Today I Learned (Nothing)

Does your work have some strange, possibly NSFW Christmas traditions? Jason and Steve share their favorites before reporting to HR. Also, can eggs be nogged? Steve files his report. And finally, an updated timeline for Jason’s sexual education.

Steve is concerned with the massive sex problem facing Japan and he wants to discuss it with Jason. He also brings robots into the mix, which, given the geographic setting, isn’t out of the question. Proving that Steve is making great choices, he also regails us with his tales of blood, sweat, and tears, and what his son’s reaction was to seeing them all in person.

Did you know that Steve grew up as the one and only Defender of Pocatello, the one that legends speak of? It’s true! Hear about how he and his trusty companion, Stick, stood vigilant for days on end, watching and waiting for the Bloods and the Crips to come make their play for his small but impressionable town.

Steve is adamant that genitalia are fair game for kid’s jokes, but stealing a friend’s punchline is a no-go in his household. Also, is your poop lucky, and are you unlucky because you try to rid yourself of it? Finally, the guys evaluate the cast of Ice Age: Collision Course.

With a chill in the air and a crispness in the wind, it’s time to talk about unfortunate zipper incidents. Also, aren’t kids jokes just the worst?

Steve thinks Chinese women with long, wet hair are terrifying and Jason concurs. Also, a variety of instances in which murder may or may not have taken place are discussed. Finally, Jason patents the Sneez-Guard for Elbows.

Steve mentions a corn maze made for old people, so Jason helps him to perfect this very lucrative venture. Also, fun pranks you can pull on your friends when you visit some confusing maize! Finally, both guys are fed up with pop culture references in Dreamworks animated movies. References aren’t jokes, people.

How gross are retainers? Really gross, right? And Steve thinks he might have superpowers, but Jason is convinced they’re relegated to his face. Also, where IS Wonder Woman REALLY from and find out why the guys called Steve’s wife the Chinese Jesus.

Welcome! This is Tom, he’ll be smelling your face. Also, we learn about Steve and Jason’s zombie survival plans, why Steve thinks being a decent human being is a superpower, and the tough decisions that superheroes must make every day. Email your thoughts and questions to [email protected]!

Ever wonder what happens to a Chinese razor when it meets an American beard? Find out the answer to that question, as well as whether or not there exists a Hooters that won’t air a WWE event. Plus, kegels for men, the despair that is living like Adam Levine, and FANTASY.