Each of us is designed with a unique purpose and talents. When we are not working within our design we can get frustrated and burnt out. Oftentimes, this is caused by simply being unaware of our strengths and weaknesses. In this episode, gain practical tools to help you identify the areas where you thrive as well as potential blind spots that may be holding you back. It’s time to align with your design!

Transformation Tip: “Don’t compromise yourself - you’re all you have” - John Grisham

How to Align With Your Design:

• Ask people who know you - We are our own worst counselors. When we allow people we trust to speak about our strengths and blindspots it brings clarity to our purpose.

• Ask your history - Reflect on past accomplishments. What was a time when you felt completely alive and in your zone? What were you doing? What was the setting? What was the verb/action?

• Ask science - Use an online tool such as StrengthsFinder, Myers Briggs, Hermann Brain Institute, etc. to learn more about your strengths, weaknesses, and unique design.

•  Ask your faith - How was I designed? What is my purpose? Who was I created to be?

Transformation Application: Ask people you know to identify blindspots in your life. Go to https://www.petecoaching.com/blindspot for a guided tool to help you apply this exercise.

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Self-awareness should not be viewed as selfish or self-centeredness. Self-awareness helps you bring out the best version of yourself. Taking the time to reflect and grow in our areas of weakness allows us to improve our relationships, our confidence, and our lives! 

Transformation Tip: Know Thyself. 

Self-awareness is NOT:

• Self-centeredness
• Selfish
• About focusing on your flaws, but the greatness that you carry 

Benefits of self-awareness: 

• Improves your relationships
• Improves your confidence
• Allows you to become a better person 
• Enables you to be who you are!

Clues that you need to become more self-aware 

• Blaming
  • Victim mentality 
• Space invaders
  • People are unaware of your boundaries 
• Attention seeking 
  • If you feel rejected you try extra hard to be excepted
• Interrupting 

Transformation Application: Rate your self-awareness on a scale of 1-10. Next, find someone who is close to you and ask them to rate your self-awareness on a scale of 1-10. Is there a difference? If there is, it’s time to do some deep reflection. 

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Many people find themselves stuck in difficult situations because of their need to please everyone around them. People-pleasing can be exhausting and overwhelming. This episode will help you identify the causes and effects of this habit and teach you how to establish healthy boundaries for yourself. 

Transformation Tip:  “I can’t tell you the key to success but the key to failure is trying to please everyone” - Ed Sheeran

Symptoms of people-pleasing:

• You find it really hard to say no  
• You feel responsible for everyone’s happiness
• You feel governed by guilt 
• You feel a sense of over responsibility
• You avoid relational conflict

Negative effects of people-pleasing: 

• Every time you people please you lose a sense of your personal boundaries
• People begin to assume that you can do and will do anything
• You become spread too thin and then you cannot do things to the best of your ability which causes people to become upset with you 
• Manipulative and abusive people will be drawn to and take advantage of you

Causes of people-pleasing:

• The need for validation causes you to chase opportunities to please people
• Fear of rejection
• Fear of being incapable (needing to prove you can do something)

How to overcome people-pleasing:

• Recognize your triggers
• Start saying no
  • No is a complete sentence
  • You will face resistance 
  • Be ready to stand your ground 

Transformation Application: Say ‘no’ to something this week. 

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A big key to becoming more self-aware is identifying blindspots. Blindspots are aspects of ourselves that we have not been aware of or not fully known. In this episode learn practical ways to discover both your positive and negative blindspots to help you develop your EQ and put the best version of yourself forward. 

Transformation Tip: How do you know when you’ve been deceived? You don’t. 

How to discover your blind spots:

• Ask people for feedback - you cannot see your own blindspots so ask someone who can!
• Use assessments - are there disparities in the results and what you believe to be true about yourself? Are you upset by the results? Maybe this is revealing something you didn’t know about yourself. 
• Consider your strengths - our blindspots can be found in the shadows of our biggest strengths. We can become too comfortable with our strengths and come across in a negative way or we can overuse our strengths. 

