This ExtraOrdinary Life

Tim Arnold is the author of The Power of Healthy Tension: Overcome Chronic Issues and Conflicting Values. He is a speaker and facilitator at StoryBrand, and the President of Leaders for Leaders.  He joins Kevin Monroe to share the secrets to resilience and results during challenging times.

Tensions

Everyone deals with tension in their everyday lives, and tension is generally considered to be a bad thing. However, Tim says, not all tension is inherently bad. Ignoring or avoiding tensions may only cause them to escalate; if we choose to embrace them, it can lead to a level of effectiveness, and more impactful relationships with others. During challenging times, there are a few tensions that matter and need to be managed in healthy ways.  When you’re dealing with tension you need to see both sides of the struggle. We may want to pick one side more strongly when we’re under pressure, but Tim warns that it is the worst time to choose one side and neglect the other.

Resilience

Tim defines resilience as the ability to keep going when your circumstances are against you. It is something you assess over time. Three tensions that are critical to obtain and maintain resilience are: optimism and realism, embracing change while staying rooted in stability, and caring for others while not neglecting to care for yourself. He explains each tension and what they entail. 

Optimism and Realism

There is something in our psyche that loves binary options, Tim says. Though the tension is between picking a side, in order to be resilient you must be fully immersed in both ends of the spectrum of both optimism and realism. Kevin likens it to an infinity loop rather than a pure continuum. One must retain hope for a better future while remaining aware of and acknowledging the bitter facts of reality, Tim paraphrases. He shares three steps to managing tensions: accept the tension; assess the tension; and leverage the tension. 

Change and Stability

Change brings with it new circumstances, which may cause you to neglect your core values and let go of what really matters. When difficult times pass, ensure that you are still the same regarding who you serve, the values you are committed to, and the level of quality you are known for. However, you must be open to change and the experience and perspective it gives.

Caring for Others and Oneself

Tim and Kevin discuss how you can reach out to others during the pandemic, and what you can do to help them. Kevin recounts a lesson from a previous episode: people think that they need to do grand gestures in order to assist anyone. Rather than thinking of all the things you wish you could be doing, think about one small thing that you’re going to start doing, Tim says. He comments on the misconception of self-care perpetuated by mass media, stating that simplistic rituals such as sitting down to enjoy a cup of coffee are just as effective.

Resources

Tim Arnold on LinkedIn | Twitter

LeadersForLeaders.ca

Join Kevin and Tim for their first series of WayMaking Sessions -- helping you navigate your way forward: ZoomMeIn.com

Kevin Monroe on LinkedIn | Twitter 

Email: [email protected] 

Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111

Join the community: KevinDMonroe.com/decade

Karl Staib is the founder and President of Domino Connection, an author, and owner of Bring Gratitude LLC. His most recent book, Bring Gratitude: Feel Joyful Again with Bite-Sized Mindset Practices, talks about bringing gratitude to each and every situation in your life, whether good or bad. He joins Kevin Monroe to discuss the contents of his book and how its principles apply to the current pandemic.

Gratitude is the Foundation

More emphasis needs to be placed on gratitude in our daily lives because gratitude is the foundation of where we can start to make changes, Karl says. The more we put our focus on the things we are grateful for, the more those things will come to light and add abundance to our experiences. Gratitude is a key component in living a more joyful life. According to Karl, gratitude is the best way to release endorphins in your brain. These ‘feel-good’ chemicals make us less stressed and help calm us. When we are calm, we make better choices, which enables us to do things that truly matter to us. 

An Opportunity

The current global pandemic gives us the opportunity for us to understand and have more compassion for those around us. We can use this time of social distancing to make shifts in our mindsets and habits. Although it is scary and we must remain cautious and vigilant, we should not let this opportunity go to waste.

