The Zainab Kanu Show

The Zainab Kanu Show

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The Zainab Kanu Show episodes

  • EP 27: A No-Nonsense guide to being Yourself - Unapologetically W/Lillian Victoria Part II

    You can't be you?

     Who told you that? 

    When the world seems like a lonely place, a scary place, the only way to survive and thrive is by being you. 

    Often times, we are forced to be someone else only to make the other person more comfortable. 

    This can leaving one feel a sense of false self, fake, and a lack of presence. It is okay to be you. 

    NO one has to be perfect. 

    Allow Lillian Victoria to tell you her story on how to be you, unapologetically and be comfortable with it. 

    37 min
  • EP 23: My Emotional Rock Bottom story

    What is Emotional Rock Bottom? 

    • When you are left feeling hopelessness. You are at the bottom and can’t sink any lower than were you are emotionally. A state of absolute misery and wretchedness. Your extreme lowest. You feel lost, confused, and life is momentarily in shambles. 
    • As i was researching, i found out that you have to hit rock bottom before you can be able to make a change. Do you agree? 
    • Urban dictionary defines rock bottom as: “when you feel you have had it up to the roof top because you are mad enough to scream but you are also sad enough to tear up. 

      • Lesson from hitting an Emotional Rock Bottom.

      • I realized how powerful I am and that I am in control of my life. I get to decide who to invite into my world. 
      • I have made a decision to never accept mediocrity from myself and others. 
      • I am no longer going to medicate on the negative experiences and hold on to it like its treasure when I have the power to just let it go and choose something else. 
      • I got an opportunity to examine all my bad behaviors and how I lacked the tools to be better at the time. I started questioning everything. 
      • I realized I was not were I thought I was
      • Gain humility and compassion for myself and others
      • Let go of everything because nothing is working anymore
      • I am filled with gratitude 

        • My Emotional Maintenance Plan

        • Daily prayer
        • Daily medication
        • I periodically do an emotional check in
        • I am aware of the foods I eat
        • Journal sometimes/ daily reflection
        • Note card 
          • 31 min
        • EP 22: you afraid of becoming a Mommy?

          Most motherless daughters are afraid of becoming a mother for several reasons: 

          1. Nobody taught them how to be a mom or do mommy things. 
          2. You wont have anyone to call for good or bad things. 
          3. You fear becoming your mother. 
          4. You fear damaging your kids.
          5.  You have very little good experiences from your childhood to discuss and relate with your child. 
          6. You fear that your child is missing out on a grandmother. 


            7. If this is you, this is what I want you to think about: 

            1.  Don’t dismiss or interfere with your maternal instinct. 
            2.  You will be more sensitive than your mother. 
            3.  You can learn what you didn’t get from your mother.
              4. 16 min
            4. EP 21: Are your siblings Idolizing your toxic mother?

              Have you being labeled too sensitive, stupid, unlovable, stubborn, and lazy? Are you familiar with the term triangulation bu Murray Bowen? It means when mothers pitting children against each other. Is your brother or sister an advocate for your toxic mother? Remember, a narc needs her kids to not get along. She has orchestrated the relationship so someone is always on her side. First of, let me tell you that all children try to find a way to normalize their parents behaviors. I didn’t know that my mom toxic treatment was bad until i went to therapy. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. The same for my father. So it is normal for children to try and normalize/justify. Is that okay. Not really. Now some of us get out of it and some of our siblings don't. Especially the sibling that has been labeled the golden child. They may never get out of it. 


              19 min
            5. EP 20: RUN FAST AND AWAY FROM FLYING MONKEYS

              FLYING MONKEY: A narc tools for the smear campaign. A flying monkey is someone who does the narcissist’s bidding to inflict additional torment to the narcissist’s victim. Such behaviors include but are not limited to: spreading gossip, threatening, painting the narc as a victim, and the target as a perpetrator.

              Some of the flying monkeys are family members, friends, etc

              • SO this is why mothers separate the kids! She does not want them to form an alliance against her. She does not want them to develop strength. She had to separate them. Using kids against other kids. 
              • THE GOLDEN CHILD (is favored or held in high esteem by others) VS SCAPE GOAT (a person who is blamed for the wrong things) in the bible, a scapegoat is an animal that is ritually burden with the sins of others and then driven away)
              • Did you know the flying monkey term came from the wizard of oz. when the witch will send the monkeys to do her evil work. Who knew.
              • A flying monkey is preselected, they same way you were selected as a victim. 
              • Narc are experts in reading people and they know who will make an easy target and a puppet. 
              • Some flying monkeys are narcs that are lesser narc, or sometimes people who are just too gullible, easily influenced, low self-esteem. 
              • Be aware of a flying monkey
              • They can ruin you twice as fast
              • Protect yourself. Put yourself on guard!
              • Cut them off! They are everywhere and very dangerous!
              • Flying monkeys are everywhere
              • You will have them at work, church, in a group of friends, social gathering etc. an example will be, you are working someone, you criticize how someone works, instead them taking ownership, they start to talk about you to other co-workers making you feel bad, because the co-workers then become flying monkeys and passively or indirectly start to do their bidding for them.

