This ExtraOrdinary Life

By Kevin MonroeBusiness Education Careers

This ExtraOrdinary Life episodes

February 18, 2020 The Power of Self-Compassion with Laurie Cameron
Laurie Cameron, founder of PurposeBlue and bestselling author of The Power of Self-Compassion, talks with Kevin Monroe about the benefits of mindfulness and the journey to self-compassion, as well as the hurdles one might come across on that journey.

The Inner Critic
Laurie shares a disheartening experience with someone in which her trust was broken. Her first thought was critical of herself and the red flags she ignored: her “inner critic” had reared its head. The inner critic is part of our biology and is there to protect us to ensure we survive both physically and emotionally, Laurie says. The first step in practicing self-compassion is not ignoring the inner critic, but acknowledging it and moving past the cognitive analysis of the hurtful event.

Shifting Your Perspective
Laurie communicates that some of our feelings of being hurt are due to a narrative that we tell ourselves. Mindfulness training helps you to observe your narratives, and analyse how you interpret others’ actions and intentions. Only then would you be able to shift your perspective to objectively understand your situation and avoid miscommunication.

Touch as Self Care
Kevin quotes from Laurie’s book, “Touch activates the physiology of care,” and comments that he hadn’t considered an individual’s touch to themselves falling under that category. He now realizes that you can apply the physiology of care to yourself. Laurie adds that the tool of touch is one of many approaches to practicing self-compassion and is a primal development of our biology.

I’m Not That Voice
We’re born with a negativity bias that has good intentions - to protect us - but is counterproductive as it creates a fixed mindset which is demotivating and stunts growth. The voice may be more dominant in individuals conditioned to be critical. We may associate our identity with that negative inner voice instead of seeing certain behaviors and patterns as transient. Thankfully, Laurie conveys, we can recondition or unlearn the negative voice and relearn a positive voice.

Self-Compassion is Not Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is tied to ranking, rating, and comparison to others. Comparison has caused much emotional suffering and loneliness in society. On the other hand, self-compassion has nothing to do with metrics; it’s all about how we see and treat ourselves in the moment. Laurie offers some insight and practical tips on how to practice self-compassion. She hopes that people can engage in mindfulness, self-awareness and self-acceptance. Mindfulness is accepting that life is messy and mistakes are normal, she adds. It’s the practice of accepting what is and amplifying the good.

Resources
The Power of Self-Compassion
PurposeBlue.com

Kevin Monroe on LinkedIn | Twitter
Email: [email protected]
Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111
Join the community: KevinDMonroe.com/decade
46 min
February 11, 2020 A Textbook About Love At Work with Dr. Bruno Cignacco
Dr. Bruno Cignacco’s latest book - entitled, The Art of Compassionate Business: Main Principles for the Human-Oriented Enterprise - is one of the only textbooks about the importance of love at work. He chats with Kevin Monroe about the book and why love is good for business.

A Textbook
Kevin says that he was surprised that Bruno’s book is a textbook. Bruno responds that it’s both an entrepreneurial book and a textbook, about how companies can be more humane in the business environment. His research goal was to gather some principles about human-oriented enterprises that could be applied to any company, regardless of size, sector or nationality.

Love Is Good For Business
At the heart of compassionate business, Bruno says, is the principle of love. Business is based on relationships, so if you only focus on KPIs, you’re dismissing an important part of your business activity: the human aspect. If your business treats stakeholders - employees, customers, community, even the government - in a loving way, your KPIs will improve automatically as they are a natural result of a healthy relationship between your company and its stakeholders. He is gratified that there is a new generation of businesses that adopt a human-oriented approach.

Holistic vs Fragmented
Kevin quotes Bob Chapman’s book, Everybody Matters, to point out that employees would give their best if they are respected and cared for. Bruno agrees that leaders need to see their employees as whole human beings with different needs. He says that the principle of reciprocity suggests that how you treat your employees influences the way they treat your business. If you adopt the fragmented approach, where you only see them as cogs in your organizational wheel, they would take a defensive mode, and only do the minimum. However, treating employees in a loving way by embracing their humanity, encourages them to give their best.

