Thinking – Michelle Sparkes

Understanding and experiencing the Love of the Father* has been one of the most profound and significant keys to helping me overcome the fear and striving at the heart of my anorexia. Sinking the roots of my being into this Love helps me manage all the ways anxiety continues to show up in my life today. If this content resonates with you and you would like to explore these ideas further feel free to contact me at: [email protected]

*The way I speak of the Father reflects my beliefs and experience from a Judeo-Christian worldview.

“Could it be that depression is not purely a physical sickness but a spiritual malaise?” asks Elizabeth Farrelly in her article, “Finding the black dog’s spiritual lead” (The Sydney Morning Herald, 26-27 August 2017 , p.30).

“Perhaps we should see it less a personal issue than a societal indictment, less a treatable pathology than a spur to spiritual recovery.”

I believe the same pondering and reflections could be directed towards the field of eating disorders/disordered eating and indeed, all of mental health.

Prof Ian Hickie spoke (in the last podcast), of the protective factor of social connection in mental health and how loss of this over the last 50 years is “one of the most important sets of issues,” for us to consider as we seek to improve mental health and “best cope together” with the challenges of 21st century living.

Elizabeth Farrelly writes of the complexity of the mind-body interaction and questions the way modern medicine resolves this by ‘pretending it’s all physical.’ But, she says, “we still don’t know how atoms and molecules generate laughter and poetry. We see that a connection exists, but not how it works, or why.”

I love this and concur.

There is a place for mystery, for wonder, for the exploration of spirit and the Divine. A sacred place. A hunger that science cannot fill;  a thirst that lies deep in our soul.

I believe exploring this spiritual dimension is key to our recovery from disordered eating and other mental health challenges.

I include an exploration of the spiritual dimension in my work (where invited) and in my model of eating disorder development and recovery. To view the model and see how I work with eating disorders, click here.

To watch a video exploring the Spiritual Dimension in Anorexia and Eating Disorder Recovery (included as an optional extra in the 4×4 Freedom Express), click here.

Questions and feedback welcome.

Gaining weight from a low weight may be possible in an outpatient setting if a person is not critically unwell. If a person can make progress with the support of a doctor, dietician and therapist in an outpatient setting, fantastic. If not it simply means more intensive support is required. (See previous podcast notes for further information and links).

Some helpful thoughts about gaining weight from a low weight

Accurate information is better than uninformed fear

Get information from your team as to what to expect as your body is rehydrated and renourished from a malnourished state.  Much will depend on the severity of your ED.  Fluid retention, bloating, wind, cramps etc can all be expected as the body readjusts. WHAT YOU NEED TO KEEP IN MIND is that ALL these changes are temporary and will settle as you continue along the path to recovery.

The sooner you seek help the better. 

EARLY INTERVENTION is the best anti-dote to extreme malnutrition and the psychological disturbance (FEAR) that goes with it in an eating disorder.

Remind yourself why you began recovery in the first place.

Keep choosing recovery (one day at a time).

Recovery really begins with a decision from you. The truth is to recover and sustain recovery YOU will need to choose to turn your back on fear and hunger and turn your face towards life and nurture. And, you will need to do this every day.

You will need skills to do this.

You deserve to live, to feel the wind at your back, the sun on your face, to smile at the future, to love and embrace. You.

I can help you with this. It would be my pleasure to do so.

Feedback and questions welcome.

[email protected]

@mp_sparkes

To recover from anorexia a person will need to confront their fear of food and eating; their fear of getting fat and losing control. It’s a huge challenge because the semi-starvation diet of an anorectic CREATES the food obsessions and inflexible, polarised thinking that make seeking recovery so difficult.

Fear drives anorexia; and the anorectic (semi-starvation) diet drives fear.

It’s a vicious cycle that can only be broken by feeding the body and conquering the fear.

When health risk becomes critical (as medically determined), inpatient care becomes essential.