Finding Gratitude in the Challenge

“If I can turn any situation into a growth experience, I can appreciate any moment now,” Kevin quotes from Karl’s book. He asks Karl how it may apply to our current situation. Karl replies that everyone struggles on a daily basis, and if we practice compassion, it opens up our hearts and makes it easier to feel gratitude even during the struggle. He describes a challenge he faced during the pandemic, and how he was able to subvert it by his regular practices of gratitude. 

The Strength of Gratitude

In addition to sending out endorphins, gratitude shifts our mindsets. It has a direct effect on what we choose to think about, which dictates who we are and how we behave. It is a powerful tool that helps moderate our reactions to negative experiences. Karl says that bringing gratitude to negative interactions with people allows you to be thoughtful of your next steps. Meditation is a huge part of gratitude, he adds, because it enables you to pause and appreciate the whole moment. This ensures that you do not get swept away by your thoughts and succumb to your ‘inner bully.’ It teaches you your triggers, and once you are aware of them, then you can use gratitude and compassion to make sure you stay level-headed.

Positive Rumination

The things you think about at the end of the day will go into your long term memory. Additionally, what you put into your head at night solidifies as thoughts and feelings the next day. If you focus on negative things like dwelling on your mistakes, you gain nothing but negativity. However, if you acknowledge your mistakes and approach them with the intention of learning from them, you gain knowledge and perspective. You must take the negative moments and flip them into positive ones in order to live a joyful life. The people that grow and achieve success are the ones who learn from their mistakes. 

Resources

Karl Staib on LinkedIn | Twitter

BringGratitude.com/plan

Bring Gratitude on Facebook

Bring Gratitude: Feel Joyful Again with Bite-Sized Mindset Practices

Kevin Monroe on LinkedIn | Twitter 

Email: [email protected] 

Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111

Join the community: KevinDMonroe.com/decade

Nilofer Merchant is a famous author and speaker for TED Conferences. Her most recent book, The Power of Onlyness, talks about worthiness and the connected individuality of all human beings. She joins Kevin Monroe to discuss her book and how the principles in it apply to current events.

The New Normal

Nilofer talks about the things people are doing to help those in need. People now have the voice to create change, she says. She gives an example of altruism that arose due to the coronavirus, and states that society may come to the point where we realize our fates are linked rather than ranked or separated. She ponders on the possibility of the care with which we treat others and the connectivity we have established becoming the new normal. Onlyness’ role in this is to be the combination of voice and belonging that creates real change and lasting connection between people. 

Making a Difference

There are people who feel like they should be doing more. Part of their struggle is that they think they need to do something of a grander scale to make a difference. All they need to do is care for the person next to them, Kevin says. He shares a story from a children’s book about contribution, explaining that even the smallest thing makes a difference. Nilofer adds that whatever you pay attention to grows, so if you focus more on having a grand plan rather than actually showing love, it’s counteractive. Center on what you know and what you can do right in the moment, and the rest will take care of itself. 

Onlyness

Nilofer defines onlyness as the source of all ideas and innovation. Onlyness is contrary to the traditional hierarchy of worthy contribution, and holds an egalitarian view that everyone has something of value to add to the world. We have been conditioned to believe that our level of capability relies solely on measures such as level of education, but that is a lie, Nilofer says. For example, we now realize how dependent we are on grocery store workers, a position that has historically been considered low-skilled. They are part of a system that feeds us, which allows us to exist and do our creative work. Contribute, don’t compare.

Part of A System

When you enter a room, your light illuminates the entire space. This makes it difficult to discern your own ‘only’ because the light you shine is also the filter you see the world through. Here is where others come in to help you, as they have the perspective to see the difference in the world when you are present and absent. The meaning of individual is the smallest measure of humankind, so even alone, you are never disconnected. 

Parking Your Fears

Nilofer says she has to park her fears in order to be present for a conversation. Fear always demands to be heard and gets louder the more it is ignored. She believes fear acts as a signal, like every other emotion. It doesn’t have to rule you, but you need to pay attention to it.

