Tread Perilously

Tread Perilously submits to God's Plan and takes on one of the worst episodes of the re-imagined Battlestar Galactica, "Black Market"

When the new commander of the Battlestar Pegasus turns up dead, Admiral Adama assigns the investigation to his son Lee -- emerging aristocracy much? -- leading him to an odyssey across the fleet and into his own mind to understand the necessity of black markets in quasi-capitalists societies. Also, Lee hooks up with a sex worker, gets into arguments with Zarek, Baltar, and Colonel Tigh, and remembers a heretofore unrevealed fiancee on Caprica.

Yeah, there's a reason even executive producer Ronald D. Moore considers this a terrible epsiode.

Erik is convinced that Bill Duke has no time for your moral quandaries while Justin wants to talk about Lost and Babylon 5. Doc Cottle gets praise, flashbacks get dissected and the pair consider if the show should've continued with a crimelord version of Lee Adama. Justin attempts to purge his soul of his hatred for Helo and Erik declares "33" one of the most perfect episodes of television ever. Meanwhile, Marion Cotillard waits in the shadows.

Tread Perilously straps in for a visit with Knight Rider and its first season episode, "Trust Doesn't Rust."

Michael Knight (a young loner) learns about a prototype version of his trusty car, KITT, known as the Knight Automated Roving Robot -- KARR, if you prefer. When KARR is reactivated by a couple of hobos, he goes on a crime spree as he attempts to evade "the slammer." While Michael and KITT fail to track down the rogue robot car, one of the hobos kidnaps KITT's cyber-technician Bonnie, leading to a laser fight and a tense game of chicken.

Justin discovers the world of the Knight Rider for the first time and finds himself confused by "a man who does not exist." KARR immediately becomes the Libertarian presidential candidate for 2020 with Charles Bronson as his running mate. Erik tries to explain creator Glen A. Larson's fascination with catty computers and gay robots. The dynamic between a carousing oaf and a talking car is explored. Chicken becomes an important test in KARR-era masculinity. Erik determines that self-preservation is a bad thing to program into artificial intelligence and also laments his inability to do a Paul Frees impression.

Tread Perilously makes its way to Starling City for a visit with Arrow and the Huntress.

While Oliver Queen is still getting used to dating a police officer, the Huntress returns to kill her mob boss father once and for all. Meanwhile, Thea tries to prop up the most useless man in the DC Universe: Roy Harper. Tommy Merlyn (aka, The Worst) grouses about keeping Ollie's secret from Laurel (also The Worst). Laurel attempts to get her father listen to her mother's belief that Sarah is still alive. And back on Lian Yu, Slade and Ollie plan to take out a missile installation.

Erik and Justin immediately get lost in their enthusiasm for DC Comics. Erik welcomes dissenting opinions on his belief that Roy Harper is useless. Justin reveals his Jim Lee/Brian Azzarello sketch. He also revels in his love of Slade Wilson and actor Manu Bennett. Roy's parkour skills get scrutinized. Justin considers the caliber of actor worthy to portray Amanda Waller. Erik laughs through every scene featuring Tommy and both discuss how far The CW's DC Universe has come in five years. 

Erik also makes a prediction regarding Prometheus' identity.

Tread Perilously boards the Enterprise bound for Space Scotland for an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation called "Sub Rosa."

On the occasion of her grandmother's death, Dr. Beverly Crusher visits Space Scotland where the weather modification system is on the blink and Dr. Crusher encounters a strange young man. Her grandmother's journals also make reference to a young man named Ronin -- note the spelling -- who brought her great pleasure. Now, he has his sights on Bev, the latest member of Clan Howard that he hopes to seduce.

But what does all of this has to do with the sudden appearance of fog on the bridge of the Enterprise?

Erik and Justin trot out their terrible Scottish accents and consider how difficult it is to place a Gothic romance (or is it horror) into the 24th Century of Star Trek. Erik reveals his ambivalence toward Rogue One: A Star Wars Story while Justin praises it. Erik declares that official Star Trek cannot do eroticism (even if Star Trek fans can) and Justin lodges a complaint against the term "lover." Both also want Deanna Troi to get a better job.

For the last Tread Perilously of 2016, we reopen the case files of the Special Review Unit for an episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent called "Faith." A seemingly apt title.

Det. Robert Goren and Det. Alex Eames investigate the murder of a man helping Erica Windermere, a young author hiding from her dope gang parents. She's written a book, Through The Darkness, about her struggles with Lou Gehrig's Disease and her early abuse by her drug gang parents. Erica's editor can only offer her email address as contact information. And when Erica responds to Eames' email, Goren asks a most important question: "How has your disease affected your menstruation?" From her answer, he comes to believe that she does not exist.

Executive ADA Louis Allred joins the Special Review Unit once again as Justin meets Det. Goren for the first time. He also learns about the new La Croix Sparkling Water rule for white people. The SRU ends up talking about Taylor Swift. Several respirators are purchased. Doctor What appears to refill a drink and the discussion wanders into another look at Gone Girl. Also, Justin declares that Vincent D'Onofrio is a bad actor, Michael Nouri gets a name check, and Erik's D'Onofrio impression lapses into William Shatner.

Television's darkest, most misguided program becomes Tread Perilously's Christmas special as we watch The Star Wars Holiday Special.

