THIS Leader Podcast

In this transformative episode, I show you how to escape the Drama Triangle pattern that exhausts leaders and robs them of power.

If you've ever said yes when you want to say no, then felt resentful about your obligations, and then got angry at others for your situation, congratulations! You've just cycled through all three Drama Triangle roles: Rescuer, Victim, and Persecutor, and you've given your power away in each position.

Key Concepts:

The Drama Triangle Roles:

• Rescuer - "Ill save the day!" Saying yes when you should say no, thinking "if I don't do it, it won't get done right"
• Victim - Feeling powerless, focused on what's wrong versus what you control
• Persecutor - Blaming others, making them wrong to make yourself right

The Empowerment Triangle Alternative: We can break this cycle!

Instead of a Rescuer → Be a Coach: Ask questions that empower others

Instead of a Victim → Be a Creator: Focus on what you can influence and create a new future

Instead of a Persecutor → Be a Challenger: Challenge people to grow

Three Immediate Strategies:

1. Pause before rescuing - ask if solving helps them grow
2. Use questions before solutions
3. Make clear agreements instead of assumptions

Resources Mentioned:

1. TED: The Empowerment Dynamic
2. The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership

When you move above the line into Coach, Creator or Challenger, your team becomes more capable, you reclaim energy, and problems get solved instead of managed. Visit ClaireLaughlin.com and connect at ClaireLaughlinConsulting.

Stay above the line and lead the way!

In this conversation with parent coach Allison Livingston, we explore how high achievers get emotionally hijacked in difficult situations and learn a 5-step framework to stay connected without getting hooked.

Why High Achievers Get Emotionally Hijacked

High-achieving people often struggle with emotional regulation because they expect to be good at everything, including relationships. They have high expectations of themselves and others, but lack practice giving grace when things don't go as planned. This creates vulnerability to emotional enmeshment, where they try to control outcomes rather than connect authentically.

The 5 Steps to Connect Framework

Step 1: Meet Yourself Where You Are

Recognize when you're triggered by tuning into physical sensations not, clenched fists, tight jaw. Most people live in their heads and miss these body signals that indicate emotional hijacking.

Step 2: Validate Your Experience

Acknowledge that it's okay to feel frustrated. Identify your unmet needs partnership, ease, contribution. Include emotional release through movement, but direct it into the sky or ground, not at another person.

Step 3: Get Curious About Stories

Question your narrative of "it's your fault" and explore what might be happening for the other person. Assume positive intent and remember you're on the same team.

Step 4: Lifesaving Listening

Create safe space for others to express their frustrations without taking it personally. This builds psychological safety and allows real conversations about underlying issues.

Step 5: Set Clear Boundaries

From a grounded place, communicate what you will do if certain behaviors continue. Focus on your actions, not controlling others.

The Workplace Connection

These same patterns show up in performance management, project conflicts, and team dynamics. When you stop pointing fingers and start with curiosity, you transform adversarial relationships into collaborative problem-solving.

Resources Mentioned:

1. Work with Allison Livingston at 5stepstoconnect.com
2. Connect with Allison Livingston on LinkedIn

Remember: Emotional energy lasts only 6-90 seconds if you don't restimulate it with more thoughts.

To learn more about my services and for additional tools to enhance your leadership impact, visit ClaireLaughlin.com and connect with me on social channels @Claire Laughlin Consulting.

In this conversation with communication expert Salvatore Manzi, we explore how analytical minds and introverted leaders can transform technical brilliance into authentic influence.

The Foundation: Presence = Comfort + Authenticity

Salvatore defines presence as the intersection of comfort and authenticity—being comfortable being yourself while knowing your topic, understanding your audience, and communicating from that genuine center.

The "You Then Me" Framework

The core principle that transforms communication effectiveness:

• Start with understanding your audience's hopes, fears, and perspectives
• Build relevance before moving to your agenda
• Create connection that opens people to hearing your message

This approach emerged from Salvatore's breakthrough moment mediating between feuding executives, where requiring acknowledgment before response completely shifted the dynamic.

