Torture Cinema

You picked it, and we’ve reviewed it (while drinking).  This week brings you the 4th installment of our unfortunate Twilight binge-viewing.  Nothing good can come of this…

Thanks for all the votes, folks.  We hope you enjoy listening to us suffer…

We hope you enjoy the episode!

Note:  If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a review on our iTunes page, or feel free to email us with your thoughts about the show!

Here’s the episode (show notes are below):

Episode 104 — Download (MP3)

  Intro and Torture Cinema Meets Twilight:  Breaking Dawn (Part 1)(0:00 – 1:05:21)

* Twilight:  Breaking Dawn (Part 1) (IMDB)

You can also support this podcast by signing up for a one month free trial at Audible.  Doing so helps us, gives you a change to try out Audible’s service, and brings joy to everyone.

Our new intro music is “Time Flux” by Revolution Void (CC BY 3.0).

That’s all, folks!  Thanks for listening.  See you next week.

We’ve made it to 100 episodes.  Hooray us!  In order to celebrate, we’ve brought on Paul Weimer and Jen’s Husband (a.k.a. Normal Pants) to talk about the infamous film adaptation of Doom, starring Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson and Karl Urban (that slightly sexy guy from Lord of the Rings and The Chronicles of Riddick).  Oh, and to sweeten the pot, we put on a lovely little skit involving Macho Man Randy Savage, the Honky Tonk Man, Chyna, Michael Buffer (the “let’s get ready to rumble” guy), and a random TMZ reporter.  It may be slightly funny.  We don’t know…

Anywho!

We hope you enjoy the episode!

Note:  If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a review on our iTunes page, or feel free to email us with your thoughts about the show!

Here’s the episode (show notes are below):

Episode 100 — Download (MP3)

Intro and Torture Cinema Meets Doom (0:00 – 1:25:19)

* Doom (IMDB)

Buy Pavarti’s book!  It’s good.

You can also support this podcast by signing up for a one month free trial at Audible.  Doing so helps us, gives you a change to try out Audible’s service, and brings joy to everyone.

Our new intro music is “Time Flux” by Revolution Void (CC BY 3.0).

That’s all, folks!  Thanks for listening.  See you next week.

We’re back with the second half of our drunken review of the second and third installments of the Twilight series.  This week, we review Eclipse, which is marginally better than the others.  Of course, that’s not saying much, now is it?

We hope you enjoy the episode!

Note:  If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a review on our iTunes page, or feel free to email us with your thoughts about the show!

Here’s the episode (show notes are below):

Episode 91 — Download (MP3)

Intro and Torture Cinema Meets New Moon (0:00 – 1:00:58)

* Eclipse (IMDB)

Our new intro music is “Time Flux” by Revolution Void (CC BY 3.0).

That’s all, folks!  Thanks for listening.  See you next week.

You bastards forced us to watch this piece of crap.  As punishment, we’ve provided exactly 58 minutes and … seconds of pure comedic for your aural pleasure.

But that’s not enough.  Oh no.  Reviewing New Moon, which may be the only film to cause severe back-knee bleeding, has given Shaun a wicked idea.  We’ll expose that once we’re past the vacation time…

We hope you enjoy the episode!

Note:  If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a review on our iTunes page, or feel free to email us with your thoughts about the show!

Here’s the episode (show notes are below):

Episode 90 — Download (MP3)

Intro and Torture Cinema Meets New Moon (0:00 – 58-28)

* New Moon (IMDB)

Our new intro music is “Time Flux” by Revolution Void (CC BY 3.0).

That’s all, folks!  Thanks for listening.  See you next week.

Our second episode of the third season is finally here.  I say that knowing it’s only been a few days since the last episode went live.  But we’re catching up on some unfinished business, so you’ll have to give us a break.

Episode 82 is our much anticipated Torture Cinema feature, in which we review-while-intoxicated the wonderfully terrible “romance” flick known to lesser beings as Twilight (we like to call it “1,000 Ways to Destroy Female Self-Esteem”).

We hope you enjoy the episode!

Note:  If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a review on our iTunes page, or feel free to email us with your thoughts about the show!

Here’s the episode (show notes are below):

Episode 82 — Download (MP3)

Intro and Torture Cinema Meets Twilight (0:00 – 28:17)

* Twilight (IMDB)

Our new intro music is “Time Flux” by Revolution Void (CC BY 3.0).

That’s all, folks!  Thanks for listening.  See you next week.

We’re back with the last episode of the year.  And it’s a special one:  a Christmas Special involving a supposedly bad movie and alcohol.

We hope you enjoy the episode!

Note:  If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a review on our iTunes page, or feel free to email us with your thoughts about the show!

