Transcripts

Jill interviews psychologist Frank Keil about the experience of wonder: why we lose it and how to get it back.

A conversation with Dr. Clarissa Ong, co-author of the book The Anxious Perfectionist: How to Manage Perfectionism-Driven Anxiety Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

In the past decade, online dating has become a multi-billion dollar industry with three in ten adults in the United States claiming to have ever used a dating app. But despite all this dating, experiences of loneliness are on the rise, and three out of five U.S. adults report lacking companionship or feeling left out or poorly understood. Dr. Jenny Taitz, author of How to be Single and Happy, is passionate about helping others live meaningful, value-based lives, regardless of their relationship status. On this episode of POTC, she and Yael discuss the central challenges faced by unhappily single people and evidence-based methods for overcoming them. Join us today for practical advice related to dealing with big emotions in dating, creating long-lasting relationships, dating throughout the life-span, and finding happiness no matter your relationship status!

Listen and learn:

Katy and Yael discuss living meaningfully even when dating and relationships feel imperfect

Practical advice for those who are in an unhappy partnership or those who struggle with dating and finding a partner (regardless of your age, gender, or experiences!)

Dr. Taitz’s personal experience of being unhappily single and her journey to write her book

Taitz’s expert opinion on if you can be single (not by choice) and happy 

Expert-approved strategies the unhappily single can use to thrive

Three central challenges faced by the unhappily single and evidence-based practices you can use to unhook yourself from them

Practical strategies for helping those who feel shame and regret about dating experiences

Dr. Taitz’s words of wisdom for staying hopeful when you’ve been on the dating scene for a long time

Problematic emotions that can arise with dating struggles and how to respond to them

Specific, expert-approved advice for dating when you want to have a child

The problem of loneliness and how to manage it

Dr. Taitz’s thoughts on dating apps, meeting people, and starting conversations

Practical advice on creating long lasting relationships

How to live well, regardless of your relationship status

Resources: 

Read Dr. Jenny’s books, End Emotional Eating and How to be Single and Happy!

Check out Dr. Jenny’s website, and while you’re there, take advantage of her resources! 

Find Jenny's New York Times pieces here, here, and here

Read Daniel Pink’s book, The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward.

Read Matt Haig’s book, The Midnight Library.

Read Chris Wilson’s book, The Master Plan: My Journey from Life in Prison to a Life of Purpose. 

Check out Debbie, Yael, and Jill’s websites to access their offerings, sign up for their newsletters, buy their books, and more!  

About Jenny Taitz:

Dr. Jenny Taitz, is board certified in cognitive behavioral therapy by the American Board of Professional Psychology and a Diplomate in the Academy of Cognitive Therapy. Dr. Taitz is one of the first psychologists to merit Linehan Board Certification in DBT. She is the founder of LA CBT DBT, a discrete, boutique, private therapy practice prioritizing compassionate, effective, and time-sensitive therapy. Dr. Taitz is grateful to offer secure telehealth appointments to clients residing in New York and California. In her work, she aims to coach her clients to achieve their life goals. Dr. Taitz practices the acceptance and values-based living she teaches and recently ran the LA Marathon (postpartum!) for suicide prevention. Additionally, Dr. Taitz serves as an Assistant Clinical Professor in the Department of Psychiatry at U.C.L.A. and her writing appears in numerous prominent publications including the New York Times and Wall Street Journal.

Jenny is the author of End Emotional Eating: Using Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Cope with Difficult Emotions and Develop a Healthy Relationship to Food, an award-winning popular audience book on managing emotions to eat mindfully and live fl...

It's hard to talk about intimacy and sex. Cultural norms around intimacy work their way into our minds when we’re young, causing us to have rigid (and often completely incorrect, unworkable, or dysfunctional) views about how we should express ourselves sexually. Zoë Kors, author of Radical Intimacy, is a sex and intimacy coach who is passionate about opening up this conversation to help people develop healthier sexuality and intimacy. On this episode of POTC, Yael and Zoë discuss the stigma and awkwardness we often feel around discussions about sex, Zoë’s Radical Intimacy model of sexual wellbeing, strategies for getting un-hooked from ideas about how you should be when it comes to sex and intimacy, and so much more. Join them for a conversation about sex and intimacy that can help you build towards greater fulfillment in your relationships!

Listen and Learn:

Yael and Debbie’s thoughts on our first episode on sex (and the stigma that prevented us from doing it earlier!)

Expert-advice on how to start conversations with your partner or ask for help from a therapist or intimacy coach about sex

Zoë’s Radical Intimacy model of sexual wellbeing

Practical advice for couples with mis-matched levels of comfort in different areas of intimacy

Important differences between desire and arousal

Zoë busts some common myths and misconceptions about intimacy

Answers to age-old questions about the importance of sex and interest in a relationship

Evidence-based advice on rekindling your spark

Strategies for getting un-hooked from ideas about how you should be when it comes to sex and intimacy

The role of power in intimacy

How to support vulnerable partners in feeling safe during intimate moments

Energetic intimacy - what it is and why it’s so important

What it’s like for Zoë’s husband to live with a sex guru!

Resources:

Buy your copy of Zoë’s book, Radical Intimacy: Cultivate the Deeply Connected Relationships You Desire and Deserve!

Read Zoë’s viral article, 6 Ways to Have Radically Intimate Sex.

