Therapists Are People Too (T.A.P.T.)

This week's episode talks about perfection and shame with our special host Clinical Social Worker and Child Welfare Superhero Seth Riker.

Listen as we talk about how we have dealt with perfectionism, how it shows up in our lives, and how perfectionism impacts us positively and negatively. Dive in as discuss if perfectionism can lead to procrastination and the inability to move forward and let go.

How in the world does Seth continue to find the strength to keep going in this field?! By finding the small successes with clients and families. #assetandstrengthsbasedmindset

Key takeaways from this episode:

1. There is a spectrum of perfectionism that consists of insecurity, anxiety, and the perception of self-worth.

2. Check your ego at the door. Beware of making everything about you and avoid the messiah complex. You do not need control to fuel your inflated sense of self.

3. Don't give a shit about what other people think about you. Redefine what achievement and success look like for you. In other words: do you, boo.

4. Sometimes, things just don't matter, so learn to simply let something go.

For questions and shareouts and further discussion, please contact us at [email protected].

Until next time, remember to live, laugh, love, and keep it real.
-Frantzces, Sabeen and Tonika :)

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In this week's episode, we discuss how to move on from a breakup. Listen as we talk about tips and tricks to recognizing dysfunction, what lessons are learned after relationships come to an end, and identifying healthy characteristics of a healthy relationship. Dive in as we discuss the impact of self-worth and how your partner choices change when you start to love yourself.

Emotional intelligence is a game-changer.

Key takeaways from this episode:

1. You just block them. Do not engage in contact with the person once you have decided to move on.

2. The person does need love, but they don't need it from you. You are not responsible for someone else's happiness or healing journey. Let them go so that they can do the work and find themselves.

3. None of us are broken. We have not met our person yet. The right person will not make you feel broken and will not make you feel like you are the problem

4. Sometimes, your biology and mind have not moved on after a breakup, and sometimes you go through a withdrawal process. Don't get trapped in nostalgia.

For questions and shareouts and further discussion, please contact us at [email protected].

Until next time, remember to live, laugh, love, and keep it real.
-Frantzces, Sabeen and Tonika :)

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In this week's episode, we discuss finding a great therapist and firing a terrible therapist. Listen as we share some life updates and our experiences with searching for therapists and engaging in therapy. Dive in as we discuss our characteristics of a great therapists and concrete strategies to assess the quality of the therapeutic relationship.

And…did you all notice that happiness is the common theme in all of our lives? Tonika is no longer in the closet! Yaaasss!

Key takeaways from this episode:
1. Take advantage of the free consultation that most therapists offer. You can get a feel of their energy. You can also read online profiles and focus on bios that resonate with you.

2. Capture your reflections by journaling your experiences with therapists you've seen. This helps you to know what works for you and what does not work for you.

3. You are in a therapeutic relationship with your therapist that should be respectful. Is the therapist attentive? Do they focus on your needs? Do they show up to the session on time?

4. Gauge how the therapist sets up expectations during the intake process. Which questions do you ask? Which questions do they ask you? How real can they get with you, and are they afraid to have uncomfortable conversations?

5. So, how do you break up with a terrible therapist? It feels awkward and uncomfortable, but you need to move on if you are not happy. With that being said…you should follow the Golden Rule: treat others the way you want to be treated.

For questions and shareouts and further discussions, please contact us at [email protected].

Until next time, remember to live, laugh, love, and keep it real.
-Frantzces, Sabeen and Tonika :)

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We couldn't let the season go without talking about our favorite topics: relationships and dating. We get a bit wild and uncensored in our very LAST episode for season 4 with this conversation about online dating and relationships in general. We tackle the question of why it's so hard to have a conversation of depth? And why people can't move past, "Hey beautiful." We even work through the insecurities behind the famous, "Did I scare you off" question.

Much of the challenges of dating surrounds fear of commitment, anxiety, and many other factors, but what we realize is that it boils down to your own personal work.

Key takeaways from this episode:
1. Find ways to vibrate higher. You'll attract how you're feeling inside. If you're feeling insecure and fearful, then most likely you'll attract someone who's feeling the same.
2. Do the work. This is TAPT's mantra. But, you can't want what you can't give, so find out what your personal blocks are so that you can invite more beautiful relationships into your life.
3. Don't slide into people's DMs with inappropriate behaviors. Take a moment to read the room and respond or initiate accordingly.
4. If finding your person is taking longer than you'd like, well live your life, find your joy, and your person will come unexpectedly while you're out there shining.
5. Lastly, we can't say this enough but, be honest about the kind of relationship that you're looking for. If you want companion, then cool, that person might want that as well. Say what you want and you might just get what you want.