A Definition of Love
Bruno says that there are two incompatible polarities in business: love and fear. Some workplaces are full of fear, while others operate through love. When you’re focused on love, you connect with others, you feel that you belong, and you’re warmer, kinder and more supportive. Love is much broader than romance, Bruno points out. It includes care, empathy, respectfulness and willingness to help. Love people because they are human, he says, because we’re all interconnected. Kevin mentions that there are over 30 definitions of love in Bruno’s book. He asks Bruno which is his favorite. Bruno replies that he likes the definition of love as service to others.

Love vs Fear
“Love is the natural heightener of people’s human qualities,” Bruno writes in his book, a quote which Kevin shares. “In other words, when people adopt a loving attitude, their positive human side is gracefully enhanced. On the other side, when people adopt an unloving attitude, even their greatest human qualities are degraded.” Love is always expansive, Bruno adds: it helps us to connect with and trust one another; it helps us cooperate better and think more creatively; it makes us more intelligent. Fear, on the other hand, makes us focus only on a narrow set of factors when we perceive a threat. It is immobilizing and does not bring about any positive change within a company.

Bruno offers some practical tips for leaders to build a loving environment. He hopes that love and the idea of embracing the whole human being in the world of work, become common practice. Focus on growing your relationships, and your business will naturally flourish, he advises. When you focus on the people, they will help you achieve your objectives.

Resources
HumanOrientedEnterprise.com

Kevin Monroe on LinkedIn | Twitter
Email: [email protected]
Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111
Join the community: KevinDMonroe.com/decade
52 min
February 04, 2020 Bringing Love To Work with Lorie Corcuera
Kevin Monroe starts the show with two heartwarming messages he received from listeners. These connections and interactions are what this podcast is truly about, he comments. He then introduces this week’s guest, Lorie Corcuera, who is a consultant and speaker, and author of the soon to be released book, Love First, The Rest Will Follow.

Live Wow
Lorie’s life mission is to “live wow and love completely.” She defines living wow as the intention to create wow experiences, and loving completely as a reminder to love herself and others completely because it’s only when we accept our whole being that we can love others more freely. Kevin responds that ‘wow’ is the perfect response when something happens that grabs your attention and your heart.

Love Belongs In The Workplace
It all comes down to love, Lorie says. Workplace culture is something that is felt. In a fear-based organization we can’t be our real selves because we don’t feel psychologically safe. Love is what we need, even though the word seems inappropriate in a professional setting. To ease their dissonance with the word love, Lorie asks her clients to think about what they want their customers to say about their products, or their staff to say about the company. Usually, they want customers to say that they love their product, and staff to say that they love working there. She then tells them that if they want customers and staff to love, they need to love as well.

Amazing Results
Kevin asks Lorie to define love as it relates to the workplace. She responds that when love exists in the workplace, people feel connected, they work well together, they’re fully engaged and excited about making a contribution. In order to achieve this, leadership has to feel the same way. Imagine if every team member feels worthy, valued, seen and cared for, she says. We would be able to create amazing things together.

Love By Example
Lorie wants people to love by example. We may not all be leaders at work, but we are leaders in our own lives. The best leaders are good with themselves, Lorie comments. Start with embracing and accepting who you are as a person. That will build your confidence to show up as your authentic self. Then you can focus on loving others. Her dream is for a workplace where every person feels love for themselves so that they can love others. That loving energy is shared with customers and team members, and ultimately with their families. “At the end of the day,” Lorie says, “it's all about relationships. Love is the key, because that's the basis of relationships.”

Kevin adds that in a fear-based environment you leave work drained and there’s nothing left for your family or community. On the other hand, when you work in a love-filled organization you may be physically tired at the end of the day, but you are not emotionally drained. You can be fully present with your loved ones. Lorie comments that we all want to look back and say we had an amazing life because we were fulfilled in so many ways. It all starts with love. Kevin challenges listeners to love by example: do something every day for the next seven days to lift and encourage others, he says.

