this is it actually.

hey hey! it's season 4!

tiia is back and i'm so excited about the episodes i've got on the docket.

i'm going to be talking to some amazing people – covering GRIEF, CONNECTING WITH STRANGERS, GIVING BACK, CLEANING UP, DIET CULTURE, DATING AFTER 50 and i'm also going to be chatting with my ex-boyfriend’s ex-wife – we met over grief and his suicide - and my hope this season is just that all of these conversations find their way to the listeners who need them.

today i’m starting right in my very own house. with my teenage daughters.

a little backstory… it’s just the three of us. it’s been that way since they were 11 months and just over 4 years old. they are now 13 1/2 and 16 1/2.

they’ve both navigated bullies, and peer pressure and working through the pain of an absent father.

we’ve had our moments. there was the “incident” that still gets talked about to this day.

i’ve done some questionable parenting, and they’ve each been in some sort of 'big' trouble a handful of times. so that’s not so bad.  

they have great friends, and teachers like them and i think they’re smart and funny and kind.

we talk and we listen and sometimes we ask for space and their rooms drive me crazy and they spend too much time looking at their phones and i spend most days praying that we’re doing just a little better than OK.

with special guests: lola & izzie.

x.

follow the podcast on instagram: @thisisitactually

follow me & the podcast on twitter: @jenibesworth

what can be said in new year rhymes • that’s not been said a thousand times?

the new years come, the old years go • we know we dream, we dream we know.

we rise up laughing with the light • we lie down weeping with the night.

we hug the world until it stings • we curse it then and sigh for wings.

we live, we love, we woo, we wed • we wreathe our prides, we sheet our dead.

we laugh, we weep, we hope, we fear • and that’s the burden of a year.

~ ella wheeler wilcox.

happy new year! today's episode looks a little bit back but mostly ahead. stories of growth, change, vulnerability, loss & loving ourselves.

with special guests: @shitspennysees, @karendeanspeaks @babyreadylgbtq & @katieprentiss.

x.

follow the podcast on instagram: @thisisitactually

follow me & the podcast on twitter: @jenibesworth

i like good laughs. people with kind faces. when i see someone talking to a stranger. a wave from the car if i’ve let you in. goodness. (and that can mean so many things).

humility. grit. compassion. the helpers. big or small, it doesn’t matter.

funny people. i’m not an easy laugh but when you get me – when you find my funny bone – it’s actually the best.

ooh, good manners. so sexy.

good listeners. but also, good storytellers. obviously.

i like people with an edge. i also like being able to sit in silence with someone. comfortable people. in their own skin & who make me feel comfortable.

good swearers. you know what I mean? not swearing for the sake of it, but being able to really hit the right spots with a good swear.

kindness. that goes without saying.

authentic. trusting. giving. brave.

excellent secret keepers.

this episode is a GIANT love letter to the people we LOVE. 

get cozy and all up in your feels. 

with special guests: @coach_muffin, @fromcitytosimcoe, @bencupello, @themichellewolfe & @aliiza.

x.

follow the podcast on instagram: @thisisitactually

follow me & the podcast on twitter: @jenibesworth

a tradition is described as an inherited, established, or customary pattern of thought, action, or behaviour. this can come from religious or cultural practice, social customs or even from family and friends.

i've thought - on more than one occasion - that i've done a pretty crap job of establishing traditions in my wee household. i don't cook big holiday dinners. we're not 'regulars' in any restaurant. we've never been camping.

i know, i know, these are not the things that make a solid family life, but with social media being a consistent unattainable goal, it's hard not to feel bad about ourselves from time to time. 

but once i started thinking about the little things we DO do - ice cream on the last day of school, 'rose, bud & thorn' at dinner, my special 'goodnight' mantra - i realized they more than count.

with special guests: @iamsamyeo, @thealtonator & @sarinarene.

x.

follow the podcast on instagram: @thisisitactually

follow me & the podcast on twitter: @jenibesworth

we grew up with a christian mom and an atheist dad. we said grace before dinner and i prayed before bed. i mostly just asked for stuff, cuz, you know, kids.

it was made very clear that there was a heaven and a hell – they were sold as places that you go – one up, and one down, like we would literally look in those directions when we thought of them – but we never really talked about spirituality or life after death or even death at all actually.