While Han and Chewie try to get to Kashyyyk for Life Day, Chewie's wife Mala tries to make Bantha Rump, his grandfather Itchy beats off to Diahann Carroll and his son Lumpy watches a Star Wars cartoon pilot. Meanwhile, Darth Vader orders every household in the system to be searched for Rebel spies, and Art Carney raids another holiday special with his own brand of merriment. Bea Arthur sings "Goodnight, But Not Goodbye" and Harvey Korman kills comedy forever.

Erik praises Harrison Ford's dedication to his character -- even in this -- and Bea Arthur's performance. Justin uncovers horrors of the 1970s and ponders Itchy's obsession with human women. Period commercials are discussed as both discover unions could once afford airtime. The pair also meet Tobor the Robot and discover Whirpool knew about the world to come 38 years ago. Justin wants a stuffed Bantha for Christmas and leans the secret to braising is "Stir, whip, stir whip; whip, whip, stir."

Tread Perilously dives into the center of the Christmas spirit with a grouchy Santa and oil explorations in The Night They Saved Christmas (Now available on Amazon Video!).

An oil-digger's family is abducted by Santa's chief elf in an attempt to save North Pole City from the machinations of businessman Sumner Murdoch and his fear of the unseen Gaylord. While "they" learn the secrets of Santa's power and tour Dr. Fernando's lab of scientific wonders, the oil-digger gets chewed out by his boss and let's down his emotionally distraught son. Will "they" save Christmas or will Murdoch ruin Christmas forever? Also, Paul Williams has a prominent role.

Erik reveals how the movie forms the first chapter of his gritty origin story while Justin blames Dr. Fernando for all of his troubles. The pair also discuss Phantasm, Dune, Dungeons & Dragons and the tall dwarf phenomenon in Hawk the Slayer. Erik diagrams his obsession with the phrase "Christmas Eve Day." Justin imagines a time when the alt-right went looking for the Hollow Earth. Impressively bad dialogue is discussed as is Jaclyn Smith's TV movie career. Also, Justin attempts to determine who the unseen "Gaylord" really is and why he drugged the Saudis.

Because nothing says Christmas like the high stakes world of petroleum production.

Tread Perilously begins the Christmas season with a return visit to the TARDIS for "Voyage of the Damned."

After leaving Martha behind on Earth and getting a brief visit from his fifth incarnation, the Doctor crashes into the prow of the Titanic. After fixing that error, he discovers the ship is an alien vessel in Earth orbit loaded with humanoid aliens on a Christmastime cruise. But wicked business dealings lead to the ship getting hit by meteors (or is it meteoroids?). In the ensuing chaos, the Doctor must help a handful of tourists escape certain doom. He also must save Buckingham Palace from a Christmas Day calamity.

Erik and Justin get confused over the definitions of meteoroid, meteorite and meteor. Erik discovers the true source of his sour feelings toward Kylie Minogue and Justin decries the notion of "timey-wimey." Both stumble when saying name "Bannakaffalatta" while a discussion of the May-December romance tendency in film leads to a consideration of the Marylin Monroe mystique. They also discover space corporations are culpable for the deaths they cause.

But will "Voyage of the Damned" prove to be Justin's favorite Tennant Era Doctor Who story?

Quality Time with Family Ties' Paul Pakler joins Tread Perilously for a visit with Family Ties as they head for the United Kingdom in the TV movie Family Ties Vacation.

Steven, Elyse, Mallory and Jennifer join Alex as he spends fourteen days (or is it months?) studying at Oxford during the summer session. But Latverian agents select Elyse to smuggle microfilm out of the US. Alex's dorm mate, Lord Bullington-Covingwick Zabka, falls in love with Mallory while Steven and Elyse join a bumbling New Scotland Yard detective to foil the Latverians. Alex joins a crew team and the Keatons cause an incident at the House of Lords.

Meanwhile, Jennifer feeds some cows.

Paul reveals the secret reason why the movie exists at all while Erik explains Cold War espionage and Justin assumes England is filled with eldritch horrors. Justin gets confused about the difference between a batman and The Batman. He also decries the Family Ties' tendency to air clipshows. The group considers the fact that the vacation is apparently never referenced in the show proper and imagine a world in which Harrison Ford starred in Three Men and a Baby.

Tread Perilously sits down to Thanksgiving dinner with Sally Draper and several members of the cast of Mad Men.

While Roger and Don plot to nab new accounts, Betty plants doubts in Sally's mind about Don and Megan's willingness to be truthful around her. Betty also deals with her Weight Watchers goals as Don reasserts his creative bona fides in the office. Peggy drink and works at the same time and Megan deals with the fallout from Betty's plot. Roger disregards Jane's wishes for his own ends. Sally clowns Betty and Don unleashes some sick burns. Meanwhile, Pete Campbell dreams of a naked Rory Gilmore.

Erik reveals his hatred of puffy-lettered logos and his love for the Draper apartment. Justin discusses his unconditional love of Mad Men. Megan is declared a decent person. The pair recall the old furniture in their respective childhood homes and Erik's failed attempts to experience snow. Corn subsidies are declared a white privilege and angry steak makes another appearance as Doctor What (Roger Sterling) gets his mellow harshed by the Social Justice Daleks.