The Valley is The Best Show On Bravo and if you aren't watching it I feel bad for you.

Kristen's decor is giving old school VPR shitty apartment vibes. Luke hates LA and Kristen hates Colorado so they totally should have a baby together. Jasmine and Jax go on a totally organic lunch date that wasn't set up at all by production. Jax reveals to Jasmine a rumor Kristen told him. Jax gets into a hair loss prevention partnership with a bald man. Michelle has one foot out the door and Jesse has a great idea to go on drugs to get his ego in check while sipping Champagne with the boys. Nia does all the hard labor (pun intended) in her house. Jax's bar business partner's lose Brittany's number. Janet tricks Jasmine into what was said at lunch. Jax and Jesse flirt with Burning Girl Gabby and then the episode concludes with Hallway. Screaming. Cameras. Security. Production...and Kristen FINALLY reveals the real secret that she has been protecting Michelle with.

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