Above or Below the Decision Line

One of the most powerful concepts was helping people understand whether they're "above the decision line" (in ideation mode) or "below the decision line" (in activation or implementation mode). This clarity helped everyone understand how to contribute their genius at the right time.

Breaking the Technical Brilliance Trap

Many analytical leaders try to download everything they know to convince others. But the brain is a meaning-making device, not a precision recording device. People need relevance before they can process complex information.

Key Strategies:

• Connection before content—help teams connect with their personal why
• Use dialogue, not download
• Practice frameworks in low-stakes situations first

The Uncertainty Framework

When you can't share all details: "This is what we know, what we don't know, what I believe, what I'm committed to, and what you can do."

Mastering Q&A Sessions

Prepare with pocket questions, address the elephant in the room, and use the three-step process: acknowledge why their question matters, then pivot to your response. The acknowledgment step is crucial for building rapport.

Resources Mentioned:

1. Pre-order "Clear and Compelling by Design"
2. Subscribe to Salvatore's website to gain access to The Uncertainty Framework.
3. Connect with Salvatore on LinkedIn

Ready to develop authentic influence? Remember: if you can spot effective communication in others, you have the capacity to do it yourself. To learn more about my services and for additional tools to enhance your leadership impact, visit ClaireLaughlin.com and connect with me on social channels @Claire Laughlin Consulting.

In this personal episode, Claire shares how her father's Alzheimer's diagnosis became a wake-up call about the urgency of living authentically. She explores why your values, not productivity systems, are the key to fulfillment and effective leadership.

The Personal Wake-Up Call

Claire opens with a touching note her father wrote: "Claire, I want to go to the grocery store with you." A year later, he no longer writes or speaks much due to Alzheimer's. This experience forced Claire to confront the reality that "someday" plans might never happen, shifting her entire approach to how she spends her time and energy.

The Science Behind Values

Research shows that people pursuing self-concordant goals (aligned with personal values) make more progress and report higher life satisfaction. Values clarification exercises lower cortisol levels, improve problem-solving under pressure, and reduce defensive responses when challenged.

Claire's Core Values:

• Autonomy and freedom
• Well-being and health
• Connection and curiosity
• Invention and creation
• Maximizing potential (avoiding waste)

Three Areas to Audit Your Values:

• Time: Does your calendar reflect what you say matters most?
• Stress: How do you behave under pressure?
• Measurement: Do you celebrate actions that align with your stated values?

The most effective leaders aren't those with the best strategies, but those crystal clear about what they stand for. When you live your values authentically, you create psychological safety for others to do the same.

Resources Mentioned:

"Living Your Values" course- clairelaughlin.com/livingyourvalues (Don't miss the special discount code in this episode!)

To learn more about my services, subscribe to my newsletter, and for additional tools to enhance your leadership impact, visit ClaireLaughlin.com and connect with me on social channels @Claire Laughlin Consulting.

Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! New episodes are released weekly, and we'd love for you to share them with others who might benefit.

In this practical episode, I reveal specific skills that transform ordinary meetings into powerful collaborative sessions where everyone contributes fully.

The difference between meetings where leaders do all the talking versus those where everyone leaves energized isn't personality, it's facilitative leadership skills.

Understanding Work Flow

All meaningful work follows predictable stages:

• Ideation - Identifying problems and brainstorming
• Activation - Deciding and prioritizing
• Implementation - Planning and executing
• Learning - Evaluating and improving

Five Simple Meeting Techniques

1. Round Robin - Everyone shares input, no skipping
2. Pair Share - Small groups process before large group discussion
3. Pro/Con - Structured evaluation inviting dissent safely
4. Dot Voting - Visual prioritization showing group energy
5. End of Meeting Discipline - Clarify decisions and next steps

Power Phrases:

When someone brings a problem: "Tell me more," "What do you think we should do?" "What are the risks?"

