The Young Gaffers | An irreverent look at The Beautiful Game

Wherein Our Heroes are joined by Luke from Omaha to delve into the recent changes to Chinese Super League rules regarding foreign players. Dimitri Payet is ostracized at West Ham and must now create a splinter WhatsApp Group, Wayne Rooney is given kudos for a cracker of a milestone, and Spurs rally to steal a point against Manchester City. Also, we share our idiosyncrasies in light of Ashley Young's recent revelation…the lad's got some straight up wacked eating habits.

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Music by: Bear Mountain - www.facebook.com/mybearmountain

Wherein Our Heroes are joined by longtime contributor and guest host, Brendan. Marco van Basten's proposed revisions to The Beautiful Game are given the Gaffers Treatment, Juventus, The Old Lady, unveils a radical new badge to mixed reviews, and the Guam Premier Division sees Ashton Surber booked for his post-goal marriage proposal. Also, we assign the greatest nicknames of all time to some of our favourite footy players.

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Music by: Bear Mountain - www.facebook.com/mybearmountain

Wherein Our Heroes reconvene after a lengthy holiday hiatus. We catch up on television shows (both scripted and unscripted) and attempt, in our Muggle way, to discern several Harry Potter spells. The Real Mike Dean gets mistaken for a real Mike Dean, Will Johnson fires off a parting shot at Toronto FC in our Canadian segment, and William Pottker brandishes his finest wand to celebrate a goal in the Brasilerio Série A. Also, Pardew and Bradley get sacked…can Swans and Crystal Palace turn the tides?

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Music by: Bear Mountain - www.facebook.com/mybearmountain

Wherein Our Heroes yet again throw shade at the MLS, but only because we love the league so much. Seattle triumphs over Toronto FC in an MLS Cup Final that can only be described as a bit of a snoozer. Atlanta United and Minnesota United FC flesh out their rosters through the MLS Expansion Draft, Joey Barton is added to the Burnley F.C. WhatsApp group, and José Mourinho brings the lads in for a training session on Christmas Day. Also, we assert our sovereignty over The North Pole, and confirm Santa's identity as Canadian once and for all.

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Music by: Bear Mountain - www.facebook.com/mybearmountain

Wherein Our Heroes receive, in error, and read on-air, several letters destined for The North Pole. John Terry's next move is discussed, Mesut Özil's status as the best playmaker in the Premier League is contested, and the MLS Cup Final is previewed. We echo a Christmas Wish to have Joey Barton land at a new club in January. Also, we share in the outpouring of grief and heartbreak for the victims of the recent aviation tragedy in Colombia.

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Music by: Bear Mountain - www.facebook.com/mybearmountain

Wherein Our Heroes lament Canada's ineptitude at painting lines on football pitches, get excited for BBC's forthcoming behind-the-scenes look at the goings-on at Watford F.C., and ridicule Cristiano Ronaldo's feeble attempt at masquerade during a recent visit to Disneyland Paris. Two students spend a lovely evening camped out in the loo at Old Trafford, Firmino's haircut gets all the praise, and football-related arrests are on the rise. We also commend our Japanese hosts for providing us a little taste of home when we traversed The Land of the Rising Sun…potato salad. Ride it!

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Music by: Bear Mountain - www.facebook.com/mybearmountain

Wherein Our Heroes make your ears feel just right through sweet podcast poetry. FIFA opens disciplinary action against the FA's of England and Scotland for donning "political" symbols, while the World Football Museum in Zürich struggles for attendees. Super sub Olivier Giroud's mane finally gets the recognition it deserves, Yaya Touré bags a brace for Manchester City after months away from the pitch, and a trifecta of England players get up to no good during the International Break. Also, we gear up for the MLS Conference Finals. Awe yeahhhhhhhh...

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Music by: Bear Mountain - www.facebook.com/mybearmountain

Wherein Our Heroes engage in copious amounts of Irreverence: Anthony Stokes garners an illustrious Joey Barton Award for pleading guilty to assaulting an Elvis impersonator, Usain Bolt decides to train with Borussia Dortmund, Víctor Valdés is praised for his moxie for taking on Tinder, Cristiano Ronaldo sports faux specs and provokes the ire of his club, and four Manchester United rebels earn Haircut of the Week for ensuring their tufts are in order before the big match. Also, we offer a musical surprise, Adam gets a NES Classic, and The Gaffers add to their ever-growing list of (empty?) promises.

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Music by: Bear Mountain - www.facebook.com/mybearmountain

Wherein Our Heroes bask in the glory of having a Canadian MLS team guaranteed a spot in the MLS Cup Final. We preview both Conference Finals, are not having Giovinco's snub for league MVP, and extol both Liverpool and Chelsea for their deserved spots at the top of the Premier League table. Long-time listeners Brendan and Luke weigh in on recent topics and we salute Philippe Coutinho's well-groomed dome in Haircut of the Week. Also, we wish Wayne Bridge good luck in his latest foray in the jungles of Australia and, keeping with tradition, we spoil Westworld's most popular fan theory.

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Music by: Bear Mountain - www.facebook.com/mybearmountain

Wherein Our Heroes are haunted by Manchester United's zombie-like ineptitude in front of goal, some West Ham supporters make our skin crawl, and FIFA's cobbled-together attempt at rebranding their year-end awards is like Dr. Frankenstein's ghoulish creation. The MLS playoffs are in full swing, with away sides in the first leg looking like lifeless corpses. Also, Adam spoils all of your favourite movies and TV shows…the horror!

Send us your questions or comments via e-mail to [email protected], @younggaffers on Twitter, and www.facebook.com/theyounggaffers

Music by: Bear Mountain - www.facebook.com/mybearmountain