Listen to Zoë’s podcast, The Radical Intimacy Podcast!

Learn more about Sensate Focus Therapy.

Read Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages.

Esther Perel’s advice for turning a spark into a flame. 

Check out Debbie, Yael, and Jill’s websites to access their offerings, sign up for their newsletters, buy their books, and more!  

About Zoë Kors:

Zoë Kors holds a BA in Art History from University of Pennsylvania. Her post graduate work includes certification as a Co-Active Coach with the prestigious Co-Active Training Institute in San Rafael, CA, as well as dozens of programs and courses in sexuality and spirituality. She is the resident sex and intimacy coach and contributor at sexual wellness app Coral. Zoë is the former Senior Editor and Creative Director of LA Yoga Magazine and is a contributor to Elephant Journal, MindBodyGreen, Avocado Green Mattress and Fabletics blogs. In addition to a thriving private practice, Zoë offers her services through Center for Relational Healing, which specializes in the treatment of sex addiction and betrayal trauma. As a member of the CRH team, Zoë works with clients to reintroduce healthy sexuality and intimacy after the trauma of betrayal. Make sure to read her book, Radical Intimacy: Cultivate the Deeply Connected Relationships You Desire and Deserve!

Related Episodes:

Episode 32. Social Connection: Exploring Loneliness and Building Intimacy with Debbie and Diana   

Episode 61. Becoming Our Best Relationship Selves By Identifying Core Values And Schemas With Avigail Lev

Episode 76. Gender and Sexual Minorities with Aisling Leonard-Curtin and Matthew Skinta

Episode 92. Marriage in Midlife: The Rough Patch with Daphne de Marneffe

Episode 179. How to Be An Adult in Relationships with Dave Richo

Episode 184. Getting Past Affairs and Other Relationship Betrayals with Kristina Coop Gordon

In this psychology podcast, Jill interviews Eve Rodsky about carving out creative time separate from being in the roles of parent, partner, and professional

Physician Tammie Chang talks to us about burnout prevention and setting boundaries.

Dr. Emily Oster, author of The Family Firm, Expecting Better and Cribsheet, has dedicated her career to discovering the hard, data-backed truths about parenting strategies. In this episode of POTC, she delivers some of those parenting truths to you. Emily then delights Yael by going beyond the world of data-driven parenting to discuss how to ask good questions in complicated parts of life (and how to answer them!). Emily also shares tools for gathering good information from the media—even if you aren't someone with a science background. Join the conversation as Yael and Emily discuss The Family Firm and making wise choices within very complicated life roles.

Listen and Learn:

Yael and Jill discuss strategies to approaching thorny parenting decisions

Differences between parenting in early versus middle years of childhood

The benefits to thinking about family, co-parenting, and marriage as a firm

How Emily’s family has applied this data to their personal lives (and her family’s mission statement!)

Practical advice for staying engaged as a parent while maintaining a demanding career

The importance of framing good questions and evidence-based strategies for doing so

The Family Firm approach to making decisions: The Four F’s

What the data says about social pressure and extracurriculars

Consideration of how scientists should be interacting with systems outside of science 

Emily’s personal experience with being outspoken about data with people who have strong feelings otherwise

How those interested in evidence can interact with media in ways that are less biased

The inside scoop on Emily’s data-driven newsletter

Resources:

Pick up your copy of Emily’s book, The Family Firm: A Data-Driven Guide to Better Decision Making in the Early School Years!

Sign up for Emily’s newsletter, Parent Data.

Check out this article on Alloparenting

Learn about the Sunk Cost Fallacy. 

Read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua 

Check out Debbie, Yael, and Jill’s websites to access their offerings, sign up for their newsletters, buy their books, and more! 

About Emily Oster:

Emily Oster, PhD, is a Professor of Economics at Brown University and the author of Expecting Better, Cribsheet, and The Family Firm. She holds a PhD in Economics from Harvard. Prior to being at Brown she was on the faculty at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. Oster’s academic work focuses on health economics and statistical methods. She is interested in understanding why consumers do not always make “rational” health choices — why do people not eat a fully healthy diet, or pursue all recommended preventative health behaviors? Her work also concerns methods for learning causal effects from observational data. Sign up for her newsletter and check out her website for all the most recent updates on data related to pregnancy and parenting!

Related Episodes: 

Episode 33. Couples with Young Children: Relationship Challenges and Strategies with Yael Schonbrun

Episode 86. Mom Brain with Ilyse Dobrow DiMarco

Episode 87. Cribsheet with Emily Oster

Episode 143. Happier Parenting KJ Dell’Antonia

Episode 149. How Not Lose It with Your Kids with Carla Naumburg

Episode 200. Growing Grit with Angela Duckworth

Episode 214. How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t Jerks with Melinda Wenner Moyer

Episode 223. Mom Brain Returns with Ilyse Dobrow DiMarco

Episode 235. The Urge: The Shaping of Addiction & Mental Health with Carl Erik Fisher

Dr. Aprilia West shares how to respond to emotions effectively and become a boss-level choice maker!

Learn about the science of goal setting, building motivation, and how to get things done in this conversation with Dr. Ayelet Fishbach.

Join this meaningful conversation with Oliver Burkeman about how to make the most of your time in the roughly 4,000 weeks you'll live!