Resources Mentioned:

Process Toolkit - Download the process toolkit here.

You're not doing more work; you're doing smarter work, helping groups find best answers together rather than being the person with all the answers.

Visit ClaireLaughlin.com and connect at Claire Laughlin Consulting.

Until next time, lead the way!

In this conversation with Jessica Deakyne, we explore how she accelerated from transportation coordinator to Chief Operating Officer through servant leadership and intentional community building.

The Power of Community and Connection

Jessica's career transformation wasn't a solo journey. She emphasizes that successful leaders understand advancement happens through community, not isolation. Her approach involves constantly connecting people to opportunities, maintaining broad networks, and remembering that "I didn't become an ACM by myself."

The UpNext Program: Building Ladders for Others

In 2022, Jessica co-created UpNext, a nine-month leadership development program for emerging public sector leaders focusing on:

• Leadership presence and executive skills
• Having difficult conversations with confidence
• Building resilience and authentic leadership styles
• Creating community among peers facing similar challenges

The program uses blind application reviews to remove bias and includes ongoing coaching throughout the nine months.

The Critical Mindset Shift

The difference between leaders who plateau and those who accelerate? Remembering that leadership is a team sport. As Jessica explains: "The issue you're going through today isn't the first time this has happened to someone. Call your friends."

Continuous Learning

Even as COO, Jessica continues her development through UC Davis Executive Coaching certification, demonstrating that growth never stops

Key Takeaways:

• Focus on adding value to others' success
• Build genuine relationships across your industry
• Approach experiences with curiosity
• Remember, authenticity is a leadership strength

Resources Mentioned:

UpNext Applications

Jessica's work: solutions-mrg.com

To learn more about my services and for additional tools to enhance your leadership impact, visit ClaireLaughlin.com and connect with me on social channels @Claire Laughlin Consulting.

This episode explores why most leaders are unknowingly operating at only 70% of their potential and how aligning with your natural strengths can transform your leadership impact.

The Research on Strengths

The data from Marcus Buckingham, Don Clifton, and the Gallup Organization is compelling. People who use their strengths daily are three times more likely to report an excellent quality of life and six times more engaged at work. Teams focusing on strengths see 12.5% greater productivity and 8.1% more profitability.

What Are Strengths?

Strengths aren't just learned skills; they're the intersection of natural talents, knowledge, and developed abilities. The magic ingredient is that natural talent, making certain activities feel effortless while producing extraordinary results.

How to Identify Your Strengths

Three practical approaches for discovering your natural talents:

1. Feedback Patterns - What do people consistently come to you for? What do they say you're naturally good at?
2. Energy vs. Drain - Pay attention to what energizes you versus what depletes you. Strengths give you energy when you use them.
3. Peak Performance Moments - When have you achieved your best results? What were you doing and how were you approaching the problem?

Three Applications for Leaders

I share how to leverage strengths by leading yourself (structuring work around natural abilities), leading others (amplifying team members' strengths instead of fixing weaknesses), and shaping your environment through strengths partnerships and intentional role adjustments.

Resources Mentioned:

1. The Six Types of Working Genius® Assessment ($25, immediately actionable)
2. Strengths Finder Assessment (comprehensive but complex)
3. Bring Your Strengths to Work: A Guide to Having a Strengths-Based Conversation with Your Manager
4. Research citations: Gallup State of the American Workplace, Marcus Buckingham strengths research

In this episode, I share four core strategies that will help you consistently add more value, and make yourself indispensable at work.

In this episode, you'll hear about:

The Current Landscape

Forbes reports that 77% of people are concerned about AI causing job loss within 12 months, but there's a crucial flip side: wages are rising twice as quickly in industries most exposed to AI. The people adding real value have the opportunity to become more valuable and reap the benefits, not less.

