Tread Perilously

Tread Perilously returns to the case files of the Special Review Unit for the episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent known as "The Good."

When Detectives Mike Logan (Chris Noth) and Carolyn Barek (Annabella Sciorra) get tasked with rounding up a young man for car theft, they find themselves in Nassau County where the man's parents are found beaten to death in their own home. He immediately becomes the prime suspect, but Logan and Barek suspect something else is affot -- particularly when they discover the victims' business ties of the Nassau Country deputy (Transformers' Kevin Dunn) investigating the crime and local painter Wallace Kenter. Did Kenter's plans to expand their retail store empire lead to murder?

Captain Charlie Wright returns to discuss the nature of Criminal Intent and Logan's skinny ties. Justin keeps getting distracted by the presence of guest star Elisabeth Moss. Erik namechecks Exiled: A Law & Order Movie and reveals the importance of Barek's collection of hoodies. Charlie makes a key connection in the plot; proving why she's the captain. Justin reveals rich interior lives for Sciorra, Kevin Dunn, and Moss's character. Christopher Meloni gets praised as one of the greatest actors of all time and Justin pitches a Meloni/Garrett Dillahunt series called "Manhattan House of Detectives." He also refuses to acknowledge the existence of actor Jamey Sheridan while Charlie lays down some business truths which make the episode's plot thoroughly unbelievable.

Tread Perilously concludes its TV Movie month with a real treat: the Lifetime movie TalHotBlond.

When former marine and abrasives factory worker Thomas Montgomery (Garrett Dillahunt) learns about online poker from his friends, he quickly meets someone new: a young woman named Katie who uses the screenname "TalHotBlond." Despite being married to the wonderful Carol (Laura San Giacomo), Thomas begins an online affair with Katie which takes up more and more of his time. Oh, also, Thomas told Katie he is a 21-year-old marine sniper about to ship out to Afghanistan. Will all of his lies hold up once Carol figures out the password to his laptop computer? And what will happen when Katie starts talking to one of Thomas's work pals, who goes by the screenname "Beefcake"?

Erik and Justin fall over themselves to praise the work of director Courtney Cox as they dissect the subtext and themes, make new connections about Thomas's past and discover how Cox made the best Lifetime movie ever. Erik is convinced that certain fantasy scenes are meant to represent Thomas's psychotic breaks. Justin outlines the formal conventions of a Lifetime movie and reveals the truth about Michigan's CHUD population. Erik reveals his antipathy toward the film version of Ordinary People and both explain why Catfish had to be a work of fiction.

Tread Perilously braces for its toughest assignment yet with the 1978 duo of specials collectively known as Legends of the Superheroes.

In "The Challenge," Batman, Robin, Black Canary, Captain Marvel, The Flash, Green Lantern, Huntress and lame-ass Hawkman face the doomsday threat of a distinctly not Legion of Doom composed of Mordru, Dr. Sivana, The Riddler, Sinestro, Solomon Grundy, Weather Wizard and Giganta. It leads to several fights at the Calabasas, California gas station. In "The Roast," Ed McMahon hosts a literal roast for the superheroes at the not Hall of Justice featuring appearances from Pat Carroll as lame-ass Hawkman's mother Esther Hall, Ruth Buzzi in two different roles and Mordru's villainous filking of "That's Entertainment." Also, there's some terrible comedy.

Erik and Justin face the heart of darkness as Legends of the Superheroes proves once again that there is nothing worse than bad comedy. Justin admits he was cheering for the bad guys ten minutes into "The Challenge." Erik outlines why Hawkman looks great on the page, but fails everywhere else. He also calls Hal Jordan "a different kind of creep." Bat-credit cards come up as we learn Bane doesn't take American Express. Also, Justin is pretty convinced Dr. Sivana got the superheroes to drink his urine and Erik champions the comedic talents of Shaquille O'Neal.

Tread Perilously continues its month of TV movies with the infamous 1970s network TV movie Bad Ronald.