                • When you stand up:

                • Be prepared to hear all sorts of statements of defense and denial. Keep in mind that the narc does not allow input. They have made up their mind and they have their own sense of reality
                • Make sure you are willing to pay the price. It could be very high. Possible rejection, disbar, 
                • Make sure you are willing to be consistently assertive. Not in a rude way. Not in a rude way, nasty way, or aggressively angry. Its being loyal to your values with respect and firmness. 
                • Make sure you have a high commitment to your own authenticity. Meaning know who you are, and where you are trying to go. Commit to being authentic internally and externally. This will lead you to your freedom. You get to be you and think for yourself.  
                  • 28 min
                • EP 19: TRIGGERS, ESPECIALLY ON MOTHER’S DAY!!!

                  HAPPY MOMMY'S DAY!!!! 

                  WHAT IS MOTHER’S DAY? 

                  1. MOTHER’S DAY IS TO HONOR GOOD MOMMIES. A MOMMY IS THE PERSON THAT RASIED YOU WITH LOVE, HONOR, NUTURING, CREATED A SAFE PLACE FOR YOU TO RUN TO, AND MENTORSHIP. A MOTHER IS THE PEROSN THAT GAVE BRITH TO YOU. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO. A LOT OF WOMEN GIVE BIRTH, BUT VERY FEW ARE MOMMIES. 

                    2. WHAT IS A TRIGGER? 

                    1. A trigger is something that sets off a memory tape or flashback transporting the person back to the event of her/his original trauma. Triggers are very personal; different things trigger different people. Psych central.com 

                      2. HOW CAN YOU PREVENT TRIGGERS? 

                      1. Protect yourself by not engaging in an activity that you know might trigger you. 

                        2. HOW CAN YOU MANAGE TRIGGERS? 

                        1. Recognize your feelings, choose what you want to feel, and what you want to do. Practice self-care.
                          2. 17 min
                        2. EP 18: PLEASE RESPECT MY BOUNDARIES!!!

                          Going FB group page EMPOWERING MOTHERLESS DAUGHTERS.  ****FOLLOW ME: @EMPOWERING MOTHERLESS DAUGHTERS****

                          RATE, LIKE, COMMENT, SHARE, AND SUBSCRIBE. 

                          Why you Should practice boundaries, and how a lack of boundary can lead to an abusive or toxic relationship. 


                          Jane Collingwood says "setting clear boundaries is the key to ensuring relationships are mutually respectful, supportive, and caring. boundaries are a measure of self-esteem, and they set the limit for acceptable behavior from those around you. 


                          Having no boundaries causes:

                          1. people to take advantage of you
                          2. you are in a vulnerable position at all times
                          3. you are taken for granted by others


                            4. Benefits of having boundaries: 

                            1. DEVELOP SELF-RESPECT
                            2. YOU ARE TREATED WELL BY OTHERS
                            3. IT  PROTECTS YOU FROM BEING EXPLOITED BY OTHERS
                            4.  PREVENTS YOU FROM HOLDING ON TO RELATIONSHIP THAT DON’T HAVE YOUR BEST INTEREST AT HEART. 


                              5. THINGS TO DO TO ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES:

                              1. SAY NO TO UNREASONABLE REQUESTS AND REASONABLE ONES FORM TIME TO TIME IF THEY CONFLICT WITH YOUR PLANS. 
                              2. CHALLENGE ALL INSULTS THAT ARE MARKED AS HUMOR 
                              3. DON’T MAKE YOURSELF AVAILABLE 
                              4. LOOK AT WHY ARE YOU POPULAR WITH YOUR FRIENDS 


                                5. HOW TO MAINTAIN YOUR NEW BOUNDARY:

                                1. WRITE DOWN YOUR BOUNDARIES
                                2. BE CONSISTENT 
                                3. KEEP  THEM SIMPLE.SUCH AS YOUR BODY, YOUR SENSE OF PERSONAL SELF, YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION. 
                                4. STAY CALM 
                                5. BE REASONABLE FOR YOUR OWN EMOTIONAL REACTIONS RATHER THAN BLAMING OTHERS.
                                6. IF YOU NEED TO COMPROMISE, BE FLEXIBLE, BUT TAKE IT SLOWLY, AND DON’T AGREE TO ANYTHING THAT DOESN’T FEEL RIGHT. 


                                  7. Go to breakthecycle.org/warning-signs to take the quiz for warning-signs. If you feel that you are in a toxic relationship or you noticed some signs but you are not sure, I want you to text, loveis to 22522 or call RAINN at 1800-656-4673 Take the healthy relationship quiz

                                  27 min

                                About The Zainab Kanu Show

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                                Hi and welcome to The Zainab Kanu Show.....all things trauma, healing, fashion, and beauty.