Hope Is A Bridge

“Hope is a thing with others that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops at all,” Nilofer quotes. She shares a past experience in which she thought hope was something lightweight, but now she defines it as the bridge we have to walk across in order to get to a new future. She believes that unity happens because two people are both going toward the same thing together.

Resources

Nilofer Merchant on LinkedIn | Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

NiloferMerchant.com

The Power of Onlyness: Make Your Wild Ideas Mighty Enough to Dent the World

Kevin Monroe on LinkedIn | Twitter 

Email: [email protected] 

Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111

Join the community: KevinDMonroe.com/decade

Jane Adshead-Grant is an ambassador for Truly Human Leadership, and this week’s guest. She was recently a part of the Truly Human Leadership World Tour. She joins Kevin Monroe to talk about the importance of hope, optimism, and connectivity.

Visions of Hope

Jane has been collecting and sharing stories of acts of kindness and compassion, which gives her hope that we will get through this pandemic. She believes that we will also sustain the compassion and connection we are practicing right now. In many situations in life, you have the option to become either better or bitter, Kevin reminds listeners. He is glad that the birds, unlike much of the global population, didn’t get the memo to stop singing and be joyful.

Truly Human Leadership World Tour

Jane describes her experience in the Truly Human Leadership World Tour as profound and meaningful. One point that seemed to resonate deeply with the audience was the concept of treating your team members like they are your precious children. This concept is especially relevant today, when leaders are working remotely with team members in this unprecedented time.

How Leaders are Taking Charge

Kevin shares what he learned about Truly Human Leadership from the last episode with Bob Chapman, and asks Jane what it was like to see it in action. Jane mentions what Bob did to make people feel acknowledged and appreciated. She also discloses how the leaders she coaches are navigating through the pivot to a remote work environment, while displaying admirable values in their leadership. Jane believes it is important, during virtual meetings, to let members express how they feel, as it enables them to feel more connected to their team. Acknowledging people by their names with a short, heartfelt greeting as they join meetings (and even in emails) makes them feel seen and cared for. 

Why Optimism Is Important

Kevin asks why Jane thinks optimism is essential and not frivolous. She replies that it is a tool leaders can use to lift others up and create a sense of hope. With optimism comes empathy and sensitivity. Jane recounts how Bob answered a difficult question on the tour. When told some people would take him for granted, Bob said that while he is aware it’s a possibility. It’s not his job to focus on those people. It’s important to look at the goodness of people, so they can be who they are meant to be. Jane describes optimism as a grounded reality. 

Resources

Jane Adshead-Grant on LinkedIn | Facebook 

JaneAdsheadGrant.com

Kevin Monroe on LinkedIn | Twitter 

Email: [email protected] 

Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111

Join the community: KevinDMonroe.com/decade

Bob Chapman, author, CEO and Chairman at Barry-Wehmiller Companies, is this week’s honored guest. He joins Kevin Monroe on the Higher Purpose Podcast to discuss the true meaning and responsibilities of leadership. 

Perpetual Optimism

Kevin asks Bob how his optimism equips him to navigate seasons of uncertainty. Bob responds that our greatest growth comes from our greatest challenges, and that he takes life on one day at a time. Everybody has a lens, Bob says, and though he’s not sure what creates the lens through which we see the world, he was blessed with one of optimism so he sees the good in people.

Leadership

Bob believes that a leader’s fundamental responsibility is to give the people in their care a sense of hope for a better future. A core issue is that leaders are not taught to care for people, and instead know how to to use people for their success. Bob defines management as ‘the manipulation of others for your success,’ whereas leadership is ‘the stewardship of those entrusted to you.’ 

Span of Care

Bob describes ‘employee’ as too much of a technical term to apply to humans. He had a key revelation that everyone in his span of care is someone’s precious child. Research shows that the way leaders treat those in their span of care has a profound effect on their health. Every business should be the most powerful force for good in the world because they have people in their care for at least 40 hours a week, every week. The way people are treated will affect not only themselves, but their families and lives and communities. 

