St. Ephrem continues his “but give rather” portion of his prayer, asking for “patience and love.”
O Lord and Master of my life! Take from me the spirit of sloth, faint-heartedness, lust of power, and idle talk. But give rather the spirit of chastity, humility, patience, and love to your servant.
Yes, O Lord and King! Grant me to see my own errors and not to judge my brother or sister, for thou art blessed unto ages of ages. Amen.
Christian faith is not just a list of “Thou shall nots.” Sin, that thing we are to resist, isn’t bigger than God. But it clouds our perception of God and harms our capacity to receive what God longs to give.
The Christian faith does include a list of “Thou shalls.” These positive activities don’t make us more presentable to God, we are loved regardless, but they help us enjoy God’s company. When Ephrem has us pray for patience and love, he simply encourages us to live where God is.
Patience and love are so closely intertwined that they are hard to tell apart. (“Love is patient.” - I Cor 13) Patience may be one of the clearest expressions of love, but as time’s passengers, it’s one we recognize only with time’s passing.
The old joke goes something like this, “Don’t pray for patience God may just give it to you!” Of course, the implication is that God will take us through an experience that is difficult enough to make us develop that patience we are asking for.
But how would we even know that we have grown in patience if it weren’t tested, and tested with intensity? The writer Alexander Schmemann writes,
The “natural” or “fallen” man is impatient, for being blind to himself he is quick to judge and to condemn others. Having but a broken, incomplete, and distored knowledge of everything, measures all things by his tastes and ideas. Being indifferent to everyone except himself, he wants life to be successful right here and now.
The foundation of impatience is pride (I am the center of all that is and I deserve what I want) and a lack of empathy (no experience is like mine). But God invites us to receive a share of his patience by living in his proximity. Schmemman continues,
Patience however, is truly a divine virtue. God is patient not because he is “indulgent,” but because He sees the depth of all that exists, because the inner reality of things, which in our blindness we do not see, is open to Him. The closer we come to God, the more patient we grow and the more we reflect that infinite respect for all beings which is the proper quality of God. - The Great Lent, pg. 37
Ultimately, our patience is tested not merely with our human neighbors, or even ourselves, but with God himself.
Jon Tyson, courtesy of unsplash