Resources
Lorie Corcuera on LinkedIn
Episode 15 with Kari Enge
Radical Loving Care book

Kevin Monroe on LinkedIn | Twitter
Email: [email protected]
Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111
Join the community: KevinDMonroe.com/decade
50 min
January 28, 2020What Is Your Dream?
Kevin Monroe chats one-on-one with listeners this week. He shares gratitude and encouragement as well as the uplifting backstory that inspired this week’s show.

He’s Grateful For…
It’s amazing how projects like the Gratitude Challenge bring like-hearted people together in community, Kevin says. We find one another, engage in conversation and encourage one another. Sharing our stories allows us to connect and build friendships. He is grateful that he is able to provide opportunities for people to connect, collaborate and become friends.

Who’s Your Mahalia?
Kevin sat down to write the blog post for the Big Dreams challenge on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Naturally, he began to reflect on MLK’s famous I Have A Dream speech, and its inspiring backstory. He relates that 10 minutes into Dr. King’s prepared message, he went off script. At one point he paused, and famed gospel singer Mahalia Jackson, who was standing behind him, encouraged him. “Tell them about the dream, Martin,” Mahalia urged him. It was then that Dr King ad libbed - vividly and passionately - about his cherished dream. His inspiring speech breathed new life to the civil rights movement, and gave hope to millions.

What’s the dream in your heart? Who is your Mahalia, the person in your life who knows you have a dream inside of you that needs to find fulfillment and expression, and encourages you to keep going?

Kevin’s Dream
Sharing your dream is what allows it to take root and grow, Kevin says. Certainly Dr. King didn’t have a 12-step plan of how his dream would be accomplished, but that didn’t stop him from sharing it. In the same way, Kevin shares his dream with listeners.

Kevin has a dream of a world where:
Everyone sees themselves as difference makers and gives some part of themselves to making a difference for others.
We all take a moment every day to share an act of compassion and kindness with those around us.
Difference makers from around the world connect and collaborate with one another so that together we are inspired to take action on a larger, broader scale than any of us could take alone.
Everyone has the opportunity to be involved in meaningful work and workplaces around the world are filled with love, dignity, freedom and respect. Where workers return home safely at the end of each day with energy and zeal for their families, because they feel valued, appreciated and respected at work.
Leaders see themselves as serving those they lead, as shining the spotlight on the great work of others, and creating environments where people flourish and thrive.
Everyone has a strong sense of belonging; where acceptance is extended as a birthright rather than earned as a bonus for good behavior and performance.

Resources
I Have A Dream speech
How Martin Luther King Jr Went Off Script in ‘I Have A Dream’

Kevin Monroe on LinkedIn | Twitter
Email: [email protected]
Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111
Join the community: KevinDMonroe.com/decade
28 min
January 21, 2020From Burnout to Belonging with Rachel Druckenmiller
This week’s guest is Rachel Druckenmiller, speaker and founder of Unmuted. Host Kevin Monroe promises that their conversation will be inspiring and enjoyable, but also a bit challenging and controversial.
Rachel says that she has always been an overachiever. Once she realized that she could be successful at school, she decided to keep at it and carried the same attitude into her career. Kevin reflects that the hustle for approval started very early for him as well. Approval is dangled in front of us as a carrot, he says, and it’s the reward that keeps us performing.
We have this idea that if it's worthwhile, it's going to be hard; and if it's not hard enough, we're going to make it harder.
Rachel says that she had to be the best, and that meant constantly looking for ways to prove herself to people. When we're insecure, she says, we have this tendency to oversell ourselves instead of just letting our work speak for us. Kevin posits that more money is traded on the Insecurity Exchange than the Securities Exchange. We do all these things to prove that we’re good enough.
Tying your identity, self-worth and sense of belonging to your achievements is a very dangerous place to be, Rachel warns. Kevin calls this the “will be when ____” phenomenon, because we think we will belong or will be good enough when we achieve something or check some box. He argues that there’s never an end to the boxes we need to check because once we’ve checked one box, we replace it with another. As such, we never feel like we belong or that we are good enough. Rachel agrees; she says that she always felt that love and acceptance were on the other side of achievement.
Rachel relates that she burned out three years ago, and how that experience led her to realize her value as a person.
Kevin talks about Dr. Emil Brunner’s Cycle of Grace. Flip the cycle and start with acceptance, he says.
We punish ourselves mercilessly to get acceptance, which is really a free gift, Kevin says.
None of us can make any impact on anybody else in isolation, Kevin points out. Even if you work by yourself, he advises you to find a way to connect with other people.
Start with what brings you joy, Rachel says, and invite others into that joy. Reach out and have a conversation. Take the initiative to join or create the kinds of communities that you want to be a part of.
Rachel lives by these principles now:
What is meant for you will not pass by you. If you're meant to do something in the course of your life, everything will conspire to make it happen despite how you might try to prevent it.
No amount of achievements and accomplishment will ever fill the hole left by a lack of connection and belonging.
You were born to belong. The fact that you exist means that you’re wanted in the world.
Kevin asks Rachel how she experiences life differently now. She says she now makes it a priority to make time for the people who mean the most to her. She quotes a poem by Bruce Wilmer, Be Yourself.

