The Young Gaffers | An irreverent look at The Beautiful Game

Wherein Our Heroes express their desire to procure Petr Cech's latest designer headwear, celebrate the very first green card awarded in Serie B, and discuss PSG's latest big signings (aka their eSports team). Chelsea simply decimate Manchester United on Mourinho's return to Stamford Bridge, The Special One has some choice words for Antonio Conte post-match, and Zlatan still finds time to flash his pearly whites despite it all. Also, we get whimsical thinking about the days of getting cussed out in Spanish by whippersnappers.

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Music by: Bear Mountain - www.facebook.com/mybearmountain

Wherein Our Heroes offer up their renditions of "She Drives Me Crazy" and "Sunday Bloody Sunday", all the while weighing in on hard-hitting and topical football news. Drogba refuses to be named to the Impact's match day roster, two South African players engage in rampant Kasi Flava, and Mike Dean turns in a typical on-field performance. Enner Valencia's Barton Award is pending further developments, Pep Guardiola doesn't believe the Premier League is any more intense than La Liga, the Bundesliga, or Serie A, and we solicit your feedback on Wales' spate of bizarre team photos. Also, Adam receives a Red Dwarf casting lesson.

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Music by: Bear Mountain - www.facebook.com/mybearmountain

Wherein Our Heroes reveal Norwegian pleas to procure the best semen in the world, the Top 10 reasons Bob Bradley is set to succeed at Swans, and Kyle Walker's assertion that England didn't have a back-up plan at Euro 2016. Speaking of, we are havin' the assertion that England are the most overrated nation in world football. Also, in a Canadian Moment, Victor Montagliani posits that awarding the World Cup to both Russia and Qatar was the "best thing that happened in football".

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Music by: Bear Mountain - www.facebook.com/mybearmountain

Wherein Our Heroes perform the first Quadruple Segment for your auditory pleasure as Sam Allardyce can't save his job with England. West Ham are in a world of hurt after yet another abysmal performance, with crowd noise being pumped through the PA at London Stadium to bolster the atmosphere and late-night tomfoolery rampant among the players. Atlanta United FC secure a manager with arguably the most impressive curriculum vitae in MLS. Also, Jamie Vardy's pre-match diet is pretty much disgusting.

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Music by: Bear Mountain - www.facebook.com/mybearmountain

Wherein Our Heroes are simply shocked at the omission of Iceland and the Viking Clap from FIFA 17. We carefully appraise the merits of gaffers singling out their players in the media and aren't havin' it. Manchester United's woes continue; is it the low work rate, players in unfamiliar roles, or blind devotion to aging stars? Landon Donovan is the next to live "The Great American Sports Comeback". Also, Joey Barton FINALLY wins his eponymous award and joins the ranks of "The Joseph Anthony Barton Highfaluting Gentlemen's Club".

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Music by: Bear Mountain - www.facebook.com/mybearmountain

Wherein Our Heroes delve into the mailbag and produce a glorious rant of epic proportions from Brendan. Benito Floro and Canada Soccer decide to consciously uncouple, we wonder if Canadian players are getting their fair shake in the MLS, and London Stadium sees trouble both on and off the pitch (Payet's Rabona notwithstanding). Also, José Mourinho yet again fails to pip Pep.

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Music by: Bear Mountain - www.facebook.com/mybearmountain

Wherein Our Heroes share their knowledge of Canadian civic nomenclature, Team Canada fail to qualify for the "Hex", and our dreams of seeing the Maple Leaf at a FIFA World Cup must wait another several years. We are havin' Megan Rapinoe's right to take a knee during the Star Spangled Banner, Leicester players choose to differentiate their four-wheeled gifts, and England's players need a weekend at a Tony Robbins symposium – Big Sam clearly needs more time. Also, we offer a post-mortem on the Bachelor in Paradise finale.

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Music by: Bear Mountain - www.facebook.com/mybearmountain

Wherein Our Heroes dip into the Mailbag to discuss the Premier League's TV deal as well as German last names. Jason recounts his experience at BC Place in Vancouver Whitecaps' recent CONCACAF Champions League encounter with Sporting KC, Montreal Impact finally vanquish their BMO Field demons in a hotly contested 401 Derby, and the future looks bright for Team Canada heading beyond qualifying for Russia 2018. CD Leganés offer gourds to visiting clubs this La Liga season, while their shirts are part gimmick and part sensory wonder. Also, Marouane Fellaini becomes the first two-time Haircut of the Week winner for selflessness and chivalry during Manchester United's clash with Hull City A.F.C.

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Music by: Bear Mountain - www.facebook.com/mybearmountain

Wherein Our Heroes bask in the glory of several early-season Premier League matches. Spurs vanquish Crystal Palace with Harry Kane oddly stationed as a Number 10. Will the arrival of Christian Benteke herald a change in recent fortunes for The Eagles? Elsewhere, Burnley see off Liverpool with only 19% possession, Ronald Koeman earns his first victory as Everton manager, and Hull, with merely a baker's dozen senior players in the squad, earn their second victory in as many matches. We are having Steve Bruce's departure in the summer, and Michy Batshuayi's treble tarantula earns Haircut of The Week. Also, our Canadian Women's Team is saluted for another outstanding Olympics in Rio.

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Music by: Bear Mountain - www.facebook.com/mybearmountain

Wherein Our Heroes are joined by guests Joe and Greg to wax philosophical on the Premier League season to be. Together, we engage in the most profound punditry in the Northern Hemisphere, including but not limited to, our top 7/8 picks in the table, Pep Guardiola's first season in England, where Leicester might finish, whether or not Paul Pogba is worth his transfer fee, and Big Sam's propensity for steering England to glory. Also, we drink a LOT.

Send us your questions or comments via e-mail to [email protected], @younggaffers on Twitter, and www.facebook.com/theyounggaffers

Music by: Bear Mountain - www.facebook.com/mybearmountain