Transformation Application: Take some time to reflect on potential blind spots. Think back to a situation that didn’t go well for you. What was happening? How did you behave? What feelings did you have?

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Once you've identified patterns of rejection in your life, it's important to know what to do next! In this episode, Steve and Pete give practical tips on how to overcome rejection and move into a place of acceptance and freedom.

Transformation Tip: "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it." -- Charles R. Swindoll

Breaking out of the rejection cycle is crucial for moving into acceptance. 

Three C's for breaking rejection: 

• Conviction to make the change
• Courage to make the change 
• Consist in making the change

Transformation Tip: Make the three lists that Steve highlighted in the episode, and begin to work on forgiving yourself, forgiving others, and celebrating who you are! 

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Transformation Tip: "In life, I have met two types of people: the rejected and the super rejected." -- Derek Prince

Rejection is painful.

Rejection is when you feel devalued and begin to doubt your worth. You are the one who gets to choose whether you agree with the rejection or reject it. 

Three types of rejection: 

• self-rejection
• self-protection
• rejecting others

Fear of rejection leads to self-protection which leads to more rejection.

Transformation Application: Recognize and observe where rejection might be rooted in your life.  If you can,  see which category it fits in: self-rejection, self-protection, or rejecting others. Remember to be kind to yourself! 

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Do you find yourself constantly looking for external validation and approval? This episode is for you. Learning to approve of yourself (flaws and all!) is key to being able to live in a place of freedom and bring the best out of those around you.

Transformation Tip: A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval - Mark Twain 

If you keep finding yourself in the approval trap, it is an indication that you are having a problem fully loving and accepting yourself. 

Examples of the approval trap: 

• Name Dropping
• Fishing for compliments

Transformation Application: Answer these 3 questions. 
1) Do you approve of yourself? 
2) Why or why not? 
3) If you don't, what will it take until you do? 

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Transformation Tip: "Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain

A healthy identity is essential to fulfilling purpose, finding peace, and developing healthy relationships.

If you don't know your value, you will spend your life trying to find it.

Knowing who you are and loving who you are is essential for peace and security in your identity. Are you living from identity or for identity?

Transformation Application: Go get the book!

Purchase The Free To Be Me Book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0C6P2S84Y/ref=nodl_?ref_=cm_sw_r_apin_dp_MQ2354040DH5GMDYZWNX&dplnkId=d72b60e8-7e4d-45eb-8e7d-66407c5c8f84

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HollyKem Sunseri joins the show to talk about how to identify your inner voices to find your true self.

Transformation Talk:  “Don't believe everything you hear - even in your own mind.”
— Daniel Amen

We all have three inner voices: 

• wounded self
• protective self
• true self 

When you are feeling anxious or if you impulsively negatively react to something, ask yourself: which voice was that? Dig a little deeper to see if there is a wound there or if your actions were triggered by your protective voice.

Transformation Application: The next time you feel anxious this week, try and identify which voice is speaking and then try to hear what your true self is saying.

Get connected with HollyKem!
 https://www.ihaveavoice.com/
https://www.youtube.com/@IHaveAVoice1212
A Roadmap to the Soul: A Practical Guide to Love, Compassion and Inner Peace: https://www.amazon.com/Roadmap-Soul-Practical-Guide-Compassion-ebook/dp/B01MTFLG3H/ref=sr_1_2

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In part 2 of our series on addictive behaviors, Steve and Pete provide a practical process for getting to the root of addictive behaviors and how to overcome them. 

Transformation Tip: “Asking for help is never a sign of weakness. It’s one of the bravest things you can do. And it can save your life.”

Addictive Behaviors are most commonly triggered when you are: 

• lonely
• wounded
• overwhelmed

Transformation Application: Start noticing your triggers and begin logging them. 

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