Resources
Unmutedlife.com
Rachel Druckenmiller on LinkedIn | Instagram
Cycle of Grace by Dr. Emil Brunner
Be Yourself by Bruce B. Wilmer

Episode 127: Living an Inspired Life with Debbie LaChusa
Episode 116: Are You Listening? with Jane Adshead-Grant

Email: [email protected]
Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111
Join the community: KevinDMonroe.com/decade
46 min
January 14, 2020Helping Others Grow with Claude Silver and Cody Royle
This week’s inspiring guests are Claude Silver, Chief Heart Officer at VaynerMedia, and Cody Royle, author, podcaster and head coach of the AFL Team Canada. Host Kevin Monroe is excited that they both are travelers on the Road Less Traveled. They chat about creating a workplace culture that helps people grow.
One of the most enlightening challenges of the Gratitude Challenge, Kevin says, is Phone-A-Friend. You ask someone else, If you were me, what would you be grateful for? Kevin poses that very question to Claude and Cody. They bring tears to each other’s eyes with their answers.
The #1 request Claude hears from employees is “Help me grow.” This is what people are actually saying when they ask for feedback or when they want to improve their skills, she says. Along their journey, they’re going to experience many micro-journeys - some successes, some failures - and that is what they’ll remember in life.
People want to get from point A to point B. As a leader, what are you doing to coach and mentor to get there?
Cody is happy that the conversation is moving away from management towards coaching and mastery. The sports world can teach us so much about this, he says.
When you master your craft, you notice that the game slows down, Cody says. The coach’s job is to get the athlete to reach that point by honing skill as well as removing barriers. Kevin finds this a beautiful description of the idea of mastery. He comments that the game slows down because you’ve grown and developed your skill, so you are now able to show up in the environment differently.
Claude says you can help others grow by creating an environment of psychological safety. Be real, inspire them and live by example so that they feel comfortable to talk about anything with you. She shares a game she uses with employees that opens them up and helps them to talk about what matters to them personally. Cody adds that everyone has to be involved in creating a psychologically safe environment. We can all help each other then because we all feel safe.
Kevin, Claude and Cody discuss the difference between drinking the water vs drinking the Kool Aid.
Kevin asks, “What does it take for people to shift and get comfortable with a trusting, welcoming human environment?” Claude says that her company gives trust first not last. It takes time for people and interaction with other workers to accept that it truly is as good as it sounds. Cody comments that it starts with being truthful at recruitment. It’s just like dating: if what you deliver is not what you promised, things go south pretty quickly.
We have the impression that someone has to stay at an organization for a long time in order to have an impact. We need to rethink this idea, Cody argues. A more productive approach is to ask, How can I help this person right now and maybe momentarily in their life, whether that's with us or not? A good coach helps his players grow so much that they don’t need him anymore, Cody says. Accept that they may leave, but ask them to give you their best while they’re with you, and be the best coach and mentor to them you can be.
If you want your company culture to change, you be the change, Claude encourages listeners. Find a mentor to guide you if you need to.

