In this episode we discuss the hard to reach places that we hold inside ourselves that causes such difficulties. Those raw scars that we feel about ourselves and usually never show to anyone. What if those places get triggered in our interactions with our partner? How do we open ourselves up to get a response from our partner that can have a healing effect on our past traumas. I provide a case example to illustrate those hard to reach places and beliefs we have about ourselves that were born out of trauma. Those traumatic meanings that we carry into our adult relationships and make it difficult to connect.

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In this episode, we discuss what it means to "work" on yourself. This is something I hear a lot from couples and individuals. Sometimes this means the couples wants to take a break so they can "work" on themselves. We discuss the pros and cons of doing so. We also discuss what the actual "work" is that is working on oneself, and answer the questions, can oneself be worked on outside of a relationship?

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Join us in this episode where we decode whether your partner is a narcissist. We tease apart the clinical definition of narcissism from someone who has a more fragile sense of self that resembles narcissism in a relationship. This episode is not a diagnosis, but rather a way of looking at how you experience your partner's behaviors that may resemble narcissism from their actual needs they are trying to get met. Highly informative!

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Join us in this episode as I reflect on 23 years of marriage. I will discuss 7 lessons learned that I think applies to all relationships and why they are so important. You don't want to miss this highly personal and reflective episode on a couples therapist own relationship!

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Join us in this episode where we talk about pursue/pursue cycles. These cycles are created when both partners have an anxious attachment style. When disconnection or ruptures occur in the relationship, both partners can clash like a fiery volcano, then quickly go dormant until it erupts again. Underneath the emotional explosions are two people who desperately want to feel secure in their relationship, but strive to repair ruptures too aggressively. They can appear critical, demanding, or controlling in an effort to reconnect, which sets their partner off to utilize the same coping style. We discuss ways to deescalate these cycles and how both partners can learn to take comfort in one another by showing up in a more vulnerable way which emphasizes the need beneath their anxious exterior.

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Join us in this episode when we learn 25 repair statements for the insecurely attached. We break down repair statements for the avoidant and anxious attachment styles in order to provide scripted phrases that can be used either in the moment of a rupture, or to calm back and repair after a rupture. These statements can be mixed and match depending on the context and can be used by anyone who wants to learn to make better repair statement to their partner.

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Join us in this episode where we talk about the important of validation and how it makes each partner feel more alive. Our identity is supported and sustained through our partner being able to understand our internal experience. Without validation we feel like we are suffocating. But when our partner can validate who we are, how we see the world, and possesses a deep knowledge of the context in which we live and breathe, then we feel more connected and can breathe deeper in our relationships. We walk through 4 ways couples invalidate each other, and 4 ways to apply more validation in your relationship. You don't want to miss this!

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Join us in this episode where we learn how to get to the root of the problem during ruptures. Most couples get stuck because they can't get to the core of what the conflict is about - which is usually about a old wound being triggered. Being able to recognize an old wound and the unmet need helps the couple communicate better and make faster repairs. We walk through an exercise that helps each partner understand the wounds that get triggered and how to communicate this to their partner in a healthy way.

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Join us in this episode where we discuss one of the best tools for repairing ruptures: second level communication. When ruptures occur in relationships, the couples wants to get back to a place of connection, but often struggle to know how. We discuss what keeps them stuck, the need for validation, and most importantly the purpose behind second level communication. We break it down and provide examples. This is a must listen episode you don't want to miss!

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Join us in this episode where we discussed what happens when partners get stuck in different perspectives - or what I can systems of meaning. We all have subjective meanings that we draw from our experiences that shape our identity. So what happens when each partner is trying to be deeply understood by the other, but to no avail. We outline 3 ways to break out of our system of meaning and provide clinical details as well as personal experiences.

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