so i’m not sure that i even had my own beliefs until much later in life. i probably started to figure it out for myself after my mom came to say goodbye to me... a  couple days after she’d died.

today's stories are full of love & hope & belief. finding dimes, visitation dreams, spirit guides, near-death experiences, unfinished tasks, mediumship & messages from beyond.

with special guests: @i_spark_change, @rickornelas, @blakepaynethemedium, @kellyfergusonpsychicmedium, @barbbrz & @bigalrobz.

x.

follow the podcast on instagram: @thisisitactually

follow me & the podcast on twitter: @jenibesworth

happy holidays! let’s talk about sex! 

this is my second episode on the subject and there’s obviously more to say, cuz hello, it’s sex.

first times, good times, memorable bad times. friends with benefits, one night stands, long term love affairs. sexologists, sex educators, films about sex.

finding bliss & more than ever imagined on OnlyFans.

talking it out, figuring it out & a call from mom that changed the trajectory of our relationship.

we cover a lot!

let's talk about sex baby... again. (& again)

with very special guests: @homance_chronicles, @rideoutl, @sexwithsuefilm, @sarahjuree & @sexwithdrjess.

x.

follow the podcast on instagram: @thisisitactually

follow me & the podcast on twitter: @jenibesworth

i met a new friend on instagram back in september – we did a deep dive on each other's pages and we were loving what we were seeing so we started complimenting the crap out of one another and then one of us said “it would be great if we could talk to ourselves like this too”.

go figure.

so i suggested we come up with 3 things we love about ourselves before the end of the day and she was like ‘way ahead of you lady’ and she shared with me an ongoing note she keeps in her phone of the things that she thinks make her cool and awesome and loveable. things like being forgiving and resourceful but also that she likes her cute butt.

i was like ME TOO! i love my butt!

so this episode was born from that. i just wanna get everybody in a self-loving, self-appreciating, i’m-the-dreamiest-and-here’s-why state of mind.

shouldn’t be hard right?

we're gettin' all loved up on ourselves for episode 111 baby!

and in the spirit of LOVE and superstar angel numbers - my guest lineup today is nothing short of SPECTACULAR.

with special guests: @spencer.barbosa, @pumpfitnessmtl, @shortpresents & @meredithshaw.

x.

follow the podcast on instagram: @thisisitactually

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drag began back during shakespeare times, around the end of the 16th century. 

at the time, the church was super connected to the stage and would only allow men to perform - like honestly, what IS that… ugh, anyway, that’s how the female roles ended up being played by men dressed as women.

the word ‘drag’ itself is believed to have been born in the theatre too. the dresses that the men wore to play the female characters would drag along the floor. and so it goes.

i've been taking my girls to drag shows since they were wee things & sure, it's always insanely fun, a little raucous & sometimes inappropriate - but the same message emerges almost every time. BE who you are & LOVE all. 

with special guests: @lalaluzious & @jemmdoshay from @hausofdevereaux. 

x.

follow the podcast on instagram: @thisisitactually

follow me & the podcast on twitter: @jenibesworth

ok so this probably doesn’t seem like the most uplifting topic to dig into and maybe some people will completely avoid listening to this episode for fear of grief or sad memories or just a general aversion to death talk.

trust me, i get it. i love avoiding tough topics! 

but death is a THING. i mean, right? it's the one thing we cannot steer clear of - no matter how hard we try.

and don't we all want to go with a little grace? 

today's stories are beautiful and hard and sad and sweet and heartwarming.

with special guests: @tilldeathdoulaparts, @dirtbagdanno/@mysonthehurricane, @permission_to_bloom, @marnieandmichael & @johannabethalmond.

x.

follow the podcast on instagram: @thisisitactually

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i can’t do impersonations. i’m a terrible actor. i don’t play an instrument and my singing leaves a little bit to be desired. i don’t have 2 different coloured eyes or any cute patterned freckles, and i’ve never had an overly wacky or weird job – though, i was once asked to be a phone sex operator, but i never did it. 

ooh, that would have been good for this episode. 

i thought i'd have to dig deep to find some revealing things for this episode, but it turns out, 'interesting' and 'quirky' come in all shapes, sizes & stories.

with special guests: @sj.snaps, @imorehead, @lolaspeaking, @simplykristyd & @dirtbagdanno.

x.

follow the podcast on instagram: @thisisitactually

follow me & the podcast on twitter: @jenibesworth