How are your kids coping during this difficult time? They may be feeling ambiguous loss and chronic stress. This can trigger cortisol levels and cause anxiety and suppress the immune system. We adults need some coping mechanisms during this difficult time and so do our kiddos. Journaling is a healthy way to process. So why not teach our kids. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares three tips on how to teach kids to cope through journaling.

It’s difficult to articulate what’s going on in the world as an adult. Imagine how difficult it is for kids. As tensions rise in our nation, it’s difficult to sort generalizations from truth. Our kids need the tools to cope just as much as we do, especially if they have experienced trauma. Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I ramble through some thoughts and points on helping your kids cope.

Right now we are living in a season when the simplest tasks can seem overwhelming. Going to the grocery stores isn’t the chore it used to be. Now it’s full of even more stress and tension. We don’t know if someone will bump into us, yell at us, or if we are crossing the aisle at the wrong time. As much as we tell ourselves, I will not let this bother me (raising my hand here), it does. It’s a palatable feeling in the air. The anxiety settles down on all of us collectively. As much as we feel it, our kiddos do too.

Our kiddos mirror us. If we feel stressed, they feel stressed.

If we feel overwhelmed, they feel overwhelmed.

If we feel anxious, our anxiety adds to their stress shaped brain and squeezes.

This is true for any kiddo, even more so for kiddos from hard places and who has a capital letter syndrome.

If we are feeling anxious and our kids are too, how do we stop the anxiety from growing?

Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares four tips to stunt the growth of anxiety.

Is your child stuck in one of the mistaken goals?

Does he/she seek:

Constant attention?

Total Control?

Retaliation/Revenge?

Or is he/she giving up?

Wrapping up the series on mistaken goals, Kathleen shares an analogy to help us better understand our kiddos!

Grab a cup of coffee and join her!

Does your child give up easily on everything?

Does he/she act on the belief “I can’t” all the time?

This this is for you!

As foster and adoptive parents, we see the repercussions of abuse and neglect. We see a child’s mistaken beliefs about themselves — like “you don’t matter” or “you don’t exist” — being lived out on a daily basis.

If you didn’t believe you deserve to exist, would you be able to conquer fractions? Would you have the gumption to conquer anything?

So what can you do? Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares some tips and stories!

Does your kiddo seem to be stuck in pattern of revenge?

Does he/she seem bent on retaliation?

Does he/she blame everyone, especially you, for EVERYTHING?

Then this is for you!

Kids from hard places can displace anger from their past into their present. When they blame their foster or adoptive mom for what their bio mom did, it is usually a subconscious behavior. Over time, it becomes a rut that gets deeper and deeper until retaliation becomes the norm.

Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares some tips on how to realign the mistaken goal of retaliation and revenge.

Does your kiddo try to control everything?

Does he/she seem to manipulate every event? Even celebratory ones? Like birthday parties? Picnics?

Then this is for you!

When a child has had no control over his life and no guarantee that he will be cared for, he will try to exercise control in any war he can. Even as an adult, I often fall into the trap of trying to control my circumstances, so it’s not surprising that kiddos from hard places do the same.

Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares some tips on how to realign the mistaken goal of total control!

Do you feel as if your kiddo needs your attention constantly? You can address their goal of constant attention by setting aside a specific time to do whatever your child desires: playing LEGOs, painting, going outside, etc.

Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares some tips about feeling your kiddo’s emotional tank and leave this mistaken goal behind for a few minutes!

Does your kiddo seem to have behaviors that don't make sense?

Does he/she leave you scratching your head when it comes to beliefs or goals?

Maybe your kiddo has mistaken goals.

When parenting a hurt child, we must consider the child’s mistaken goals and direct the child to new goals. (The four beliefs/goals below are adapted from Dreikurs’ Mistaken Goals, as covered in Children: The Challenge.)

Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen for this intro to mistaken beliefs and goals!

Kathleen finishes up her series on "Instead Of" Tips with -Instead of Taking It Personally, Remember There Is a Need Behind the Behavior
When we look at behaviors as needs, we are less likely to take them personally. For instance, when we remind ourselves that the child can’t regulate — not won’t regulate — we can set our personal feelings aside. When we set our personal feelings aside, we can take the reins and parent. It’s not us against them; we’re all on the same team.
So before taking a behavior personally, ask yourself what the child needs. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen for this last tip!