Episode 7 is a must-listen for anyone who has struggled with sexual desire and libido, either their own or their partner’s. Hosts Suzy and Krista are joined by Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy (she/her), a licensed psychologist and an AASECT certified sex therapist. She owns her own private practice in Minnesota, and is the co-author of the book Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships. Dr. Fogel Mersy brings both her expertise as a leading voice on the complexity of desire as well lived experience as a person on the fat spectrum much of her life. She brings it all together in this episode with practical applications that can help lay the foundation for change now. If you aren’t already following Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, now is a great time!

 

Instagram: @drlaurenfogelmersy

TikTok: @drlaurenfogelmersy

Facebook: www.facebook.com/drlaurenfogelmersy

 

Other resources:

 

Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships by Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy and Dr. Jennifer Vencill - https://drlaurenfogel.com/book/

 

The Origins of Attachment Theory: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth - https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1993-01038-001

 

Eli Coleman Institute for Sexual and Gender Health - https://med.umn.edu/sexualhealth

Zumanity by Cirque du Soleil - https://www.lasvegasdirect.com/zumanity-cirque-du-soleil/

Maintenance Phase podcast with Aubrey Gordon and Michael Hobbes

Sexual Desire Discrepancy as a Feature, not a Bug, of Long Term Relationships: Women’s Self-Reported Strategies for Modulating Sexual Desire - https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jsm.12625

Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Come-As-You-Are-Revised-and-Updated/Emily-Nagoski/9781982165314

Dual Control Model of Sexual Response by Janssen and Bancroft - https://kinseyinstitute.org/research/dual-control-model.php

Ironic Process Theory, Daniel Wegner - https://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/10/unwanted-thoughts

The Body is Not An Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love by Sonya Renee Taylor - https://thebodyisnotanapology.com/

Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body Positive Positions to Empower Your Sex Life by Elle Chase - https://www.ellechase.com/curvy-girl-sex

 

Time Stamps

[00:11:00] Desire differences cause relationship and individual distress.

[00:14:05] Body change in relationships impacts sexual desire.

[00:22:48] Expect and embrace differences in relationships. Avoid blaming lower libido partner. Challenges of adhering to sexual scripts.

[00:31:11] Heteronormative bias: Shared load improves desire, connection.

[00:36:50] Trial and error in quieting thoughts, acceptance.

[00:42:20] Importance of intersectionality in understanding libido.

[00:45:15] Different desires, validating lower libido, finding pleasure.

[00:54:19] Love yourself, but also connect with others.

[00:59:26] Attachment therapy trendy, not binary, nuanced.

[01:04:57] Finding pleasure in small, present moments daily.

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