Resources
ClaudeSilver.com
CodyRoyle.com
Email: [email protected]
Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111
Join the community: KevinDMonroe.com/decade
50 min
January 07, 2020Invitation To Live A Decade Of Difference
Happy New Year!

As Kevin Monroe reflects on 2019, he is grateful for all the people he has met. He is also grateful for hope of a brighter future and fresh clarity about who this podcast serves best. In this first episode of 2020, he invites listeners to look at business, leadership and life through a different lens by embracing a decade of difference.

You’re Qualified!
This takeaway from episode 125 with Tim Arnold resonates with Kevin: Everything in your life up to this moment - the good, the bad and the ugly - has prepared you for your present and your future. Therefore, nothing disqualifies you from making a decade of difference. In fact, the things that you think count you out, actually attract people to you. Your life message resonates with others who have had a similar experience, so you have the moral authority to reach them in a way no one else can. Your past lights the way for you and for others who have known the same struggles, difficulties, and challenges. Kevin invites you to make peace with your past, so it no longer casts a shadow over your future.

Characteristics of Difference Makers
Here are some traits that difference-makers commonly share:
They are other-centered. They’re focused on making a difference in the lives of others, rather than making things better for themselves.
They are purpose-powered. There’s a purpose that inspires and motivates them to do what they do.
They are ‘tragically optimistic’. No matter how difficult the circumstances, they believe that good will emerge in the end.
They are dealers in hope. They inspire others by depositing hope into their lives.
They are kind, compassionate, caring and humble.

Ripples of Influence
When you make a difference in someone’s life, Kevin says, you may not even be aware of it. There’s no way of knowing how far the waves and ripples of your influence will reach, so don’t even try to track it. The important thing is to realize that your decade of difference cannot be outsourced. It must be insourced; that is, it starts with you thinking differently, seeing the world differently and living differently. Start with your own personal development, and your influence will ripple out to your family, and community, and maybe even the world.

Permission To Live A Decade of Difference
Whether you know exactly what difference you want to make in the world, or you’re not quite sure, Kevin is cheering you on. He invites you to give yourself permission to dream, imagine and discover your decade of difference. You live a decade of difference one day at a time, he says. If you go off-track, reorient yourself and keep moving forward. Connect with a community of others who are also on the journey. Prepare for challenges and tough times because they will inevitably come, but seize the decade nonetheless, and be a difference-maker whatever arena you’re in.

Resources
Episode 125: Managing Tension On Your Journey To Greatness with Tim Arnold
Episode 127: Living An Inspired Life with Debbie LaChusa