Truly Human Leadership

Leadership during a crisis starts with a fundamental responsibility to both the individual and the organization, Bob says. You can’t decide to do the right thing for the people without considering the impact it may have on the business, because the business provides for the people. Truly human leadership looks at both the organization's health and the people’s health, and leads with it in a positive way. 

Kevin and Bob hope that leaders are able to keep their feet on solid ground and lift their vision to see beyond this current crisis. Many are making hard decisions that affect the lives and futures of many others, and so, should be a voice of reason and a source of hope for those they lead.

Resources

Bob Chapman on LinkedIn | Twitter

TrulyHumanLeadership.com

Kevin Monroe on LinkedIn | Twitter 

Email: [email protected] 

Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111

Join the community: KevinDMonroe.com/decade

Chester Elton is a speaker, coach, mentor and best-selling author at Gostick & Elton, as well as a partner and the Founder of “The Culture Works.” His most recent book, Leading with Gratitude: Eight Leadership Practices for Extraordinary Business Results, is the topic of discussion in this week’s episode as he joins Kevin Monroe to talk about gratitude and recognition.

Gratitude

Kevin believes gratitude makes a huge difference in times of calm, crisis, or chaos. Chester adds that we often get caught up in the moment and forget to take a longer view. Even during the chaos of current events, there are many amazing things in your life that you could be grateful for. And when put in perspective, they give you the strength and momentum to overcome hard times, and the opportunity to deepen the relationships you have with people. 

Feeling Forgotten

There’s nothing worse, in both the workplace and especially in one’s personal life, than feeling forgotten, Chester says. Nothing connects people more than simple acts of reaching out, such as texts saying ‘I love you’, which affirm feelings of value and importance. People are less likely to express gratitude at work than any place else; consequently, people are more likely to feel forgotten at work. Saying ‘thank you’ in the workplace is the moral equivalent of saying ‘I love you’ in your personal life, Chester adds. A study shows that 82% of people will work harder if their boss expresses gratitude. Gratitude creates feelings of belonging.

Leading with Gratitude

Gratitude attracts gratitude, Chester says. When you’re happy, engaged and motivated at work, you are 150% more likely to be the same way in your personal life. The goal of Chester’s book is to create great workplaces which have that ripple effect into homes and communities. It’s so we can take our best selves home after taking our best selves to work. 

Kevin says a sincere ‘thank you’ never gets old, to which Chester adds that general praise has no impact, and specificity is meaningful. In showing gratitude to your employees, you must remember that what works for one person may not work for someone else, which is why it’s important to know your people. Not only must the expression of gratitude be appropriate to the person, it should also be appropriate to the accomplishment.

Find Your Gratitude

Kevin and Chester extend a special invitation for listeners to participate in a new collaborative project. Find out more at FindYourGratitude.community.

Resources

Chester Elton on LinkedIn | Twitter

The CultureWorks.com

LeadingWithGratitude.info

Leading with Gratitude: Eight Leadership Practices for Extraordinary Business Results

The Carrot Principle: How the Best Managers Use Recognition to Engage Their Employees, Retain Talent, and Drive Performance

FindYourGratitude.community

Kevin Monroe on LinkedIn | Twitter 

Email: [email protected] 

Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111

Join the community: KevinDMonroe.com/decade 

Michelle Prince, CEO and founder of Performance Publishing Group and the Book Bound Workshop, is this week’s guest. Michelle is a Ziglar Certified Speaker and best selling author. She joins Kevin Monroe in this week’s episode to chat about her most recent book,The Power of Authority, passion and purpose, and sharing your story.

The GPS of Life

Michelle likens the mind and subconscious to a GPS. You program your GPS to take you to your destination, and often don’t care what route you end up taking, so long as you get there. Sometimes there are potholes and detours, but eventually you will arrive at the destination you programmed. The opposite is also true, she warns. If you dwell too much on destinations you don’t want to go to, your GPS’ programming will be inclined to take you there. Michelle is a big believer in getting clarity on what you truly want in life and positively affirming where you want to go. It doesn’t prevent difficulties, but it allows you to easily reset your coordinates and get back on track. It comes right back to gratitude, Michelle says, which doesn’t mean that everything is great; gratitude just means you choose to focus on what is good in the moment.

