When two people come together, they’re bringing two nervous systems into relationship with one another. Each has learned how to stay safe in its own way, each has different protective strategies, and each carries different experiences and histories. I’m learning that when two nervous systems meet, there can be a natural and possibly lengthy adjustment period. Even though it can be slow, this period is crucial as both systems get accustomed to each other, protective mechanisms soften little by little, and both people begin to feel safer and more trusting of each other. This kind of safety doesn’t happen quickly. It takes time.

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Tidbits from Liwei is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber at liwei.substack.com

Hi there! I’ve been learning to become more securely attached so that I can be in a healthier relationship. As part of this healing process, I have had to unlearn some things, rewire my nervous system, and see how things this time around are different than before. I’m going to try and start sharing tidbits of what I’ve learned so that it can help you be in healthier relationships too ◡̈

Here’s one of my first major takeaways:

Take the time to slowly get to know each other.

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Tidbits from Liwei is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber at liwei.substack.com

One of the topics I return to often is slowing down. I seem to be learning this lesson again and again, because I still have a tendency to rush or make big moves. I suspect that it comes from having lived a life of frequent transitions since a young age…moving from place to place, adapting again and again. My body and nervous system are used to being in motion, so slowing down is an ongoing practice for me.

Here, I share several practices that helped me feel more grounded and be ok with taking things slower. I hope these reminders and practices will help your life in some way so you can feel more stability, ease, and spaciousness, too.

Here are ways you can support me and my work:

* If you love this newsletter, get value out of it, and want to support the time and work that goes into these posts, consider donating to me by becoming a paying subscriber even if you don’t get anything extra. You’ll encourage me to continue what I’m doing!

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Tidbits from Liwei is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber at liwei.substack.com

Ever since moving to Seattle, I’ve experienced greater degrees of joy and an enjoyment for life. I’m appreciating even more than before the mundane, ordinary, and simple aspects of daily life. You might even say…falling in love with the boringness. A little more joy is a big deal. Sometimes it comes not because everything got easier but because we found a new way to breathe through the hard parts. In the end, we remember what’s good even when it’s tough…it’s all so beautiful, isn’t it? This life of ours.

Thanks for reading Tidbits from Liwei! This post is public so feel free to share it.

Here are ways you can support me and my work:

* I am a heart-centered coach who helps Asian millennials nurture healthier relationships with themselves and their families, so they can navigate Western and Eastern cultural norms and expectations with more self-trust, gentleness, and authenticity. Want to book a coaching session with me? Visit my website: alaliwei.com

* If you love this newsletter, get value out of it, and want to support the time and work that goes into these posts, consider donating to me by becoming a paying subscriber even if you don’t get anything extra. You’ll encourage me to continue what I’m doing!

* Shop for stickers and prints of my artwork via RedBubble (@Liwei-Doodles). I get a cut of what you buy.

* Follow me on Instagram @tidbitsfromliwei

Tidbits from Liwei is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber at liwei.substack.com

Have you ever wondered where you might want to live and build a life? I began exploring this question in 2022. I traveled the world in search of a “perfect” place but what I found along the way was something unexpected. More than a location, this tour around the world led me to learn more about myself, my core values, to be patient with how things are unfolding, to shift my relationship with uncertainty, and to make decisions when various options are all good.

Here are ways you can support me and my work:

* I am a heart-centered coach who supports Asians and millennials to deepen their relationship with themselves, build healthy and nourishing relationships, and cultivate a spacious yet meaningful life. Want to book a coaching session with me? Visit my website: alaliwei.com

* If you love this newsletter, get value out of it, and want to support the time and work that goes into these posts, consider donating to me by becoming a paying subscriber even if you don’t get anything extra. You’ll encourage me to continue what I’m doing!

* Shop for stickers and prints of my artwork via RedBubble (@Liwei-Doodles). I get a cut of what you buy.

* Follow me on Instagram @tidbitsfromliwei

Tidbits from Liwei is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber at liwei.substack.com

Sometimes we are so focused on where we are headed, where we wish we could be, always thinking of what’s next that we forget to take a step back to do two other important things.

* Pause, relax, and appreciate where we are.

* Look back and honor how far we’ve come.

I’ve learned that these 2 practices are so important to nervous system regulation.

Coming from Asian culture, I didn’t receive praise so I didn’t learn that it was important, especially in developing confidence and self-worth. And that love doesn’t have to be conditional. I had to learn all of these later for myself as an adult. Maybe you had to as well.

Here are ways you can support me and my work:

* I am a heart-centered coach who helps Asian millennials nurture healthier relationships with themselves and their families, so they can navigate Western and Eastern cultural norms and expectations with more self-trust, gentleness, and authenticity. Want to book a coaching session with me? Visit my website: alaliwei.com

* If you love this newsletter, get value out of it, and want to support the time and work that goes into these posts, consider donating to me by becoming a paying subscriber even if you don’t get anything extra. You’ll encourage me to continue what I’m doing!

* Shop for stickers and prints of my artwork via RedBubble (@Liwei-Doodles). I get a cut of what you buy.

