Transformation – Michelle Sparkes

The one thing that has been most transformative in my healing journey from anorexia has been the ongoing, unfolding and deepening revelation of the love of the Father (God) for me. This revelation is available to every hungry heart. As spiritual truth gets “fleshed out” in our experience of life it heals and transforms us from the inside out. How does this happen? In this podcast I unpack and explore this process and invite you to consider my findings from your own perspective. Your questions and comments are welcome: [email protected]

Understanding and experiencing the Love of the Father* has been one of the most profound and significant keys to helping me overcome the fear and striving at the heart of my anorexia. Sinking the roots of my being into this Love helps me manage all the ways anxiety continues to show up in my life today. If this content resonates with you and you would like to explore these ideas further feel free to contact me at: [email protected]

*The way I speak of the Father reflects my beliefs and experience from a Judeo-Christian worldview.

What happens when the drive for health becomes unhealthy? asks Jenny Brockie, host of SBS Insight, as she explores our nations “health obsession” with a roomful of people and three 20+ year olds struggling to recover from disordered eating and eating disorders. As I watched the show I found myself reflecting on the power of the fathers hug to bring soothing and rest to a heart of anxiety.

When a heart is anxious and troubled, what helps settle that is to be held, to be hugged by someone who loves us, who cares for us, whose heart and intention is good towards us. This settles our anxious heart. It helps us to rest and be at peace and from this base (of peace), to make decisions and choices that lead to better outcomes, healthier responses rather than fearful reactions….and more disordered eating.

What drives the movement from health to unhealth? Fear. Fear that rides on the coattails of lies believed. You’re not good enough.

So you… try harder, do better, be thinner, be healthier, exercise more (self and body) control.

And you chase your tail down the slippery slope of disordered eating into a full-blown eating disorder because the anxiety and need to exercise control does not abate, it increases. This is the nature of eating disorders.

To feel driven, compelled, pushed. To lose the freedom to CHOOSE.

To become isolated, withdrawn, dis-connected.

Oh but the healing power in the fathers embrace.

To be seen, known, loved, valued.

Irrespective of our struggles. Perfection not expected.

Strong arms and a warm heart that embrace and impart a sense of shelter from the storm, safety, security, protection, support.

Not your experience? I understand.

Our experience shapes but does not define us. Your true worth and value stand regardless of your experience (like a $100 bill that’s been trampled and spat on but is still worth $100). And there is One who sees and knows and loves you. Does not expect perfection. Knows it’s impossible. Understands your anxious heart. Longs to embrace you. Face to face. Eye to eye. To find yourself known, loved, safe, secure (though the mountains fall and the earth may change), even then.

Such comfort, such peace to impart to a troubled heart.

I have found such peace in the Father’s hug.

“Pornified messages are bombarding our young people and giving them distorted ideas about their bodies, about relationships, and about sexuality,” says Melinda Tankard Reist, in this podcast interview, “According to global research, (this is) making our kids very unwell.”

We are seeing a rise in negative physical and mental health outcomes, eating disorders, anxiety and depression, self harm, low self-esteem and poor academic performance.

“I believe we are facing a significant crisis amongst our girls,” says Melinda.

Girls are experiencing increasingly negative attitudes towards their bodies, describing themselves as fat, disgusting and unworthy (even to live). Boys are comparing girls’ bodies with porn star bodies on the basis of whether or not they match up.

“And we wonder why girls are anxious and depressed,” says Melinda, “to me the mystery is that any girls make it through unscathed.”

Boys start seeing porn at an average age of 11, often viewing pornography that eroticises and glamorises violence against women.

“We’re teaching boys that violence is sexy,” says Melinda, “We have these national campaigns to address violence against women but we are doing nothing to address the cultural drivers of that very same violence.”

Drivers such as the normative, permission-giving beliefs to boys that girls’ bodies exist for their sexual gratification and pleasure.

“Boys are learning a sense of entitlement to the bodies of women and girls,” says Melinda, “and girls are learning that they exist primarily as sexual service stations for men and boys.”

Girls are so disconnected from their own sense of pleasure, intimacy, and authentic human connection, says Melinda, that when she asked a 15-year-old girl about her first sexual experience, the girl responded, “I think my body looked okay. He seemed to enjoy it.” [Italics, mine]

“Girls shouldn’t have to be navigating sexual requests at 11 and 12 and be assessed on the basis of their bodies,” says Melinda, “they are not being valued for their gifts, their talents, their abilities, their desire to change the world, to be a loving sibling, a devoted friend, their spirituality…they are not being valued for anything other than whether they look hot or not.”

This is making our girls very unwell.

Change is difficult but possible…and every voice counts.

This is the premise behind Collective Shout for a World Free of Sexploitation, a grass roots organisation co-founded by Melinda, that works to address the toxic messages of pornography that give our young people distorted ideas about their bodies, about their relationships, and about sexuality.

Melinda speaks to girls and boys across the country, empowering girls to say no to unwanted sexual intrusions and encouraging boys and girls to seek respect-based relationships.

“It’s difficult and it takes guts,” she says but change is possible and evident in the stories she shares in this interview.

Collective Shout is active politically and also works with corporations that want to take a responsible approach by agreeing not to sexualise women and objectify girls to sell products and services. It’s a big job but Melinda and her team are proof that when voices join together for the common good, they can indeed make a collective SHOUT!

If you would like to know more about Melinda Tankard Reist and the work of Collective Shout, please click the embedded links.

Feedback and questions welcome.

[email protected]

@mp_sparkes

My journey through anorexia, EDNOS and binge eating exposed the LIE that I needed to be perfect to be worthy and deserving of life. It may sound so obvious (we all know perfection is it is impossible right?), but as the lie grows it creates such a bind, it DISCONNECTS the heart and mind of the affected person from TAKING IN the physical and emotional nurture they need to survive (& that may in fact be around them). For me, breaking through that lie required human and divine intervention. Both were essential. And they worked together. Hand in glove. I find this true as I work with others. I’d be interested to hear your experience.

[email protected]

@mp_sparkes

Eating disorders are not a mystery. They reflect a way of dealing with emotional pain; pain in the heart or core “self.”  You are not WRONG. Your hunger is not wrong, but because it’s origin is emotional (of the soul or psyche), your physical (food control) ‘solution’ will never take you where you want to go. It will never satisfy the hunger in your soul. Once you SEE this, it empowers you to consider your alternatives. If you need help to get free from eating disorder concerns it would be my pleasure to assist you.  Questions and feedback welcome

[email protected]

@mp_sparkes

Your future is in front of you and is being shaped by your present. If you’re struggling with disordered eating in your present and you don’t want to carry this into your future you will need help to deal with what’s going on below the surface that’s driving unhelpful behaviours. At the same time understand that we ALL struggle. It’s part of being human. Your recovery (like life) will be a journey, and you will need different support at different times. Be patient and kind to yourself and feel free to ask questions.

[email protected]

mp_sparkes

Your future is in front of you and it is being created right NOW in your present. Sometimes we want our future to look different but we haven’t let go of our past. Life is a journey for all of us, and new issues constantly arise but when we deal with new challenges out of old hurt unhealed places, we’re likely to produce bad (unhealthy) fruit in our relationships with self, others, food, body etc.  If you’re struggling in the ED space I encourage you to deal with the things below the surface that are driving unhelpful behaviours so that you can step into a brighter, healthier, more life-affirming and fulfilling tomorrow. You’re not alone. We all struggle. In different ways at different times. It’s part of being human.