Email: [email protected]
Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111
Join the community: KevinDMonroe.com/decade
33 min
December 31, 2019Living An Inspired Life with Debbie LaChusa
When you get out of your own way and stop trying to make things happen - when you pay attention to what’s calling on your heart - you end up exactly where you’re supposed to be. Following where inspiration leads is the subject of Debbie LaChusa’s book, The Following Inspiration Experiment. She joins Kevin Monroe on this week’s show to talk about living an inspired life.
Following inspiration means listening to that little voice in your head, Debbie says. It’s trusting your gut, listening to your intuition, or it can be feeling called to do something. For her, it meant stepping away from planning every aspect of her life, and just paying attention to the people, events and opportunities that showed up.
Kevin and Debbie relate how they came to this view of life. Kevin says that four words came to his mind one Sunday: “More led, less driven.” Since then he has been intentional about following the invitations that show up in life, rather than trying to make them happen. When Debbie started to let go and started doing what showed up, amazing things began to happen.
Following inspiration has been a 10-year experiment for Debbie. Kevin asks if she is there yet. She responds that there is no ‘there’. There, she says, implies that happiness and success is someplace else. The best place to be is right here, right now, because when you’re present you notice the inspired path, you pay attention to the ideas that show up, and they stick. It’s simple, but it’s not always easy to practice, she points out.
Your work will be harder, frustrating, and not as good when you force it. Kevin says that he has never produced inspired work in make-it-happen mode. Debbie adds that the recipients of your work can tell the difference: there’s an energy in your work when you do it from an inspired place that’s just not there when you plow through.
We’re all going to end up where we’re supposed to be if we pay attention to what speaks to us. We each have our own path, and it’s different from everyone else’s. If we open ourselves to what shows up, our purpose will find us.
Flow is being in the zone. It’s when life and work feel effortless, peaceful, and purposeful. Debbie says that being in flow is all about getting out of your head and into your heart. Kevin adds that it’s moving effortlessly with energy and direction towards an intention. Drifting, on the other hand, is feeling lost; it’s aimless.
Synchronicity is a perfect, meaningful coincidence: it’s something that happens that you just couldn’t plan, but feels right. Let yourself follow through on the ideas and opportunities that feel right to you, Debbie advises. Trust that there’s a reason you’re being attracted to them. Ultimately, that’s what synchronicity is, and it’s one of the ways inspiration shows up.
Living an inspired life makes you feel at peace. Even when bad things happen, you find the lessons and the good that comes from the bad.
Debbie describes how her book title came about. It was an inspiration in itself, she relates. She says that her ‘marketing’ strategy has been to put her book out there, and trust that it will get in front of the people that it needs to. “That's what's happened,” Debbie says.
She urges listeners not to be afraid to try something different. If life seems harder, and you’re feeling unsettled, if you’re thinking that there must be a better way, just give it a try, she says.

Resources
DebbieLaChusa.com
The Following Inspiration Experiment

Join the Joy Challenge
Email: [email protected]
Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111
Schedule a call: KevinDMonroe.com/2020
59 min
December 23, 2019Holiday Wishes from the Higher Purpose Podcast
Merry Christmas!

In this special holiday episode of the Higher Purpose Podcast, Kevin Monroe takes the opportunity to reflect. He begins by expressing gratitude to listeners and collaborators. He also counts down the top 10 episodes of 2019. Finally, he shares his wishes for listeners for 2020 and beyond.

So Much To Be Grateful For
More than any other time of the year, its popular to express gratitude during the holidays. Kevin asks listeners to think about something they are grateful for in this moment. He shares that he is grateful for the gift of podcasting which gives him the privilege of engaging in conversations and forming relationships with guests as well as listeners. He quotes Barbara Sable who said, “Relationships are primary. All else is derivative.” Kevin reflects that 90% of his guests in 2019 were new relationships that came to be because someone he knew introduced him to someone they thought he should know. None of us knows everybody we need to know, he says, but everybody we do know, knows someone we need to know. When they open the door, beautiful things happen. He goes on to thank his collaborators, without whom the podcast and his other projects would not have been possible.

Clarity Comes Through Action
2019 was a year of experimentation, Kevin reflects. Years ago his mentor Rich Sheridan taught him to stop overthinking and just “run the experiment.” As a result, most of what he now does in life starts as an experiment. Major projects in 2019, such as the Gratitude Challenge, the Humans First Hangout, and the This Extraordinary Life community, came about because of experiments. Kevin points out that clarity comes through action: as he took action, the next steps became clearer, and he is ending 2019 with greater clarity than he started with. His wish for listeners is that clarity comes for them as well.

Top 10 Episodes of 2019
There were several episodes that resonated most with listeners in 2019. Kevin recalls the Top 10 episodes of the year. He wants you to take time to celebrate your progress and come up with your own list of your Top 10 Moments of 2019. Make peace with your past, he urges; celebrate your progress, and prepare for the future.

Holiday Wishes
Kevin wishes you a Merry Christmas. May peace, love and joy be magnified in your life. May you have true peace, which is wholeness and harmony in every dimension of your life. May you have abiding joy even in difficult times. May you have the deep and unconditional love you deserve.