For questions and shareouts and further discussion please contact us at [email protected].

Until next time, remember to live, laugh, love, and keep it real.
-Frantzces, Sabeen and Tonika :)

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In this week's episode, we discuss our thoughts about the Netflix movie White Tiger. Listen as we talk about the fictional story of the main character Balaram Halwai, whose life begins at servitude. Despite India claiming to be a country of democracy we witness the divisions between the caste and class systems and the impact it has on Southeast Asian society. This is an incredible film that has won numerous awards. The white tiger is a symbolic sign that represents power through conviction, individuality, shadow, and light. Which were all things that Balaram dealt with.

Key takeaways from this episode:
1. When all the odds and the system are against you it's a matter of survival, but what happens when the constant hustling becomes a double edge sword?

2. How do you find the will to defy the odds when the stacks are set up against you from day one?

3. The caste system benefits too many people for anyone to change it, no matter how damaging it is to the psyche, the spirit, and the increase of the economic gaps.

4. Family can become culprits who are part of the system because of how deeply ingrained the conditioning is and what does it mean to step away from your family to branch out and live your dreams?

For questions and shareouts and further discussion please contact us at [email protected].

Until next time, remember to live, laugh, love, and keep it real.
-Frantzces, Sabeen and Tonika :)

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In this week, we discuss procrastination after watching a Ted Talk by Tim Urban. Some person, Frantzces found on the world wide web. He shared some insights about his longstanding song and dance with procrastination. We may at times find it humorous when we procrastinate on things, but sometimes it could be a deeper issue.

What is truly delaying the things that you know you must do or even would like to do? We also wondered if there was a "cure" for procrastination. Is this ingrained, or can you actually learn to procrastinate less? Nonetheless, there are levels to this game of procrastination that we play.

Head over to Tim Urban's Ted Talk: Inside The Mind Of A Master Procrastinator. 

Key takeaways from this episode:
1. Procrastination, especially when there are no deadlines.

2. There are levels of procrastination: more minor insignificant things to larger, more impactful things.

3. Is anxiety connected to procrastination?

4. How to prioritize that exhaustive to-do list and reduce the list.

5. Focus on what will move you in the right direction.

6. Outsource some tasks and create a budget that allows you to do that.

7. There might be underlying imposter syndrome, fear, learned avoidance: allow yourself to dig deeper to get to the root of the issue

8. Teach yourself how to eliminate distractions.

Learn more about watching TED Talks on all of your favorite platforms.

For questions and share outs and further discussion please contact us at [email protected].

Until next time, remember to live, laugh, love, and keep it real.
-Frantzces, Sabeen and Tonika :)

Click here to leave us a rating on iTunes. 

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In this week's episode, we discuss Carl Jung’s theory on Shadow Work. Listen as we talk about understanding the unconscious parts of yourself and your psyche, and its similarities to doing inner child work, and spiritual and somatic work. Dive in as we discuss the process of accepting the "good" and "bad" parts of our lives and selves, and what is needed to engage in transformational change.

Please invest in the work of Bessel Van der Kolk who remains the father and guru of deep trauma work.

Key takeaways from this episode:

1. Wait this is just therapy. Ask yourself: how do we become more comfortable with dealing with the hard stuff? Don’t make it unattainable and unreachable but over-complicating the situation and overanalyzing the theory.

2. Be careful when reading information on the internet and so-called Shadow Work experts. This topic has become trendy now in our field and people are trying to make money off of vulnerable people. This is deep trauma work that needs to be done by an experienced license professional and healer.

3. Shadow is always within you, when you do the work, it minimizes overtime.

4. We are never experts and we are always in the work. You have to view yourself as someone in the trenches and a person that is always doing the work simultaneously as you are helping others.

For questions and shareouts and further discussion please contact us at [email protected].

Until next time, remember to live, laugh, love, and keep it real.
-Frantzces, Sabeen and Tonika :)

Click here to leave us a rating on iTunes. 