* Follow me on Instagram @tidbitsfromliwei

Tidbits from Liwei is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber at liwei.substack.com

When these parts want different things, we can’t move forward and become unstuck by forcing our way forward. We could do all the actions that seem right and seem to make it appear as if we’re making progress. Yet we can only move as fast as our slowest part.

When we try to override or ignore the part of us that’s scared, we don’t move forward. We just burn out.

The real shift happens when we turn toward that part with curiosity and compassion. When we ask it what it needs. When we recognize that it's not trying to ruin our plans. It’s trying to protect us and love us, the only way it knows how.

That part deserves to be seen. To be held. To be loved.

And when it finally feels safe…when it receives the acknowledgment and care it’s been longing for…it can begin to soften. It can release its grip. Not overnight, but slowly. Naturally. In its own time.

Here are ways you can support me and my work:

* I am a heart-centered coach who helps Asian millennials nurture healthier relationships with themselves and their families, so they can navigate Western and Eastern cultural norms and expectations with more self-trust, gentleness, and authenticity. Want to book a coaching session with me? Visit my website: alaliwei.com

* If you love this newsletter, get value out of it, and want to support the time and work that goes into these posts, consider donating to me by becoming a paying subscriber even if you don’t get anything extra. You’ll encourage me to continue what I’m doing!

* Shop for stickers and prints of my artwork via RedBubble (@Liwei-Doodles). I get a cut of what you buy.

* Follow me on Instagram @tidbitsfromliwei

Tidbits from Liwei is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber at liwei.substack.com

For those of us who grew up in an Asian culture, it wasn’t very common for family members to say “I love you” to one another or, for that matter, really express any emotions through words. Love was expressed through acts of service, like cooking delicious meals for each other. It was shown through actions, and less so through words. Our physical needs were met with utmost care and devotion. Yet for some of us, our emotional needs weren’t met (not intentionally).

To me, our generation is responsible for carrying the work of emotional and nervous system growth, healing, and transformation forward. Because the time has come. We are being called individually and collectively to heal, evolve, and break generational cycles that no longer serve us.

Here are ways you can support me and my work:

* I am a heart-centered coach who helps Asian millennials nurture healthier relationships with themselves and their families, so they can navigate Western and Eastern cultural norms and expectations with more self-trust, gentleness, and authenticity. Want to book a coaching session with me? Visit my website: alaliwei.com

* If you love this newsletter, get value out of it, and want to support the time and work that goes into these posts, consider donating to me by becoming a paying subscriber even if you don’t get anything extra. You’ll encourage me to continue what I’m doing!

* Shop for stickers and prints of my artwork via RedBubble (@Liwei-Doodles). I get a cut of what you buy.

* Follow me on Instagram @tidbitsfromliwei

Tidbits from Liwei is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber at liwei.substack.com

What if peace and happiness weren’t something you had to earn or achieve? What if it’s in the stillness?

We’re so used to rushing. Our nervous systems are usually stuck in survival fight or flight mode. So wired for productivity, achievement, and trying to avoid what we fear.

But that’s not how we’re meant to live. That’s not sustainable.

What if we rewired ourselves for safety, juicy slow spaciousness, and trust? So life could flow through us? So what we need could come to us instead of us chasing it?

*Please note that the background music in the voice recording is “Enjoy Today” by Shizuko Mori.

Here are ways you can support me and my work:

* I am a heart-centered coach who helps Asian millennials nurture their relationship with themselves and navigate family and cultural expectations with more self-trust, gentleness, and authenticity. Want to book a coaching session with me? Visit my website: alaliwei.com

* If you love this newsletter, get value out of it, and want to support the time and work that goes into these posts, consider donating to me by becoming a paying subscriber even if you don’t get anything extra. You’ll encourage me to continue what I’m doing!

* Shop for stickers and prints of my artwork via RedBubble (@Liwei-Doodles). I get a cut of what you buy.

* Follow me on Instagram @tidbitsfromliwei

Tidbits from Liwei is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber at liwei.substack.com

There’s something sacred about the in-between. The space between the question and answer. The space between where you were and where you’re going. The transition. The threshold. The doorway. It can feel uncomfortable and uncertain but it doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It may be exactly where you need to be. It’s better to pause and listen than to charge ahead in a direction that you might end up not liking.

If you’re in a space of not knowing…take a breath. You don’t have to rush. You’re not behind. You’re simply in the unfolding. Be patient. Let it take the time it needs.

Here are ways you can support me and my work:

* I am a heart-centered coach who supports Asians and millennials to deepen their relationship with themselves, build healthy and nourishing relationships, and cultivate a spacious yet meaningful life. Want to book a coaching session with me? Visit my website: alaliwei.com

* If you love this newsletter, get value out of it, and want to support the time and work that goes into these posts, consider donating to me by becoming a paying subscriber even if you don’t get anything extra. You’ll encourage me to continue what I’m doing!

* Shop for stickers and prints of my artwork via RedBubble (@Liwei-Doodles). I get a cut of what you buy.

* Follow me on Instagram @tidbitsfromliwei

Tidbits from Liwei is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber at liwei.substack.com