Why Traditional Parenting Doesn’t Work

When it comes to parenting kids who have had trauma, I struggle with imposter syndrome. I often ask myself, “How can I help other parents when I couldn’t do it perfectly or even well myself sometimes?”

We must let go of the myth that perfect parents exist. They don’t. And raising kids who have had trauma means a huge learning curve for us parents — especially if we have parented our bio children okayish with great results.

Join Kathleen for a coffee break explanation of why traditional parenting doesn’t work for kids who have experienced trauma.

Sometimes we adoptive/foster parents are doing all the right things and nothing is working. We learn the science of attachment. We jump through the steps we need to attach. We learn the effects of trauma. And we apply the science and it’s still not working. What do we do when nothing is working? She shares three tips (from experience) on how to handle this season of “nothing is working.” Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen on this coffee break podcast!

Jessica continues her series on a healthy relationship with self by tackling the issue of codependency and our kiddos. Many of us were raised in codependent families and continue the practice without being aware of what we are doing. We then pass those habits and ways of navigating our relationships to our kiddos. How do we stop the cycle? What about kiddos who have come home through adoption/foster care? How do we help them pursue healthy relationships? Grab a cup of coffee and join Jessica and Kathleen as they tackle this much-needed topic - sharing their experiences plus some tips they have learned along the way!

Are you experiencing post-holiday blues? It’s pretty normal. Think about how you feel. If you are feeling the blues and let down, can you imagine how much your kiddos are? Especially kids who have experienced trauma and have come home through adoption and foster care. They may not be able to process how are they feeling. In this episode, Kathleen shares some science and practical tips to help your kiddos through regression. Grab a cup of coffee and join her for a topic that is affecting us all right now.

If you’re a Mom, you know that you can love your child unconditionally and still not like some of their behaviors. As Moms, we carry an extra load of Mom-guilt. I’m not sure where we got it. Maybe we all picked it up at Target by mistake. It seems to be a universal item we carry on our shoulders. We feel bad when we’re mad. (I rhymed). Right?

Do you know who has an extra load of guilt? Foster parents. Adoptive parents. I’m not sure why. Maybe when we were signing all of those papers, we accidentally signed one for an extra bag of guilt with some fine print that said, I will always like this child no matter what he does. That’s just not realistic. In one day, I witnessed two foster Moms feeling guilty because they didn’t like their child that day. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen and listen as she shares what to do with the dislike.

In this episode of “Positive Adoption,” Kathleen finishes up the series on attachment styles in children. Today she talks about disorganized attachment. This is a great episode for the Christmas season, your adopted/foster child (or maybe we parents) may be regressing to a disorganized attachment style. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen this Christmas!

In this episode of Positive Adoption, Kathleen shares the the third attachment style in children - “Resistant/Ambivalent — The child develops a “stay near mom” strategy. These children use negative emotions to gain attention. They exhibit angry, resistant behavior toward the caregiver and exaggerated fearfulness. They tend to suppress their feelings and expect caregivers to be inconsistently available. These children expect parents to be preoccupied.” Grab a cup of coffee and join her as she shares some personal stories as well as some science

In this episode of Positive Adoption, Kathleen continues the series on attachment with “Avoidant.” Avoidant — The child has trouble seeking care. Infants with this attachment style communicate with their mothers only when they are feeling well. These children exhibit self-soothing behaviors and tend to mask negative emotions. They are often perfectionists. You can find more info in her book, How to Have Peace When Your Kids are in Chaos here. Make sure you grab your attachment graphic on the printable resource page on thewholehouse.org. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen!

In this episode of Positive Adoption, Kathleen continues the series on attachment with “Secure Attachment.” Secure — The child feels confident that the attachment figure will be available to meet their needs. They use the attachment figure as a safe base to explore the environment and seek the attachment figure in times of distress. She delves into how if the attachment style it can be “earned” and how that works. You can find more info in her book, How to Have Peace When Your Kids are in Chaos here. Make sure you grab your attachment graphic on the printable resource page on thewholehouse.org. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen!

When a child moves into a new placement, he will use the attachment style he already knows. This is why it is important to understand attachment styles. 
We parents spend money and time trying to fix behaviors (guilty). We pour over books about learning styles and love languages, and all of this information is beneficial, but we are left scratching our heads when it comes to attachment. It seems as if it should be seamless and natural, yet it is the hardest thing we parents will ever do. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares about attachment parenting!