When the socially maladjusted and bath-averse Ronald Wilby (Scott Jacoby) kills a local girl on his birthday, his mother (Kim Hunter) devises a way to hide him in the disused downstairs bathroom. Thanks to her great fear that a conviction will imperil Ronald's medical career, she tells him to stay in the bathroom until she can spirit him out of town. Unfortunately, her gallbladder acts up; requiring surgery. Providing him with plenty of canned goods, she goes into the hospital and promptly dies. After the home is sold to a new family, Ronald begins to obsess over youngest daughter Babs, whom he observes via a number of peepholes he drilled into the bathroom walls.

It's both more innocent and terrifying than you might expect.

Erik and Justin discuss the late 70s stock character known as "The Questionable Guidance Counselor." They also immediately trade the names of the daughters for Marcia, Jan and Cindy. Erik admits he makes the Eve Plump connection with a number of 70s TV actors. He also makes a case for Nick Cave scoring a remaking of The Night of the Hunter. Justin takes Ronald's fantasy world concept of "Atranta" to task. Erik keeps a list of things Ronald is bad at and Justin chooses the wrong position on canned cranberry sauce. They also celebrate local busybody Mrs. Schumacher.

Tread Perilously begins a month of TV Movies with the ill-fated 1987 pilot film for The Spirit.

When Armfet, Oregon police officer Denny Colt (Flash Gordon's Sam Jones) comes to Central City to investigate the death of his mentor (Philip Baker Hall in a well-received cameo), he ends up the target of corrupt art thieves. Left for dead, Denny wakes up in a graveyard and adopts a new identity: The Spirit. Now freed from the chains of due process, Denny punches all the goons in town to avenge his own "death" and the death of his mentor. But Commissioner Dolan's daughter Ellen (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine's Nana Vistor) keeps getting involved in the Spirit's investigation. Will he get that filly in line before the real art thief makes themselves known? And will he save a group of special needs kids from a bomb planted in the museum?

Erik and Justin admit neither has read a Spirit comic, but Erik still has an opinion of Will Eisner's art style. Visitor's presence leads to a discussion of Star Trek: The Next Generation casting choices. Poolboy Ricardo becomes an instant favorite while both Erik and Justin trip over a character named "P'Gell." Manimal and Black Partner make a cameo appearances thanks to the 80s production values. Justin imagines the products at Pier 10 and Erik remembers Darkman as a quality film.

Tread Perilously concludes a topping month of Doctor Who with the 1920s themed "The Unicorn and The Wasp."

When the Doctor and Donna land in the English countryside, they find themselves guests of Lady Edison, whose quaint weekend party features a really special guest: Agatha Christie. But the frivolity is cut short when Professor Peach is found dead in Lady Edison's library. Soon, the Doctor assumes the identity of a Scotland Yard inspector with Donna as his plucky girl assistant. Their suspect list is large and the whole thing feels like one of Christie's novel. Is she the reason why the professor was killed with a length of lead piping?

Erik and Justin enjoy doing their terrible British accents while Justin explains that the titular Wasp is not a WASP. Although, the character is definitely passes for a WASP. Erik reminds Justin about the subjugation of India by the British Empire. He also predicts that people will mistake Johnny Weir the way they mistook Liberace. Justin believes all vicars participate in a boxing mach with Satan every Saturday. Erik reveals his appreciation of Tolkien's Ungoliant and coins the term "Mistress of the Kitchen." They also make another plea for a film based on the Ministry of Ungentlemenly Warfare.

Tread Perilously continues its Doctor Who month with Peter Davison's swansong in "The Caves of Androzani."

When the Doctor and Peri arrive on Androzani Minor, they find themselves caught up in the complex struggle to control a substance known as Spectrox. Like the Spice Melange, it extends the lives of the humans living on Androzani Major. But it is only produced by the bats living on Minor. The planet is intensely unstable thanks to periodic mud bursts. Androids "mine" the material -- which is deadly to humans before it is refined -- from the bats, but they are led by a terrorist known as Sharaz Jek; who longs to revenge himself upon the CEO of Major's leading business consortium. But is the CEO using Jek for his own ends? And will the Doctor and Peri survive their tour of the caves?