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In this week's episode, we discuss what is home. Listen as we talk about what home means to us, and how that impacts how we show up in the world. Dive in as we hold a vulnerable conversation about the metaphorical and literal meanings of “home”.

Where is your home base located in the world?

Listen to Home by American Idol Season 11 winner Phillip Phillip @philphil

Key takeaways from this episode:

1. Home is where you are being centered, and being grounded. Home is where the heart is. How is wherever you wanna be. Find peace wherever you are in the world.

2. Don’t get swept up in other people's fears and judgments. Don’t let them get in the way of what you’re trying to do and how I’m trying to live.

3. Unwanted and unsolicited conversations about home and place of origin can be complicated for people of the diaspora. Look at the privilege you have in being able to claim a place like home.

4. Be a nomad! In some cultures, this is taboo, immature unstable behavior, and in other cultures, it is the social norm to go fly and spread your wings and be adventurous.

For questions and shareouts and further discussion please contact us at [email protected].

Until next time, remember to live, laugh, love, and keep it real.
-Frantzces, Sabeen and Tonika :)

Click here to leave us a rating on iTunes. 

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In this week's episode, we discuss life after the degree. Listen as we talk about what our lives were like right after obtaining the MSW degree, having expectations versus not having expectations of ourselves as clinicians and the field’s overemphasis on choosing a setting and a population. Dive in as we discuss our figure out current ways to customize our professional careers to suit our individual talents, interests, and strengths.

Are we masochists or gluttons for punishment for staying in this field?

Key takeaways from this episode:

1. Diversify your experiences. Get one school placement and one hospital placement with the goal of gaining experience in the higher-paying sectors. Don’t be afraid to work in the hood, hood, hood.

2. Gain experience working for a child protection or adoption agency, group home, or a residential setting or in-home therapy work. You will develop strong clinical skills and crisis management skills. Everyone should have some community-based experience to develop a variety of skills.

3. This is hard ass work. Do not shy away from the uncomfortable and hard tasks and conversations with clients. Seek out mentorship and strong supervision to help you grow and to develop grit.

4. Listen to feedback others give you about your strengths and use them to your advantage. Talk to seasoned clinicians and healers to hear what is it really like to work in the field.

5. If you are burnt out then make the plan to exit. Take a break and rest, reevaluate, and reset. Pivot. Don’t be afraid to move on. It is that simple.

6. Try to remember what got you into this field. Check-in with yourself and ask is what I am doing now still feeding me and my soul?

For questions and shareouts and further discussion please contact us at [email protected].

Until next time, remember to live, laugh, love, and keep it real.
-Frantzces, Sabeen and Tonika :)

Click here to leave us a rating on iTunes. 
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In this week's episode, we discuss the concept of the Superwoman Complex. The dark side of the Superwoman complex is the fear of showing vulnerability. But at best, doing everything on our own is a recipe for stunted growth and, at worst, a path to burnout. Being continually caught up in the daily whirlwind often leads to losing perspective and a clear, current view of your market or field. Being head down all the time leads to isolation.

As seasoned multitaskers, we too often put multiple families and business needs ahead of our wellbeing, which means support systems don't exist when an emergency arises. Asking other people for help is hard. Yet overcoming this behavior and its underlying fears is essential for personal and business growth.

Key takeaways from today's episode:

1. Having a fear of vulnerability and overcompensating by being super independent can lead to burnout and stunted growth.

2. Having a head-down mentality to just focus on success can come at the cost of not looking up and seeing what you're missing, including connection with other people.

3. Our field adds an extra layer of pressure to be tough enough to hang. Any sign of weakness can be interpreted as not being strong enough or competent enough to be a "good social worker."

4. We can learn to set our boundaries. We don't always have to give, even if the people we are serving look like us.

5. Be conscious that no amount of accolades are enough for some of us. We may always feel like we have to overperform just to "make it" or be seen as good enough in a system of white supremacy.

This tendency doesn't only apply to work. It also impacts our dating/marriage and other interpersonal relationships.
Ask yourself what would happen if we didn't do everything or stopped being a "superwoman"? What would fall apart? Would it really?

For questions and share outs and further discussion please contact us at [email protected].

Until next time, remember to live, laugh, love, and keep it real.
-Frantzces, Sabeen and Tonika :)

Click here to leave us a rating on iTunes. 

Follow us on Instagram.