Also, employee engagement fell to its lowest level in a decade in 2024, with only 31% of employees engaged. (Look around... that mean that almost 70% of the folks around you could be disengaged!)

This "perfect storm" creates a massive opportunity for those willing to show up differently. Imagine how much you'll stand out by bringing your absolute best.

Strategy #1: Understand Your Personal Values

When you're clear on your values, you make decisions faster, you're more consistent, and people trust your judgment. Find your values by reflecting on these questions:

• What were some of your peak experiences? What made them significant? What values were present?
• When you had to make hard decisions, what helped you feel clear about the right path?
• Who inspires you, and what positive traits do you admire in them?
• What makes you frustrated or angry? Our trigger points often reveal our values being violated.

Strategy #2: Work in Your Strengths

When you work in your strengths, everything flows better. You naturally gravitate toward work that aligns with your strengths and seek additional knowledge in those areas. AI is coming, and workers who thrive will be those who apply human judgment, creativity, and relationship skills. Lean in to your strengths!

To identify your strengths, consider:

• What have you always enjoyed doing?
• What have others consistently told you you're good at?
• What work gets you completely "in the zone" where time disappears?

Strategy #3: Master Meeting Management and Facilitation

With most meetings filled with disengaged people just going through the motions, being able to design and run effective meetings makes you invaluable.

Key principles:

• Clarify the meeting purpose: What will people leave the meeting with? (A decision? Feeling more informed? A solution to a problem? A plan of action?)
• Apply an engaging process: Each purpose requires different conversation types
• Consider the people: Neutralize power differentials, accommodate introverts and extroverts, and address potential conflicts

Strategy #4: Master Prioritization

Focus on activities that truly move the needle by asking:

• How am I measured?
• What in included in my annual review?
• What's urgent for me or those who depend on me?
• What's coming that I could prepare for?
• What should I be learning to make myself more effective?
• Then prioritize these on your calendar and don't miss those appointments.
• Schedule time for activities that prevent emergencies, not just respond to them.

Key Statistics:

• 77% of people are concerned about AI job loss (Forbes)
• Only 31% of employees are engaged at work (Gallup 2024)
• Disengaged employees cost the global economy $8.8 trillion

Action Steps:

1. Take 15 minutes to identify your top 3 values
2. Notice when you feel most energized and effective at work
3. Volunteer to facilitate the next team meeting
4. Block calendar time for one high-impact activity you usually push to "later"
5. Subscribe to the podcast for deeper dives into each topic

The more value you add, the more valuable you become. Always think about adding more value, and you'll build skills that take you anywhere you want to go. To learn more about my services, subscribe to my newsletter, and for additional tools to enhance your leadership impact, visit ClaireLaughlin.com and connect with me on social channels @Claire Laughlin Consulting.

Sources:

1. National University (2024). "59 AI Job Statistics: Future of U.S. Jobs" Available at: https://www.nu.edu/blog/ai-job-statistics/
2. PwC (2025). "Global AI Jobs Barometer" Available at: https://www.pwc.com/gx/en/issues/artificial-intelligence/ai-jobs-barometer.html
3. Forbes Advisor Survey (2023) - (https://www.shrm.org/topics-tools/news/employee-relations/employee-engagement-falls-gallup)
4. Gallup (2024). "U.S. Employee Engagement Sinks to 10-Year Low" Available at: https://www.gallup.com/workplace/654911/employee-engagement-sinks-year-low.aspx
5. Gallup (2024). "State of the Global Workplace: 2025 Report" Available at: https://www.gallup.com/workplace/349484/state-of-the-global-workplace.aspx

Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! New episodes are released weekly, and we'd love for you to share them with others who might benefit.

In this episode, Theresa Phillips, a veteran HR professional who has conducted over 700 workplace investigations, we explore how challenging workplace conflicts can become opportunities for transformation and trust-building.

From Fact-Finding to Healing

Theresa's journey evolved from simply gathering facts to truly seeing people in their pain and fear. She discovered that when people feel genuinely heard—without bias or predetermined judgments—healing begins immediately, even before any resolution is reached.

