt trapped in the same cycle of shame and self-destruction.

This chapter is about coming face to face with the reality that healing isn’t just about behavior change—it’s about something deeper. And it’s the beginning of me realizing that the answer wasn’t going to come from another program or another attempt at control. Something greater had to intervene.

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In Pandora’s Box, I share how what started as a small decision quickly spiraled into something I could no longer control. At first, binging and purging felt like a secret escape—a way to relieve the pressure, to quiet the noise in my mind, and to regain some sense of control. But instead, it opened the door to something much darker. Like Pandora’s Box, once it was unleashed, I couldn’t just shut it and walk away.

This chapter dives into the hidden torment, the shame, and the growing feeling that I was trapped in something I didn’t fully understand. I’ll take you through the thoughts, the justifications, and the slow realization that I was heading down a dangerous path—one that would take years to break free from.

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This chapter marks a breaking point in my journey—a moment when the weight of doubt, fear, and inner turmoil became too much to bear. Desperate for control in a world that felt like it was slipping through my fingers, I turned to binging and purging, unknowingly stepping into a cycle that would take years to break. I share the thoughts and emotions that led me down this path, the hidden pain behind my struggle, and the lies I believed about myself, my worth, and what it meant to be enough. This chapter is raw, painful, and honest—but it’s also the moment where my story takes a turn, pushing me toward the deeper questions that would eventually lead me to truth and healing.

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