Your Story is Not About You

Michelle recalls that she wrote her first book with the intention of only her family being her readers. However, a friend convinced her to share it to a wider audience so she could make a difference to others. She advertised it on Facebook and people started buying the book, and gradually she began getting calls asking her to speak and coach in many places. Sharing your story is all about serving people, she says. Your story is not about you, but about someone else and the benefit you can provide to them. 

Passion and Purpose

Passion is a clue to your purpose. Michelle believes everyone was put on Earth for a reason, and that the intersection of passion and purpose gives people their stories. Most individuals have a measure of pain in their stories, and if there is no connection between your pain and a passion to help others with the same or a similar experience, it may not be sufficient enough to write a book about. Kevin shares some advice that was relayed to him by a friend: it’s helpful when we can talk about our pain from our scars and not our wounds. There needs to be distance between when your pain was first dealt and when you start to share the story behind it, because you need enough time to heal.

The Power of Authority

Everyone has a story worth telling, and this book will help you write it. The Power of Authority teaches readers that we all have the power to be the authority in our lives. You can’t spell authority without the word author, Michelle says. She believes that becoming an author is one of the easiest ways to gain authority over one’s niche. However, if you don’t want to write, this book will teach you how to claim the authority of your story.

Resources

The Power of Authority

Winning in Life Now

PerformancePublishingGroup.com

Michelle Prince on Facebook | LinkedIn

Email: [email protected]

MichellePrince.com

Kevin Monroe on LinkedIn | Twitter 

Email: [email protected] 

Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111

Join the community: KevinDMonroe.com/decade

Kevin connects with listeners as he reflects on the path that led him to this week’s episode of Higher Purpose Podcast. He shares insights about purpose, culture, and leadership in business and how they are the trifecta for success.

Servant Leadership

If servant leadership is the answer, what question is being asked? Kevin recounts his experiences working with numerous companies who were drawn to servant leadership. Companies that operate on servant leadership usually characterize themselves as either purpose-driven, value-based, or people-focused. They tend to gravitate toward this type of leadership because they feel it is the best approach to achieving their purpose. Servant leadership aligns with the values they want to see come alive in the world. 

The PCL Framework

Kevin describes a purpose-powered business as a Venn Diagram of three interlocking circles, with one circle below and two on top. The lower circle is purpose (P) because it is the starting point, direction and destination of a business. When done well, purpose permeates all facets of a business and unites all departments and initiatives into a symphonic endeavor. The top circles are culture (C) and leadership (L). Kevin defines culture as the way things are done daily in an organization. While in most organizations culture happens by default, purpose-powered businesses design their culture, anchor it in a rich set of values and beliefs, and actively cultivate it. In addition, purpose-powered businesses recognize leadership as a function and not a position, and empower employees at all levels to think for themselves. Every purpose powered leader is a coach seeking to encourage everyone on the team to live out the company values and use the values combined with data to make prudent decisions.

Kevin says that to make a difference, purpose needs to be paired with action around culture and leadership. If an organization is strong in purpose and culture but lacks leadership, they may have a high degree of devotion to the purpose, but do not have as much movement toward their results and outcomes. If they are strong in purpose and leadership but do not cultivate culture, they may have a high sense of drive, but it may be to the detriment of their people. Finally, if a company lacks purpose but has leadership and culture, they may have a high sense of duty, but it may be adrift.

Resources

Listen to Episode 103  

Kevin Monroe on LinkedIn | Twitter 

Email: [email protected] 

Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111

Join the community: KevinDMonroe.com/decade

Kevin Monroe chats with Moshe Engelberg, author and CEO of ResearchWorks, Inc. about his latest book, entitled The Amare Wave: Uplifting Business by Putting Love to Work (The Amare Way). They discuss key points in the book, as well as how they can be applied and practiced.