When Mediation Goes Sideways

One of Theresa's most impactful lessons came from a failed mediation between two colleagues who hadn't spoken in seven years while sitting six feet apart. When traditional approaches failed, she pivoted to discover their shared values:

• Respect and dignity in communication
• Assuming the best intentions from coworkers
• Following established department guidelines
• Professional problem-solving without blame.

The Leader's Critical Role

Leaders must develop their radar for dysfunction and intervene early:

• Address observable tension immediately
• Have individual conversations about team dynamics
• Make relationship health a monthly meeting topic
• Establish clear expectations upfront

Keys to Resilience

Theresa's wisdom for transforming setbacks centers on starting with self-reflection, seeking to understand everyone's story, embracing authenticity, and leaning into fear rather than avoiding it.

Resources Mentioned:

1. Building a High Trust Workplace Course

Ready to transform workplace tension? These conflicts aren't problems to avoid—they're opportunities to build stronger teams.

To learn more about my services and for additional tools to enhance your leadership impact, visit ClaireLaughlin.com and connect with me on social channels @Claire Laughlin Consulting.

In this episode, I explore how our brains are wired to misinterpret others' behavior and I share the life-changing principle that everyone acts from their own "good reasons."

I begin with a painful personal story of being falsely accused of "stealing" a client by a colleague. This experience illustrates how we all "tell stories" about what's happening around us, but real as they may seem, they're just stories; our brain constructs narratives that may be a far cry from reality.

In this episode, you'll hear about:

The I:I Gap (Interpretation vs. Intention)

We assume our interpretation of someone's behavior matches their intention, but psychology research shows we're wired to get this wrong. The gap between what we think someone means and what they actually intend creates unnecessary conflict and damages relationships.

Why Everyone Acts From "Good Reasons"

Research in Self-Determination Theory by Edward Deci and Richard Ryan shows that three basic psychological needs drive all human behavior:

• Autonomy - feeling in control of our choices
• Competence - feeling capable and effective
• Relatedness - feeling connected to others

When someone seems irrational or harmful, they're usually trying to meet one of these fundamental needs, even if their approach is misguided.

The Cognitive Biases That Sabotage Us

Our brains are primed to misinterpret others negatively through several key biases:

• Naive Realism - believing we see objectively while others who disagree are uninformed
• Confirmation Bias - seeking information that confirms existing beliefs while ignoring contradictory evidence
• Fundamental Attribution Error - attributing others' behavior to character while attributing our own to circumstances
• Hostile Attribution Bias - interpreting ambiguous situations as having hostile intent, especially when stressed

The Neuroscience of Interpretation

When we hold negative interpretations, fear activates our amygdala and reduces our rational thinking ability. But when we assume positive intent, we experience equanimity that broadens thinking and improves problem-solving, supported by Barbara Fredrickson's "Broaden-and-Build" theory.

Three Strategies to Bridge the I:I Gap

1. The Pause and Reframe - Ask: "What good reason might this person have?"
2. Ask Curious Questions - Try: "Help me understand your perspective" instead of accusations.
3. Give the Benefit of the Doubt - Consciously assume positive intent until proven otherwise.

Key Insights: The story you tell yourself about someone's behavior directly impacts your ability to lead effectively. Teams that assume positive intent dramatically outperform those operating from suspicion. When we lead from the assumption that everyone has good reasons, we create psychological safety that transforms conflicts into curious conversations.

Action Steps:

Your challenge: Pay attention to your interpretations. When making negative assumptions, pause and ask, "What good reason might they have?"

To learn more about my services, subscribe to my newsletter and for additional tools to enhance your leadership impact, visit ClaireLaughlin.com and connect with me on social channels @Claire Laughlin Consulting. Until next time, lead the way!

Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! New episodes are released weekly, and we'd love for you to share them with others who might benefit.