Here’s the episode (show notes are below):

Episode 80 — Download (MP3)

Intro and Torture Cinema Meets Rare Exports (0:00 – 36:43)

* Rare Exports (IMDB)

Our new intro music is “Time Flux” by Revolution Void (CC BY 3.0).

That’s all, folks!  Thanks for listening.  See you next week.

This week marks our first ever Torture Literature show.  And you’re definitely in for a treat.  We decided months and months ago that we would read and review Modelland by Tyra Banks.  Why would we do this to ourselves?  Because we think punishing ourselves is a great way to entertain all of you.

So sit back, turn on the episode, and enjoy!

Note:  If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a review on our iTunes page, or feel free to email us with your thoughts about the show!

Here’s the episode (show notes are below):

Episode 76 — Download (MP3)

Intro and Torture Cinema Meets Modelland by Tyra Banks (0:00 – 45:01)

* Modelland on Amazon

(Save yourself and don’t read it…)

* Tyra Banks’ Website

Some extra goodies for you all:

And now some tweets (from Shaun)(read them from the bottom up):

* Also: having your 1st period in #Modelland is superseded by how interested you are in your roommate’s toothbrush. Foh real.

* Staying on menstruation in #Modelland — protagonist’s 1st period takes up less than 1pg. Because clearly it’s important for young girls.

* It’s apparently important to remind us that women naturally synch their menstrual cycles. Instantly in #Modelland. Thanks, Tyra. GTK.

* Smart people in #Modelland know algorithmic statistics (but never show it) and put together jigsaw puzzles w/ 30 pieces. Yeah…

* I’m glad someone is getting joy out of my #Modelland troubles.@actuallyaisha Heaven knows I’m dying right now…

* Because calling something the Common Room would be too obvious, Tyra came up with UnCommon Room. *snort* #Modelland

* I don’t think I can do this anymore. #Modelland is so bad it’s actually giving me the shakes. And I can’t throw an ebook at the wall…

* Skimming #Modelland doesn’t help with the reading experience. You end up focusing only on the really bad parts. Ugh.

* Apparently Yorkshire terriers exist in the world of #Modelland, even though it’s not clear whether England does. #WorldbuildingGaps

* Not related to reading: Tim Tebow = most annoying football player since T.O. Like watching Jesus Camp over and over…and over…

* Let’s get one thing straight: Tyra Banks is not going to be a legitimate poet anytime soon… <...

You voted for it, so we have to watch it.  Today is our super special Halloween edition of Torture Cinema…and we’re watching Jason X, one of those awful science fiction horror flicks.  Thanks, guys.  We love you too.

But to make things a little more interesting, we’ve decided to start including a little acting into this feature.  Every Torture Cinema episode will feature a special one act play, in which we re-enact a scene from the movie in question.  Granted, our acting is about as bad as the movies we have to watch, but at least we’re funny, right?

We hope you enjoy it!

Note:  If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a review on our iTunes page, or feel free to email us with your thoughts about the show!

Here’s the episode (show notes are below):

(Note: the WordPress.com audio plugin isn’t working and I don’t have time to fix it. Clicking the link below should allow you to stream from the site, though. RSS subscribers will likely see the little audio thing.)

Episode 72 — Download (MP3)

Intro and Torture Cinema Meets Jason X (0:00 – 35:57)

* Jason X (IMDB)

Our new intro music is “Time Flux” by Revolution Void (CC BY 3.0).

That’s all, folks!  Thanks for listening.  See you next week.

You voted for it…and we unhappily obliged your fascination with terrible movies.  This week we take on 2012, that terrible John Cusack and Amanda Peet flick about the end of the world.  After this, I’m pretty sure Jen and I will start reviewing films while drunk…maybe we’ll let you select the alcohol.

In any case, check out the new episode and let us know what you think!  If you chuckled a little, then our job is complete…

Note:  If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a review on our iTunes page, or feel free to email us with your thoughts about the show!

Here’s the episode (show notes are below):

Episode 68 — Download (MP3)

Intro and Torture Cinema Meets 2012 (0:00 – 42:39)

* 2012 (IMDB)

Our new intro music is “Time Flux” by Revolution Void (CC BY 3.0).

That’s all, folks!  Thanks for listening.  See you next week.

You voted for it, and now we’ve been forced to watch it!  This week we take on subpar scifi horror flick Mansquito (a.k.a. Mosquito Man).  We’re pretty sure it’s not the worst thing we’ve ever watched, but mediocrity can still be funny!

Note:  If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a review on our iTunes page, or feel free to email us with your thoughts about the show!

Here’s the episode (show notes are below):

Episode 64 — Download (MP3)

Intro and Torture Cinema Meets Mansquito (0:00 – 37:53)

* Mansquito (IMDB)

Our new intro music is “Time Flux” by Revolution Void (CC BY 3.0).

That’s all, folks!  Thanks for listening.  See you next week.