Anorexia, basically self-starvation, carries with it serious health consequences and risks. Recovering from an emaciated weight (or from extreme malnutrition)* requires medical oversight. There are risks involved with refeeding.  For the severely malnourished this is likely to occur within an inpatient setting.

*It’s important to understand that ALL eating disorders carry risk and that risk cannot be determined by simply looking at a person and observing their weight. A large person may be starving and at risk. For this reason, ANY person who has, or thinks they may be developing an eating disorder, should seek medical help and get a professional assessment and diagnosis.

Eating Disorder First Aid Guidelines is a wonderful Australian publication providing clear and essential information on eating disorders for sufferers and carers. I highly recommend this publication to everyBODY. It could save a life, and that life could be your own.

Gaining weight from a low weight may be possible in an outpatient setting if a person is not critically unwell. If a person can make progress with the support of a doctor, dietician and therapist in an outpatient setting, fantastic. If not it simply means more intensive support is required.

Some helpful thoughts about gaining weight from a low weight

Accurate information is better than uninformed fear

Get information from your team as to what to expect as your body is rehydrated and renourished from a malnourished state.  Much will depend on the severity of your ED.  Fluid retention, bloating, wind, cramps etc can all be expected as the body readjusts. WHAT YOU NEED TO KEEP IN MIND is that ALL these changes are temporary and will settle as you continue along the path to recovery.

The sooner you seek help the better. 

EARLY INTERVENTION is the best anti-dote to extreme malnutrition and the psychological disturbance (FEAR) that goes with it in an eating disorder.

Remind yourself why you began recovery in the first place.

Keep choosing recovery (one day at a time).

Recovery really begins with a decision from you. Even if you feel like you are in hospital against your choice, the truth is to sustain recovery YOU will need to choose to turn your back on fear and hunger and turn your face towards life and nurture. You will need to do this every day.

You will need skills to do this.

You deserve to live, to feel the wind at your back, the sun on your face, to smile at the future, to love and embrace. You.

I can help you with this. It would be my pleasure to do so.

Feedback and questions welcome.

[email protected]

@mp_sparkes

“Pornified messages are bombarding our young people and giving them distorted ideas about their bodies, about relationships, and about sexuality,” says Melinda Tankard Reist, in this podcast interview, “According to global research, (this is) making our kids very unwell.”

We are seeing a rise in negative physical and mental health outcomes, eating disorders, anxiety and depression, self harm, low self-esteem and poor academic performance.

“I believe we are facing a significant crisis amongst our girls,” says Melinda.

Girls are experiencing increasingly negative attitudes towards their bodies, describing themselves as fat, disgusting and unworthy (even to live). Boys are comparing girls’ bodies with porn star bodies on the basis of whether or not they match up.

“And we wonder why girls are anxious and depressed,” says Melinda, “to me the mystery is that any girls make it through unscathed.”

Boys start seeing porn at an average age of 11, often viewing pornography that eroticises and glamorises violence against women.

“We’re teaching boys that violence is sexy,” says Melinda, “We have these national campaigns to address violence against women but we are doing nothing to address the cultural drivers of that very same violence.”

Drivers such as the normative, permission-giving beliefs to boys that girls’ bodies exist for their sexual gratification and pleasure.

“Boys are learning a sense of entitlement to the bodies of women and girls,” says Melinda, “and girls are learning that they exist primarily as sexual service stations for men and boys.”

Girls are so disconnected from their own sense of pleasure, intimacy, and authentic human connection, says Melinda, that when she asked a 15-year-old girl about her first sexual experience, the girl responded, “I think my body looked okay. He seemed to enjoy it.” [Italics, mine]

“Girls shouldn’t have to be navigating sexual requests at 11 and 12 and be assessed on the basis of their bodies,” says Melinda, “they are not being valued for their gifts, their talents, their abilities, their desire to change the world, to be a loving sibling, a devoted friend, their spirituality…they are not being valued for anything other than whether they look hot or not.”

This is making our girls very unwell.