Resources
Top 10 Episodes of 2019:
Episode 88: Everybody Matters with Bob Chapman
Episode 101: The Power of Gratitude with Steve Foran
Episode 82: Being a Chief Heart Officer with Claude Silver
Episode 102: Dealing With Impostor Syndrome with Kimberly Davis and Melissa Hughes
Episode 91: The Pulse of Your Organization with David Niu
Episode 117: Are You Listening? with Jane Adshead-Grant
Episode 97: Higher Purpose and Self Worth with Traci Fenton
Episode 96: The Employee Experience with Ben Whitter
Episode 105: Gratitude Is A Way of Life with Steve Foran
Episode 98: The Definition of Success with Al Lopez

Join the Joy Challenge
Email: [email protected]
Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111
Schedule a call: KevinDMonroe.com/2020
29 min
December 17, 2019Managing Tension On Your Journey To Greatness with Tim Arnold
Tim Arnold, this week’s guest on the Higher Purpose Podcast, is no stranger to tension. He was a team building and leadership development consultant for 10 years before starting and running a homeless shelter. Today he is the author of The Power of Healthy Tension as well as a sought after speaker. A critical lesson he learned throughout his career was that decisions - and life! - are not always this OR that; many times it’s a matter of managing this AND that. These dilemmas are called key tensions. He chats with Kevin Monroe about these key tensions and how to manage them on the road less traveled.

It’s All Preparation
When Tim decided to leave the consulting business to open a homeless shelter, he felt that he was starting a totally new chapter in his life. He soon realized, however, that his prior experience was preparing him for this new path. He says that when you choose to live a purpose-oriented life you should assume that your experiences - good and bad - have all been preparation for the present. Teaching the concept of healthy tension for so many years prepared him to apply it at the shelter, often in very challenging situations.

Healthy Tension
Kevin asks Tim to define the concept of healthy tension. Tim explains that we’ve been conditioned to see things from an either-or perspective, that decisions are problems to solve and we should choose the right answer. While problem-solving is a critical and laudable skill, there are situations in life that are not problems to solve but tensions to manage. In these moments we have to be able to hold two opposing positions in tension, or adopt an ‘and’ mindset instead of an ‘either-or’ one. For example, manage both flexibility AND structure, don’t try to choose either only flexibility OR only structure. If we want to achieve our higher aspirations, there are some underlying tensions in work and life we should embrace rather than avoid.

What Does It Look Like To You?
Choosing one side may feel good but it will work against you in the long term, Tim points out. Rather than picking one side, he advises, think about what living on both sides looks like for you. Many times an ideal, such as fairness, means different things to different people. The goal is not to compromise your values, but to embrace both sides fully. Kevin comments that oftentimes organizations would choose words to portray their values without fully defining what those words mean to their business. Tim adds that if you don’t fully understand the underlying tensions you have manage to live out those values, then they are just words. Dig into those underlying tensions and learn how to leverage them.

Key Tensions on the Road Less Traveled
Kevin and Tim discuss a few key tensions that difference-makers need to leverage on their journey to greatness. These include:
Fun and seriousness;
Purpose and profit;
Caring about the right people’s opinions and not caring what everyone else thinks;
Idealism and realism.
Tim says that once we realize that idealism and realism go together, we will be able to hold on to our vision while accepting the reality of what needs to be done now.

A Challenge For Listeners
Tim’s challenge to listeners is to think about what tensions they are going to manage in the coming year. Are you willing to embrace them? What would it look like to get the value of both sides? Kevin has his own questions for listeners:
Are there any issues that you previously saw as problems to solve that you now realize are actually tensions to manage?
What are the key tensions you face as a difference-maker?
What do you plan to do with what you've learned today? What’s your next step and how can we help?

Resources
Book and other resources: ThePowerOfHealthyTension.com

Email: [email protected]
Call or text Kevin: 678-744-5111
Schedule a call: KevinDMonroe.com/2020
56 min

About This ExtraOrdinary Life

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Do you want more joy, fulfillment, and abundance in life than you have right now? Do you long for your life to be extraordinary? We do. Join Kevin Monroe and friends each week for conversations…

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