Nicola Bryant's American accent inspires a discussion of Gerard Butler and the recent Mummy movie. Justin stumbles upon the notion of "Doc-splaining" and decides that it is okay to Doc-splain to Jaime. Erik and Justin attempt to explain the economic situation in the Androzani system and immediately start using Dune terms. Erik has a hard time saying "Morgus." Justin has a hard time keeping the factions straight. Both praise the costuming choices and the hot-hot-hot repressed homoerotic tension between the Doctor and Jek. Alien: Isolation gets namechecked again and Justin decides Peri is a camp counselor.

Tread Perilously continues Doctor Who Month with the Twelfth Doctor story "Sleep No More."

Arriving on a space station, the Doctor and Clara learn about the Morpheus sleep compression system. It turns a week's worth of sleep into a five minute investment, allowing people to be more productive! But the side-effects are deadly as a team of Space Marines -- featuring an artificially grown soldier known as Grunt -- discover monsters in the dust of the wrecked station. Will the Doctor uncover the truth about Morpheus? Will Clara succumb to the danger in the corner of her eye? Will anyone make it out alive?

Erik confuses the voice of guest star Elaine Tan with that Jenna Coleman, giving him the fear of double Claras. Erik and Justin discuss the relatively good science in Grunt being based on the female genetic default. Justin points out the wisdom in clearly marking clones and suggests that they should all be made to look like Gary Busey. The pair get lost in a discussion of The Good Place. The episode's resemblance to Aliens, Blade Runner and Alien: Isolation keep them distracted as well. Erik's distaste for the Doctor/Clara by-play comes into focus once again. Justin praises the set design, but will he praise the story overall? Also, Erik points out his own speech impediments.

Tread Perilously begins a new Doctor Who month with a return to the Tom Baker era and "The Robots of Death."

When the TARDIS materializes on a giant, roving mineral scoop, the Doctor and Leela find themselves in the middle of a murder mystery. The suspects include an ambitious mining captain, an angry junior officer from a good family, an undercover investigator, a robotechnician, an engineer, and over 100 robots trained in the First Law of Robotics. While the title might feel like a dead giveaway, the Doctor learns the truth is far more complicated.

In a twist from format, Erik drops Justin into an episode without telling him if it is Perilous or Safe. His ultimate opinion may surprise you. But their criticism of the story's model shots will come as no surprise. Justin decides writer Chris Boucher is a "ragin' cajun" instead of a British man. Erik compares the titular Robots of Death to Styx's "Mr. Roboto" and refuses to attempt an H.R. Giger impression. Justin compares the robots to Alien: Isolation's Working Joes. Both get lost in the weeds to discuss the real economic engine on Tatooine and questionable Weyland-Yutani business practices. They also cannot help but make fun of a meteorologist named Chub.

Tread Perilously's Grab Bag Month concludes with a special look at CBS's infamous cop dramedy Tequila and Bonetti.

Bonetti, Garcia and Tequila almost capture a notorious sex offender while on the undercover beat. But thanks to a procedural mistake which only occurs on television, he's let go. Consequently, Garcia is targeted by the perp, who also happens to be a disgraced preacher. He manages to get Garcia's daughter out of daycare to prove how easily he can become part of her life, so both Garcia and her daughter move to Bonetti's dance studio/apartment. Meanwhile, Bonetti and Tequila stake out the preacher as he tries to sleaze on a new victim. Will they stop the preacher before he can exact his revenge? Will Garcia's daughter ever enjoy Bonetti's cooking?

Justin and Erik and reduced to their terrible Italian stereotype voices thanks to Jack Scalia's performance as an Italian-American stereotype. They also try to make sense of the show's cartoon premise; including which beach community Bonetti is supposed to be patrolling. They also find too much enjoyment in the weird details about Captain Midian Knight. The 80s get another trashing, despite the fact the show was made in the 1990s. Erik goes on a long walk to tie the Colonel Sanders-looking villain to a Game of Thrones Red Priest. He also explains the importance of a television child saying the phrase "I hate you forever."