The Words We Choose: How Language Shapes Our Experience. Anxious thoughts versus suffering with anxiety. I have always been and will always be a champion of having the conversation around mental health, in whatever form that matters to you. However, I am increasingly noticing and becoming concerned about the language I am hearing and experiencing around it, from teenagers to adults, in work and out of work. I am sharing this, not from a place of judgement, but from a place of awareness and understanding, together with life experienced conversations around the ownership we have with the words we use. Have you ever noticed how the words you use to describe your experience can shift the way you feel about it? It’s something we do all the time, often without even realising it. Yet, the language we use has the power to either help us manage what we’re going through—or amplify it.Take anxiety, for example. It’s one thing to say, “I’ve been having some anxious thoughts lately,” and quite another to declare, “I’m suffering with anxiety.” These two statements may seem similar on the surface, but they reflect two vastly different ways of relating to the same emotional experience.In the podcast episode accompanying this post, I unpack this distinction and explore why being intentional about the language we use is more than just semantics—it’s a tool for managing our mental health.Words Are More Than DescriptionsWhen we describe something, we’re not just naming it; we’re also framing it. The words we choose give meaning to our experiences, and that meaning directly impacts how we feel about what’s happening to us.For instance, when you say, “I’ve been having anxious thoughts,” you’re creating a sense of distance between yourself and your feelings. You’re recognising that anxiety is something you experience, not something you are. It’s a temporary state, not a permanent label.On the other hand, saying, “I’m suffering with anxiety,” frames the experience as something fixed and overwhelming. It implies that anxiety is a defining characteristic of your identity—a part of you that’s causing pain and distress.While both statements are valid ways of expressing how you feel, the latter can intensify the emotional weight of the experience. It makes anxiety feel more like a problem to be “fixed” than an emotion to be understood and managed.Labelling Emotions vs. Labelling YourselfThere’s a difference between saying, “I feel anxious,” and saying, “I am anxious.”The first acknowledges a feeling—one of many you might have throughout the day. It’s transient and fluid. The second turns that feeling into a personal trait, something you carry with you.Why does this matter? Because your brain is always listening to the words you use. If you tell yourself that you are anxious, your mind is more likely to reinforce that identity. You might begin to look for evidence to support it, noticing every moment of nervousness or self-doubt while overlooking times when you felt calm or confident.By contrast, recognising that you feel anxious allows room for other emotions to coexist. You’re giving yourself permission to move through the feeling rather than getting stuck in it.The Danger of Catastrophising LanguageAnother risk of careless language is the tendency to catastrophise. Words like “suffering” or “battle” can make challenges feel bigger than they really are. While it’s important to acknowledge and validate difficult emotions, using language that amplifies their intensity can make them harder to manage.For example, saying, “I’m struggling with anxiety today,” is different from saying, “I’m having a hard time focusing because of anxious thoughts.” The latter is more specific and actionable—it names the problem in a way that allows for solutions.When we catastrophise, we risk getting trapped in a narrative that makes recovery feel impossible. But when we describe our experiences in clear, grounded terms, we empower ourselves to take the next step, no matter how small.The Power of ReframingSo, how can we use language to support our mental health rather than undermine it? It starts with reframing the way we talk about our experiences.1. Notice Your WordsPay attention to how you describe your feelings, both to yourself and others. Are you using language that creates distance and perspective, or language that reinforces negativity?2. Separate the Feeling from the IdentityInstead of saying, “I’m an anxious person,” try, “I’m feeling anxious right now.” This subtle shift can help you see anxiety as something temporary, not a fixed part of who you are.3. Be SpecificReplace vague or catastrophic statements with clear, precise language. For instance, rather than saying, “I’m a wreck,” try, “I’m feeling overwhelmed because I have too much on my plate.”4. Choose Words That EmpowerUse language that reflects your ability to cope and adapt. For example, instead of, “I’m struggling with anxiety,” you might say, “I’m learning to manage anxious thoughts.”The words you use shape the way you see the world—and yourself. By being mindful of the language you choose, you can create a narrative that fosters resilience, self-compassion, and growth.So, the next time you’re tempted to say, “I’m suffering with anxiety,” pause and consider: is that really the story you want to tell? Or is there another way to describe what you’re feeling—one that leaves room for hope and healing?The choice is yours, and it’s a powerful one. I am open to discussion, debate and learning around this subject. Thank you .