Writing the Book

Kevin asks Moshe what inspired him to write his book. Moshe answers that it would be more appropriate to say the book wrote him instead. The common business mentality of disdain towards customers, combined with the predatory and warlike language of business, and his own spiritual journey were his muses for the book.

Surfing the Wave

Kevin comments on the bandwagonist behavior that some companies have: he says that they adopt a certain principle or behavior to get ahead, rather than sincerely believing it in their hearts. Moshe shares two perspectives on this: sometimes we need to change our behaviors before we change our beliefs, and so some companies that genuinely want development adopt these practices to promote change. The other perspective is that some companies have an opportunistic view of promoting love in the workplace, and use it for financial benefit.

Love, and Its Many Names

Moshe stresses that it doesn’t matter what you choose to call love; as long as you practice it, you can call it whatever you wish. Some people embrace the concepts of love but are uncomfortable with the language, and so use other words like appreciation as a substitute

Actions, Words and Values

Companies that practice the Amare Way do so by actively expressing authenticity, belonging and collaboration. Their words and actions are consistent with their values. Moshe paraphrases Plato, “What is honored in a company is cultivated there.” The ideal is to achieve alignment between what people believe, say and do.

Moshe hopes that more and more companies will develop the courage to implement love at work, treat their employees well, and have leaders that learn to love themselves. “It starts from the inside and spreads outwards. You can’t give what you don’t have,” he says. 

Resources

Kevin Monroe on LinkedIn | Twitter 

Email: [email protected] 

Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111

Join the community: KevinDMonroe.com/decade 

Dr. Gabriella Kellerman, Chief Innovation Officer of BetterUp, head of BetterUp Labs and co-author of the article entitled The Value of Belonging at Work, converses with Kevin Monroe about the missing link between diversity and inclusion: belonging. 

The Missing Link

Kevin asks whether BetterUp has uncovered the answer to the question of the missing link between diversity and inclusion. Gabriella answers BetterUp has been able to prove that belonging is, in fact, that missing link. Gabriella describes her organization as a “mobile development platform” that does one-to-one coaching with individuals around the globe on personal professional development. Belonging is one part of BetterUp’s six pillars of employees’ experience index, and, as such, is a significant part of how they help and support their clients in their development.

Unbelonging and Belonging

Researchers at BetterUp coined the term “unbelonging” to describe someone’s internal 

experience, not considering external factors such as inclusion or exclusion. Kevin adds that the idea of unbelonging expresses one’s personal experience of a group, independent of what may be happening within the group. Gabriella says that BetterUp’s definition of “belonging” is your internal experience of feeling like part of a group which cannot be triggered by people behaving inclusively.

The Impact of Unbelonging

Gabriella shares research recorded by BetterUp Labs. People usually respond to feelings of exclusion in one of three ways: 

Belonging in Business

Having a sense of belonging in an organization is good for business. According to Gabriella, people who feel they belong are 50% less likely to quit their jobs, and perform up to 56% better than those who feel they do not. Individuals who experience high degrees of belonging take 75% fewer sick days. Gabriella describes the research her team did and the evidence-based practices that lead to greater sense of belonging they discovered from their investigations.

How to Belong at Work

Positivity resonance is a concept that describes the depth of connection you feel with someone in a particular moment. You have to allow yourself to feel a certain degree of vulnerability in order to have that deep connection. The same is true at work. Feeling connected to your coworkers means that you allow them to get to know the real you, and vice versa. 

Gabriella shares practical tips to help you if you feel you don’t belong. If you want to help someone feel like they belong, she has advice for you as well:

Resources

The Value of Belonging at Work (Report)

The Value of Belonging at Work (Whitepaper)

BetterUp.com

Kevin Monroe on LinkedIn | Twitter 

Email: [email protected] 

Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111

Join the community: KevinDMonroe.com/decade