Change is difficult but possible…and every voice counts.

This is the premise behind Collective Shout for a World Free of Sexploitation, a grass roots organisation co-founded by Melinda, that works to address the toxic messages of pornography that give our young people distorted ideas about their bodies, about their relationships, and about sexuality.

Melinda speaks to girls and boys across the country, empowering girls to say no to unwanted sexual intrusions and encouraging boys and girls to seek respect-based relationships.

“It’s difficult and it takes guts,” she says but change is possible and evident in the stories she shares in this interview.

Collective Shout is active politically and also works with corporations that want to take a responsible approach by agreeing not to sexualise women and objectify girls to sell products and services. It’s a big job but Melinda and her team are proof that when voices join together for the common good, they can indeed make a collective SHOUT!

If you would like to know more about Melinda Tankard Reist and the work of Collective Shout, please click the embedded links.

Feedback and questions welcome.

[email protected]

@mp_sparkes

When the ED voice (the bully in your head) is making it hard or impossible for you to take in the nurture you need to survive and thrive you need help.  You need other people to come alongside you and help you fight the lies and the fear that paralyses you SO THAT you can take in the food you need to survive and thrive. If you can’t do this on your own, you need help. A doctor, counselor and dietician at a minimum and if you’re still unable to make headway with this level of outpatient support, you will need more intensive inpatient support. There is no shame in this. This is how an ED operates. As you starve the body your ability to think clearly and rationally about your situation will be compromised. Your thinking will become more inflexible and polarised. As shades of grey are lost and rational thinking erodes, the fear and terror engendered by the ED voice grows. But that voice is a liar. It operates on falsehood. In this podcast, I simply want to be a voice in your ear that counters that lying voice and fear.  To give you a statement that you can fight back with. You will need more help than this. But I believe this will help…

Feedback and questions welcome.

[email protected]

@mp_sparkes

My journey through anorexia, EDNOS and binge eating exposed the LIE that I needed to be perfect to be worthy and deserving of life. It may sound so obvious (we all know perfection is it is impossible right?), but as the lie grows it creates such a bind, it DISCONNECTS the heart and mind of the affected person from TAKING IN the physical and emotional nurture they need to survive (& that may in fact be around them). For me, breaking through that lie required human and divine intervention. Both were essential. And they worked together. Hand in glove. I find this true as I work with others. I’d be interested to hear your experience.

[email protected]

@mp_sparkes

How do you re-establish your sense of worth and value when you don’t believe you deserve (or are entitled) to these things? The eating disorder lie that says you are not good enough/not worthy/don’t deserve to take up space, can shame, isolate, bind and blind a person to the point where it becomes very difficult for that person to take in physical or emotional nurture. This is the very nature of an eating disorder. Here are some strategies to help you break through that lie so you can believe and receive (again) the truth that you are worthy and deserving of life and nurture.  If you need help to get FREE from your ED it would be my pleasure to assist you.

Questions and feedback welcome

[email protected]

@mp_sparkes

In the last few episodes I’ve been speaking about capturing and challenging unhelpful thinking. This is an important tool in getting free from disordered eating but it’s not the whole story. Our thoughts spring out of our deeply held beliefs and these beliefs are formed in the crucible of our self and life experience. To transform these deeper core beliefs we need an encounter with truth that hits us at a deep core level and that carries with it an experience of the reality it embodies. I experience this in relationship with the God who loves me unconditionally.  In His acceptance I rest and can open my heart to the love and nurture that is around me. I can challenge my thoughts from a place that is peaceful not striving. This is powerful and transforming.

[email protected]

mp_sparkes

Have you ever felt so awful about the way you look you’ve stayed at home rather than going out with friends only to end up feeling worse about yourSELF and comfort-eating? Let’s use the ABC to catch and challenge unhelpful thinking in this typical disordered eating scenario. I welcome your feedback and questions.

[email protected]

@mp_sparkes

Anorexia and Eating Disorder Recovery Hub