TheWanderingPaddy

Happy the man, and happy he alone,

He who can call today his own:

He who, secure within, can say,

Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today.

Be fair or foul or rain or shine

The joys I have possessed, in spite of fate, are mine.

Not Heaven itself upon the past has power,

But what has been, has been, and I have had my hour.

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Someday I might have to leave this world without getting the chance to tell you goodbye

I just want you to know that, all my happiest memories are with you

 and all the things I carry that hurt my heart

seemed to fade a little bit when I was with you

I love you

I love you forever

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I can still hear your voice in my dreams but I don't know if it's the real you.

So far away but for some reason I can still feel you.

I try to close my eyes but it doesn't help, I can still see you.

It's like the sweet smell of your fragrance never ends.

It's hard to pretend it's not there because it is. Enveloped in the air around me like an invisible mist.

I still remember the sweetness of our first kiss.

When time slowed down and I couldn't hear a single sound.

Had no idea what was happening around me.

I was just glad that finally, the piece of happiness found me.

Waking up in a cold sweat, your memories stick to my skin.

I swear some nights my dream begin with scene so vivid

I feel like I lose myself in the past and if I don't relive those moments, I'm afraid

that the few memories that I have left of you won't last. And you'll turn

into nothing more than a ghost. But of all the time we spent together

it was actually the beginning that I remember the most.

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I'm sick of being told not to give them the satisfaction

as if somehow keeping quiet about the terrible ways I'm treated is some sort of silent victory

I'm tired of pretending that hiding my pain will teach others a lesson

I'm tired of sparing them the guilt and the shame that should fall on their shoulders but instead falls on mine every time I choose to internalize their hate

I'm done being silent

let my voice be hell on their ears as I talk about how many years I've spent hating myself because I was learning the lessons meant for them

the only lessons my silence ever taught them was that I wasn't going to stop them

no more,

 it's time my pain was public

it's time I stopped giving their darkness asylum and denying them the opportunity to see how they hurt me

I pray that it haunts them

when I say they could have killed me with their words if I was just a little weaker

it's time they own their actions

I'm not giving them the satisfaction I'm giving them the sound of the voice they tried to silence with all the words they never should have said.

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From the book 'I have to tell you something'

It's scary to put your hands in someone else's hands

to open every tender part of yourself to another

but it's scarier to keep it locked away

never allowing your shadows the chance to be loved.

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Maybe we are not meant to be together

maybe you and I are the sun and moon

we can only reflect each other

 my midnight is your noon

maybe you light up the world from your end and I’ll light up the world from mine

and maybe that's the only way for each of us to shine

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How is it we feel joy and sadness on equal measure

Though our moments with you we will always treasure

The first time you opened yours eyes, the first finger cuddle

The tears that we've shed drowning us like puddles

The glimmer of hope now hanging by a thread

The gloom of our inner voices never wanting to be heard

The walls feel closer as they start to close in

As we try to stave off how this could all end

Yet there was always this tiny glimmer of light

As you continued to so valiantly fight.

Again and again you showed so much heart

The pain that we're feeling, where do we start

You are slowly slipping, edging away

Knowing we'll not be with you at the end of the day.

I hold you in my arms as you feel the warm breeze on your skin

Absolutely heartbroken, I'll never get to do this again.

One last breath and you've passed in the blink of an eye

Like a bright shooting star across the beautiful night time sky

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do what is right for you

do it over and over again and lean into the light

keep going even when it is hard, especially when it is hard

Don’t let doubt stop you and trust the process when your mood is low

Let growth be your mission, healing be your reward and freedom be your goal.

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