the utter

my long answer to the following;

I find your poetry very raw and moving, lyrical yet not what one would expect to find in literary journals. My question is, did you have to get published in many journals and make your way up to publishing? if not, how did you first get published/noticed?

More questions for the utter?

Dear friend,

* You have waited so long that waiting has become a home state, the place where you landed and took root.

* This place, where you have set down your life, does not care for you at all.

* What looks like safety might kill you.

* You keep looking for permission outside of yourself, but there will never be enough.

* You have thought yourself out of too many life-changing ideas. This is a criminal act, mostly born of fear.

* Life must only grow, gathering shape, gathering depth.

* You are not the only one. I, too, have thought myself out of several beautiful portals.

* Some of them were lost; they danced into the ether.

* Some of them were carried out beautifully, just not by me.

* We all forget ourselves, but this should not comfort you.

* It is time for us to cease this second-guessing. It is time-consuming, heart-consuming.

* Action is the best permission; grow on the job.

* Treat your passions like lovers. Fall into them often and with excitement.

* If you are bothered by someone else’s achievements,

consider why you think of success as a finite thing.

* This line of thought is a warning sign. Why does their having it mean that you cannot?

* Adjust your thinking before we move any further. There is enough to go around. There is more than enough to go around.

* ‘Success’ is catching. Make friends who inspire you. Make friends who are doing the thing you love.

* Take a lesson from everyone. Yes, everyone. When you disregard people for one reason or another, you are missing the point.

* Frequency is a powerful and absolute force. Vibration is a language. Learn to work with it.

* What you need is in every place, in multitudes.

lie to me again

the middle finger poem

there you are again

look at all our stunning work

Did you know that you can study the body by taking the time,

by making notes?

Do you know you can begin to regulate? Do you know that no one knows your body more? So, with all this in mind,

imagine you paid attention. This is a lifetime of learning. Imagine you knew how best to nourish your mind

(the place where your future is made.) Imagine you gave your body more of the things that it needs to flourish. Imagine you knew more about what to keep and what to let go of. This is a lifetime of learning. Imagine you started to notice and really learn your body;

the way that we learn the things that we love? What if you changed some of your questioning?

Not what do I think about this, but

what do I feel?

Not what must I do about this, but

where might I begin to find myself?

What are the sensations happening in your body?

In what situations do they come about? Where is the truth showing up

over and over and over again? When do you recede, and where do you contract? When do you expand and make the most of yourself?

Not why, but

where does it hurt? Furthermore,

what do you continue to put in your body that continues to harm your body? How much can a body take? How are you masking the truth of your body

over and over and over again? How are you blocking your messages?

Could you be more of a friend to yourself?

When the feeling comes,

when the discomfort is there,

how does it feel to sit inside it? Where is the thing that hurts?

Before we know why

we have to locate it. Before we begin to look for the solution/fix/release, we have

to locate it.

Where was the pattern formed? Where does the pattern begin? What are you repeating

over and over and over

again? Where is the disconnect? What is this tightening, this stitch, this ache, this will not go away, this breathlessness, this stiffening? Where is the thing, and how might you begin

to channel it elsewhere?

The difference between anxiety and excitement is you. Your perception, your projections, your distrust. You. You need new things.

We need new tools, new ways of working it through. We need new pathways from our memories to here. We need new systems, new responses to the things that were and are

and are no more.

The first thing to do is to feel.

READING…

HOW TO MISS YOUR LIFE EVEN AS IT’S HAPPENING

I KNOW WHAT WORKS (BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT)

11.11

THERE ARE ENOUGH TERRIBLE THINGS

HACKS FOR EVERYDAY MAGIC

THE GRIME IS FULL OF NUTRIENTS

ily

❤️🌺✨🥰😊🥹

The tower never manages to pierce the sky,

We lie in bed, discussing how tough things are. We rise up, then, to Attack The Day because we came from nothing, and we're still around. It's a special kind of effort, and it's killing us. Everything I say in anger is a version of, "I'm tired." Everything you say in your defence is a version of "be kind." We can't save each other, either. We've tried.

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I’ve already forgotten

your beat-up fingers,

your peppercorns,

the ice in your eye

 the way that you move

like a warning,

I think.  

Anyway. It was that time

against the backdrop of trees

the russet sky,

the houses built like half promises on rocks

when I started to get wise.

                                            There was drama

going on, inland.  A thin sliver of moon

wet oil on the ground,

white flowers in June.  

Your phone rang.                         You looked at it

                                                    and then at me. There was a shadow around

your head. I felt the thing we try not to feel.

It is a difficult time

for loving. Apparently, anything goes.

No one is allowed to dissolve

in public. We rent each other’s beds

for weeks and weeks and weeks

with nothing to show for it at the very end

but dirt underneath our nails.

I am still gasping, even today

for one I treated poorly.

They told me they

wished me

all the best

in the softest, most devastating way.